the la informant.

a very st. paddy’s recap.

Hello, lovelies. I’m here - I know, I’m sure you’ve missed me, and you’ve all been dying to know what I had my eye on during the St. Paddy’s day event. Sure - you think you’ve heard it all, seen it all, found it all on the dark webs of the internet. Buckle in just in case. We all know I’m good at my job.

Let’s begin with Ross H. When he wasn’t planting kisses on everyone’s favorite whiskey princess Saoirse M, he was carrying Bay B. into the sea, and looking incredibly thrilled with it. Could our favorite shark be thinking about settling down with the blondie? Or is it the redhead? I can’t be too sure. As straightlaced as he normally seems to be, a week spent partying for Jake R.’s birthday - complete with Snapchat filters - seems to have left him a little messier than usual. Not that we mind. The tattoo artist in question spent the day drinking with Bay - is the daring trio going to become a foursome? We’ll have to see if Saoirse approves. The Irish firecracker drank the day away with everyone, including Charlotte B., and pranced about snagging drinks from leprechauns and bartenders alike, showing everyone just how the Irish party, and putting mere mortals to shame.

When Vala G. wasn’t drinking with the redheaded bartender, she was spending her time letting sticky fingers do the talking, and walking, with someone else’s wallet. A grin on her lips and a drink in her hand, she was spotted flirting with all of the ladies - and who can really blame her? Tasha T. was looking absolutely scrumptious in a barely there bikini making friends with a certain shady blonde - Irina K. When Irina wasn’t plotting with Vala, she was making friends with fellow mystery Elle. I think everyone should do themselves a favor and keep a hold of their valuables when the three of them get going, or they’ll disappear without a trace.

Annabel M. entertained herself with a drunken spin around the go-kart track, in between dancing on Vala, with none other than baseball hottie Owen D. They somehow managed to not knock the place to the ground, and they looked awful cute while doing it. Owen spent the rest of his day taking shots with Ji Nee P. and lounging in the sun before he let Elle give him a sand makeover. Way to make the rounds, O.

Ji Nee P. started a veritable trend with her request for body shots, and none other than Reese D. was seen getting a little close. Arkin T.’s lone day in the sun was spent in the same manner - at least at first. I heard that there was a little tiff between he and Ji Nee at some point during the day. Before or after he was seen doing Sofie M. in a not so private place? I guess exhibitionism hasn’t totally been squashed. Kitty D. was the last, but certainly not the least of the girls A was spotted with, who showed extreme dedication to the breasts she was putting on him. Who cares if they were sand?

Catching what I hope included S and A in the throes of passion was none other than baby girl Fallon R. She looked quite cuddly with Bryce B. and Clem G. I can’t pick who I want her with more - can you? I could use a break from B’s normal “harem” of girls - or so they were called by Kitty D. who found herself in the hot seat with Lacey A., and Vala G.  I thought 2018 was all about girl power. Shame. Evie L. added her name to the list with a speech on body shaming before she went off to blow off steam by getting tipsy with Tasha T.

Kitty D. managed to save the rest of the day showing off her rapping skills to Owen D. and sunbathing with Reese D. There’s nothing looking at a pretty boy can’t fix. Smart thinking, K. Reese was also seen tossing Elle into the waves like she didn’t weigh a thing - could you toss a girl into bed as easily, R? Asking for a friend.

Everyone’s favorite sibling duo was spotted well on their way to getting a little drunk, with Bryce B. undoubtedly trying to drink off the uncomfortable tension that came from his conversation with Vala. Does B know that Bay B. was spotted talking to the same brunette? I guess blood isn’t always thicker than water. When he wasn’t drinking with B or running off into the sunset with F, Bryce was plotting a well calculated drink throw with Chloe L. The blonde bombshell was seen lecturing Anthony S. on proper dress and being rescued from the paps by Ji Nee P. A looker and a superhero? Lucky us.

Speaking of superheroes, Vasily A. was spotted looking as uncomfortable and out of place as one possibly can while he had a terribly awkward conversation with Vala G. I’m both surprised and offended he didn’t seek out dear, sweet F. He could’ve used some sunshine in his life. The awkward conversations didn’t stop there, with Jesse A. looking like he stuck his foot directly into his mouth with Evie L. Blame the heat, J.