riot rhythm

We don’t always get it right, but you guys are always there for us.

[BREAKS DOWN YOUR DOOR]

Forgive. Forget. Fake it. Chin up. Wear lipstick, make lists, make sure your voicemail isn’t full. Mix protein shakes, send timely thank you notes, sip drinks more slowly, stare at adults’ eyebrows, smile without dimples, develop perfect posture. Be gracious, be kind, eliminate self-pity. Look in the mirror and shift your internal monologue from ‘How do I look?’ to ‘This is my face,’ from ‘What the hell am I doing?’ to ‘This is my life.’ Capitalize your emails, read the news, walk briskly, stay focused, and never, ever let on that you are somewhat lost and sometimes lonely and so completely confused (and would someone please just let me know what it is I’m supposed to do next, where exactly I’m supposed to go–). Just keep going. Go, and do not stop.

The Rules of Social Anxiety 1. Walk with eyes fixed on the ground They are watching, laughing, judging Walk normal Don’t focus on it too much or you will stumble and be made a fool of 2. Look like you are writing and busy in class avoid being called on you know the answer but what if you stutter or mumble What if they tell you “speak up I can’t hear you” 3. Don’t make a noise hold in that cough that sneeze that breathe people will hear you do not draw attention to yourself like that 4. Spend time every night before you go to bed to think Think about all the embarrassing things you have ever done Everyone remembers, that’s all they remember 5. Never enter a room full of people They all look Why are you here? Why are you alive? 6. Your friends all secretly hate you you know why they didn’t reply to your text you know how they all dread seeing you you are only put up with because of pity 7. Always be scared Scared to sit next to a stranger Scared to see someone you know Scared to eat in front of people Scared to talk on the phone Scared to go to social events Scared to order at a restaurant Scared to talk Scared to have a panic attack Scared to be noticed Always scared but don’t worry, you don’t like people anyway, at least that’s what you say, you’re “antisocial” You don’t even care what they think, people are annoying, that’s what you tell them. You play it off as a joke but really you’re always scared.

One day, he’s going to know. He’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. He’ll know how old you were when you learnt to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. He’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. He’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. He’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. He’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. He’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. He’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. He’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s his favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. He’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. He’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. He’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. He’s going to know how you feel without you telling him, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. He’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? He is still going to love you.

sam pepper is currently unemployed, being blacklisted by other youtubers, being banned from vidcon, has lost tons of followers on all social media accounts, and has a police report filed against him.