‎ Dark Academia

It just occurred to me that many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they've experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma & that unknown can be terrifying.

I miss you to the degree that if I see something or do something, it reminds me of the past and our memories we made together. You're everywhere, in everything I do. You're living in me, like a shadow that does not follow behind me, but instead in me, hidden so deep that only I can feel everything so dearly. I wish the same happened to you. I wish you felt the same heartwarming heartbreaking moments and memories.

Was it necessary? Did you feel at ease when you left me crying alone late night? Did it give you peace to see me shattered to pieces? Did it make you happy to find me broken craving for you and your love to fix me back together?

I can no longer think straight, do anything right or function correctly. This is the effect of you leaving me. All alone.

You hurt me to an extent that I love you more deeply than ever. What have you done to me? I have become a hopeless beast in love, completely ruined for anyone else. You ruined me. Completely.

I'm a mess without you, a disaster worse than any storm to ever hit earth and that is completely dependent on you for happiness. What have I become?

Baby, if you're the heart, I'm the heartbeat. If you're the dragon, I'm the fire. If you're the cloud, I'm the rain. If you're the soil, I'm the grass. If you're the body, I'm the soul. We'll always be together, supporting each other. We're nothing without each other.

Why is it that I feel everything so deeply? Why is it only me when we both were equally deeply in love with each other? Maybe it was only me that fell deeply in love with you in real and your love was just a show put up... Maybe.

I just want to rip my heart apart. I want to see it bleed to death, even if I lose my life at the end of it. It is putting me through so much, it's unbelievable and unacceptable.

Sometimes a part of me wishes you were here to see the wreck I've become and how broken and shattered I am, so that you could also see what you've done to me. You have completely destroyed and ruined me.

Separation didn't suit us well... or should I say me...

The storm in me is so fierce, dangerous and disastrous to a point where it has completely ruined my ability to ever function properly again.

I'm that passing storm that wrecks everything and everyone I come across. So disastrous and dangerous that only you can put a stop to.