The Icebreak Report

We all know that spring is the season for renewal, rebirth and new beginnings. But whether you have been in a relationship for twenty minutes or twenty years, all relationships need rejuvenated from time to time. Here are five tips to help you keep things fresh and interesting as you embark on the road of love together. Remember, we may not always know where life will take us, but we can continually learn more about ourselves, and each other, as we travel. (And aren’t the people we love and care about make our experience here on earth all the more worthwhile, anyway?)

Tip One: Reinvent Your Time Together

It can be tough to keep things exciting when you begin to get into that “relationship routine.” But now that everything is beginning to blossom around you, why not take your relationship out of hibernation, too? Try one new activity a week together. You don’t have to break the bank to do this. Go to the park and read a book together. Take a picnic to your city’s overlook and enjoy the view with some seasonal fruit and sparkling wine. Think outside the box when it comes to fun date ideas.

Tip Two: Re-prioritize Your Relationship

I know we are all very busy with work, school, family obligations, children, friendships, etc. Often times, we take our romantic relationships for granted.  If you want your relationship to last, learn to set aside special time for it every day (at least 15 minutes to reconnect). Keep things hot by showing your appreciation for one another.

Tip Three: Spice Things Up Sexually

Ruts can happen both in and outside of the bedroom. But now that the winter thaw has begun, “de-winterize” your sex life, as well. Take sex out of the bedroom and try being more affectionate in public, for instance, to spice things up. Next time you are out, whisper something naughty in your partner’s ear that you just can’t wait to do with them when you get home. In fact, don’t make it a priority to get home so fast....so have some fun now that the weather is warming up!

Tip Four: Be Spontaneous!

If you aren’t taking chances in life, can you really say you live life to the fullest? Play hooky from work one beautiful day together, and do something silly. Take a long drive to the next city or to a beautiful rural location on the outskirts of your city. Plan a trip to somewhere exotic and book it! Whatever you can do within your means, make it count. Life is too short to always play by the rules. Plus, the adrenaline rush will get both your hearts racing!

Tip Five: Make Love More Often

I know that I said to spice things up sexually in tip #3, but I think making love more often is a tip that can stand alone. Now that spring has sprung, take your sex life up a notch. You get the idea. Be romantic. Be kinky. Be sweet,  just be any of those things more often. The more times we connect with our lover intimately, the greater the connection grows. Sexually active relationships are secure relationships, so increase your probability of relationship success by having more play time.

-Natalie Bencivenga, LSW

Relationships. We all have them. Whether it be friendships, work relationships, familial relationships or romantic ones, everyone feels pulled in a million different directions on a daily basis. Case in point, I witnessed two women over lunch (yes, I was eavesdropping) discussing how they can’t seem to find time for their significant others.  They had so much going on with school, work, kids, family, friends, etc., that their partners took take a backseat. The one friend even joked that she needs to start scheduling time for sex. The “I’ll get to that later” attitude is easy to use as an excuse for why you may not be feeling quite so in the mood for love. De-stressing is the first step to reclaiming your love life. When you are stressed, it is easy to become overwhelmed and disillusioned by the idea of spending time with your partner. Just by practicing deep breathing, daily meditation, or yoga can all help to calm your nerves and clear your mind. Re-organization can also help to put your life back in order, allowing you to reclaim “lost time” to put towards your romantic life that was otherwise being used inefficiently. Buy a daily planner, utilize the scheduling programs on your phone or computer and help get your love life back on track. Creating a sense of routine will eliminate a lot of the fears and worries you may have about being never having “enough time” for your relationship. Ask for help. Perhaps you really just need an hour to breathe, an hour to reconnect with yourself. Doing so can help to put things back into perspective and allow you to focus your energies on what needs to be done so that you can free time up for fun things, like a Saturday night date.

Learn to say NO.  Learning to say “no” is the first step to understanding that you are a human, not a super hero, that everyone has limits, and that it is okay to say, “I wish I could do that for you, but right now I just don’t have the time.” Enjoy the moment. Relish in your time with the person you are dating. There is nothing wrong with sitting around and doing nothing together. Remember, love and romance are meaningful and fun aspects of living. Being with your partner doesn't need to be a chore. Life is for experiencing, enjoying and loving. Why put yourself in a situation where you can’t stop and smell the roses?

-Natalie Bencivenga, LSW

It’s the Little Things That Matter Doesn’t it feel great to come home to a clean house? How about to a home-cooked meal? Who doesn’t love it when they get in the car to find the gas tank has already been filled up, or someone remembered to pick up bread on the way home?

Thoughtfulness goes a long way, and appreciating your partner keeps the fire burning bright.

Every time you do something small for your lover, something mundane, something that will make them have to work a little less, you are building a stronger foundation. In return, your lover may start to notice all the nice things you are doing and thereby reciprocate. ‘Just Because’ Gifts Leave your partner little love notes or a special card that you thought they may love. Sometimes, as a relationship matures and grows, we forget the beginning stages of love and how enjoyable it is to be ‘courted’.  This is not gender specific, so indulge one another when you can. Open and Honest Communication It isn’t about “talking about your feelings” for hours and hours. This is about being open to discussing anything and everything; from being honest about where you are in the relationship, to knowing that you are both evolving creatures of the universe who deserve to be loved. Remember, there is always something positive to focus on, even in the midst of chaos. Choose to talk it out.

Absence DOES Make the Heart Grow Fonder When in a relationship, it is easy to get into a rut where you are doing everything together, not necessarily because you want to, but because you become unintentionally co-dependent. It is important to nurture other relationships in your life, so that when you are with your lover, you truly appreciate one another and the time you have together. It’s important to have friends and a life outside of each other. Spend time with family, enjoy alone time, and you will find yourself refreshed and reenergized for your partner. Keeping Romance Alive Everyone has reasons not to be intimate with their partners. You’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re overworked, you’re overwhelmed, you’re bored... Whatever the excuse, you have to start carving out time.  By reconnecting, reaffirming and reestablishing your physical connection with one another, you will find your relationship bloom before you. Besides, why else are we here if not to love?

While marriage inevitably has ups and downs, it’s better to discuss these hot-button topics before you head down the road that leads to “happily ever after.” Here are the roadblocks to remove prior to the party: 1. Family. Sounds warm and fuzzy at first, but the topic of children, in-laws, where to spend holidays, how many children you want, dealing with extended family, putting up with that crazy uncle... it all can add up to relationship troubles. Do you both want kids? How many? If he wants a baseball team and you’re content with one, that could be a problem. What if you love his mother but he detests yours? These issues may seem trivial, but you need to iron out the potential deal-breakers before the big day. Children can be wonderful (if you both want them), family can be fun to be with (if everyone gets along) and knowing how to handle each situation as it comes takes patience, humility, a sense of humor and sometimes, an acceptance of the things one cannot change. Like a bitchy mother-in-law.      2. Sex. Sounds crazy, right? Why would a couple fight about sex?  If he is vanilla and you’re rocky road, you may bore of him before the garter comes off. He wants it twice a week, you’re happy with twice a month, guess what? Nobody will end up happy. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. If one or both of you are having issues in the bedroom, they will spill over into other parts of the relationship. Fidelity is always a component, as well. Are you both in this for the long haul or is this “until someone better comes along”? Keeping your partner satisfied while keeping yourself satisfied is a tall order to fill, especially in the long term. The key to happiness in the bedroom is open communication, an open mind and a sense of humor. Sometimes, it will be ridiculous. Sometimes, it will be intense, and sometimes it will be for five minutes. That’s okay. Find a rhythm and go with it.     But, never use sex as a weapon and “never, ever”, as my grandma would say “go to bed angry. It doesn’t work. Kiss him on the cheek, even if you are still upset. It will melt both your hearts a little.” 3. Money, honey. If he is marrying you because he has all the money and you seem ok with that, but then down the road it leads to control issues, then that is a problem. If you make a lot more than he does and it upsets the balance in the relationship because his ego gets in the way, then that’s a problem. If you don’t have enough money to survive on and one or both of you are becoming agitated and resentful towards the other, then that’s a problem. In this economy, what if someone loses their job? What if someone gets fired or quits out of frustration?          Money can create a sense of false expectations. Feeling that your life should be heading in a certain direction, or expecting things to come naturally and easily all of the time can cause a rift if and when money doesn’t magically cure all of your problems. Communicate about your needs, but understand that you are a team. Both of you deserve respect no matter how much money either of you are bringing into the home, assuming you are both giving either time, money or energy into the relationship, into the family, and into the home you are creating. It’s all about give and take. 4. Career. It’s 2014. Before getting married, it’s best to sit down and discuss where each of you see your professional lives heading and how your marriage will work into that equation.

Do you both travel a lot for work? Do you both work, come home, and then work some more on your laptops? Have you established time everyday where work is off limits? Who does what at home to divide up the domestic chores? These may seem like nagging questions, but if you don’t acknowledge that the relationship is a third player in your lives, then you will crumble as a unit. There’s you, your partner, and your relationship. All three must be nurtured for it to survive. Your home should be a sanctuary, so make sure that you put your relationship first when you walk in that door at night. 5. Religion and Culture. Two atheists marrying each other probably won’t create tensions in this department, but an atheist and a devout Muslim may cause some serious tensions. What if one of you wants to raise your children Catholic (like you were raised) but your partner (a Baptist) won’t be satisfied unless they grow up in that faith? How do you remedy your differences and come together in peace and harmony?         The first thing you need to do is recognize that diversity gives you strength. We see it all the time in nature, the healthiest of all are the heterozygotes. Acknowledge that you both understand that it isn’t always necessary to agree on everything in order to have a satisfying and long-lasting marriage. The religious or political differences can show your families and future children that tolerance and mutual respect are the true values of society.             By exposing your family to a multitude of cultures, political views, and religious or spiritual beliefs, you can have more interesting, more honest, and more complex conversations about the world, about life, and how love can expand and create bridges where there weren’t any. Whatever your issues may be with your partner, it is always good to remember what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Was it there sense of humor? There good natured spirit or their passion? Recalling why you thought you can’t live without them in the first place will help you put your differences in perspective and keep you focused on what is really important. Each other.    Relationships can be hard, but they can also be incredibly rewarding. Building a life with someone you love is challenging, exciting and downright exhausting, at times. Here are some great ideas to help you become the kind of partner that you have always wanted to have. Remember, in order to receive, one must be willing to give.

Previously in the ‘Resync Your Romance’ series, TheIceBreak Report discussed what our users find most attractive about their partners and suggested tips for improved communication.  In this, the third, post of the series, TheIceBreak Report breaks down the top five things our users, people in relationships, like to hear most from their partners.  

TheIcebreak helps couples make the most of their relationship by increasing understanding, excitement, and connection in their relationships.  Our platform encourages better communication in relationships by prompting our users to share something new with their partner every day.

The data set for this IceBreak Report includes over 1250 user responses

760 Females

497 Males

675 are in a dating relationship

352 are married

160 are currently engaged

70 are in a Domestic Partnership

TheIceBreak asked our users what they loved hearing most from their partner and we broke down their responses below, ranked in order of overall user percentage.

Below is the user response breakdown comparison between male and female users and the overall user responses.  

#1 I Love You

Those three little words.

This response was popular among all our users with little difference between relationship type, however users in the 25-32 and 41-60 age groups had the highest response percentage.  Surprisingly, more men than women said this was their favorite thing to hear their partner say.  

Here’s what our users had to say when we asked how hearing those three little words makes them feel:

“I still get goosebumps every time I hear her say ‘I love you’, I absolutely love it”. - Male, 32, Married

“I love it when he tells me he loves me, I instantly feel safe”. - Female, 49, Married

“I love it when my wife tells me she loves me, it’s better than food, drug or hobby.  It’s the best thing in the world”. - Male, 29, Married

  #2 Compliments and Encouragement

Anything to boost the ego.

Many of our female users said they liked to be complimented on their looks especially as they age, their parental abilities, and to be encouraged, especially during rough patches.  While our male users said they generally liked hearing anything that boosts their egos, such as appreciation from their partner about their ability to provide for their family and their sexual abilities.  Users in both, dating relationships and domestic partnerships, placed high value on being complimented and encouraged by their partner.  

What our users said:

“I love when she tells me that she’s proud of me. And when tells me I’m kind and thoughtful”.              - Female, 40, Domestic Partnership

“I love it when she tells me she’s proud of me and that she appreciates me.  Especially on payday, I know it’s not about the money, but she always thanks me for ‘bringing home the bacon’ and providing for our family.  I like hearing her say it”.  - Male, 42, Married

“I love when he tells me I’m good mother and I’m doing a great job”.  - Female, 28, Dating

  #3 Action Based Comments

Actions speak louder than words!

According to a good number of our female users, hearing their partner tell them that they have a surprise or gift for them was one of their favorite things.  They noted they also really like it when their partner suggests they plan a trip or special date activity together.  Whereas many of our male users told us that they love it when their partner tells them they have made dinner or cooked up a special treat.  One type of action based response was a clear favorite for our users in dating and engaged relationships, as they said they love it when their partner makes forward looking statements regarding their future, like proposing or getting married.   

What our users said:

“I love when he tells me he can’t wait to start our life together”.  - Female, 26, Engaged

“When she asks ‘what I can do to make you happy? Should I make pancakes?’”. - Male, 32, Dating

  #4 Anything Related to Sex

Talking dirty, initiating sex, flirting texts…you get the picture.

No surprise that men strongly favor hearing something sexual from their partner, but what might surprise you is that the highest majority of these responses came from our users who are married.

What our users said:

“I know this sounds like a dog, but I love it when she looks at me and tells me the kids are asleep, she usually follows it up with ‘Wanna go upstairs?’ I know that means the game is ON!”  - Male, 35, Married

“I love hearing him… you know… climax”. - Female, 28, Married

“Anything sexual.  I instantly perk up and get excited with she brings up anything with our sex life, I like that she’s very interested in talking about it”.  - Male, 29, Married

  #5 Statements of Loyalty

Hearing that you’re the only one for them.

Both genders stated that they liked hearing that their partner will never leave them or that they are the perfect match.  Women, moreso than men, voiced their desired to be reassured by their partner with statements of loyalty and faithfulness.  This response type was highest among our engaged users and 18-24 user age group.  

What our users said:

“When he tells me ‘I don’t see anything past you’”. - Female, 22, Engaged

In the first post of our Resync Your Romance Summer series, TheIceBreak Report uncovered what our users found most attractive about their partners.  In this, the second post of the series, TheIceBreak Report discusses how to strengthen your relationship and enhance communication with your partner with these two simple actions: talking and listening.

TheIceBreak, an app and website for couples, encourages people in romantic relationships to share something new with their partner every day.  The mission of TheIceBreak is to help couples make the most of their relationship by increasing excitement, connection and understanding between partners.  

The data set for this IceBreak Report includes over 1,000 user responses

667 are female

384 are male

546 are in dating relationships, 52% overall

325 are married, 31% overall

129 are engaged, 12% overall

51 are in domestic partnerships, 5% overall  

Communication is vital for any healthy relationship, however communication is more than just talking.  Healthy communication consists of both talking and listening. TheIceBreak learned that unfortunately even the most engaging conversations can sometimes fall on deaf ears, as many of our users expressed frustration when we asked if their partner listens to them.  Yet even when their partners are listening, our users stated that it can be difficult to keep their attention.  One small way to get and and hold your partner’s attention is to remind your partner what you like about them.  Everyone enjoys being complimented and our users have admitted that telling their partners what qualities they like about them is an area in their relationship that needs work.  

Data from our user responses show that throughout the duration of any relationship, the amount of effort and energy put into the relationship tends to be inconsistent.  User response data indicates that 60% of users who are currently engaged, consistently tell their partner what they like about them, compared to 27% of users who are married.  This makes it important to be more conscientious about the well being of your partner and the overall status of your relationship, no matter the stage of type of your relationship.

TheIceBreak Tip #1: When talking to your partner, use your communication to encourage and uplift your partner.  By doing so you’re helping to strengthen your relationship and break down their defenses.  Tell your partner what you like about them and tell them often! Consistency is key.  If you are genuinely supportive and complementary each time you communicate with your partner, it will become easier to keep and maintain their attention during conversations.  An affectionate tone, at a normal volume, paired with compliments and adoration makes it difficult for even the most stubborn listeners to ignore.    

What Our Users Say About The Importance of  Telling Your Partner What You Like About Them

“I try to tell him pretty frequently but I’m never sure if he’s listening.”  - Female, 33 Engaged

“I like to tell her every chance I get. Sometimes when I say I love you; she will ask me why; and I'll go down a laundry list of all the different reasons.  Just a quirky thing we do.” --  Male, 22, Dating

“Yes, I tell my husband often! Men need to hear it as much as women do!”  - Female, 32, Married

“I do, but this site definitely helps me do it more often.” -  Male, 42, Engaged

The amount of energy our users put into their relationships wasn’t the only inconsistency we found; our users told us that their partner’s listening habits are also very inconsistent.  Users in dating relationships reported the highest percentage of partners who do listen, 35%.  Alternatively, users in Domestic Partnerships reported the highest percentage of partners who do not listen, 15%.

What Our Users Say About Their Partner’s Listening Habits

“He listens only if I have his full undivided attention, meaning no iPad or TV.” - Female, 39, Married

“She listens if what I have to say takes less than 30 seconds.” - Male, 22 Dating

“My boyfriend only listens if the topic is related to sex.” - Female, 21, Dating

“My wife usually listens to me but then she gets tired of listening to me and starts Facebooking.  I hate Facebook.” -- Male, 35, Married

According to our users, things like tech devices (iPhone, iPads, laptops, etc), social networking sites or watching sports on TV are constant competitors for their partners listening attention.  Other users noted that they often have to raise their voice to get their attention or that their partner only begins to listen once they notice he or she is upset or angry.

Life is busy and it can be difficult to remember or appreciate some of the qualities that originally attracted you to your partner and vice versa.  So, in the introductory post of the “Resync Your Romance” summer blog series, the IceBreak Report asked 400 couples the following question: “What are 3 qualities that attracted you to your partner?”

TheIcebreak  helps couples make the most of their relationship by increasing understanding, excitement, and connection in their relationships. Our app and Web site encourages better communication between partners on and off the site.

The data set for this Icebreak Report includes responses from 800 individuals in relationships; 240 of whom are married, 60 are currently engaged, 460 are in a dating relationship and 40 users identified as being in a domestic partnership. 

Here is what our users said:

Top 10 Qualities That Attracted Men to Their Partners

Appearance (includes: body, face, specific body part, the way they smell, their style)

Intelligence

Nice (includes: caring and kind)

Other  

Smile  

Overall Personality

Ambition (includes: drive to succeed and independent nature)

Sense of Humor

Fun   

Confident  -  5% tied with Sound of Their Voice/Laughter

Our male users unashamedly admitted that their partner’s appearance may have initially caught their eye.  However, dispelling the stereotype “men are only attracted to looks not brains,” many of our male users stated that their partner’s intellect and personality ultimately made the men fall in love with them.  

Top Ten Qualities That Attracted Women to their Partners

Intelligence

Sense of Humor   

Charming and Confident Personality

Specific Body Quality (like eyes or smile, etc)   

Sweet Natured (includes: being caring having a big heart)

Good Listener (includes: being easy to talk to, open and honest)

Physical Appearance (including the way they smell, tattoos, personal style etc)

Fun

Loving  

Attentive 

Marilyn Monroe once said “if you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything”, our female users, overwhelmingly attracted to their partners’ sense of humor and intelligence, supported this quotation.  Additionally, they struck down the cliché “nice guys finish last,” as nearly half of their responses referenced qualities often associated with being a “nice” guy.

As a whole, our female users gave more detailed responses, often citing a specific action or event associated with the attraction.

In contrast, our male users gave more general responses.  Yet when it came to singling out their partner’s favorite body parts, men were more specific than women.  Lastly, men responded with a wider variety of attractive characteristics resulting in a higher percentage of ‘other’ qualities than women.

Some notable responses from The Icebreak Users

“When I first met her she was looking very sexy in these awesome yoga pants while eating hot wings, so that was very appealing.  But I soon found out we both had a passion for art,” -- Male, 28, Dating

“His reckless abandon in pursuit of me; he was BRAVE,” -- Female, 39, Married

“She was someone that had as much to offer me as I did her,” -- Male, 27, Married

“His adventurous spirit did it for me!  Most people we know don't like to travel as much as we do and aren't as adventurous. I definitely saw him as an "out of the box thinker" from the beginning and loved it,” -- Female, 29, Dating

“She’s just so bloody cool; like Hendrix & Lennon jamming to the background of a discourse between Einstein, Feynman, Gandalf and Yoda on the meaning of life while having a beer, cool,” -- Male, 23, Dating

“I love the relationship he has with his mother, he’s so good to her!” Female, 26, Dating

As part of the TheIcebreak’s mission to increase understanding and connection with couples, we  are excited to announce that TheIceBreak Report will have a summer theme: Resync Your Romance.   This will be a special series of blog posts dedicated to helping couples to stay hot and rekindle the romance this summer. We’ll highlight what real couples think and do to reconnect with their partners, giving you some tips on how to (re)appreciate the unique qualities about each other that first grabbed your attention.

Look out for the first Resync Your Romance post coming soon!

In our last post, TheIcebreak revealed that the majority of couples would choose romance over sex when given the choice. That left us wondering, just what are a few good ways to be romantic with your partner? To find out, we crowdsourced romantic tips and tricks from three hundred people who know best -- couples in relationships, and we asked them what’s the best way to keep romance alive every day.

Below are 6 recurring themes that came up for keeping the romance alive. Start trying them in your relationship today!

   #1 Say It - Communicate

Communication is at the heart of any relationship. Communication is tricky because it’s not about how much you say, but instead about how you say it and whether each person hears the other person’s perspective. It’s important to be empathetic for what your partner is saying and to not be too judgemental. Try telling each other how you feel instead of how you think. For example, “I feel frustrated that we haven’t had a vacation together in years” instead of  “We never go on vacation together.”

“Remind me that you’re thinking of me. Send me a sweet text message or leave me a message on Facebook” -- Female, 26, Dating

“The best way to keep the romance alive is by letting your partner know how amazing they are everyday  and how they spark new life inside of you.”  -- Male, 27, Dating  

Tip: Avoid over heating. Heated discussions can often turn into blame games. Cool down a bit and bring up the topic when you’ve cooled down.

  #2 Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Get creative!

Big or small, it doesn’t matter...it’s really just about doing something at all. Surprise your partner with something kind and unexpected, and they’ll feel special. This really helps to spice up what might have been an otherwise mundane day, and lets your partner know that you’ve been thinking about them.

“Kiss me in the rain, plan a getaway!  Pamper me! Do these things & I’ll do anything in return.” -- Female, 19, Married

Tip: Leave a love note or a post-it in the house or play their favorite song in the car.

  #3 Get Physical

Maybe it’s snuggling up while watching the news or holding hands in the car...whatever the way, staying physically connected makes you feel good. That’s why it’s no surprise that both men and women agree that getting physical is a good way to keep the spark alive. When two people lovingly touch, endorphins are released that make you feel good, connected, and can even give you a buzz.  So cuddle more, kiss more, and have more sex.

“It's the little things like sweet kisses before getting up in the morning” -- Female, 54, Married

“A little kissing touching and intimacy every day is the best way to keep romance alive!” -- Male, 43, Married

Tip: Don’t forget that a woman’s biggest sex organ is her brain. Pay attention to the body and the mind.

  #4 Stop Taking Your Partner For Granted

In the early days of a relationship, you’re still exploring each other and completely focused on one another. But as the days wear on, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness and routines of everyday life. Don’t let your relationship take the backseat.  Bring back that loving feeling by consciously making a little bit of effort each day to focus just on your partner’s needs.

“Act like  you did when you first started dating. Never stop trying to ‘woo’ them”  -- Male, 36, Married

Tip: Cook their favorite meal or watch their favorite program on tv together.

  #5 Give

Who says that you can’t buy happiness? Everyone loves gifts, especially if it comes from someone you love. Give your partner gifts -- big, small, expensive, or free...it doesn’t matter, it’s the thought and uniqueness that counts. Our couples suggested everything from sending flowers just because it’s Tuesday to wearing a gift in the form of lingerie.

“Showering her with gifts shows her I love her as actions speak louder than words. However dinner is just dinner, you have to make those gifts unique”  -- Male, 27, Dating

Tip: Don't have a lot of money to splurge on something fancy for your partner? Bake or cook them something instead. Food is a good way to the heart.

  #6 Put a Date on It - Schedule Time Together

It’s amazing what happens when you disconnect from the outside world and just concentrate on each other. Make a conscious effort to carve out a little fun time for yourselves away from distractions. Designate a recurring date or time in your schedules to just enjoy each other...alone. Our couples stressed the importance of taking a break from the world together, especially when children and opposite schedules are involved.

“Find a sitter, take me to dinner and then dancing to remind ourselves what it’s like to be young & in love.” -- Female, 26, Married

Tip:  Share babysitting nights or weekends with other couples to make it easier to find time for yourself.   

If you had to choose between Sex or Romance, which one would it be? 

The Icebreak asked couples if they had to choose between romance or sex, which would it be?

After combing through over 600 responses, a clear majority of our users choose romance.  

Women were more vocal than men about connecting romance to sex, insisting that the ideal romance included sex.  They stated that romance was linked to intimacy, which changed the way sex was viewed in the relationship.  Women often referred to it as making love rather than simply sex.  

A few notable responses from women in relationships included: 

“Sex would be pointless without romance.  Got to soften the butter when u slowly heat the pan”  (Our favorite)

 “Romance; since it'd be making love, not having sex." 

“Romance leads to more sex” (Guys, take note) 

“Romance; I don't want to simply make love, I want to make love last. “

   Men who explained their responses generally stated that sex is cheap, easy to come by and usually readily available, which they explained wasn’t true about romance.

“Definitely romance!! Sex is just an item on the menu while romance is the whole meal” (Another food reference!)

“Sex without romance is meaningless”

“Definitely romance. I mean I love sex with my wife. But I love how girly and bashful she gets when I do something sweet, to light up that spark that reminds her of what our love really is.” 

"Romance; you can have sex with anyone."

Overall a higher percentage of women chose romance over sex.  However an equal percentage of both men and women responded ‘both’ to the question.  Lastly, more women than men included a comment about the present lack of romance in their relationship when responding to the question. These comments makes us very curious about how couples are trying to maintain the romance in their relationships, stay tuned to find out!  

Since many of a couple’s happiest memories come from shared new experiences -- especially trips and vacations – we at theicebreak asked our users: “Where would you like to go on vacation with your partner?” (Each person could tell us more than one destination, so answers total more than 100% of users.)

While the top places (Europe, North America) and types of vacations (tropical/beach holidays) weren’t a surprise to us here at theicebreak, we did not expect the gap we saw between men and women who answered “Anywhere”-- i.e., that it didn’t matter where they went as long as they were with their partner.

Women said “Anywhere” 25%-30% of the time at every age; see the green bars below.

Men start out saying “Anywhere” 24% of the time when 18-24 years old, but this decreases with age. By 41+ years old, only 9% of men say they’re happy to go anywhere with their partner.

It seems men are much more specific on where they want to vacation than women, especially as they get older. Whatever your gender, keep this in mind while vacation planning!

To give you an idea of the diversity of answers received, from the very specific to the very general, here are examples of very specific ideas from our users, a few of which we’d never heard before. (Each example was given by less than 1% of users.)

‘The Wizarding World of Harry Potter’ in Orlando

Ukulele night in London

Burning Man

The Mall of America

The Tour de France

Disney and Atlantis-themed Cruises

A NASCAR Nationwide Race, followed by the Philadelphia Zoo

Vegetarian festivals in NYC

Oktoberfest in Berlin

On the opposite end of the spectrum were many general responses, which were not location-specific. By far, the most popular was any warm ‘Tropical or Beach’ location (38% of women, 35% of men), which explains why the most common word in answers was “beach.”

Additional responses that were not location-specific fell into the ‘Other’ category (19% of women, 17% of men), and included ideas as diverse as jungle safaris, hot air balloon rides, and volunteering abroad. The top three responses in the ‘Other’ category were cruises, cabins, and time in the mountains.

A cabin in the woods was one option, but any way to spend time alone as a couple – no work, no electronics/phones/laptops, and especially no kids – was a frequent theme:

It doesn't really matter [where]. It would just be nice for it to be by ourselves. A few days together with no stress; no kids and no interruptions would be awesome!

Others dreamed of seeing where their beloved grew up and meeting their family, or introducing their partner to their own family:

Columbia; because I know how much it means to him and I know how much he wants me to see his home.

Anywhere he wants to go but I would want to go to Louisiana to let him meet my whole family.

Still others (5% of women, 4% of men) sought an active time outdoors, usually camping. Alternatives included hiking, backpacking, biking, skiing, snowboarding, kayaking, sailing, surfing, scuba diving, and ATV’ing. Though they didn’t mention ice climbing, an adventurous 1% of men (0% of women) want to visit Antarctica, the lowest percentage for any continent as a vacation destination.

So what about the most desirable continent for a vacation, Europe?  Four answers led the list. Starting with the most popular, they were: Italy, France, Europe in general (no country specified), and Greece.

Similarly, four answers were most popular in North America: Hawaii (the breakaway favorite), followed by Florida, New York (mostly for NYC), and California.

Some of our favorite ideas were amongst the least mentioned, though, like:

The moon; in a helicopter preferably.

Cross country zombie killing spree. Our lives depending on each other.

The options are almost infinite! So whatever your next trip together will be – to a hammock on the beach, to the clubs of Ibiza, or to hunt the living dead – don’t forget that theicebreak app travels well and, even if you don’t take your phone with you, will be here when you come home again.

Happy travels!

It’s a new year and lots of happy memories lay ahead! To find out what makes for the best future memories, we asked our users what they remember most fondly about their relationship from the past year. 

Even if women and men don’t always agree on how they met, they are strikingly similar when it comes to their happiest memories together. (Each person could tell us more than one memory, so answers total more than 100% of users.)

Overall, two answers were the most common:

Shared New Experiences (23% of women, 22% of men) From local day trips to trips abroad, new experiences made for cherished memories.  While the vast majority (87%) were out-of-town vacations (Paris, anyone?), you didn’t have to go far. Spending a night outdoors watching shooting stars also counted. Still, make sure your GPS and passport are up-to-date!

Their Partner’s Ongoing Support (22% of women, 21% of men) Feeling loved, supported, and part of a rock-solid relationship was very memorable, especially through tough times, such as changing careers, battling cancer, or the inevitable growing older.

For 18% of women and 21% of men, the early days of new (or rekindled) romances were the most memory-worthy. Some fell in love with their partner for the first time, though at least a fifth of folks in this group were re-connecting and falling in love again after years and/or miles apart. For this 41-year old woman, it was the moment she realized she was in love:

Laying in the hammock in your backyard and realizing I loved you. Truly; deeply; madly; passionately; beyond all reason. And that I couldn't stand to be away from you any longer. Strange that the thing I was so afraid of is what finally set me free...

For 12-14% of people, simple moments were the highlights, whether meals or conversations, being silly and laughing together, just cuddling, or even giving him a pedicure. As one 20-year old woman put it:

Definitely the small moments. We did a lot of big and amazing fun things; but the small moments are where the perfection is. 

Even the mundane can take on special significance with the right partner, as per this 35-year old man:

Any of our drives. Just driving to the store is exciting with her. 

But that doesn’t mean special occasions weren’t noteworthy. Aside from proposals and weddings (best memories for 13%), special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas were in 9% of women’s and 5% of men’s fondest memories. (This was the biggest difference in answers between genders, btw.) Just 6-7% of users mentioned changes in living situation, such as moving in or buying a house.

At the bottom of the list, the least-mentioned memories involved sex or money (only 2-3%), and external milestones outside the relationship, like graduating or getting a new job (1-2%). This is good news: little everyday things we have the most control over contribute more to happy memories than these other "bigger deals."

While gender and relationship status (dating, engaged, domestically partnered or married) made no difference, what was remembered most fondly did change with age.

For women, their partner’s support and commitment grow in importance over time, becoming the most common fond memory for women (35% of them) by the time they’re 41-years old. The next closest answer was new experiences, for 20% of women 41-60. Family time, while not the most popular answer, was most important to women between ages 33-40.

Young men 18-24 years old remember the beginning stages of a relationship most, with 27% citing events like the first time they met their partner, their first date or first kiss as fondest memories (more evidence men are romantic?). Like women, men value a partner’s support and commitment more as they get older, though they remembered new experiences just as often (32% of the time) when 41-years or older.

Holidays mean family time, and for some couples, the stress of meeting potential (or current) in-laws can be a harrowing experience. Others who are welcomed easily into new families find the holidays with their partner's relatives to be a very positive experience. To find out more about couples and their families during the holidays, we asked our users, "Have you spent a holiday with your partner's family? If so, how was it?"

As might be expected, people who were married were more likely to have spent a holiday with a partner's family. However, over half of those in less serious dating relationships had done it as well, showing that meeting the folks was quite a popular holiday activity.

Recurring sentiments that came up to describe the experience included "drinking," "interesting," "boring" and "chaotic" or "hectic." Many people talked about being "accepted" and some compared other families to their own to gauge the experience.  As one man said:

Yes, it's better than reading out of the bible with my family

Or alternatively, one woman responded:

Yes, it's just like spending a holiday with my own family! 

Among those who had not spent a holiday with their partner's family, some specified their actual feelings about the potential experience. Women were far more likely than men to specify they had negative feelings, including dread or nervousness, whereas men were more likely to specify they were looking forward to the experience. 

One woman explained that she hadn't yet met her boyfriend's family because:

No his family hates me :( as much as I tried to get them to like me, they just don't :(

For some, logistics made it difficult. As one man told us:

No, and I don't know when it will be possible. He lives so far away, and I work full time so its hard to get away.

Among those who had spent a holiday with the "other" family, those specifying their feelings about the experience were still overwhelmingly positive compared to those who said it was negative. Married women were the most likely to say the experience with in-laws was negative (14%) and least likely to say it was positive (57%). One woman had quite a lot to say on the subject:

Yes. His moms side doesn't like me since I'm not a perfect size 0 and act like I'm below them. With his dad we start out having a good time but before the night is through there is always an argument and someone gets offended before most everyone passes out from being drunk. 

Dating men were the inverse of married women and were most likely to say it was positive (81%), and least likely to say it was negative (2%). One man in a dating relationship said:

it was phenomenal meeting her relatives and other family who is wicked nice. the best part is seeing my babe and eating dinner with her and her family

Holiday time is upon us and couples everywhere are traveling to visit families.  And with twinkling lights and festive libations flowing, couples may find themselves in the mood even though they are at Uncle Jack's house. Wondering how common is it for couples to sneak some sexytimes while visiting the family, we asked our users, "Have you and your partner ever had a quickie at a relative's house?" 

Overall, men and women were both more likely to have had a quickie at a relative's house than not. The most common were women and men in the 18-24 range (70% and 59% respectively), likely because of the frequency of living and/or visiting parents.

Both men and women in serious relationships were more likely to have had sex at a relative's house than those in dating relationships. In fact, several people commented that they weren't even allowed in the same beds when visiting family. One woman in the 25-32 year old range told us, 

Ha! We still sleep in separate rooms at her parents' house....so I'm sure we'll tackle that once we're married and allowed in the same bed ;) 

Regardless of gender, age, or relationship status, the potential for getting caught was an important consideration in the situation but for many reasons. In the case of one woman, getting caught hindered her ability to enjoy herself:

Yes but I couldn't get into it like I normally do because my mind was focused on being walked in on. 

However, for some people the challenge enhanced their enjoyment. One man said:

Yes we have and it was fun, wild and over all enjoyable even if we had to try our hardest to keep the noise down, which was sexy in it self coming up with ways to keep each others mouths occupied as to not make too much noise.  

Another woman enjoyed it because it reminded her of her past:

Yep. Hot because it felt like I was back in high school and doing something bad.

For those who said they weren't into it, it wasn't always because they were afraid to be risqué, but rather, having family around just wasn't sexy. As one woman said:

That is just weird... we are all about having sex in interesting places but not at family's homes.  Plenty of other options.  :)

And for some people, the issue wasn't a lack of desire, but rather, the result of a lack of privacy:

Yes, and it sucked bc we got caught. :(

Sexy until they found that rubber wrapper

Almost, but the relative in question must have some kind of quickie alarm because she busted it up before we really got started. What a huge rush and big let down that was!

One woman told us that even the relatives were a little put off by it:

Yeah on my moms old couch she actually gave us that couch didn't like the thought of sitting on a couch that we had "sex" on 

Black Friday, named for retailers coming "into the black" with profits, is just one week away and there is no shortage of hype around this holiday for shoppers. USA Today reports on stores opening as early as 8pm on Thanksgiving day to lure buyers away from the turkey and through their doors. In an attempt to create more luxe shopping experiences, some stores are even offering free refreshments and reserved parking, reports the Wall Street Journal. The Washington Post also covered a slew of Black Friday apps based on giving shoppers a leg up on hitting the aisles.

But navigating all of these deals this time of year brings up a common issue between couples: the budget. This week The Better Business Bureau and MSN Money offer several tips on how to stick to a holiday budget. But what do you do if your partner has different spending and saving habits than you do? To see how these budget trends factored into relationships, we asked our users, "Are you a saver or a spender? How about your partner?"

Across the board, with no regard for age or relationship status, men and women were only separated by 1 to 3 points on spending and saving habits related to their partners; in other words, both sexes were relatively even, contrary to popular stereotypes of women as shoppers. 

Both groups were most likely to be in a relationship where they were both spenders, and least likely to be in a relationship where they were both savers. Both men and women were more likely to say that they were a spender with a partner who saved rather than vice versa. 

As women passed the 41-year old mark, they were more likely to be spenders overall, with one woman stating,

Both spenders.. Could die tomorrow... Why not enjoy life to its fullest!!

Women 25 to 32 years old were most likely to be in a relationship with another spender (36%), but as they got older became more likely to be savers. One woman in the 25-32 year old age range addressed the need to start saving more:

We are both spenders. I used to be a saver but idk what happened! We have to start saving up though, we both realize that.

Within that same age range, men were most likely to be spenders, and similar to women, men were also more likely to be savers as they got older.  However, as saver men got older, their likelihood of having a partner who was a spender dramatically increased. 

Based on relationship status, women who were married, engaged or in a domestic partnership were most likely overall to be spenders in a relationship with another spender (36%). Women who were dating were most likely to be spenders in a relationship with saver (31%).

Men who were dating were most likely to be spenders in a relationship with another spender (39%), whereas men in more serious relationships were equally savers or spenders with their opposites. 

Many couples believed that having one spender and one saver meant they balanced each other out. One man explained,

I'm a spender, my wife is the saver. Perfect combo to live happily and one day retire.

Couples who were both savers considered that to be one of the reasons their relationship worked, and couples who were both spenders cited the positive elements of enjoying life, and the negative elements of being broke. As one woman said, 

spender and spender. We're screwed :) 

People in the survey also used colorful language to describe themselves or their partner and some of our favorites included:

"I call my partner uptown"

"a miracle worker"

"cheapskate or belt-tightener"

"Dyed-in-the-wool tightwads both"

This week, People magazine reported on Taylor Lautner, werewolf star of the hit Twilight series and his interview in December's issue of Cosmopolitan.  On the subject of relationships with exes, he told the magazine, 

There's no ex out there who I'm not friends with today [...] and I'm extremely thankful for that.

Curious if the perspective of the 20-year-old superstar was indicative of current overall trends, we asked our users "Do you believe it's OK to be friends with your exes?" and here were their responses.

Overall, with no consideration for age or relationship status, the numbers were relatively consistent for men and women, though women were 6% less likely than men to approve of exes as friends at all. Men were slightly more open to the possibility of friendship (by 4%), and also 3% more open to being friendly or cordial, which was specified as a step down from actual friendship.

The majority of those against the idea were quite passionate about how much they disapproved, with many responses beginning with "HELL NO" and "NOOOOOOOOOOOO." For those who were open to friendship, they specified boundaries such as limited communication or group-only activities. One man set clear limits in his response:

It is ok. But that friendship should not ever infringe on your relationship and it should be transparent to your partner. IE he/she can read your messages or hear your conversations. 

Though overall, most women did not believe it was okay to be friends with an ex, those women who were accepting were often considerably positive: 

Yes. In fact, I'd say the way my husband embraces my past and present relationship with my ex makes me love my marriage more and more.

Both women and men in the 25-32 year old age range were the most likely to say it was okay being friends with a ex. 

For those who said "it depends on the ex," there were several components to what determined a suitable ex-as-friend:

If they had children together

How long they were together

If the ex respected the new partner

If the previous relationship was purely sexual

If there was any possibility of rekindling a spark

How often they made contact

How close or far away they lived

Based on relationship status, women who were married, engaged, or in a domestic partnership were the least accepting of exes as friends (45% said it was not okay), whereas men in dating relationships were most likely to say it was okay (39%).

Many people who wanted to be understanding and trusting also questioned the value of such a friendship. One woman in a domestic partnership stated:

I have mixed feelings on this topic. Trusting my partner is number one but I would be curious to know what my partner would want to gain from keeping in contact with her ex. It's ultimately up to her but it definitely makes me uncomfortable.

And though we aren't quite sure what to make of his response to the question, one man's strategy was quite clear with this simple statement:

I'm gonna "bite my tongue to keep the peace" in our marriage.

After popular party holidays like Halloween, New Year's Eve, or St. Patrick's Day, local Craigslist Missed Connections boards fill with hopeful posts, each a message in a bottle cast into an ocean of potential partners. This Halloween week was no different, and both The Province and Denver Westword shared some of the best missed connections from all over Craigslist.  

These boards where people can anonymously broadcast a meaningful encounter with a stranger are very popular for a lot of reasons. They allow for shy people to get a second chance at a conversation, they can overcome circumstances like subway doors closing too quickly, and they play heavily on the hopes and fears of finding but then missing "The One." In an effort to find out some perspectives on "The One," we asked our users, "Do you believe in "the one," or the "right one at the right time"?"

Across age groups and relationship statuses, both men and women believed in the concept of "The One" by a considerable margin, with women 10% more likely than men. Considering the right timing, with the potential for more than one "One," came in second for women at 19% and third for men at 16%. Second amongst men was "neither" and they were over three times more likely than women (18% to 5% respectively) to say they didn't believe in any concept of The One. 

People who said "neither" cited statistical improbabilities, historical small towns with long-lasting marriages, the reality check of divorce, and even "arrogance" at the idea that there could be only one. 

Broken out by age, women were relatively consistent with the overall numbers, though the 33-40 year age group were the most likely (14%) to not believe at all in the concept of The One. 

One woman who believed it was a little of both answered the following:

Both. I believe you have multiple "ones" and the ones you meet at the wrong time are still special and still change you and you are still in love and will love them forever it just doesn't work. Then when you meet the right one at the right time you can fall in to place.

Broken out by age, men across the board were less likely than women to believe in The One at all, but the most likely age group to believe in the idea were the 25 to 32 year olds.  One man circled around a few perspectives in his response:

I'm not sure. I think believing in the one narrows your search; where as the right one at the right time is kind of this "why not" approach. so neither. I think it takes a lot of time to discover everything about someone and still you'll only be scratching the surface. I'm open minded.

Based on relationship status, women in serious relationships were the most likely to believe in The One (60%), whereas women who were dating were most likely to believe in "right one at right time" (24%). Dating men were least likely to believe in either concept (19%). 

And one of our favorite answers, which was unlike any other response in the survey, was the following:

Neither!!    It's not about having the right spouse, it's all about BEING THE RIGHT SPOUSE, regardless of whether you think you have the right spouse or not. It's about you, not them.