the helium ocean

In the shadow of the looming cloudsI pelt down continuouslyI feel my substance goInto the soil into the rootsUp to their leaves and their flowers I go back to the airAnd come back down againI feed and i nourishI’m the reason you can growI give and i giveBut no one knows my life The cycle over and overTo grow to pour to evaporateI do it again and again and againAnd againButEven among those i…

her secret is her love

maybe she loved too much maybe she loved too hard

the fragility of paper thin glass is no different from that of my heart

but i’m made of naiveté and innocence

soon to be polluted

vanished

as i watched all that i ever believed in shatter

shatter

shatter

shatter

the shards sliced me

seared me

bruised me

into nothing but

fibres

blood

flesh

held together only by the remaining tendons

just like how i held onto you

barely grasping

but only holding on…

a heart like diamond

your eyes

and your lips

they both speak kindness,

kindness and love.

  there’s nothing i’d rather hear,

no lips i’d rather kiss,

no one i’d rather be with.

  i looked at you

and sworn to myself,

‘i will never break this man’s heart,

even if God-forbid, one day we part,

i will never break your heart.’

  i don’t even want to think about

life without you,

even when i’m angry with you,

all i want is…

a boat for two

–

at 5:43am when i wake up from my sleep

these questions run through my mind

is he awake yet?

has he changed yet?

will he see his phone?

is he leaving for work yet?

x

at the studio where i work

  before i casually pick up my machine to tattoo myself

these questions run through my mind

would he like this?

should i get it?

what does he think?

x

at home before i brush my teeth

i look at the green…

the Lord has turned over a new page and started a new chapter,

let’s go

i wish you well, i really do. i hope you continue growing and i hope you live happily. but i won’t be there to see it anymore. i don’t want to see you anymore. i hope you do well wherever you go. i think you knew you could lose me one day but you didn’t care to prevent it. the only thing i have to lose losing you is your toxicity and unnecessary hurt, that sounds like a great deal. and yes, i…

as slowly i was growing

even more beautiful

even stronger and higher

going against all they had ever saw in me

  all that has held me down

i’m sorry i’m

letting you go

i have to take flight

and see the world

  i was soaring into a new season

finally what i’ve always

waited for

it’s now

bye

  are there times where you feel stupid?

not because you hadn’t known what an aglet was or that killer whales were actually dolphins

– but more of, believing in something only to find you were completely wrong all along.

suddenly, everything was not what you thought it was.

that was how i felt about love.

i had thought that i knew what it was, how it felt, how it could be.

all my life hoping for…

i went.

or rather

he will always be the missing man

because he will never be yours

he never sees you

he never notices you

though he sees you

and though he knows you are there

you are never in his eyes

  you realise that this is not what you want

you have always wanted someone to chase you

with flowers with love with kindness

you…

each night i felt like i had touched sorrow and emptiness in the form of ground coffee powder. they stained my fingers and buried themselves underneath my fingernails. sore in my fingers and displeasing to my eyes, they just reminded me of how i’m not enough for you not enough for you not enough for you. each night my eyes water as i step into the reality that i will and can never be her. though…