Dogs of War

"Theo…." Ro looked at her hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "I want to be honest with you." She words hung in the air for a moment before continuing. "I have never known anyone who actually believed I was enough." Her eyes  began to fill with tears. "Until I met you." She then bit her lip and shook her head. "These past four days have been nothing short of hell, and I need you so much. I love you so much." She then turned her head away, looking at her bookshelf that was now nearly empty. Having thrown out most of her psychology books during her rampage. "And I’m so scared, i’m so scared that the girl you deserve is going to come along and you’re going to wake up one day and I just not feel the same about me." She then looked back at him. "Because that’s what happened to Wes and I. After I met you, I began to fall out of love with him so fast, one day I just woke up…and I told him it was over and left." 

Theo moved his arms so that she could sit in his lap and wrap her legs around his waist. To keep her secure he put his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. He looked up at her through his lashes as she rested her forehead against him, he let one of his hands rub up and down her back. Theo grinned when she said she wanted to be with him. He kissed her and rolled over so he was leaning over her. "You," he kissed her, "make," another kiss," me so," yet another, "happy." He finished before planting another kiss. 

What if she was stick again though? It wouldn’t be fair to him. Theo deserved so much more. He deserved someone who was beautiful and kind, who wasn’t afraid to tell him how she really felt. Maybe a Tri-Delt, then they could do cute Greek things together. Roslyn swallowed hard, she would never be enough for him. She was too much of a joke, a coward, and most of all she wasn’t healthy. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if she would be able to have children. As she thought, she glanced over at him again. Theo began to look tired, and knowing he was hung over she began rubbing his head. Everytime she would wake up to Theo hung over next to her, she’d do the same thing. He’d never said he didn’t like it, so she just kept doing it. 

As the movie came to an end she moved her hands down from his head to his cheeks, guiding him to look at her. “Theo-” She said softly as she looked him in the eyes. This is where she would do it, she could end it right here and right now. She could set him free from her, and the burden she was. It took only seconds before her eyes filled with tears and she took her hands off of him. Ro could not be selfish, she had to be strong. As her mouth opened, a few tears escaped her eyes.  For a moment she closed her eyes, and swallowed hard. Let go… she remembered Theo’s voice in her ear from the last time they’d had intercourse. And when she opened her eyes, the words glided from her lips into the air…

After today he knew he needed to be with her, sick or not he would be there. If it turned out that she was sick he would enjoy the time he had with her and really appreciate the little moments. If she wasn't sick he would appreciate things all thee same. Her hands moved to his cheeks, telling him to look at her. He saw the tears welling in her eyes and was confused. Then she said the words he had been hoping to hear for the last four days. 

She changed quickly, back into her warm cashmere sweater and jeans. They didn’t talk as they left the room and Ro had to sign more paperwork. The nurse said the Dr. Menzel would be in contact with her by the end of the day regarding the tests. When they finally got to Theo’s car she slid into the passenger seat waiting for him to get in. 

"Thank you…." She said looking at him as he climbed into the car. "For everything." Ro’s hand then reached out and held his, needed some kind of physical contact with him. There was something about Theo that made her feel brave, and as long as he was holding her hand she could do anything. As Theo drove she kept a hold on his hand, looking out the window. 

Theo wasn’t like most guys she’s met, or in fact had ever met. Roslyn would be lying if she had felt something when walking into the party freshman year, her eyes landing on him first. He was funny without being mean, and he had this smile that could make your heart run a million miles an hour. The next time Ro saw him after that party, she ran up and hugged him. The way he looked down at her, and smiled was honestly the moment Roslyn knew she loved him. When they finally kissed for the first time that just sealed the deal for her. 

She didn’t lie when she first described Theo when writing to her older brother. “Theo is the guy I can make pinky promises too and know he won’t break them. He’s my secret keeper, my motivator, my knight in shining armor, and most importantly my best friend. Junior, he just has this smile that makes you feel like you’re worth while. He’s also so tidy and neat. He tends not to let a lot of people in, but I’m glad he chose to let me in. I don’t think I could ever live in a world where Theo Masterson wasn’t in my life. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want to think about it.

Once he had locked the car he reached for her hand again and led her back to her house and up to her room. He had left his James Dean movies there during the fight and his room was a mess. He didn't want her to have to sit around while he cleaned. He took off his shoes and went right over to her bed, sitting up so he could eat. He motioned for her to come and sit between his legs. 

"We’re done." Dr. Menzel came over the intercom and Ro was slid out from the tube. It had felt like it’d been hours laying in there under that thing. However, now she was able to go back and be with Theo. She didn’t wait for the nurse to come in before standing and walking towards the door. For a moment her heart stopped, not seeing Theo in sight. Maybe it was to much of her to ask, maybe she should of…when she turned around she saw him standing there and she smiled at him. Not the half tired, small smiles she’d been giving him all day. A full, ear to ear grin that almost brought tears to her eyes. 

When the nurse led them back into the room she offered Ro something to drink, but she quickly declined saying she was on a juice cleanse. Which had been true, due to an up coming photo shoot. As she sat on the exam table she looked over at Theo. “I was 14.” She said slowly, “I’d gotten a bruise on my back from a fight i’d gotten into trying to defend my brother. The bruise didn’t go away though.” She swallowed hard and rubbed her hands together. “I went to my normal doctor, who immediately sent me to the children’s hospital downtown. Which I had to take the bus too since my parents were to busy.”

Ro broke eye contact, a rare thing for her to do mid conversation. “They ran a bunch of tests, and when my doctor came in he kept asking for one of my parents to show up. Contacting my Dad was a huge no, he’s a Harvard law professor and interrupting him was just not something we did. I tried contacting my mother, but she would only text me. They tried calling, I tried calling.” Ro bit down on her lip, “She would only answer through text messages. Telling me to give them the card and she’d pay whatever. My mom not only refused to come to the hospital, but wouldn’t even pick up the phone.” She shook her head and balled her hands into fists. “I was forced to tell her they’d found stage 3 osterosarcoma in my shoulder…..through text message. From there, that’s how the whole thing went. They wanted to act fast to prevent it from spreading. All my mom would do is pick me up and drop me off, signing the needed forms. They kept it from siblings, just saying I’d picked up tutoring.” 

"The worst part was when my hair started to go and a nurse suggested that I just shave it clean and that would be easier. Since I was getting sick more often than not from radiation I just stayed in the hospital. No one really came to see me except my Dad like twice." She then looked back at him. "It wasn’t until my surgery my brother and sister found out I was sick. I mean, I don’t blame my mother for what she did. It was like if I died, they had already prepared themselves by becoming distant from me." Her eyes then looked away and she sighed. "And I did die." Ro didn’t dare look at him as she got deeper into her story. 

The story was so sad. Theo wanted to frown but kept his face neutral. He let go of one of her hands to rub her shoulder in support before going back to holding her hand. He placed a light kiss on her forehead at the part about what her mother did and how she had to go through it all alone and at such a young age. She stopped looking at him again and he used his thumbs to rub circles on the backs of her hands as she continued. 

He wiped her tears as they started to stream down her face, he wanted to kiss them away but he didn't want to cross the fragile line they had. He kept wiping them as she finished her story with her brother holding her hand as she woke up. He gave her a sad smile. "Thank you for sharing that with me." He said and pulled her in for a hug, resting his head on top of hers. 

"Roslyn…" A nurse came and stood at the doorway then smiled noticing Tommy on her lap. "Tommy Weston, aren’t you suppose to be in crafts?" She placed her hands on her hips which drove Tommy to wrap his arms around Ro, holding her close. "Rosie is better then crafts." He then pouted at the nurse.  Quickly Ro turned her head so she was looking at him, "Hey Tommy, why don’t you make me something and when I go home i’ll make you something. Then, when we have our lunch on Thursday we can give them to each other." 

Theo took her hand, knowing she needed his support. They followed the nurse down the hall and brought her into a room where Ro immediately started changing. He looked away to give her some privacy. He shook his head at her comment. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine." The nurse came back and told Theo to come with her so they could start the MRI. "This is about you." Theo said to her as he left the room. 

When he held out his hand to her she immediately took it. As they walked through the house, she noticed eyes on them. She knew most of them knew about her and Theo’s falling out. Ro couldn’t help but to feel bad, it had been her fault. Now she was here like some helpless child, begging Theo to help her. “Thank you…” She said as she got into his car, a familiar place to her. As he walked around the car, she leaned back and took a deep breath. She’d never told Theo she’d had cancer, in fact most people didn’t know. The only people who did were Charlie and Abbey. 

As they pulled into the hospital she stepped out of the car and began walking. Her arms crossing over her chest as she did so. Once they had made it to the cancer ward, Roslyn began to be welcomed with waves and smiles. It was almost as if she was a celebrity. She guided Theo to the small waiting area and let him sit down. “I’ll check in…” Roslyn said before going to the font desk across the hall. A few smiles, and a few signatures were made and then she made her way back to Theo. 

He followed her into the waiting area of the cancer ward and took a seat while she signed in. His fingers tapped nervously against the arms of the chair as he waited for her to come back and sit down. He looked at her and he knew she was about to say something until there was a knock on their door. He tilted his head a little boy with a shaved head came in and crawled into Ro's lap. He heard her call him Tommy but the boy immediately looked to him. 

She couldn’t be afraid though, she knew she had to tell him that she needed him to go with her. Even if her voice shook.  ”Theo…” she said softly, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “Theo I need you to come with me.” She swallowed hard and was trying not to start shaking, however her hands began to ignore her. “I got a call from the doctors this morning, I had some tests last week and they want to do an MRI.” She then finally looked at him, “If I have to find out I have cancer again, I need you with me.” her voice cracked but she pushed herself to keep going. “Not just anyone, I need you.” 

He chased after her this time and grabbed her hand. "Let me get a shirt, some shoes, and my keys." He said gently and guided her back to his room. He left the door open for her to follow in behind him. He went straight to his closet, putting on deodorant and a clean shirt as well as a sweatshirt. On his way to the door he slipped on his shoes and put his keys in his pocket. He held his hand out to her. He knew she needed him, regardless of what had transpired four days ago. He led her out to his car and opened the passenger door for her. 

Roslyn laid in bed looking up at the ceiling of her room. The morning sun giving a golden glow. For about a week now she’d been waking up to a sharp pain in her shoulder. However, that was the last thing on her mind. It had been four days since she’d spoken to, or even seen Theo. Sure, she’d heard plenty of things. According to the grapevine he had been drunk every moment since the whole thing happened. The though of him doing that to himself really hurt her. There was no way around the fact that it was entirely her fault also. If she could of only just said it back instead of retracting like a lunatic. 

Her hands reached out, reading over Junior’s letter to her. “Don’t be afraid.” was traced over and over again to make it darker then anything else on the page. With a heavy sigh she folded the letter and placed it on her nightstand, next to the picture of them. “It’s too late Big Bird…” She then rolled over and looked out the window. Through the small crack of her curtains, the sun was still rising. 

That was when she felt her cellphone vibrate beneath her. Quick she sat up, rummaging through her sheets for it. Please let it be Theo…she repeated under her breath. She just needed to hear his voice and know he was okay. She wanted to tell him how horrible the last four days had been without him. She wanted to tell him how much she needed him. Most of all though, Roslyn wanted to say she loved him too. 

Doctor Menzel- Urgent

Roslyn’s heart stopped as she read the the text on her phone. A few days ago she had called the hospital re-guarding her shoulder pain. She was taken in for some basic blood tests and told she’d be contacted as soon as possible. After taking a deep breath, she answered the phone. “Doctor Menzel, good morning.” She said with a steady voice but her hands shook waiting for a response. 

"Miss Grimes, good morning to you." There was a pause in his voice before he continued. "I have reviewed your labs and I want you to come in immediately for a MRI scan. There are a few questionable numbers on your blood counts and we would like to get you in as soon as possible." His voice was slow, but deliberate. 

"I’ll be there as soon as I can." Roslyn then hung up the phone and looked at the now fully risen sun. Taking it in one last moment before getting onto her feet. As she began to browse for clothes she braided her bangs away from her face knowing it wouldn’t be suitable if she had them down. Once she was dressed she hurried downstairs and out to her car, ignoring the few sisters who were up. 

It wasn't bad enough that his ex didn't love him but now the girl of his dreams didn't either. So he drank away the pain and refused to see the happy memories that flashed every time he closed his eyes. He didn't want to see or dream about it so he drank instead. All those years of sneaking away with his dad's liquor was paying off as he drank through the next four days, miraculously without puking or passing out. Then he decided that he'd had enough, he needed to be closed off again before his dad could withdraw him from school, he took his last shot and put the bottle away. Soon after drinking a bottle of water he decided to sleep. 

He didn't know that he really had slept almost a whole day until he heard frantic knocking. He got out of his bed and walked over to the door, his hand rubbing his bare stomach as he walked. He opened the door and there she was. At first he was sure he was dreaming. He had said all those mean things to her and he honestly expected to never hear from her again. While he knew he did nothing wrong except maybe overreact slightly he felt bad about what he said. He needed her, if only in a friend capacity.