In Control

“Yeah, yeah, old architecture. Goes way back.” Lottie’s “tour guide” (a project who was maybe a little too excited to bring a human to the school) explained to her as they walked down the halls. She nods eagerly, all the while letting her eyes dart through the crowd that passes by, parallel to her. A school! All along, Lottie never would have imagined that she’d find her sister here. “It’s a beautiful building,” she’s just managed to gush when suddenly a hand is grabbing her arm. Lottie gasps in pain, expecting to see a head of blonde curls in front of her but instead finding the dark hair of – “Theo?!” It’s been ages since she’s seen this boy. How is he – “This is your school, too?!” She questions, opening her mouth to fire out twenty more when she catches his expression and hesitates. “Well, you see, this is my sister’s school. Amalia? I– I guess you probably know her, if you’re here too, and I’ve been looking for her for so long and I was pointed this way by someone, but I didn’t expect to find you here! Have you – have you seen my sister?” Then, after a pause. “Theo, are you alright?”

Hearing her speak his name only causes the mingling look of both sadness and fear to intensify; it means that it wasn’t merely a trick of his imagination. Here she was, stood in front of him. No illusion, or strange nightmare. He watches her with a look of disbelief, barely registering her question for a moment. “Y- Yeah. School. Here. Lottie... what do you know about this place?” His eyebrows furrow, as he continues to listen to her, arms folding across his chest. He realises he’s pacing, and stops awkwardly in between a set of desks in the classroom, tilting his head back to face the blonde. “Your sister?” The name sounded vaguely familiar, yet in a school this big how could he know if it was actually her relative. He swallows, taking a step towards her, before quickly broadening the gap again. He turns away from her, momentary shame crossing his features. What if she knew what he was? “You’re not safe here, Lottie. You need to leave. I- I can get a message to your sister, or something. But you need to leave here. Now.”

Um... H-Hello.. (Theo murmurs back cautiously, as he sees the head poke out from the window above, attempting to make his voice sound deeper which ended up just making him want to cough. Better to make a run for it.) N-No... I'm fine. Honestly. Totally. (He says quickly, rushing to his feet, only to stumble back down again as a flare of pain caused him to call out. No. This was not the time for this. He raised himself up more slowly, taking hold of the wall beside him to help steady himself, inhaling a deep breath of air as he tried to remain in the shadow of the building, out of sight.) I'm alright. No ambulance needed. Just... go back to bed, yeah?

“Oh, Wade. When will you learn?”

(Theo had not been eating so much lately. Perhaps it was his own way of punishing himself after what had happened between him and Lottie, but he had lost his appetite. Until now, it seemed. Trudging down to the kitchens, Theo inspected the contents of the fridge freezer sheepishly, eventually settling with grabbing a bag of oven chips. A couple of minutes to bake in the oven and he could scurry back into the hiding of his room. However, as he makes his way to the cupboard of oven trays, he looks up at the guy stood in front of it.) Um... E- Excuse me. (He swallows, eyes drifting momentarily to the note he'd just removed, but he decides to just not question it. Better off that way. His voice was barely a whisper, though, so he coughs and repeats himself, louder.) I mean, uh... excuse me! I just... I need a baking thing. I mean.. a tray! A tray. (He nods in the direction of the cupboard, looking anywhere but at Grayson.)

{Her eyebrows furrow. No, of course she doesn’t get it. What is there to get? This is all so confusing… And his additional words make it worse.} Theo, what — what are you talking about? You didn’t hurt me. You pulled me away from the men who hurt me. It wasn’t your fault, Theo, I’m sure it wasn’t. {She’s beginning to shiver from the rain, and she can feel her own tears beginning to sting in her eyes, but she won’t move. Lottie won’t leave until she understands, until things are right again.} If I meant anything to you, you wouldn’t leave me. {She breathes, head shaking, lip quivering.} I’d never leave you. You don’t leave behind the people you love, the people you care about. You don’t.

(He shakes her head at her quickly, running a hand over his forehead.) No... No. I did, I sent you to the hospital... you don't understand, Lottie, I'm not like you. I'm a bad person - I'm a monster, okay? I can do things I shouldn't be able to do. Hurt people. Killed people, even. I have no control. I can't - I won't let that happen to you. (his tone is full of self loathing, the sad look remaining in his eyes as he continues to back away. He knows he's probably said too much, but right then he didn't care. Her words hurt him, make him want to hold onto her and never let go. But he can't. He knows he can't. ) No, Lottie. I care about you. I care too much. That's why I have to go. No matter how much I want to stay.

(Theo winces when she pushes the air, half suspecting she's some sort of air manipulator or something, But, when nothing happens, he opens his eyes with a nervous chuckle. There's a small smile on his face when he speaks again.) Centre myself...?  Well, I... I've never meditated before. I don't find it very easy to, um, relax, I guess. (He scratches the back of his neck, raising his eyebrows.) So... you centre yourself by punching stuff? That sounds fun. (He allows another timid laugh.) I'm Webb's. He's nice. It's good to meet you, Tessa.

[His eyes were locked on the retreating boy. If fear had a scent, it was blanketing the training room.] The only thing you need to apologizing for is interrupting u…me. [When his feral mind gave up control, it always took him a moment to stop thinking of himself as a collective.] Leaving? So soon? [Never looking away from the boy, he kneels, picking the weight up and throwing it to hit the wall beside the boy.] Don’t forget to pick up after yourself. No one likes a mess.

(Theo frowns at the way he corrects himself, but he does't comment on it. Instead, he nods quickly.) I, uh... yes, sorry. F- For that. (Theo was just bending down to grab his stuff when he hears the weight slam into the wall beside him, jumping out of his skin and stumbling to the side. He lets out a breath when the weight rolls to a halt, watching it before turning his gaze up towards Gunnar. Swallowing, he shuffles forward, attempting to lift the weight up onto its side so he can roll it away. Wincing as he forces it to move, he looks cautiously over his shoulder before he rolls it towards the rack of weights. Just five years. Five years and you can leave.)

{As he turns around, Lottie feels a rush of hope that is quickly crushed, just like every interaction she’s ever had with her sister. This time, it’s confusion over anything. So, he’s not angry with her…but he’s blaming himself. Why?} Wh-What are you talking about, Theo? {She stammers, her eyes watching him closely through the rain.} I — I thought… I thought we were friends. You were my only r-real friend. And I thought… I thought maybe… {She cuts off, shaking her head and sighing.} That…that was dumb of me… b-but none of that was your fault. You saved me that night, and without you, I don’t know where I’d be — {"You need to stay away from me. It’s for your own good." The similarities to her sister are making her sick, and she feels emotions welling up in her, feels her bottom lip beginning to quiver.} Theo, you’re making no sense! Please, I just wanted to be friends, a-and I don’t understand a word you’re saying … b-but.. please don’t — don’t just leave like that, please. I-I can’t…I don’t want anyone else to leave me. Just…please.

Don't you get it? (He asks, his voice suddenly soft, the sadness clear on every feature of his face. She doesn't see it. He'd give anything to just be her friend, to trust himself around her. If only he could tell her that. Instead, he looks down at the floor.) You don't. You don't understand, Lottie - listen to me. I was the one that hurt you, not those men. I didn't save you, I'm not your hero. I was the one who shipped you off to hospital. (When he looks up again, there's tears in his eyes that he quickly wipes away with the back of his hand.) I don't want to leave you, okay? I don't. But I have to. I can't hurt you again. You mean too much to me.

{Fear strikes through her as she staggers back and realizes just who she’s run into. When he says her name, she bites her lip, waiting for precisely what comes — a lame excuse before he dashes off and leaves her in the dust.} Wait — Theo! {She dashes after him, reaching out but refraining from touching him, just stopping and talking despite the rain pouring down on her.} Just, listen. Please. I-I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I got you involved that night and — and I didn’t know that was going to happen. I still don’t understand how it happened, they said I had a seizure… But, I um— I understand why you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry if I scared you, o-or if you got hurt..anything like that. I’m sorry. {She babbles, then chews on her lip, her eyes taking in his features through her raindrop-soaked eyelashes, taking it in as if it’ll be the last time she sees him. For all she knows, it will.}

(He hears her call after him, but he keeps walking, putting his head down as he keeps up his pace. He tells himself to keep walking, that's what he should do, he should be selfless. Yet, still, he finds himself turning when she begins speaking, watching her with sad eyes.) This is nothing to do with you, Lottie... this isn't your fault. (He hates watching her blame herself, the word 'seizure' reminding him of how much he shouldn't be here. Shaking his head adamently, he feels his anger rising. Anger at himself. For what he was, for what he let happen between the two of them despite knowing what he could do.) Don't you see, Lottie? You did nothing wrong. Nothing, okay? It's all me. I'm the... I'm the monster, alright? You need to stay away from me. It's for your own good. Please. I don't want to hurt you again. (He begins backing away from her, a sense of panic beginning to grow in his chest. He needed to get back to St Mary's. Now.)

[The loud clang snaps Gunnar out of his training trance. The heightened senses that came from his feral mind scream at the noise and he rounds on the source, jaw set in a scowl.] You didn’t mean to throw a fucking weight? [His voice isn’t loud, the lilting Norwegian accent surprisingly soft.] Are you weak, stupid, or just looking to pick a fight with someone you can’t beat?

(Oh no. Angry man. Not good. Not good at all. In response to the man's scowl Theo instinctively takes a few steps back, tucking his arms behind his back and trying his best to achieve camouflage against the training room wall. That didn't appear to be working.) I- well, yes.. I mean.. um... I didn't mean to aim at you. S- Sorry. (His voice grows quieter by the second, and at his next question he quickly shakes his head with wide eyes.) N- No. I... I don't want a fight. I just- I'm just... leaving.

Was…that suppose to scare me? [Tessa snorts lightly, giving him a small smile as she walks into the training facility. Hair up in a ponytail, spandex pants (god she loved spandex…) and a baggy T-shirt on it was obvious she’d come in to get some of her own training in. Obviously if she was going up against Hearst and the loyalist she’d have to be ready. It just meant more training] You know if you really wanna start lifting manlier weights, the idea is to get the whimpy ones out of the way first. Do like, one hundred sets of these for a week, maybe less, you’ll be ready for something heavier. You just have to know how far to push your body, and you can’t stop even when it hurts. What’s your name, kid?

I- um, no. No... of- of course not. (He blurts out nervously, looking up at the blonde woman with wide eyes. Taking a few steps back, he prepares himself to go grab his gear and get out of the way before he causes anymore damage, but pauses when she starts talking to him. Shuffling awkwardly, he nods now and again in response, before ruffling a hand through his hair with a shy smile.) Uh... I can normally do it. I just... I've not been focused, recently. It's frustrating. (He admits with a small shy, glancing down at his feet before she picks up his attention again.) M- Me? (He takes a step back. This didn't bode well. Why did she want his name? Was she going tor eport him? Was he in trouble?) Theo. I- I mean Theodore. Reed. Theodore Reed. (He gulps, looking away from her.) Um... What about you?

(Theo had taken a walk to get some air. His brain was full of all the things he despised, all the guilt that ate him up, and no matter how much he tried to forget it never seemed to want to leave. Instead, it haunted him. And he couldn't stand being cooped up in St Mary's any longer. Yet, still, with all of Herefordshire for him to get lost in he always seemed to find the same person every time. The person who, right now, he was trying to avoid.) L- Lottie.. I.. (He felt his voice die in his throat as he looked at her, remembered that face as she looked up at him from the floor. The body go limp - because of him. Quickly taking a few steps back, he shakes his head.) I- I need to go. I... Sorry. (Without another word, he changes direction, walking with fast steps to try and get away with the hopes she wouldn't follow.)

{Lottie sighs softly. Her head is throbbing, and she’s exhausted. Her face is aching, though she can’t fully seem to recall why… And then when she hears Theo on the phone, it hits her. Those men — they’d tried to attack her. They must’ve pushed her down, she’d hit her head… Where are they? She suddenly grabs Theo’s hand much more tightly, listening to him talk on the phone.} Theo? Theo — I’m scared. I-I want to get out of here. {She says, and though she’s afraid, her voice sounds nothing but exhausted, and soon her eyes are closing. Lottie slowly blinks them open as she hears Theo’s voice, and though it’s hard to make out what he’s saying, she watches his face from where she lays. Suddenly her eyes widen as hands are touching her, and she tries to struggle, but with how sore her muscles feel, it’s no use.} No, no, no, no, no! {She protests, but then as she feels her head laid onto a pillow, her eyes grow heavier again, and all she can think about is how tired she feels. Before she sleeps, however, one word leaves her lips.} Theo?

It's okay, Lottie. You'll be safe soon. I promise. Just hold on for me. Please, hold on.(The further you get from me, the better. He finishes his phone call to the ambulance, with instructions they'd be here soon. That was at least some relief, as he quickly placed her phone away before returning his hands to hers. He keeps a hold on them, though he knows he should have run a mile by now for her sake. As soon as he sees a flash of blue sirens, his panic begins to rise and he knows he needs to get away. Before he hurts anyone else.) i'm sorry. I- I'm so sorry. (He gently pries her hands from his, giving them a gentle squeeze before he jumps onto his feet. Just as the ambulance rounds the corner he runs to the end of the alley, hiding behind a wall so he can watch Lottie.You're a coward, Theodore. That's all you are.) Good bye, Lottie. (he whispers to himself, as he sees her being safely loaded away. She'd be okay now. She had to be. He watches for a few minutes, until he sees the brake lights of the ambulance fade into the distance. Then, he runs. He has no idea where he is going, but he runs anyway. He knows he needs to forget, but all he can see when he closes his eyes is a blonde head of hair falling against the ground. He'd been selfish, he knows that - Lottie had allowed him to believe he was normal, that he was just a boy. Not the monster he was inside. But that feeling had come with a price, and she'd been the one to pay it.The guilt consumed him, but he knew, at least, he'd never make this mistake again. He'd never endanger another person - especially not Lottie - again.)