ultimate brainrot

if you’re wondering who I resurrected from, here is my ao3 page. nice to see you again.

i love everything hermitcraft, traffic series, empires, and everything those creators make. and everything that you wonderful people create about those things.

"Well, are you going to let us in on the blummin' secret?" Joel asked, his playful irritation coming through Gem's earbud. She knew he hated surprises, which was part of why she had done this. She loved teasing him and getting him all riled up.

"Maybe a hint, because I can't keep this all to myself," she said as she twirled in the foyer of the gorgeous house she'd managed to snag for the weekend. They all had hotel rooms for the con, but now that it was over, for a couple extra days she'd wanted a place to relax with her nearest and dearest.

"Well?" Etho's voice was amused, too, Gem's partner in crime when it came to teasing Joel.

"I'm standing inside an airbnb in an undisclosed location," Gem said, grinning ear-to-ear as she approached the sliding door overlooking a forested valley. It was so quiet and peaceful, the perfect place to unwind. The trio deserved a vacation. A private, in-person vacation.

Nobody other than her and Joel knew Etho was here, and it had to stay a secret. A thrill ran up her spine at the thought that she would get to hear his voice acoustic, in front of her. She dared not hope she'd even get to see his face, because he'd be wearing a mask, but oh how she'd fantasized.

Even if he did, though, she was still so excited to be in the same room as him. She'd hung out with Joel in person plenty of times, and video called a ton, but only had been on voice with Etho. Reclusive and mysterious, though they never held it against him.

"It's so perfect, I can't wait for you both to see it," she sang.

"So when do we get to see it?" Joel asked, petulance in his tone. "Checkout's in three hours."

"We planned to meet for dinner first," Etho reminded him, "I know you're obsessed and excited to see me but-"

Joel cut him off with a scoff, but there was no venom in it, and both Etho and Gem laughed.

They were everything to her. This dynamic, the back-and-forth, the subtle flirtation, god. These two men meant the world to her, and she wanted to show them properly. They'd have days here, together, and even if none of her fantasies came true, she was determined to tell them in person how she felt.

She knew their friendship could handle it if they didn't reciprocate. It would be okay. The butterflies in her stomach didn't fully agree.

They'd decided to go for dinner and meet Etho on neutral ground to make sure he was comfortable. When Gem had caught wind that both men had a few days post-con before their flights home, she'd immediately gone hunting for a private little vacation spot so they could hang out.

Of course, they'd been on a three-way Discord call for most of the afternoon already, because they couldn't go five seconds without talking to each other. It was a wonder her cheeks didn't hurt from smiling so much.

"I'm just going to drop off my stuff and then-" she began, but a knock on the front door interrupted her. What the hell? This was supposed to be a secluded empty place. Could there have been a double-booking?

"What's up?" Etho asked.

"There's someone at the door," she murmured as she strode back to the foyer. There was a tall figure behind the frosted glass, and she wrapped her hand around the doorknob.

As she pulled the door open, Etho began, "Gem, maybe you should-" but she lost the rest as the door crashed into her, sending the earbud skittering across the floor.

~~~

"Gem? GEM!" Joel cried as the line crackled. Etho yelled something too, but they both stopped making noise at the sound of Gem's screaming.

His heart thundered. This had to be a prank, right? Something she'd set up, trickster Gem, maybe it was Grian or Impulse and they were faking a break-and-enter just to fuck with them…

Except nobody was supposed to know they were doing this. Gem would never betray Etho's confidence like that, even for a bit.

"What the fuck…?" Etho breathed, and then grunting from Gem's end. Joel winced at the sound of a sharp slap, flesh on flesh, and a muffled cry, through a…through a hand…oh god oh fuck…

"Do you know where she is?" Etho suddenly demanded. "Joel? Are you in on this?"

Joel's brain blanked for a moment, nothingness. He didn't know what to do. What to think. What to feel. It was like shock had completely shut down his entire body.

"Joel!" Etho cried, and the agony and desperation in his tone broke through the fog. Joel had never heard Etho sound like that, and it chilled him to the bone.

"No, no she didn't tell me about - fuck, we don't know where she is, nobody knows where she is-" He gripped his hair by the roots and yanked, dread consuming his body in a cold wave.

"We have to find her," Etho said, and his voice sounded like Joel felt, hopeless desperation, and there was another slap and another muffled cry and all they could do was listen, what the fuck could they do?

Footsteps echoed closer, then there was a clatter that made Joel wince. Then, breathing.

"You boys still there?" a male voice asked, deep and completely unfamiliar. The glee-laced tone sent ice down Joel's back. "Hello, hello, anybody home?" And he laughed, and laughed, and the dread became all-consuming.

Grian experienced kinetic energy while trying to escape Smallishbeans

Gem's communicator buzzed and she giggled. Bloodthirsty Joel was at it again. She turned and dumped a bunch of andesite into a chest, brushing sweat-damp hair over her shoulder. The sun was bright and hot. Not the best day for building a bridge, but she had work to do. Maybe she'd indulge herself a dip in the river later.

Grian was slain by Ethoslab

Grian drowned while trying to escape Smallishbeans

Oh my god, both of them? She laughed out loud, shaking her head. Nobody else was online, unfortunately, otherwise there'd be a lot of ribbing in the chat.

Grian was blown up by Smallishbeans

GeminiTay: you okay over there champ

Ethoslab: stay out of this Gem

Grian hit the ground too hard while trying to escape Ethoslab

Grian was slain by Smallishbeans

GeminiTay: what, you afraid of a little competition?

Smallishbeans: don't worry princess we're coming to visit you next

A thrill ran up her spine. Joel and Etho loved to jump scare her with some surprise sexy times, but rarely together and never before so hopped up on bloodlust.

What had gotten into them today? Maybe they weren't coming to fuck, maybe they just wanted to fight. Well. Sometimes they did that as foreplay, so maybe both.

She decided gearing up a bit might be a good idea.

Grian was doomed to fall by Smallishbeans

Grian was speared by Ethoslab

Grian: I'm not respawning until you dicks leave

Gem cocked a brow, waiting for some kind of response, but there was none. The two remaining dots on her locator bar were getting bigger, though.

That thrill, again. God, she loved being chased. Hunted. Maybe she wouldn't gear up. Armor would just slow her down, anyway.

She looked around at the bridge, half textured, the underside pretty bare but there were lots of nooks and crannies to duck around in. Windows, spires to jump behind. Yeah, if they were going to come mess with her, she'd make them work for it.

One side of the bridge was just cobble, a thin walkway with no railing, and unfortunately they wouldn't be coming from that direction. Being able to snipe them off from the safer end would have been ideal, but she would work with what she had. She climbed up behind one of the pillars a few blocks away from the mouth of the bridge, above a window on the lower side she could swing down into.

She crouched behind it, making herself invisible on the locator bar.

She heard their voices before their steps.

"Geeemmmmm," Etho called, in that sweet teasing way of his. It took all of her willpower not to call back, their version of Marco Polo.

"Come out come out, princess," Joel yelled, and oh he sounded absolutely feral, making Gem's thighs press together. They were in some kinda mood.

Their footfalls echoed closer, without the clunk of armor. Had they slaughtered Grian so many times without armor? Or dropped everything on their way over? She wanted to peek so badly but that would give up her spot.

"Come and play Gem," Etho said as the footsteps changed tone, hitting the stone of the bridge.

She readied her stance to swing under as they strode closer, a casual pace as if they were just taking a stroll.

"We just wanna have a lil' chat," Joel sang, and she couldn't resist a peek. She knew she shouldn't. But she did.

It may have been her movement, but it also may have been the gasp that left her throat at the sight of them. Smirking. Eyes locked on hers immediately.

Both of them covered in blood.

Etho leaned on his spear, so chill with one boot crossed behind the other, netherite edge sucking up the sunlight all the way to the tip that he twirled back and forth on the stone. Joel stood next to him, a wide stance, diamond sword slung over his shoulders, one hand on each side as if he were using it to cool his neck, the blade glittering around the crimson sluicing all over it.

And they were both completely splattered, clothes stained, droplets on their faces, hands still shining wet. The sound that came out of Gem's mouth was fucking embarrassing, something between a mewl and a moan and a whimper, a Venn diagram of pathetic need as her libido reacted to these absolute animals.

"Hi," Etho said simply, and she leapt.