¡𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒆!

Welcome to my personal blog, a space where I share my thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned as an aging millennial. Life has taken me on a unique path, and I find myself pursuing post-graduate studies while also being an active member of the Board of Trustees in my condominium community. Join me as I navigate this ever-changing landscape, discovering joy and valuable lessons along the way.

Funny how a handful of words can take up so much space in your head. They replay on a loop, loud enough to steal sleep and quiet enough to make you question yourself.

What should have been a good day curdled into something else because of a few sentences I can’t seem to shake.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe this one is on me.

But there comes a point when you’re carrying so many disappointments that even a small cut feels fatal. Lately, every new wound seems to find the exact same place where the old ones never really healed.

1999. Mid-school year transfer. I left a place that chewed me up with bullying and landed somewhere new—co-ed, unfamiliar, a little louder, a little harsher. I was behind. Scrambling to catch up. Trying to breathe.

There was this girl—eventually a friend, part of a circle I tried to fit into. At a PTA meeting, she told my mom I wasn’t doing well. Suggested I watch the Knowledge Channel. Translation: I was slow.

Funny how time works.

Fast forward to senior high—same game, different stakes. I finished my modules. On time. Earned it. Quietly. No shortcuts.

Her? Didn’t complete 80% of hers. Still graduated.

Life doesn’t always serve justice clean. But it keeps receipts.

It feels wrong to be in church just to post Bible quotes and verses, yet not truly live out what the Lord intended us to do—which is to be good and to want to do good for others. I don’t like being forced to go to church or being made to feel guilty for not going.

I want my conversations with God to be organic and meaningful. So I pray. I pray every day, every night—not just asking for what I need, but asking Him for guidance and giving thanks for all the good things He has done.

The noise where I live—both the kind you can hear and the kind you can’t—keeps pressing against my skull. The career I want feels like it’s on the other side of some foggy river, and I’ve been standing on the bank for years, waiting for a bridge that never seems to get built.

It’s been a while since I last blogged. Life has been a mix of highs and lows, and I’ve been feeling on and off because of the major things—and failures—that have happened. But despite the sadness, there’s still so much to be thankful for.

I’m grateful for my partner of almost four years now, who has been my constant through it all. I have my mom and sister with me, and I’m surrounded by people who continue to shower me with love and blessings.

For the past five years, I have been battling an invisible enemy that festers in my mind—depression.

From the loss of my dad to the unexpected detours of my plans, and the constant struggle for acceptance and approval from people in my life, it has been a relentless journey.

During the pandemic, I wrote a poem—a reflection of my inner battles—and over the years, I have continued to revise it as my life shifted and my emotions evolved.

I am a survivor of moments where I felt on the brink of losing my mind. Yet, this year has brought another wave of sadness and failure, testing me once more.

Today, I share this poem as a form of release and as a reminder to myself and anyone else struggling: never give up. There are people who love and support us, even if we don’t always feel it. Ending my life would only leave them with pain—a burden I wouldn’t want anyone to bear.

Hey everyone! It feels so good to be writing here again. Honestly, it’s been way too long since my last blog post, and I’ve missed this little space. A lot has happened over the past several months (or has it been longer than that?), and life has been, well, *busy* to say the least.

The biggest change? I made a major career move! I can’t even begin to describe how much this decision has impacted me—both personally and professionally. It wasn’t easy at first, but I’m finally in a place where I feel like I’m doing something that aligns with my goals and values. And, more importantly, something that brings me genuine satisfaction. I’ll probably write more about that in a future post because there’s so much to unpack there.

Alongside that, I’ve been spending more time with my family. After everything, I realized how important it is to slow down and just *be present*. You know how life can feel like a constant rush? I was definitely caught in that cycle for a while, but now I’m making a conscious effort to savor the little moments with the people I love.

With the holidays coming up, I’ve finally found a bit of space to breathe and relax. It feels like the first time in forever that I’ve been able to pause and enjoy the season without feeling overwhelmed. I’m planning to use this time to recharge, reflect, and, of course, get back into blogging!

So, I’m excited to share more about what’s been happening in my world and reconnect with all of you. Thanks for sticking around, and I can’t wait to dive back into this journey with you all.

This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions for me, and I find myself grappling with feelings of hate and anger swirling in my heart.

The first blow came from someone I considered a friend, who unexpectedly dragged me into a pointless argument in our community chat group. I stood my ground, expressed my discontent, and promptly severed ties by blocking them. It's disheartening when someone you trust betrays that trust so callously.

The second hit came closer to home, as tensions flared between my mom and me in another chat group. Her request for me to refrain from expressing my frustrations felt unjust, especially considering her own penchant for airing grievances in the same forum.

In moments like these, it's natural to seek someone or something to blame. Sometimes, unfairly, that blame falls on those closest to us. I've found myself resenting my mom for seemingly entangling me in the trivial affairs of our condo community, fostering a sense of frustration that only adds fuel to the fire of anger burning inside me.

But amidst the rage and resentment, I realize that harboring these negative emotions only serves to poison my own well-being. It's essential to find healthier outlets for processing and releasing these feelings, whether through journaling, exercise, or seeking support from trusted friends or professionals.