The Midnight Gardener

So this miiight be my first announcement post about the scarian religious fanfiction called Church_Boys.au👉👈👀

It’s on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/85295936/chapters/225257236?fbclid=PAVERFWASciUVleHRuA2FlbQIxMABzcnRjBmFwcF9pZA8xMjQwMjQ1NzQyODc0MTQAAaeISXOrybII4etA8yD-ao1McPpwLC4ny2Gxh75owg-zhHkPQ5DGU4RXPK8SWg_aem_MqkccEjFN_dlQULIKlr8gw

So far there are three chapters? And I’ve only told like three people about it because I don’t want pressure to make me dislike making it. It’s a story very close to my heart and full of anecdotes to my own life and experience with growing up queer under the thumb of conservative Christianity.

"I have been told that this could qualify me as a victim. I am not going to use that mentality, but I will say my server was used to spread hate to people who do not deserve it. I was used to further an agenda of anger and hate by people who would make genuine threats of violence against people they did not like. I hurt people and cut them off at the advice of bad actors.

"I refuse to let SBK's legacy be tainted by such...people. Sky Block Kingdoms' season three will happen without them. My life will happen without them. We are going to come back stronger, better, friendlier, happier. I was walking around the grocery store today and I caught myself scowling! Why was I scowling!? I realized and I just stood up straight and I started smiling and suddenly I had THREE positive interactions with the people I was---at the grocery store!

"Its literally like the shackles of this maniacal thing has been lifted off of me.

"Genuinely, I have had this sense of anxiety and fear and just genuine—just—confusion for the last three months and it’s GONE."

ok just hear me out on this metaphor

its like if you frequented this ice cream store and always got strawberry ice cream only to later be informed that the strawberries used in the ice cream were grown from corpses.

you didnt participate in the crime of course so you shouldn’t feel guilty. you ate the ice cream because it tasted good and why wouldnt you—you didnt know any better. but how are you supposed to feel?

even though youre innocent you still spent time with this thing and ingested it (sorry for the gross analogy but hopefully you get the idea?)

whether you were having the ice cream every day or only once every other week, whether you were a die hard fan or a casual enjoyer—it still got in youre system, and you still associated yourself with it to a degree

now hearing the truth, you cant get back the time you spent—you can’t un-digest the ice cream—so youre left feeling just kind of peculiar with this new awareness

sure, moving forward you can support the FBI and the families of the dead people used to fertilize the strawberries, but theres a discomfort with ice cream or strawberries as a concept that might linger afterward.

should you never eat ice cream again? no

should you be suspicious of all strawberries moving forward? maybe

but you know deep down it wasnt about the food you ate, it was about the deceit of being told the product was normal and ethical.

ok ill wind down from the metaphor.

i dont really idolize public figures, but i can form personal connections with the art they create. i guess it can just be an odd process to detach those connections from the person themselves entirely.

like i wasnt eating murder ice cream, i was engaging with what i thought was a wholesome and decent product—even if in the end it was revealed to have been murder ice cream all along.

does that make sense? lmao im a little crazy but like it makes sense i swear

an entity or force as powerful as a god gets cursed and trapped inside the form of a couch: Murder Couch

and this couch is plaid btw

it ends up dusty and forgotten in the back of an antique store where some unknowing kids dare each other to sit on it, only to get swallowed into the cushions.