A Diary Of Lockdown

Deja vu but the good kind... I hope

We’re allowed out again. Covid infections are getting lower and there are fewer people in hospital with the virus. Cue non-essential shops re-opening, pubs and restaurants serving food and drink (outside only mind you) and everyone going to the hairdresser (well, if you can get an appointment).

We’ve been here before. Last summer when restrictions started to ease. It was a bit scary. The caution and hesitation at feeling joy and taking advantage of our freedoms again. Is it safe, should we do that, or go there?

In any case, if anyone needed an excuse or a push, it’s been a helluva week for (some of) society to open up. The weather has been sunny and just about warm enough, which, for me, means it’s been difficult to let caution get in the way of those feelings like the one where you could burst with excitement at seeing someone you haven’t seen in months and months.

And deja vu it may be, but this time there’s the vaccine in the picture, which looks like it’s already having a positive impact on infection rate as well as how sick people get. And free tests that can be done at home, giving us a little bit more confidence before we go out somewhere or meet someone.

So yeah, it’s time to emerge... again... albeit tentatively, but perhaps this time with less false hope and a way through to the other side.

Get me to the hairdresser

This week in Wales the hairdressers are opening. I’m so envious. Look at these roots! And I won’t even talk about my greys. I’m tempted to cross the border... although I won’t because it’s not allowed (I still struggle with this, even a year on - it’s illegal to go to Wales, illegal!) and it’s also a six hour round trip.

Dinner out, in.

There are pastimes like making banana bread and gathering for zoom quizzes that have been a part and parcel of lockdown, in a way like if you haven’t done them yet, you haven’t ‘done’ lockdown properly. So quizzes, tick. Jigsaw, tick. Wash make-up brushes, tick. Buy gym equipment for home, tick. Do home improvement, tick(ish). Livestream a gig, tick. My other half and I have even done karaoke in our living room. Banana bread... not yet... lockdown failed?

But a nice one to tick off is a restaurant meal delivery. It’s been a lovely way to support the hospitality industry while it’s been closed. So last Friday we had this (pictured) incredible meal from Indian restaurant Gunpowder in London. With dinner delivered all prepared in boxes, all we had to do was set the table, light candles and open a bottle of wine.

The food was undoubtedly special. The crunchy croquettes, the heady spices on the lamb, the lush sauces and seasonings on the veg, the rich and gooey brownie with the fragrant cardamom custard - god I’ve missed restaurant food.

It’s funny though, because while everyone knows food is only part of the restaurant experience, it’s starkly apparent when you’re trying to recreate the atmosphere at home. Relaxing isn’t easy when you’re constantly telling the cat off for jumping on the table and having to wash up at the end of the meal.

I wouldn’t hesitate to order another at-home restaurant dinner, but I can’t bring myself to think it’s any sort of substitute for the real thing. Yes the flavours are beautiful and yes it’s good to support our hospitality industry. But I can’t wait to experience real eating out again - which means more than food because it’s also about dressing up, people-watching, ordering more than you can eat, drinking at the bar while you wait for your table, music, the clatter of cutlery, the sleepy journey home.

This time last year...

Like everyone I’m yearning for a holiday. Every year, up until 2021 anyway, I make a point of taking a week off or going on a mini break roundabout now. It’s because winter feels slow, long and dark, especially following the joys of Christmas. It seems like a smart thing to do schedule an early holiday rather than wallow.

So about this time in a ‘normal’ year you’d find me on the slopes. It’s my ultimate escape. There’s no need for screens when you spend all day up and down mountains; there’s a valid excuse for plenty of calories; chatter about work is replaced by chatter about the conditions of the snow; and the feeling of warm sun and clear skies above with soft snow underfoot is unbeatable.

Sigh. It’s when these nostalgically cosy memories settle into my daydreams that I find it so hard to compute that holidays abroad are illegal right now. Yes, illegal. The mind will boggle in years to come - until we remind ourselves that yes, this virus was that serious.

So, no snow break for me this year.

But there are glimmers of light. We’re well into the vaccination rollout now (even our parents are jabbed!) and there is tentative talk about how the country will emerge from this lockdown in the next few weeks.

Going back to art school

I’ve started art classes! I needed a positive pursuit to start 2021. Something to get me away from box sets and to help me switch off from work, from the news, when I need to. A reason to focus, be creative, be slow in the moment and above all, for me, to practise patience. I found recently I’ve been willing away time, and as a result it’s going quickly, and it feels wasteful somehow.

Waiting to be able to squeeze our loved ones tight again

This is me and my niece. She’s seven now but I love this picture - it reminds me of simpler times, and touching when touching close relatives wasn’t banned. (Imagine that sentence this time last year!)

Like millions of people up and down the country who haven’t seen their close relatives for months and months, I miss her.

She called me today, completely giddy because she’d just finished reading Harry Potter and she wanted to tell me about her favourite parts.

After a particularly grim week, it was the call I needed. Even if it had me a little teary after the ‘I love you I miss you’ bit.

The fact is, the death toll from this horrid disease is at record levels today. It’s so hard to comprehend. How is it going so badly? After almost a year, why are we not learning from this? Wasn’t it obvious that there would be no way out of this until a vaccine took effect? If so, how has it come to this?

Goodbye 2020, hello 2020 part two

It might be January 2021 but it’s in name only from where I’m sitting, because 2020 has very much taken the start of this year under its covid-riddled wings.

Since last summer, restrictions were eased then tightened, eased then tightened again. But now there’s a new strain of the virus that’s highly contagious and the daily death count is horribly high. Most of the country has had Christmas by Zoom and the nation is about to be locked down once again.

Quite gloomy really.

Time feels suspended, which in a way, isn’t all bad - when things are on hold, they will restart. It’s just right now there’s no jolly hold music, just eerie and unending silence while we wait, and wait.

A new ‘do’ after five months

I’ve got a week off this week and what better way to start than a pamper session at the hairdresser. It’s been five months since my last trip and my barnet was looking like a dry brassy mess.

With time to get a coffee beforehand, I sat and let the visored-up stylist work her magic while I switched off from the world with my book. Utter bliss.

Hello indoors!

This weekend the gyms and pools opened! So happy to be on a treadmill again and box using an actual bag instead of thin air. There’s a lot of care being taken to keep equipment clean and classes small - it’s a luxury really, being so taken care of. And rather than it feel clinical and intimidating, it felt like the new year, lots of determined vibes, and instead of everyone sweating off all the mince pies, it was the covid calories.

It’s been four months since lockdown and life is starting to feel a bit more normal. Well, it is and it isn’t. Mandatory masks is the most visible change, which is definitely not a normal we’re used to. But most activities are back on the cards if you’re ok with the risk. The thing is that the subtle changes to life and the fear of the virus means we’ve fundamentally changed the way we choose what we do, and at the moment, for me, life is still a bit narrow. Not commuting plays a big part - not trying new restaurants, not seeing a movie after work, not having impromptu drinks with colleagues, not booking gigs, it feels like overnight the world got smaller.

Mood when the sun’s gone

Isn’t it typical (that’s if we can refer to anything as typical these days) that when we are finally allowed to venture out and pubs open their gardens, it rains and the temperatures plummet?

I didn’t fully embrace the wide open doors of the various venues that chose to let punters in last weekend. Rather than being put off by the weather it just felt too soon. Who could predict how busy places would be, how rowdy with drinkers, passing covid round with the bowls of nuts?

I mean, it wasn’t like that at all. By all accounts, aside from a small minority of revellers for whom alcohol got in the way of social distancing, most places were still shut and those that were open had limited capacity. Nonetheless, we’ve made it this far through lockdown, and in the spirit of risk assessment, another couple of weeks before we venture to a pub garden won’t hurt.

Breakfast outdoors, 1 million : breakfast al desko, nil

It was 25 degrees by 9am today. Having breakfast outside to celebrate gave me small but palpable holiday feels, even though I only had a few minutes before I headed back indoors and switched on the computer. Instead of feeling blue about the fact I was not beachside somewhere far away, those few sunny minutes with my coffee and eggs were actually enough to get my energy levels up far higher than they’d been if I’d have had breakfast al desko.

Taking it step-by-step is easier when it’s this sunny

I’ve maxed out the sunshine today. It’s been a scorching day and one I happen to have had as a random day’s leave, so decided to really make the most of it by being outside for pretty much the whole day - breakfast outside, yoga outside, reading, eating, drinking, walking... I’ve even picked up some colour (ok, a shade hovering between pink and mildly tan) on my arms.

Tentatively, with masks on, we even went to our local shopping centre today (where I got this cheery beach towel). It felt a bit scary, then bizarre, and then admittedly quite exhilarating. Isn’t that ridiculous? It’s been months since we’ve been into a shop for no particular reason. It was nice. Even fun. And they did everything to make people comfortable - hand sanitiser at entrances (it was only March when no one could get hold of this stuff now it’s everywhere), fewer items and aisles, one-way systems for walking. It was quiet today; I don’t know how I’ll feel when it gets busier.

Bubbling up

The past couple of weeks have been pretty special. The relaxed rules means we’ve been able to have friends over in the garden or head to theirs. It’s meant I’ve seen my bestie twice, and I cannot tell you how lovely that’s been.

Last week, the rules relaxed enough to allow families to form support bubbles. It means anyone living alone can bubble-up (oh the lockdown lexicon - terms we never knew we needed until now) with another household and stay over. My mum is in a bubble with my sister, which meant my sister and niece could come down to stay at hers this weekend - and I could nip over and see all of them! We had a long walk in the woods and drinks in the garden. Blissful.

It’s funny how before lockdown, we were always looking for something more fun or different to do, and now, it’s the simple things like walks in the woods and conversation in the garden that are actually all anyone wants.

For me, not being able to be in people’s company has meant two things - I’ve really had to concentrate hard on filling my time with things I’ve known would be good for my mental health (which has been exhausting at times, hasn’t always worked, and I’m thankful every day for the fact I’m still working), and second, my poor husband has had to take the brunt of my neediness for interaction (which he’s, mostly, indulged and I’m grateful for him).

Craving the buttery goodness of a meal out

This might look like a nice dish of steak and chips but I can attest that no matter how much I try, I cannot replicate the taste of an evening meal out - at an actual restaurant.

Because dinner out is more than just a stick of butter added to the pan (I mean, butter makes everything taste better); it’s ambiance, it’s not having to cook, it’s being waited on, it’s people-watching, it’s having choices, it’s so many things. And I’m craving the experience.

The good news is that I may only need wait another month, maybe less. From 4 July, restaurants are able to open - albeit with social distancing rules in place. My husband and I are owed an anniversary celebration so I’ve already started searching out places a car journey away with menus full of treats and good wine.

Excitingly, also, from 4 July, I’ll be able to book a hair appointment! It’ll be a fight to get one and I don’t know how much I’ll enjoy the clinical setting I’ll encounter, but I’m ready for it.

This is it, series finale

When lockdown began we started to watch The Sopranos because - well because of lockdown, Sky had a bargain on boxsets. I thought long haul viewing like this would take us to the end of lockdown, not knowing even when that would be.

Tonight at last we’re on the series finale.

Nature is reliably beautiful when human life gets a bit ugly

This is our rose plant. We inherited it from our home’s previous owners, and last year had to prune it right back just to rescue it. Well imagine our joy when it bloomed as big and bright as this, and with two more buds alongside it about to pop open.

The past week (for future me reading this, it’s the first week of June 2020, and it won’t be hard to remember why this week mattered) has been tumultuous and sad and ugly in many ways. Many in power have shown their ugly colours, and many people have raised their voices to question why things are. And this week has seen my family experience its own sadness too.

Time to burn some corona calories

I’d like to think I’ve been active over the past few months, getting out for runs or doing workouts in the kitchen, but I’ve absolutely not been watching what I eat. And while exercise is good for fitness it doesn’t level out the impact of eating chocolate (and the rest) every day when it comes to the weighing scales.