So, since this ask was also about the difference between Ann Walker and Mariana when it comes to express their love for Anne Lister, and since @iswearfealtytolexa told me that she was the one to send the ask and that she would like my take on Marianna and how/if she loved Anne, Iâve decided to articulate a bit more on the subject.
I didnât want to ruin the love radiating from that post đ so I condensed my thoughts about Mariana in the notes of my reply:
#Mariana uses the I love you as an excuse to say hurtful things #sheâs always like #youâll never marry youâll never find someone who will commit to you #I say these things because I love you #Oh Anne how embarrassed I am to be seen with you #but I endure it because I love you #and Iâm like #no bitch #youâre just saying hurtful mean sad things #sHUT up
Those are basically my thoughts in a nutshell. Now, let me explain.
I think that the different way in which Mariana and Ann Walker express their love is not only a matter of characterization, it doesnât only help us to see how different they are, but it is also one of the details that helps us feel how much history there is between Mariana and Anne.
Every time Mariana says that she loves Anne, every time she says âI love youâ, her âI love youâ is always linked to something else or used as A. an excuse to say harsh truths to Anne â âI tell you these things because I care about you, because I love you.â [1x01] â or B. a way of comparing her love to Ann Walkerâs love, with the intent to highlight that her love (Marianaâs) is better or greater. AL: âWell, good heavens, Iâm surprised you ever bothered with me at all if that was the case.â â ML: âBecause I loved you. I still love you, more than your Miss Walker ever would have done.â [1x07]
I think that Mariana loves Anne. She does. I just think that she loves her not in the way Anne wants/needs to be loved. Mariana argues that she loves Anne âmore thanâ her âMiss Walkerâ. I personally think that love is like a switch, either you feel it or you donât, loving someone âmore thanâ is not the point, the point is loving them ârightâ.
The fact that Mariana doesnât say âI love youâ just to say it, but she uses it when âitâs neededâ to make a point (âI love you more thanâŠâ, âI love you despiteâŠâ) says a lot about their relationship. They are at a stage where the âI love youâ, on its own, is not enough. âI love youâ is not enough to leave Charles, âI love youâ is not enough to go and live at Shibden. And so Mariana has to prove her love in some other way: âof course I love you, my honesty proves it.â; âitâs clear that I love you because, despite your looks and your attitude that make me feel ashamed and embarrassed, Iâm still here.â At the same time, her âI love youâ is quite manipulative: she always says it right after having said some very hurtful things, making Anne sad and miserable. The âI love youâ that comes right after temporarily soothes Anneâs wound, the wound that Mariana re-opened just seconds before. With Mariana and Anne we are watching always the same scene, we are hearing always the same âI love youâ.
On the contrary every âI love youâ Ann Walker says is a little different, and itâs different because she becomes more and more aware of the meaning and the implications of her feelings as the series progresses. Starting from the one she blurts out because sheâs experiencing a strong sexual and romantic desire, every new âI love youâ is said more firmly, more consciously, till the one on the hilltop where Ann is totally aware of her feelings and desires.
I particularly like this line: âIâve been so in love with you. I always have been, ever since the first time I saw you when I was 18, younger! I think the first time I ever saw you I was 14 and then I knew then, I just knewâŠâ I love how Ann Walker doesnât even know how to explain or properly express her love for Anne, but she just knew. Ann Walker never says âIâm doing this because I love youâ, âIâm saying this because I love youâ, and she never does because (contrary to Mariana) she doesnât feel the need to prove herself. All the other things (what people say, what people think, etc.) have nothing to do with her love for Anne Lister. Her love doesnât depend on anything other than herself and her feelings. Ann Walker doesnât feel the need to enrich her âI love youâ with something else, her âI love youâ is enough, as it should be. She doesnât have to convince Anne Lister of her love.
Anne Lister doesnât need (and doesnât want) someone who loves her despite all the things she is, she just wants someone who loves her. And thatâs what Ann Walker does. Ann Walker doesnât love Anne despite or because of what she is or isnât. Ann Walker just loves her, period.
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