Monday
"You look so beautiful today." he said, while his brown eyes were gazing at me, longer than usualーI thought he wouldn't even want to see me. If it was still the one-week-ago-or-more me, I would be a tomato ass. All red, all hyped. So I was glad to realize that it was only a compliment. The kind of compliment adult people use as one complete package with greeting. That it doesn't really mean anything other than ice-breaking or shit. Even if I really looked pretty in his eyes, he only wanted to tell, and saying that words to me didn't mean he liked me back. So, I shrugged. "I don't think I do. I'm messy." "Messy? Why?" "Been feeling hard to concentrate on anything. Also, on today we got PE. We did some push-ups and they were very exhausting." He nodded. I nodded. Today, he wore his usual outfit with his usual hairstyle. I suddenly wondered on why I could like himーand really did confess. From his look, he was not really my type. From his behavior, he was sometimes too weird for me to understand. We still talked a bit after it as I brought up about what happened a week ago. I apologized for being too naive, I really knew that I was one. It went only shortly until he said that he had to go back to the classroom. "But I still want to talk to you." was the thing I wish I could say. I hated that this oneーour conversation, felt so awkward. All the scenarios in my head were suddenly disappeared despite that I had wanted Monday to immediately happen. Only on Monday, I could talk to him like thisーbecause he wouldn't be here other than on Monday. He refused to make us meet more often, and I accepted that. I accepted that I couldn't always get what I want, eventhough it more seemed like I never got anything I want. Time for a move on, mate.
