Livin' life, lovin' you.

A friend of mine got me to thinking tonight… “What makes one a man?” It was strange. Being a Marine, I am surrounded by alot of, “We make men.” and, “Men are macho tough guys.” And there is the conception of age being the judge of who is a man and who is a boy. I, however don’t think so. A man is well rounded. He isn’t necessarily a tough guy. He is conscious of those around him and listens without judgement. He is wise, he is peaceful. A man will stand for his beliefs, and he will stand for his peers. A man need not be something extraordinary. I know quite a few Marines whom are far from what I would consider men. My dear friend gave this quote to think on tonight, “A fool at 40 will remain a fool forever.”

I woke up this morning thinking of people. Thinking of the people I’ve loved. Thinking of the people who loved me. Thinking of the people who have hurt me, and the people who I have hurt. I thought of the people I see everyday and whose friendship I sometimes take for granted. I woke up today wondering if I really was a good person. Do I deserve the friends I know or should I just live in solitude? In solitude I am sheltered from the pain of others and they are sheltered from my own pain. Thinking on the people in my life, I ask which of them give a damn about me as I have for them. Do I lend my hand out too freely? Has my kindness just become a tool for others to use at will, then discard when it doesn’t suit their purposes? I want to make amends with those whom I have angered or hurt. Their discontent with my being makes my soul restless. To those who do not think well of me, I am sorry. I am sorry for my carelessness. I am sorry for not defending you when you were in trouble. I am sorry for not being there when you needed me most. I am sorry for telling you hurtful things. I am sorry. These people in my life are the most important treasures I have. And each new one is another precious jewel. I love and care for them all though it does not always show. To those of whom I know and I have yet to know, I love you and I do not mean to hurt you in anyway.