The Meaning of Flying

“I don’t know her personally, but I’m pretty sure that’s JLo.”

Hi! Welcome! 👋

You're about to read John Rich & The Big Picture, a very funny story about a very anxious man hurtling towards his soulmate at 200 mph.

At 28, John Rich is the youngest cover artist in the illustrious history of The New York Review. This means, every week, he draws a portrait of some notable person and this portrait becomes the cover of this very prestigious magazine. But when John is tasked with drawing the supposedly vapid (and obviously gorgeous) action movie star, Tyler Hughes, he discovers that Tyler is the one person he cannot draw. 

Updates weekly.

✏️ start reading >> here ✏️ latest chapter >> here

You can also read the story online here: okjohnrich.site ✏️

FAQ under the cut. ⬇️

Peak Cherry Blossom

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Portland, Oregon

x

Shane is a technical strategist. He's playing hockey while also playing 3d chess. He analyzes formations and plays. His strengths are pattern recognition and comprehensive familiarity with the players, coaches, and teams. He can predict their next moves.

Ilya is a psychological strategist. He knows the fans in different cities, how to work the crowd, the atmosphere in the rink. He knows how to get under players' skins, to goad them into mistakes and penalties, to make them second-guess and hesitate. He understands people.

The reason they become so terrifying together is that these are complementary strengths.

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

# ILYA ROZANOV IS A COMEDIAN