Atramento

No need to apologize, I made this blog to help people with the glorious history of my life as well as the Iliad. Thisquestion certainly took a turn in the last sentence that I wasn’t expecting, and Iactually laughed! Job well done. Those are perfect words. Achilles and Patroklos were definitely each other’smain hos. Ride or die bros and hos. Truly #goals as the kids on the instagramsay. I think.

If you’re wondering aboutromantic love, I personally can’t think of anything more romantic to say tosomeone than, “I wish everyone else was dead sothat we two alone could stride from the carnage to conquer a city together!” I mean, what a great idea for a date. Though perhaps I’m not the best authority on romantic love… 

For your readingpleasure:

αἲ γὰρΖεῦ τε πάτερ καὶ Ἀθηναίη καὶ Ἄπολλονμήτέ τις οὖν Τρώων θάνατον φύγοι ὅσσοι ἔασι, μήτέ τις Ἀργείων, νῶϊν δ’ ἐκδῦμεν ὄλεθρον, ὄφρ’ οἶοι Τροίης ἱερὰ κρήδεμνα λύωμεν.

“Father Zeus, Athene andApollo, if only not one of all the Trojans could escape destruction, notone of the Argives, but you and I could emerge from the slaughter sothat we two alone could break Troy’s hallowed coronal.”

(Iliad 16.97-100 trans. Lattimore)

I also think the fact that other people thought Achilles was at risk of killing himself when he heard of Patroklos’ death is indicative of pretty strong feelings:

“On the other side Antilochos mourned with him, letting the tears fall, and held the hands of Achilleus as he grieved in his proud heart, fearing Achilleus might cut his throat with the iron.” (18.32-34)

In Achilles’ own words:

“But what pleasure is this to me, since my dear companion has perished, Patroklos, whom I loved beyond all other companions, as well as my own life.” (18.80-83)

Achilles certainly doesn’t feel like that just for people he has sex with, as is evidenced with how he talks about poor Briseis after Patroklos’ death:

“I wish Artemis had killed her beside the ships with an arrow on that day when I destroyed Lyrnessos and took her.” (19.59-60)

And then Achilles and Patroklos were buried together. That’s literally ride or die.

“Therefore, let one single vessel, the golden two-handled urn the lady your mother gave you, hold both our ashes.” (23.91-92)

I visited their tomb and ran a naked race around it, no big deal or anything. I’m a chill fanboy, alright?

I’d also advise you to read Plato’s Symposium, as he talks on Eros and there’s a section in Phaedrus’ speech about Achilles and Patroklos’ love for each other. He is also of the firm opinion that Achilles bottomed and goes on a little tangent about that. Good times.

…whereas Achilles, son of Thetis, they honored and sent to his place in the Isles of the Blest, because having learnt from his mother that he would die as surely as he slew Hector, but if he slew him not, would return home and end his days an aged man, he bravely chose to go and rescue his lover Patroclus, avenged him, and sought death not merely in his behalf but in haste to be joined with him whom death had taken. For this the gods so highly admired him that they gave him distinguished honor, since he set so great a value on his lover.

(Plato, Symposium 179e-180a trans. Fowler)

Of course I love Hephaistion! I mean, I tried to have him deified. As the kids say, “That’s love, bitch.”

No second-hand historical account can begin to capture my feelings for Hephaistion, but here’s some information from the ancient sources, as I’m fond of providing citations for you all (you’re welcome):

“[Alexander] had loved Hephaestion most of the group of Friends who were thought to have been high in his affections, and after his death showed him superlative honour. In his lifetime, he had preferred him to all…” (Diodorus 17.114.1)

“Even in Alexander’s case, Hephaistion’s death had been no small calamity, and I believe he would rather have been the first to go than live to suffer that pain, like Achilles, who surely would rather have died before Patroklos than have lived to avenge his death.” (Arrian 7.17)

“Alexander’s grief at this loss knew no bounds. […] Upon a tomb and obsequies for his friend, and upon their embellishments, he purposed to spend ten thousand talents, and wished that the ingenuity and novelty of the construction should surpass the expense.” (Plutarch 72.3-5)

“About this time [Alexander] wrote a letter to Cleomenes, an official with a bad criminal record in Egypt. In so far as this letter showed [Alexander’s] love for Hephaistion, a love which persisted even beyond the grave, I can find no fault with it; but there were other things in it which, I think, were highly reprehensible. The letter contained instructions for the erection of a shrine in Hephaistion’s honour in the city of Alexandria, and another on the island of Pharos, where the lighthouse is, both to be of great size and built regardless of expense. Cleomenes was to see to it that the shrines were named after Hephaistion and that all mercantile contracts should bear his name. (Arrian 7.23)

Well it certainly has persisted beyond the grave! I’m hilarious, but I digress.

Hephaistion felt the same:

As a matter of fact, Hephaestion enjoyed so much power and freedom of speech based on this friendship that when Olympias was estranged from him because of jealousy and wrote sharp criticisms and threats against him in her letters, he felt strong enough to answer her reproachfully and ended his letter as follows: “Stop quarrelling with us and do not be angry or menacing. If you persist, we shall not be much disturbed. You know that Alexander means more to us than anything.” (Diodorus 17.114.3)

Though for some reason, I think your question refers not solely to my love for Hephaistion, but to whether we were “practicing our sarissa skills with each other at night,” if you know what I mean.

Let me rephrase your question for you:

“O Alexander the Greatest, Alexandros ho Aniketos, King of Kings, Lord of the Two Lands, Better King of Macedonia Than Your Dad, best historical figure and way more badass than that loser crybaby Caesar– joy to you! I know Hephaistion was a brilliant military leader, kicked ass with his command of the Companion Cavalry, and did a bang-up job of being your second-in-command. I’m a big fan of his work in India. Damn, what a man. During your life, you emphasized the similarities in your relationship to Achilles and Patroklos yourself, and I was wondering if your friendship included eros as well as philos. You of course don’t have to answer if that’s too personal, though, since I’d certainly hate people prying into my sex life! You’re the greatest!!! :) <3 <3 <3″

^As you can see, I don’t send myself fan mail since it would be … obvious.

So was Hephaistion “bridging my Indus,” so to speak? Well, you know, he literally bridged the Indus for me (Arrian 5.4), but anyway…

Spoiler alert: It’s not stated outright in the ancient sources. Curtius tiptoes around the issue, and he has an obvious boner for Hephaistion in his work, which amuses me. I mean, don’t we all?

If you’re desperately curious about if Hephaistion “sailed my fleet” or “fortified my city,” I’d advise you to read the ancient sources on my life and use your best judgement. I mean, would it be possible that I had a sexual relationship with a man who was the friend I loved above all others and was also documented as being exceptionally attractive? The man whose relationship to myself I directly compared to Achilles and Patroklos, who I attempted to have deified, and whose corpse I had to be dragged off of.

Take an educated guess.

“Therefore he received the envoys of the Sacae courteously and gave them Euxenippus to accompany them; he was still very young and a favourite of the king because of his youthful beauty, but although in handsome appearance he was equal to Hephaestion, he was not his match in a charm which was indeed not manly.” (Curtius Rufus, VII.ix.19) This is maybe a bit more than tiptoeing in my book lol.

“The word for charm in the original Latin is lepore, which is the same word for a hare (in the ablative case). A hare was a traditional gift from the lover to the beloved. This subtle piece of innuendo is probably the closest any of our ancient sources comes to insinuating that Hephaestion might have been the active partner in the relationship.”

Artist: @aarual_mdl on Insta

“The shops and colonnades of the city agorá, or market, swarmed with a vivid, reeking confusion of human flesh haggling fran-tically, boasting loudly, arguing politics, or huddling in intense conversation. Alexandros slipped past country farmers goading balking donkeys burdened with produce like improbable hedgehogs. Fishwives called out their husbands' catches, and vendors spilled into avenues, each bellowing the superiority of his wares.

Bobbing up on his toes, Alexandros looked about. In the northwest wing, bright colors beckoned, and he elbowed his way through to where an unexpected pair of Persikoi merchants had set up a dazzling display of high-priced rugs and fragrant spices, sharp perfumes and fine cashmere.” —Dancing with the Lion by Jeanne Reames

The scene continues with a description of the hot summer heat, which I keenly felt today in 95 degree Fahrenheit (35 Celsius):

“The morning was already white and drunk with the summer heat that made men tor-pid. Pella's western wall bordered the meandering river that emptied into Loudias Lake.

To the north stood Mount Paiko, green with oak, beech, and silver pine, while south around the lake lay a reedy marsh. When he climbed up to the palace roof, he could see all the way to the Thermaikos Gulf, banded with river silt in blues and browns and yellows. It would be dotted now with fishing boats and great merchant galleys. On the far southwest horizon, mighty Olympos rose straight up just a few miles inland from the coast.”

And it all leads up with a meet-cute with Hephaistion in the palace!

“He turned to wave ... and promptly collided with somebody coming down the corri-dor. Their combined momentum spun them into a wall. "Oimoi!" the boy said, rubbing a shoulder. "Turn an eye to where your feet are taking you!" Disentangling himself, Alexandros looked up, saw who he'd collided with, and flushed so hot he thought his blood was boiling. Hephaistion.”

In this novel, Hephaistion is a huge “horse girl”, as was Alexander, and here he is, with his horse (left), and Alexander (right)

Hephaistion: I have this headache that comes and goes.

Krateros, coming by: Yo.

this isn't finished yet, i just want to see if tumblr will let me upload it.

i have truly no idea where the limits of the censorship are.

OKAN YALABIK AS PARGALI IBRAHIM PASHA

↳ Voted Suleiman's Side Hoe Supreme [62%]

'look at me'

I wish there was more of this part of the story, this chapter makes me so warm and fuzzy, I'm so glad it has an art now!

Artist credit: @aarual_mdl

As my answer to this is pretty much the sum of my published work on Hephaistion, that might be a bit much for a Tumblr reply. Ha. It's Peter Green who said a variation on that, btw (and Plutarch supposedly quoting Alexander). Green called Hephaistion, "Tall, handsome, spoilt, spiteful, overbearing, and fundamentally stupid" (p. 465, U. Cal ed., 1991 reprint), and more or less jump-started my dissertation. (Waldemar Heckel would agree with Green, btw.)

You can find my articles on academia.edu

As for the Hephaistion-Krateros quarrel in particular (and Alexander's supposed retort telling Hephaistion he was rash and foolish), I just submitted a paper which should be out with Karanos some time next year/late this year (?), called "Cyclops vs. Wolverine: Hephaistion and Krateros, Plutarch, and Swords." It's the elaborated-on version of what I gave at the big international ATG conference here in Omaha last fall (September 2024).

The abstract might interest you (and others)....

Abstract: The tale of Hephaistion and Krateros pulling swords on each other in India, recorded only by Plutarch, may not be a real event but an anecdotal illustration of Alexander’s new Persianizing policies versus traditional Macedonian resistance, embodied by Hephaistion for the former, and Krateros for the latter. If tension between the two marshals was probable enough, as suggested by the Philalexandros-Philobasileus comparative, a physical confrontation was most likely invented by Plutarch for literary ends.

My current monograph on Hephaistion and Krateros (although I made zill headway on it this summer for a variety of reasons connected to the next ATG conference in Barcelona February 2026, and university duties) also deals with Hephaistion's reputation in more detail, and his quarrels with both Krateros and Eumenes.