a golden cage is still just a cage

PENTHEUS

you are pentheus from the bacchae by euripides, and you hold yourself so tightly wound together and so perfectly in place that even the slightest push will make you shatter. you are determined, you are headstrong, and you are addicted to pushing yourself to your farthest limits just to see when you'll snap. you find comfort in tradition, order, and authority, because that's where you are allowed to be blind to the darkness inside you. once in a while, give into the temptation and the chaos you keep denying yourself. it's the only way to not be afraid anymore.

February  14th,  a  Valentine’s  Day. A day dedicated to loved ones. For years that day didn't hold much meaning to him, and at this moment, this day didn’t seem to be a different one from other days. A heavy sigh slipped from his lips and with his free hand, he ruffled his brown hair. This day had been a long one for him — once again he had been trying to declare his father dead, but once again, he heard the same accusations as the few times before this time. He wasn’t a Death Eater, even if the wizarding media wanted to paint him as one, and, unfortunately, it seemed to be what others chose to believe.

He was annoyed, frustrated, and the overly sweet atmosphere in the city didn’t make him feel any better, but — luckily — he was able to apparate to his home. He took a deep inhale when he saw the familiar manor in front of him. He could feel how his shoulders relaxed, and his inner peace was forming again. He had a bad day, but he didn’t want to show it. Maybe this special day didn’t hold any special meaning to him a few years ago, but now he had a reason to celebrate it.

Theodore walked towards the Nott manor's door with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands. A bouquet of someone special’s favourite flowers. His steps were quick and as he walked closer to the door, there was a warm feeling forming in his chest. Happiness. His earlier frustration was turning into happiness as he was thinking about the evening he was going to spend with Daphne who was now officially his loved one — a few years ago things finally changed between them and they had begun dating.

Nott walked in, opening his black jacket and his scarf, leaving both on him as he wanted to surprise the Greengrass as soon as he could. He wanted to see the smile on her face and forget the morning and how exhausting it had been. His eyes wandered around his childhood home. The manor looked the same but still, at the same time, the manor had changed. It felt like a home again. The time before the war it was a lonely place and it only reminded him of things he was supposed to be. It only reminded the heavy expectations placed on his shoulders. His steps were quiet as he walked into the manor, looking for the blonde-haired young woman, and finally, he found her in the kitchen.

A  PLAYFUL  SMIRK  GRACES  CHAPPED  LIPS  -  a  rare  sight  indeed  these  days.  amusement  is  evident  as  their  teasing  is  innocent  and  lighthearted.  quidditch  rivalries  were  always  a  part  of  the  hogwarts  experience  ,  and  after  everything  that  happened  the  past  year  ,  having  a  dose  of  this  normalcy  back  is  what  is  exactly  needed.  ❝  funny  ,  was  just  about  to  give  you  the  same  advice.  guess  we’ll  see  who  comes  out  on  top…   ❞ 

his  eagerness  to  join  in  on  the  bet  pleases  her  ,  the  arrogant  smirk  on  her  lips  only  continuing  to  grow.  granted  ,  without  having  harry  as  a  seeker  ,  the  gryffindor  team  had  better  days  -  but  ginny  knew  her  team.  she  had  strong  confidence  they’d  win  ,  and  had  been  told  her  coaching  skills  rivaled  those  of  oliver  wood.  not  that  she  had  much  money  to  her  name  ,  but  she’d  bet  it  all  on  her  team.  

❝  alright  ,  nott…   ❞  she  replies  ,  taking  a  moment  to  think  over  her  winning  token.  ❝   if  we  win  ,  which  we  will  ,  you’re  gonna  do  a  bit  of  dress  up.  ❞  an  amused  chuckle  leaves  her  ,  just  picturing  the  scenario  in  her  head.  ❝  do  you  know  that  lion  headdress  luna  lovegood  wears?  you’ll  have  to  wear  that  to  every  quidditch  match  for  the  rest  of  the  school  year  ,  as  well  as  a  gryffindor  jumper  to  match.  ❞   ginny  seems  rather  proud  of  this  one.  

❝   and  yours?  though ,  it  doesn’t  matter  since  you’ll  be  losing  anyway.  ❞

Theodore  raised  his  eyebrows  as  her  words  slipped  from  her  lips.  She  seemed  to  be  proud  of  herself  and  her  daring  prize  for  the  victory,  the  representative  of  the  silver-green  house,  however,  didn’t  look  impressed,  and  he  gave  a  grimace  to  her  when  he  leaned  his  elbows  against  the  railing.  There  was  a  moment  of  silence  before  he  opened  his  mouth:  “Really?”  It  was  rather  a  rhetorical  question  than  an  actual  question.

“Is  it  wrong  that  I  hoped  you  would  come  up  with  something  more  original?  With  something  less  predictable?”  he  finally  asked,  straightening  his  back  again,  and  when  he  turned  his  head  towards  her,  there  was  a  slightly  disappointed  look  on  his  face,  but  he  wasn’t  sure  if  it  was  playful  or  real.  Part  of  him  was  actually  disappointed  in  her,  he  had  hoped  something  different,  something  surprising  —  and  his  words  were  true  as  her  choice  was  kind  of  obvious,  but  it  didn’t  mean  he  wanted  to  do  it.  He  could  wear  the  jumper,  it  would  be  fine,  but  the  lion  head?  It  was  too  much  for  him.  

AN  INNOCENT  SMILE  IS  DRAWN  OUT.  daphne  shrugs  at  his  question  ,  ❝  didn’t  realize  i  wasn’t  a  girl.  ❞  though  before  he  can  detect  any  hidden  meanings  with  her  words  ,  daphne  turns  out  once  more  with  a  sigh.  ❝  this  whole  process  is  a  real  headache..  i  always  imagined  it  would  be  much  more… romantic.  ❞  her  face  sours  slightly  ,  knowing  part  of  her  naivety  had  always  contributed  to  her  desire  of  seeing  life  like  some  sort  of  romance.  yet  ,  here  she  was  ,  seventeen  years  old  :  the  only  romance  in  her  life  from  some  fleeting  relationships  that  truly  meant  nothing  back  at  school. 

the  blonde  stares  out  at  the  party  ,  watching  as  her  mother  tries  ushering  astoria  out  to  the  dance  floor.  it  amuses  daphne  temporarily  ,  watching  as  her  stubborn  sister  must  do  what  she  hated  most  ,  but  after  seeing  the  look  on  astoria’s  face  ,  the  eldest  sister  just  feels  pity.  it  is  theodore’s  words  that  bring  daphne  back  to  the  present  conversation  ,  another  smile  given  in  response  to  him.   ❝  i  feel  the  same.  while  our  friends  are  -  lovely..   ❞  she  provides  a  nervous  chuckle  ,  not  wishing  to  offend  (  nor  speak  ill  of  people  she  did  value  on  some  sort  of  level  ).  ❝   i  always  felt  as  though  we  had  a  different  sort  of  understanding  from  the  rest.  ❞

when  he  asks  why  she’d  be  a  regrettable  choice  in  a  study  partner  ,  daphne  removes  her  weight  from  the  balcony’s  railing  ,  moving  now  to  stand  before  him.  her  fingers  nervously  twist  at  the  ring  on  her  finger  ,  never  really  having  a  whole  lot  of  confidence  when  it  came  to  her  academics.  ❝  i  -  well  ,  i’m  easily  distracted.  ❞  she  quickly  says  ,  which  isn’t  a  complete  lie.  it  was  true  ,  but  not  the  cause  for  warning.  ❝  i  talk  a  fair  bit….  and  well  ,  in  all  honesty  theo  ,  i  just  don’t  grasp  things  that  quickly.  i’m  sure  it’ll  be  a  bit  of  a  burden  for  you.  ❞

in  a  quick  attempt  to  change  the  subject  ,  daphne  takes  a  step  forward  to  be  sure  they  aren’t  overheard.  ❝  how  has  your  summer  been?  are  you  doing  alright?  ❞

He doesn’t respond anything but the pensive look on his face could be considered as a silent agreement to her words. Maybe he wasn’t the most romantic person, but he could still agree that he hoped this process would be different. Maybe their parents could be more subtle with their intentions, and not tell straightforwardly that their future spouse could be the person standing in front of them. But luckily, he wasn’t familiar with that feeling — he had never been in a situation like that.

But Nott didn’t even know what his father was planning; maybe he was planning his marriage with someone, and maybe one day it would be informed to him — and then what? There was nothing he could do about it as his pride wouldn’t let him back off from it as it was his duty to do so. It was his duty to follow the expectations and orders, even if his father wasn’t in the picture anymore, but as long as he was alive, he could have the last word. And he couldn't do anything else than obey his word if he wanted to keep living his life as he has always done — the other option was being disowned by his father and losing everything, losing the luxurious lifestyle he had gotten used to. And if he did that, where would he go? He couldn't go to his friends as they would be part of the world he would have been banished from.

He chuckled softly after her words. Their friends were handfuls, he couldn’t deny it, but was he any better than them? Not really. He probably had an easier personality in some aspects, but he had his own flaws. However, this time either he didn’t say anything, he just looked at her and gave her a soft smile. When the topic moved to their studies, he looked at the ground and slightly shook his head. “Oh, Daphne,” he said softly and looked at her. “You know me. You know that I’m patient, and when have I  lost my temper with you?” Theodore asked, looking at her and a part of him wanted to place a hand under her chin and make her look into his eyes, so she could know that he was being serious with his next words. But he didn’t do it as he didn’t want to cross any lines. “You can’t be a burden to me.” Many things were a burden to him, but not her.

Her quick attempt to change the topic didn’t go unnoticed, but he didn’t want to dwell in it. If she wanted to change the subject, he would let her — talking about their academics wasn’t so important to him.  They could focus on it once they were at school. For some reason, he felt that Daphne wasn’t so interested in what he had actually had done during the summer, but she was more curious about his well being. But maybe he was just hoping for it, maybe he hoped that she cared about him more than just because she was supposed to do so. She was supposed to care about him as they were friends and in the same social circle — and the Slytherins took care of each other because they didn't have anyone else.

“I’m fine,” he told her slowly. It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the complete truth either. His situation could be worse —living alone in a manor didn’t sound like a problem to some, but the manor was a quiet and empty place to live alone as he didn’t really want to spend time with his grandparents either. He had also done a good job avoiding them at this party too, as he was sure they would be here — after all, Cantankerus Nott was the one who created the list of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, and they were making sure the Nott name got the respect and attention it deserved.

‘ You’re father hm ?? Something we have in common it seems … ’ Again his tone is SHARP ( For surely the entire wizarding world knew of his father’s AFFILIATION by now ). Though he feels a pang of empathy for the other. He knew the  p a i n  of baring such a burden simply because it was EXPECTED. And he assumed Nott had not made his decision of his own accord.

‘ … I just didn’t think I meant anything to you. That anyone would worry. Why would they ?? ’ His tone softens a moment, averting his gaze from the other to fidget with the end of his sleeves, shifting to lean back against a cobbled wall with a drawn out sight. 

‘ … Its nice to see a familiar face. I just wish it was under … more CHEERFUL circumstances. These meetings aren’t exactly pleasant. But I’m sure you knew that much already. Besides … its comforting in a way , to know someone from school … ’

He slightly tilted his head, keeping his eyes on the other boy. Somehow, at least to him, it seemed that Draco’s attitude had changed after his words, but he wasn’t sure, and that’s why he was still careful with his words. He didn’t want to cause any trouble between them, especially not here. The atmosphere here was already unpleasant, he didn’t need to make it even more uncomfortable by fighting with Malfoy.

“It seems to that we have. My father got out of Azkaban.. not a long time ago, so now we are here,” he told him, keeping a short thinking pause. He wasn’t sure how long his father had been free, but he knew that it wasn’t a long time. But it felt a long time in his opinion as after he got back home, things began to change — and Theodore wasn’t pleased with it. If being alone in the Nott manor didn’t spark joy in Theodore’s chest, neither did his current situation.

“You’re so-“ Whatever came next was lost when he hid his face in his pillow, shoulders hunching up as he tucked his knees up to his chest, curling around the pillow and into himself for a moment.

It was quiet, save for the occasional sniff, Draco trapped somewhere between asleep and awake.

“Why can’t I go to sleep?” He finally asked, forcing himself to focus on Theodore’s fuzzy shape in front of himself, thankful for the distance between them. The thought of anyone touching him made him swallow hard. “ ‘M very tired.”

At least his father (god, he couldn’t stomach the thought of Lucius either—) wasn’t there, he could only imagine how disgusted he would have been. Though, there was some comfort in the thought of his mother, she would have sat at the edge of his bed and stroked his hair back from his face.

Snuffling, Draco found himself slipping in and out of his head, between thoughts of when he was sick (before even those died away) and the other in front of him and the sudden recollection that he’d drunk both alcohol and a Calming Draught, which would explain why he felt so touch-and-go (but somehow marvelously better than when his head was clear and he was forced to think about, well, everything).

He never found out by what name he was going to call him, but he could only guess that the name wasn’t exactly a flattering one. Not that he cared about it, he had more important things to focus on at this moment as the white-blond haired boy wasn’t fine. But at this moment, he didn’t know what to do — Draco wanted to push him away, it was clear to him, but in his opinion, he needed help.

He looked at him but soon he let his eyes wander around the room. He wasn’t really focusing on anything, he just needed a moment to think. He needed to find a way to reason with him, but he could only imagine how hard it was going to be —it had already become clear to him by now. Draco wanted to push him away, and not to let him help him. But could he actually blame him? He probably would do the same if he was in a similar situation. Nott himself wasn’t someone who would ask help from someone or accept help from someone. So, in a way, he understood him.

roses / cherry blossoms / orchids / tulips

winter / summer / autumn / spring

thunderstorms / sunshine / snow

indoors / outdoors

meat / fruit / sweets

extravagance / traditionalism / minimalism

god fearing / non god fearing

cats / dogs / horses / birds

sunrise / sunset

day time / night time

fire / earth / water / wind

reading / writing

rising early / sleeping late

wine / ale / neither

fur / silk / satin / lace

rubies / pearls / sapphires

horse back / walking / carriages

love / power

having company / being alone

lakes / rivers / oceans

knife / sword / bow / poison

gold / silver