Hiya friends. Long time no talk. I'm here now because I need to rant and have no where to go. This is pretty much as close as I can get to shouting into the abyss. I think like 90% of my mutuals are no longer active here, which is a mood. Anyways, let's get into why exactly I am here. I just got home from a very long day of classes. I'm tired. I mustered up the energy to pick up my mother's birthday/mother's day gift and give it to her. She's sweet, thanks me for being so thoughtful, hugs me, y'know the whole shebang. I feel good about my day. I leave to go into my room,,,, and I walked into a god damned nightmare... My mother had thrown used sanitary pads all over my room which did not belong to me. I won't go into graphic details because it's absolutely disgusting. But there isn't one inch of my room that hasn't been violated. I can't sanitize all of this. I don't know what to do. This isn't the first thing like this that she's done. I have countless stories. But I've reached my limit. I can't live like this. If y'all don't know, I'm studying law in order to hopefully maybe be a lawyer one day. We have an assignment to draft our own Wills and I'm highly considering making it my actual Will, getting it witnessed and all that jazz. Then promptly throwing myself into the river next to my house and hoping it kills me. All I've known of life is this, and I've been fighting tooth and nail to get to "the good part." Everyone just says to wait a little longer and my hard work will pay off. Its been years. I dream and dream of what life could be only to be knocked down daily in this abusive household. I frankly don't have the greatest support system. I have very close friends whom I love dearly and they are the only reasons why I'm still here. I don't care about myself any longer, I fight for them. But, when I make it clear that I can't stand it any longer and just need someone, they never pick up the message. I can't blame them, they're busy. Regardless, it would be extremely helpful I could just show up, no questions asked, and spend time with them. I'm going to try and feel better now because it's absolutely vital that I don't miss class tomorrow. Thanks.
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Oh how far I have fallen. I can’t quite remember when the last update was, but i have a feeling no one really reads these. Anyways, I joined a legal program, did great on the first semester. I was proud of my work. I have no idea what happened but this semester is just miserable. I’ve had an awful time, and I have no idea what is going on half the time. No matter how hard I try I receive awful marks. I get moments of “well surely it can’t be that easy”and all my classmates assure me that it is. But when the marks come back I receive such low marks, and the classmates I did the work with achieve much higher marks. I have no clue on how my classmates do it. These past 3 months have been awful and I can’t take it anymore. I was going to drop my classes and try again in the fall, but I’m not eligible apparently to the site. I think my greatest fear about this that I will never return to college. I fear that I will be stuck working a minimum wage job that I hate, rather than finishing my program. Or that I’ll be a let down to my friends and family, I fear I already am. The past few days I’ve just been watching WW1 docus, I don’t know why but anytime I am down I end up watching stuff about WW1. I have no idea why I didn’t go into history; clearly I enjoy it. Hopefully in the next few months I can repair my mental state and return to schooling. Actually, that was one of the reasons I decided to leave tumblr. It really messed up my mental health, I wasn’t doing great and I would spend all of my time here. It didn’t help that my closest mutuals left the site. Anyways I’m going to go die and figure out how to drop out of my classes in the morning.
The fiddle playing southern Albertan hippy was reportedly arrested in Munich for denying the Holocaust.
On the surface Monika Schaefer looks every part the archetypal hippy-dippy Green Party candidate.
However, if you dig a little deeper you’ll find that what exists at her core isn’t just folksy fiddle playin’ and patchouli but also some intense conspiratorial anti-Semitism. This vocal Holocaust denial has netted Schaefer an online following, an Albertan hate crime complaint and, just recently, a reported arrest in Germany for inciting hate.
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I've been reading enemy at the gates right before going to sleep. While it's a good book, it's not necessarily the best to read at night. Leads to insanely stupid paranoia and weird dreams.
“And it [arguing] is at the very heart of my faith, because Judaism is a tradition all of whose canonical texts are anthologies of arguments. In the Bible, Abraham, Moses, Jeremiah, and Job argue with God. The rabbinic literature is an almost endless series of Rabbi X says this and Rabbi Y says that, and when one rabbi had the chance of asking God who was right, God replied, they’re both right. ‘How can they both be right?’ asked the rabbi, to which God’s apocryphal reply was: ‘You’re also right.’ The rabbis called this, ‘argument for the sake of heaven.’
Hi guys, it's been a while. I rarely come on here now mainly because my computer broke and I hate mobile. Anyways, I came to ramble. I got the final grades for my first semester in college. Suffice to say, I didn't do great. I passed all my classes, but I really did bomb my accounting final. I started off great in my classes, and my marks were still doing good near the end. But the last 2 weeks of class I gave up. I was exhausted, I hated most of classes because my program in under the business programs. That means that I had to take the entry level pointless business classes, they are the worst. The first day of my business communications class we played with legos. For an entire 2 hours. Next class we did a physics group project. Not a single student knew the first thing of physics. That entire class could be condensed into a single Google search. Thank god i paid like $350 for that class. I did alright in my law class, but we're supposed to pick a field of law to specify in. I'm not sure what I'd like to go in. Criminal law is always interesting but there aren't many firms here that specify in it. I was thinking that after this program I could take a criminal justice program or bachelors of law enforcement program because I thought with those I could become a criminal profiler. Turns out the only realistic way to become one in Canada is to join the RCMP because there's no academic path to take to become one. So, guess that's not going to happen. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. It's not quite yet where I want it to be, but I doubt it ever will. I really like having photoshoots but can't really make a living with that. Especially with my skill level. I honestly want to move out of this hell house but even when I worked full time I didn't make a livable wage. I work part time while I attend class and it's hell because if I'm not on campus and at my dead end job. Or I could be passed out on my bed. You can see why I gave up right before classes ended. There are days where life is good but there are days like today where everything sucks and I legitimately spend 24 hours sleeping. Anyways, I'll probably come back on here in like 3 months to ramble again. What ever happened to my content, who knows?
To be honest I have no idea where I left off. But, I’m back in school and surprisingly not for history. As much as I love it, the idea of writing research papers gives me anxiety. I’m currently in a law program and its going great! I just applied for a placement in a law firm and hopefully that goes well. My marks are so much higher in post secondary than they were in high school. To be fair, I’m in a college and not a university. But still, I’m quite surprised. Work still sucks, and I’ve still got my eye on that certain someone. Life in general for once is looking up but I still got my bad days. Thanks for the ask!
Hahahah, remember when I said in July that I was going to recap my Trip from April? Well, Life happens.
So, we get to Caen in the early morning. And when I say Caen is the prettiest city I have ever seen I’m not kidding. I saw so in awe of, well, everything. It was so bright and pleasant. I could seriously envision myself living there. Theresa and I got there too early to get to into our Airbnb so we wander around the city and take it in. We go to a store and pick up a lunch and walk to one of the hundreds of Cathedrals. As I ate and stared in awe at the Cathedral we were sitting by, it was so weird to see a place of worship that could possibly be hundreds of years old. Thoughts flew by my head of how privileged the religious population must be to be able to pray in places so old and rich of their history. I kind got very envious and felt left out. We decided to go in and look inside. It was wonderful, like something out of a story book. Theresa slinks off exploring leaving me with all the luggage and suddenly I started feeling very small and awkward. It sort of felt weird to enter a place of worship that I didn’t belong to. It felt as if I was betraying my religion? When I had that exact thought, that’s when a person found me and beckoned me to pray with him. For those who don’t know, I’m Jewish. I made a gesture that hopefully came off as “thank you but I’m fine.” That feeling of betrayal is something I had to deal with for the entirety of the trip from then on.
After that we go to our Airbnb, boy was that a nice place. It even came with free rose and I wasn’t going to say no. Theresa and I decide to get ready a little more since we pretty much look dead. We go out and head out for the day. We find this fort in the middle of downtown Caen that was started and managed by William the Conqueror’s brother? Like, how can you process that.
(that’s the doorway to leave and enter the fort, the photo is showing the exit)
There were so many young people just chilling out there. Taking in the sun and such. Theresa and I were freaking out at how the people weren’t acknowledging the history, but I guess for them it must be normal to be surrounded by it. I wish I was better at taking more photos but I wanted to kind of be in the moment and not ruin it by constantly taking photos. After that we went on a hunt for a specific Cathedral at Theresa’s request. I don’t think we found it? It wasn’t clearly marked so I’m not sure. But, the streets of Caen are beautiful.
(view of Caen from the top of the fort. There were so many Cathedral spires)
(Come on, don’t those look like winding streets you can get lost in?)
(The Flag of Sweden was half mast because it was a few days after an attack on Stockholm, so many attack these days that I almost couldn’t remember why I took a photo of this.)
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I was putting something away because it was slow and I had nothing to do and some 50 year old guy decided to come straight up to me. At first I thought nothing of it and thought he needed help. But then he just bent down and started rubbing my knee? He kept rubbing it and saying “sorry sorry”. There was zero explanation. He also had his daughter with him and she looked like that was a perfectly normal thing to do to a stranger??? I have never been so confused in my life.
Also, when I’m around people who I want to befriend or am interested in; I become very awkward and lose the ability to make coherent sentences.Today I had an argument with a co-worker about his new hair, and man this guy sucks. He can tell that I am interested in him and teases me about it. He sort of makes me flustered because honestly I don’t know what to say. I haven’t made it so obvious that I am interested in him because the last person who did that got called out by him. And let’s just say I don’t want to deal with that. How do I lose this attraction because I’m done with only being attracted to him and only him. It’s clear the attraction isn’t reciprocated and yet that doesn’t make the attraction fade like it normally does?? Also this sucks because of certain situations I’m emotionally unavailable in a sense? Like it would not be a good idea to get in a relationship anytime soon so I’m not letting myself get into one. But I’m hung up on this guy. Please someone make this go away so I can go back to being cold and jaded.
Alright I’m going to tell the story of the first few days I had in France in which I started off in Lens but I realize now I have no photos of Lens. These are of Arras. I’m very bad at taking photos in the moment I forget. Anyways, if you are interested keep reading!
So day one consists of me flying out. I think my first flight was at eight in the morning. I have to take a small flight from my small city to larger one. From there I fly to Montreal. I had a 5 hour layover in Montreal, it sucked. I saw so many flights going to Paris but mine of course had to be 5 hours later. So I sat around in the airport trying to sleep but airports aren’t pleasant. Flying and airports make me feel sick and nothing can really make it better other than just leaving and getting fresh air. On a side note I was kind of freaking out because I only had 4 month validity on my passport, due to not being able to renew it for several reasons. Fast forward to several hours, I have landed in France, made it through security. To be frank, they didn’t even look at my passport they just stamped it and welcomed me into France. I don’t understand how border control was that loose. Anyways, I go to baggage claim and spend I’m not even kidding almost two hours looking for my bag. Now, I’ve never traveled alone so I was supposed to meet up with @littlegoldhorse in the airport, but she landed 6 hours after me. But her whole plane got sequestered due to security reasons? I have no idea honestly. I landed about 9 am Paris time, left Paris about 5 pm. Theresa and I figure out how to get a Train to Lens, we meet up with some of her friends when we get to the Lens SNCF gate. We go to our Airbnb and pretty much pass out.
Next day Theresa and I wake up early and get some breakfast, we go to a nice bakery and pick up some pastries and the classic french baguette.
(side note: the pastries here have nothing on those, they were so good)
We go around and explore Lens, we go to the Louvre Lens which was interesting. We were warned to hold on to our bags inside a museum because there were many pickpocketers. That was very different for me since I live in a very safe place with almost zero pickpockets. Later on we go to Arras for a day trip. Where I had this very delicious thing.
I was told that we were going to a square in Arras, English being my second language I assumed we were going to an art installation of a square of some sort. Later on I had to ask the stupid question “where is the square?” And got met with judging looks and replies. They had to explain what a square is. Arras was filled with I think a hundred on these billboards with small bios of people who fought in WWI and it was interesting. There were people I knew of and others I didn’t. People like Arthur Currie and the Red Baron. The most interesting part of that day was seeing a WWI monument riddled with bullets from WWII. It’s weird to think that city was a major battle in both wars.
Day three we went to the centennial of Vimy Ridge, I did not anticipate how hot it would be in April. We all came back sunburnt. While we were going to Vimy we could see how bumpy the ground was from the constant shelling and how 100 years later the land did not heal.
(this isn’t the best photo but the only one I was able to get you can note that each tree is on it’s own bump. There were some craters so large that if you had fallen in one I don’t think you’d have an easy time getting out)
There were so many people in Vimy I think the official number was around 35,000. There wasn’t any room to move anywhere and it took hours to leave. I think the event ended at 3 or 4 pm and we were able to get out at 9. But while we were there we were surrounded with Canadian patriotism and kindness. This couple offered us sunscreen since we didn’t bring any. There was this teenager who had to be escorted to the med tent since she wasn’t feeling well and them and as well as us were worried about her and her stuff since she had just left it all. Throughout the event they read out the names of I believe every Canadian who had died or been injured and it was incredible to hear the never ending names. I don’t think anyone was listening when Francois Hollande spoke and it wasn’t translated so I don’t think many people knew what he was saying. When people were speaking they didn’t speak in one language and then translate it to the other, they just continued what they were saying in the other language and just switched back and forth. So it’s safe to say I didn’t have the clearest idea of what was being said the whole time since I don’t speak french. At the end of the day some WWI planes flew over and it was incredible to see those things flying. And some jets afterwards.
After several hours of waiting to get out of the event, an announcer getting more and more frustrated with the people not listening to her instructions, and a nice family who shared their food with us we finally made it back to our Airbnb at like 10 pm. Theresa and I only had a few hours to sleep because we had to catch a train to Caen at 4 am. We must have annoyed everyone by loudly dragging our luggage that early.
I was going to save it for an individual post later but, I went to Lens, Caen, Mont st Michel, and Paris. Each place has a story, some good, some bad. I also went to Arras but just for a few hours. Arras was so pretty and it kind of blew my mind seeing a WWI monument with bullet holes from WWII. It kind of made everything feel more real and not so far off. Even three months later I can’t really believe that I was in France. It hasn’t hit me yet.
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Are you on other social medias? For if you ever get locked out of tumblr again.
Oh yeah. I use instagram kind of frequently, not so much anymore I’ve kind of run out of things to post. But you ever want to keep up with me somewhere else I’d recommend that. It’s @thegreat_tale if anyone is wondering.
Post, fair reader, as little or as much as you would like; for tumblr is meant to be a mode of amusement, a way of pleasing oneself and oneself alone. Your blog is a commonplace book, a collection of things that once were gratifying to your eyes or to your mind, things that you found to be humorous or important.
Yet if you would maintain a following, I hypocritically suggest that you take the middle way, neither posting too frequently nor too infrequently; for if you take the first course, you run the risk of annoying those who follow you, and if you take the second, you may be forgotten or buried under the myriad snowflake posts that make up the avalanche of a Tumblr dashboard.
In this as in all things, you must tailor your actions to your desires: do you desire to be popular? then post moderately but with quality. Do you desire only pleasure? then post as the spirit moves you.
