The Life Of Speech

“I was gonna copy yours”

Pearl necklaces are indicative of polish and refinement, without being distractingly shiny. One is probably sufficient for a local, but layer at least three for an invitational and consider as many as five for a tournament you had to qualify for. This shows your dominance as a competitor.

Colored suits reflect the wearer’s political beliefs, so choose carefully! White tells your fellow competitors that you have been writing in ‘Rand Paul’ for every election since 1996. Any blue lighter than navy means ‘I don’t really understand the ideology behind anarchocapitalism, but it’s a really cool-sounding word.’ Red means ‘I think Nixon had some pretty good ideas’. Any other color generally refers to the wearer’s position on whether sanctions against Russian oligarchs are effective or counterproductive. Specifics depend on your circuit, so don’t be afraid to ask.

Heels are a great choice - particularly the buskin, a platform boot the use of which in tragic roles in Greek dramas gives the wearer both a historical conversation piece and a centimeter or two of extra height!

Hair should be worn in a style that is as distracting as possible. Pyrotechnics are recommended, though inexperienced competitors should have an extinguisher on hand for safety.

Makeup is ultimately a matter of personal preference, but to gain an edge, consider painting triangles beneath your eyes in a style drawn from the classic mime. This sets the expectation that your performance will be silent, thus allowing you to startle and disorient the competition when you begin to speak.

Hierarchy in most debate events can be judged from a distance by the number of imperfections in a debater’s hose. These are indicative of the experience level of the debater in question. Longer runs mean greater victories. Consider this when selecting a pair.

Macklemore.

Colorful ties wrapped around the wrists bring a great deal of emphasis to hand gestures, particularly if the ends are left to flutter. This is particularly useful in a dramatic piece, but emphasis may help to make a point during a heated debate.