man.

So. Smol yap + some headcanons/ theories that hurt me 💖💖

(⚠️ Spoiler Warning ⚠️ ofc)

Ok

The fact that D3rlord3 saw the King in Yellow, gained infinite information about the universe, and survived so long is all well and good (I’m of the belief that he didn’t edit the videos, they censored automatically bc that’s how The King works, and the reveal of D3rlord3’s name was his own influence pushing back, wanting to be known)

But have we considered the thought process there? HAVE we considered what that looks like.

Firstly, Avery got the laptop from a storage unit, which are auctioned off when abandoned (or so I’m told). If he survived, D3rlord3 likely wouldn’t have left the laptop to be found at all. Assuming he died (or just went crazy/ disappeared) his stuff would be put into storage if— if no friends or family came to collect it. If no one came looking.

Meaning D3rlord3 died alone.

In that instant, when he looked at The King— D3rlord3 had to get from ALL OF EVERYTHING to specifically AVERY. I’m of the belief that the information isn’t instant, it’s exponential. Anything you think about spirals into all the information about that thing and you can’t forget any of it. Meaning he survived so long because of his focus on one thing.

Probably, it started with seeing this has happened before. Hundreds upon thousands of times— so many people were lured in before him. Then comes the sense that he never wants it to happen again. He’s seen it thousands of times, and sees it won’t stop here.

Then his thoughts land on the next person in line.

Avery.

In an instant, he’d know Avery better than Avery knows himself.

With all the knowledge in the universe, he sees a possibility where Avery doesn’t turn left.

He knows it’s possible. So he runs, knowing his own death, knowing he can’t stop it, or what comes after, but knowing exactly what he can do with the minutes he has. The minutes he only has because of Avery. Because of that desperate focus, even as his sense of personhood crumbles… and the one thought, holding the universe at bay:

I have to save him.

For the record, this is coming from an autistic person. I do whole-heartedly believe allistic are the problem here. If only bc they haven’t had to overcompensate and like… “grow as people” to be 0.00001% functional, lmao

anyways— my characters are also largely neurodivergent in one way or another, so… if nothing else, i get to project a little, ok? as a treat. “Oh it’s not realistic that they’d all be disabled” have you SEEN an autistic or ADHD person’s friend group?? Besides, neurotypicals certainly aren’t writing us, at least not often, and rarely intentionally. I’m helping balance the character statistics. It’s more realistic now. You’re welcome.

—

If you want to build a foundational sense of self, don’t look to categorize people into boxes. Labels can be important tools, but they cannot be an identity. True self-validation grows naturally when you pay your happy and mundane moments the same attention as the negatives, and hold them all equal.

Catch yourself in the act of existing. When you make a seemingly minute choice— spotting a moth on the floor of a building’s hallway, and going over to see if it’s alive, capture it, and bring it to a window, for example— notice. Observe, do not confront. Then step back, look away from yourself, and pan through all of the things someone else might’ve done. Not as a question of morality. Simply to see how your instincts are not a default. They are patterns that, over time, weave together into the complete self. Each thread strengthens for being observed. For observing, you can direct the bigger picture.

That moth on the floor? When you get closer, you realize it’s there because someone slapped it off the wall some time ago. Days, probably. You can only wonder at the near infinite possible reasons. You might not even understand yours.