i spit fire like i just blew a demon

“I’d love to see you hitting someone with it, but when you have fifty zombies coming at you… I don’t think the mace’s gonna help.” She was unbelievable – a fucking mace? Who gave anyone that as a birthday gift? Laughing lightly, at her friend’s words, Nirvana just opened the camera on the phone and checked the picture. “You should hear yourself when you’re pmising, alright. You’re a real monster.” she commented, before grinning. “Okay - that right there, don’t move.” Nirvana went on to say, before snapping a quick photo. “You know… you should have really not said that because now, I’m craving a new bag as well.” 

“Guess we’ll see if Blair’s home later,” she joked... sort of. Honestly, it didn’t seem outside the realm of possibilities that she’d hit Blair over the head with it someday. But if she did, he had it coming. “I’m a soft little ray of sunshine,” she said,not a hint of irony in her voice even if there definitely should have been one, “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” She held her pose so Nirvana could do her thing and she could make her post later. Thank fucking god, spared her a tantrum for sure. “You got it, babe. I’m basically like, your sugar daddy at this point, aren’t I? she teased, “I’m kinda into it.”

“Legs like that it would take four steps to their half mile run,” Temple muses with a soft laugh. Temple doesn’t know what they would do, but they also know they wouldn’t trust another with their phone unless they knew them. Probably because their phone held everything they ever needed and wanted, pictures of the last few years of their life, spliced in with random images their mother sent. “Cruises aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Few years ago my mom and I did one, 14 days around the Caribbean and all it ended up being was the same things we would do at home,” Temple shrugs, maybe it just wasn’t for them. “It’s not a problem, really.”

But they follow without question, legs moving before Temple’s brain can catch up because they heard ‘coffee’ and nothing else mattered. “Last time my doctor asked how much coffee  I drank, I had to clarify if he meant in cups or pots. It’s a wild time.”

“Oh yeah, they wouldn’t stand a chance,” she said with a laugh louder than Temple’s, kind of to one-up them but also because Noreen actually liked them. Granted, that was mostly because they were being both cooperative and complimented her, but those happened to be two of her favorite qualities in people. “Yeah, you’re right... it’s kinda 80s, isn’t it? Honestly no one in their right mind wants to be stuck on a boat with a ton of strangers and no escape,” she decided. It wasn’t like she’d ever actually been on one, anyway. “Did you know that all cruise ships have morgues? That’s kinda wild.”

Noreen was pleased when Temple just followed without any further questions. Their joke actually got another genuinely laugh out of her too, so they were really shaping up to be her favorite person of the day. “Good to know you have your priorities straight. When I worked in Nashville, I always went to the same Starbucks and they had my order ready three times a day. Usually like clockwork. That was like, the one good thing about Tennessee.”

Jude: please don't call your lawyers on me. i'm broke as it is

Jude: well not entirely but yanno. definitely not on 'can handle a lawsuit from Noreen Innocent' level

Jude: i kid i kid of course

Jude: i didn't really dump him, we sorta just parted ways i guess?

Jude: we were never crazy close to begin with, he just wanted me helping out on the album, you know how Kanye rounded up Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Jay-Z for MDBTF. Well i was the rick ross

Jude: shame about the scrapped album actually, it was shaping up to be real good

Jude: aaaand i'll stop talking about avery right about now...

Noreen: Did the message where I said I literally don't care about him not go through, Rick Ross?

Noreen: I didn't know it got scrapped, though.

Noreen: Hey Jason, long time no speak

Noreen: I tried calling but it went to voicemail

Danny wasn’t even sure how to respond and he felt like a slug getting salted. It seemed like either this woman was getting a kick out of this or she really didn’t have any clue about any of this and Danny didn’t know which was worse. It also wasn’t his place to give her a basic lesson in profits and loss and commerce in general. “I think macing a child for being interested in my pottery would get me banned from the market,” he informed her not engaging with her questions. 

Danny rearranged his mugs so there was no longer a gap where the mug had once sat. To any other shoppers that wandered in they’d be none the wiser to the incident that had just occurred. “Were you interested in purchasing anything?” Danny asked finally. 

Noreen shrugged as he pointed out the problems of macing a child. So he had a point, but that was whatever to her. “I’m just like, concerned about your art, my dude,” she said, actually truthful about that. At least in her own mind, she was just making suggestions and trying to be helpful. Give back. Not that there had been any indication that Danny was a fan or anything, but she thought he probably was. Most people were, whether they’d admit to it or not.

“Honestly I am,” she said, getting out her purse and probably making herself actually useful to him for the first time. “I actually dig this vibe, and I’m redecorating so...” she trailed off, looking over the table to pick out something suitably macabre for her house. Even if she wasn’t outwardly enthusiastic, she kind of felt like a kid at a candy store. Maybe she did understand how the kid had broken the stuff after all. “I don’t know what’s gonna work so like, can you just give me like, one of each? And maybe lighten the fuck up too while you’re at it. I’m a paying customer and I could make your business blow up.“

“No, babe. You’re definitely not prepared for it.” She laughed, unable to believe this girl would be able to survive something like that. People were having a tough time controlling Corona, and who the fuck knew how the Zombie Apocalypse would happen? “Frodo’s going to kick you so hard you’ll be bruising all over your face, bitch.” she smirked, grabbing the phone and taking a few steps away, to find the perfect damn corner to take the picture. “You’re buying lunch, since I’m taking the photo. And for calling me Frodo. You might as well buy me dinner now that I think about it.” 

“Tell that to the fucking mace I have in the basement,” she said, dead serious about owning one. Because of course she did. “Blair gave it to me for my birthday, and I haven’t had the chance to hit anyone yet so...” she quirked a brow at Nirvana, though it was an obviously empty threat. At least so far. “Of course you’d go straight to the food. You’re such a hobbit,” she teased her, not about to drop that comparison anytime soon. Despite all her mocking comments, Noreen wasn’t entirely ungrateful, though. At least Nirvana knew all her angles, and that was one of the qualities she appreciated the most in a friend. “I’ll buy you lunch, dinner, whatever you want. Eat a goddamn Chanel bag, it’s on me.”

“Had the audacity? It’s not in anyone’s control if they get sick,” Rory couldn’t help but make a face at the woman. “No. I’m not taking a picture of you. Fuck that. You’re acting like the world revolves around you and I’m not for that, sweetie. Have someone else do it. I’m sure they would love your whining as well.”

“Can you like, chill the fuck out? I was obviously joking,” she said with an eyeroll, though she was absolutely not. Having actual people working for you was such an inconvenience, and sometimes she wasn’t sure why she bothered. “I’m literally not even whining, I just asked you for like, the quickest favor ever, and you went off on me for no reason. It’s rude as fuck.”

Ivy looked at the woman. Oh god she was literally a personal assistants nightmare. She raised a brow.  She could 100% bet that this assistant was in fact in need of a personal day from the woman. “Erm.. I .. Kinda have my hands full..” she replied gesturing to the coffee, bags and to go lunch box in her hand. Besides.. I think it’s kind of normal for people to get sick.. Like.. She’s only human.. right?” she replied before sighing and putting things down on the bench. She knew Jason would be angry at her for being late, but she also knew that this woman would probably have a hissy-fit at her assistant if she didn’t get said picture.

“I don’t need anything pretty, maybe just.. Send your assistant something to feel better?” she suggested, holding her hand out for the phone “Portrait or landscape?”

“Yeah, so? You can just put that shit down,” she said, not understanding the problem. Surely the coffee wasn’t permanently attached to the girl’s hands, or else she’d already have that implanted herself. “It’s like, critical or I wouldn’t even have asked.” Perhaps it was hard for the peasants to grasp the demands of fame, but she had contracts to live up to and looks to serve. Noreen kind of considered that a public service.

Noreen shrugged as Ivy turned down the reward. Her loss or whatever. Despite all the attitude that she really didn’t appreciate, she still handed over the phone, “Portrait, please. Landscape isn’t built for people of my stature, unfortunately. Maybe someday.”

“Dead serious. You would never know it’s a gunshot wound. It just looks like digitized art. So only you would know. Which kind of makes it morbidly cool. My personal favorite is a gunshot wound to the spine and the digitized spine is purple. I had fun making them,” she smiled at the other woman. It was rare when another woman was interested in her career, so even though it was for an album cover, it was nice to talk about. “I can see that. I kind of dig it.”

“Good, cause I’m gonna need you to keep making them,” Noreen was enthralled with Kate’s work, and she completely agreed that it was perfect. Morbidly cool in the exact way she’d been after. “Okay, Kate or whatever, this is what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna contract you for all our future albums and singles,“ she said, telling her rather than asking, “So you’ll be hearing from our lawyers in like, the good way.”

She could honestly not have been any more pleased with their meeting thus far, absolutely pumped that someone shared her vision. Her mind was still spinning with possibilities, “Okay so like, hear me out on this. Would it be like, too far if Blair and I took pics of like, our own injuries and we digitized those? That’d be sick, hella personal.”

“The power of the curveball!” Landon said, grinning broadly when she grew excited. It was a drastic shift from her initial words to him, and he was glad to see that she wasn’t just another self-important celebrity. She got excited about thinks like Pokemon, too, and it added an element of humanity that he admittedly felt a little special about getting to witness firsthand.

“Cobalandon, I feel special. I dunno if I should call mine Noralion or Cobinnocent,” he teased, opting to see if instead, the name holder would let him use both names, then shook his head. “Nope. Can’t do both, only twelve letters allowed. Going with Cobaguilty to give him some personality,” he mused. He laughed when she called them living legends, and he had to nod, because truly, who else was playing these days?! He flipped open his trainer barcode so that she could scan it. “I’m probably the biggest dweeb in all of Silver Lake, but congratulations, you just found likely the only other person who’s putting up lures around town. Did you just get into town?”

Noreen laughed loudly as he settled on Cobaguilty, “That’s hella approved, loves it. Good to see the fandom includes Pokémon. Also I might have to pick Noralion up as a stagename, kinda has a ring to it.” She was sure her bandmate would tell her that was fucking stupid, but it wasn’t like he had any say in the matter. She was the front man. Woman, whatever, the spotlight was hers. “I guess we’re officially pokébros, dweeb,” she said as she scanned the code. It had been a good while since she’d done that, so it felt like a whole rite.

“No, I’ve been here for a year-ish. Moved back here from Nashville after...” she grimaced instead of actually finishing the sentence. Landon seemed familiar enough with her that he’d be aware of the CMT drama and the subsequent very public fallout with Avery Reed. As far as she knew, he was still in rehab somewhere, and he could stay there for all Noreen cared. “Anyway, I’m trying to do some other stuff now, get away from the scene. I’m basically a stay-at-home goat mom at the moment, so that’s the fucking best.”

“I’m not sayin’ I don’t know how to operate a phone. I’m sayin’ … what if you handing this phone off to someone who wasn’t a fan, or someone who is one of those anti-fans who will find or do anything to believe the worst in people, or some nutcase who took this and ran,” Temple wasn’t any of those, not really, even though they did know who Noreen was but their mom was a fan. Temple never really found themself starstruck of anyone. Their jobs were hard enough to be in the public eye, something they never felt like they had the midset to deal with.  “I’m good with a coffee, I’m easy,” they say softy, taking a handful of pictures, hoping that she found something she liked.

Noreen hummed, she hadn’t actually thought about that as much as she should have, “I would have hunted them down and killed them, I guess. It’s fine though, I’m a people person, so I can just like, tell.” She was absolutely not a people person as she’d deluded herself into thinking, but a lifetime of judging people the second she met them had to have helped her trouble radar to at least some extent. “I’ll offer the cruise first next time, seems like a good way to vet people,” she mused as she took the phone back, actually managing to shoot them a grateful smile, “Thanks. Like seriously, I appreciate it.

“Anyway, you’re free now, right?” she asked, though she didn’t wait for a response before she set off for Intelligentsia, expecting Temple to follow her. “I’m gonna need a fucking coffee IV or some shit soon so like, we gotta get going.”

“Babe, photo composition matters. Do you know how many people would take a shit-angled photo standing up and making you look all warped by the camera? I’ve fired– I mean, lost friends who haven’t understood. –Turn your arm a little bit out– yeah.” She continued snapping. She knew Noreen could afford style, but it was still so rare that people with money to burn and wardrobes at their expense actually managed to have good style. Many let others do it for them; others still had no idea how to flatter themselves. Personal style was hard. Identity, even moreso. So many lacked. After a decent gather, she stood up, and pointed towards the nearby garbage can; it wasn’t too dirty; the metal rim would make a decent perch. “Hop in. I mean on.”

“Yeah, I know. I had to fire one of my old PAs ‘cause she took the worst pics,” she scoffed with a shake of her head, adjusting her pose according to Sam’s directions, “And then she was like, ‘oh we’ll just facetune it’. Fucking catfishing bitch.” It was truly incredible to be speaking to an actual sane person with their priorities straight for once in her life. Getting up from the ground, she dusted herself off... though that probably wouldn’t matter when she was about to go sit on literal garbage. Should have been beneath her, but she trusted the vision. Kinda fit her desired Illuminati queen on heroin aesthetic, anyway. She perched herself up on the trash can, angling her legs to make them look as freakishly long as possible... and to get away from the actual trash. Maybe it was a vibe, but she was wearing Proenza and the guys deserved better. Instagram was already quaking, she was sure of it. “Not to be like, that bitch but like where have you been my entire life?”

Jude: I'm not stalking you, I promise!!

Jude: scout's honor

Jude: i live here. I moved here 2 months ago

Jude: i haven't talked to avery since the nashville business

Jude: idk how he's doing but he did post something a few days ago on insta

Jude: not sure u particularly care for those updates though. Anyway!

Jude: def not stalking 😬😬😬. Def live here. Well, not on Silverwood. A few blocks down actually.

Noreen: I called my lawyer already so you'd better not be.

Noreen: But good for you, dumping his useless ass.

Landon still had a softer Texan accent that never really went away, no matte how long he’d been in California now– almost ten years now. He smiled when she laughed, relieved that she didn’t seem completely put off by his rather clumsy reaction to recognizing her. He wasn’t the kind of person who got star struck, but he also never really planned on meeting a celebrity quite in this manner.

“Nah, you’ll get it! This thing’s going down,” he mused, tapping away. To any passerby, they’d just look like they were both angry texting each other from feet away, but Landon was having fun. Finally, the battle was over, and it took him several balls and berries, but his final curveball managed to catch a Cobalion for himself. “Successsss,” he uttered, then looked up to see how she’d fared. “I’m um. Landon, by the way. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna ask for a photo or anything. I bet that would get annoying as hell. I would, however, like to give you my trainer code, if you want.”

Maybe it should have been awkward that they were just standing there for at least a full minute without saying another word to each other, but there was that mutual understanding that they were on an important mission. Finally her Moltres came through for her and the Cobalion was defeated. Catching it was another matter, but thankfully Noreen lacked just enough sense to have spent an ungodly amount of money on pokéballs and whatever else made her feel like an actual real life trainer. 

Noreen was ever so slightly annoyed when Landon succeeded before her but thankfully for both of them, her own victory soon followed. “We did it!” she exclaimed, genuinely excited. That was definitely now the front-runner for highlight of her day. Would it have been better if it hadn’t been a team effort? Sure, but at least Landon hadn’t gotten on her nerves yet. “That is kinda annoying, yeah,” she told him, not even bothering to lie about it. She showed him her phone, which was now displaying her new catch with the highly creative name of Cobalandon, “But dude, definitely give me your trainer code. Us last living legends gotta stick together.”

“Bitch, the roof? If you get me up there, I’m jumping. –No, here’s what’s going to happen–” She whipped out her phone, and stepped into the only moderately-busy street next to them, squatting down, the chiffon of her skirt merely brushing the pavement beneath. “You’re going to sit your ass on this curb, your right leg extended, left arm running through your hair.” If there was anything she knew, it was what looked good– how people looked their best, what ideals there were to show off the self. Unfortunately (?), it was impossible to not know Noreen– her self was shown off whether or not she tried to. Her superiors insisted she was worth the magazine’s attention. “And if that doesn’t work, I’d say just get on top the garbage can for the contrast glam.”

Noreen laughed at the threat – kinda valid and basically the exact same thing she’d have said if someone had told her to get on a roof to snap a picture for the ‘gram. She could have been offended that Sam was bossing her around, but mostly she felt that it was about damn time someone recognized the importance of the situation. “Finally some fucking art direction,” she joked, actually following Sam’s instructions and getting in position. Naturally several people stopped in their tracks to watch Noreen Innocent posing on the curb like Annie Leibowitz was watching over her but she wasn’t fazed by it. Wasn’t the first time. “We’re doing trash glam too, by the way, that’s a major 2020 mood.”

      “Life or death huh?” He looked at Noreen like it wasn’t something he wasn’t wholeheartedly used to—been a minute sure, but here they were. Not even entirely sure the country star remembered that one or two times they’d met before—similar circles, that one time his sister did a Dusty Springfield biopic in Nashville for a good six months was an on and off home away from home. “What, Kacey Musgrave’s posting it tomorrow or something?” 

“More like, do I want to actually get paid or not,” she clarified, knowing that he’d probably get it. Noreen vaguely remembered him, though she wasn’t confident what his name was. Ash-something, that much had stuck because of the Pokémon connection but that was as far as she got. Didn’t matter anyway, she knew he was a Hopper, so that was enough. “You wanna be in the pic?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, “I’m really just trying to show off the jacket so that’d fit in a selfie. People haven’t speculated about my love life in a minute.”

Temple takes the phone with a raised brow, “You trust a stranger to take your picture?” they ask, “I mean, not like it’s hard to make you look Hot AF, but dang, awful lotta trust. I don’t think I could do it.”

“Trust is a big word,” she said, scrunching up her nose at them, “But I’m almost gonna be impressed if you literally can’t operate a phone so now you at least have to try.” If this person was actually that useless with technology, that had to count as some sort of significant archaeological find. “Please, I'll buy you a coffee or whatever you want. A cruise?”