⋘ Aulë ⋙

Maglor barely flinched as his cheek was pinched, but his eyes fluttered. He relaxed into Aulë’s chest, soaking up the older man’s body heat, but shivers still coursed through his thin body. He could feel his very bones begin to ache.

As his head was tilted upwards he stared at Aulë blearily, trying to process what he had said. After a few moments he realized what Aulë had meant and hot tears began to fall from his eyes, streaming down his face as his shallow breath caught in his throat. He didn’t want Aulë to make him be sick, he just wanted to go to sleep. The thought of being chemically coerced into vomiting horrified him–he already felt sick, why did Aulë want to make him feel worse?

“Please no” Maglor choked out, pushing himself away from the older man. Sobs wracked his already shaking frame, and his long hair clung to the tear tracks that ran down his face. He coughed again, falling to the floor as strength left him. 

“Aulë! I’m sorry, please don’t…” His vision swam with dizziness and the room swirled around him dramatically.

Aulë allowed Maglor to pull away, but as he began to cough he pulled him back. “Shush,” he soothed, brushing the teen’s hair from his face and wiping his tears from his cheeks. “Maglor look at me,” he whispered, tilting his head up and offering him a strained smile. “There is no need to beg, I will not force you to take.” 

He ran his fingers through Maglor’s dark hair, hoping to soothe him and force him to understand the reasons behind his actions. It was with a heavy heart that he said, “Kana if I cannot help you then I will have to take you to a hospital.”

He swallowed painfully, then opted to scare Maglor as much as possible, hoping that would convince him to see reason. “Do you know how they treat overdoses in a hospital?” He didn’t wait for a reply, continuing, “Given your resistance to treatment I imagine they would restrain you, then feed tubes through your mouth and nose to your stomach in order to drain the contents completely. You would be placed on an oxygen supply and most likely an IV to offset the nutrition you’ve lost. Your family would be called in, as I do not have any medical power over you, and you most likely would be placed on suicide watch or transferred to a drug facility.” 

“I don’t think I can stand…” Maglor murmured, his voice muffled as he spoke from behind his hands. His mind was still mostly blank and although he was nauseous there was nothing currently in his stomach other than the pills that he had taken and the foul charcoal drink. Dropping his hands down to his lap Maglor noted that his fingernails had taken an odd purplish tint. The world spun around him. He really was cold. Maglor could not remember ever having felt so miserable.

The world blurred around him and it took some effort for Maglor to look up at Aulë, the older man seemed strangely far away. Maglor closed his eyes, nearly giving in to the urge to fall asleep…

“Then we can stay here for a time.” Aulë was beginning to fear that Maglor was even worse than he had feared, and his slid his hand into his pocket, feeling the bottle of emetics he had stored there - left over from his attempt to treat his own son - and prayed he would not have to resort to using them. He took ahold of Maglor’s hands and rubbed them gently between his own, pulling him even closer than before until the teen was practically in his lap, trying to get any warmth possible into him. 

“I’ll try” He murmured, his hands were shaking. Still struggling for breath Maglor inhaled before he brought the mixture to his lips, the sweat of his palms leaving drops on the glass. 

The charcoal was putrid. It tasted like cement and had possessed a similar consistency. Halfway through the glass Maglor gagged again, coughing and struggling to swallow. He knew that if he was too sick Aulë would take him to the hospital, and if he was taken to the hospital his whole family would hear about it; his mother, his younger brothers, Maedhros… Maglor bolted the rest of the glass and placed it down beside him before bringing both hands up to cover his mouth.

Maglor curls up as nausea rears its ugly head again, pressing himself as closely to Aulë as he can as if the older man would be able to shield him from the pain that he has inflicted upon himself.

“I want to go to sleep.” He says, tears welling up in his eyes again. “I’m so tired Aulë.”

He said nothing as Maglor downed the drink, only making a soft noise of encouragement when he almost stopped, then patting his back as he finished. “You cannot sleep now, Kana,” he replied, brushing dark hair out of his face and pulling him closer. “Not until we’re gotten more of the drugs out of your system.” 

Once Maglor was coherent he planned to interrogate him as to the source of his drugs, because he knew he had taken all Maglor had in his possession when he moved in. Then he would give him a through talking-to, but until then he kept his emotions relaxed and his face calm, not wanting to give Maglor anything else to panic or worry over. 

For a moment as Aulë stood and walked out of the room Maglor panicked, wondering if Aulë had finally given up on him, if he was walking away and leaving him to his fate. The shame that had been a sharp seed in his chest bloomed through him, and tears welled up in his eyes. He wondered if maybe it would be for the best, if he was alone then he could sleep. Maybe he wouldn’t wake up. 

Maglor could not tell whether he was relieved or disappointed when Aulë returned. He tried to settle upon relieved. 

“What is it?” He asked, struggling to speak through the opiate fog as he looked skeptically at the grayish slurry in a glass that Aulë had brought him. 

“Charcoal,” he explained, brushing soft hair from Maglor’s flushed face. “It will absorb whatever that shit you’ve taken is.” He maneuvered Maglor’s hands so they he was holding the glass of his own accord. “You need to finish that.” A sharp edge slipped into his voice yet again, and though he truly despised having to use it on his the addict, he knew that Maglor was horribly sick and would rather do anything than be admitted to a hospital.  

Maglor leaned into Aulë’s arm tilting his head back and trying to breathe more deeply. He didn’t want to, but Aulë’s presence had sparked a tinge of shame deep in the center of his chest. Maglor recognized that the older man had been very kind to him over the past few weeks and he’d deliberately disobeyed him by sneaking pills. He had been sneaking just enough to lessen the worst effects of withdrawal, but using lightly had lead to an intense craving for more–a craving that Maglor had given in to today. Perhaps he had indulged a bit too much. 

As if to punctuate that thought Maglor turned his head away from Aulë to heave, gagging and choking as his body tried to rid itself of the poison that he had ingested. Maglor coughed and choked for a bit but nothing came up, leaving him shaking and pale-faced.

“Aulë“ He breathed, his voice hoarse “I’m sorry…I fucked up.” 

As Maglor began to choke and splutter he released his grip, patting Maglor’s back with one hand, the other soaking a washcloth with cold water which he patted Maglor’s face with.   

“Hush and mind your language,” he instructed, a stern undertone working its way into his reassuring voice. “There will be time for apologies later.” Maglor’s apology gave him hope, however, it meant that he was not completely taken away by the drugs and that bringing him back would perhaps be less painful than he had feared. The bite disappeared from his voice as he handed Maglor the cloth and hurried from the room saying, “Wait here.” 

Maglor sat curled in the dry shower of the upstairs bathroom, an empty bottle of pills beside him. He was tired. Aulë’s words barely reached him through the heavy haze that clouded his head, dulling his senses and leadening his limbs. He was nauseous, and moving even to look up at the older man seemed like too much effort–In truth breathing was beginning to feel like too much effort. He just wanted to sleep.

“Why are you here?”