i chose this breed of paralysis

lately i’ve been replacing my “i’m sorry”s with “thank you”s, like instead of “sorry i’m late” i’ll say “thanks for waiting for me”, or instead of “sorry for being such a mess” i’ll say “thank you for loving me and caring about me unconditionally” and it’s not only shifted the way i think and feel about myself but also improved my relationships with others who now get to receive my gratitude instead of my negativity

This is some 2017 mood

Wait. Somebody post the screenshot of where she blocked him for this though.

Not all heroes wear capes

i cant wait to be a piece of shit w/ a bachelors degree

if my son cheats on his girlfriend ima smack the shit out of him and send the girl a sephora giftcard.

a safe puff

i mostly need sleep right after i wake up

i’m not saying i need validation to live i’m just saying that if my heart was flatlining and the doctor started telling me how great i was instead of trying to revive me my ass would be conscious within ten seconds 

😂😂😂😂

*points at ur bulge* is this seat taken

Girls are so bold that’s such a turn on

im a guy

Oops lol no thank you

I never offered to give you anything