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Summary: What will happen when the daughter of a VIP ends up stranded on an island with the mysterious Frontman?
Warnings: Family drama, grief, Toxic parent, Parent being condescending and controlling, boat crash, slight injuries, Strom, CPR, Survival Situations, Shipwreck, Isolation, Dangerous Wildlife, Psychological Strain, Angst.
Word count : 2.5k
Notes : Hello! This is my first series I am writing for In-ho because I am a whore for him 24/7. I am really excited for this. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist. Thanks 💙
You stand at the edge of the dock, your arms crossed and your expression reluctant. The brisk wind tousles your hair as you eye the imposing vessel before you. This trip was your father's idea, and you hate every bit of it.
As you board the boat with your father, he keeps a controlling hand on your shoulder. "Remember, this is business. Try not to embarrass me," he hisses quietly.
You give him a brief, humorless smile. "Wouldn't dream of it," you reply sarcastically.
As you walk across the deck, you are met by a tall, imposing figure dressed in all black. The Frontman. His face is concealed by a mask, and his presence exudes an intense aura of authority and mystery. Every movement he makes is deliberate, calculated, as if he commands not only the people but the very air around him. You can't help but be intrigued by him; there's an unsettling power in his silence, a strength in his stillness. Though you just met him, you feel an inexplicable pull towards him, a magnetism that both fascinates and unsettles you.
Your father takes notice and directs you toward him, his grip tightening slightly. "Don't say a word unless spoken to," he mutters.
As you approach, the Frontman turns to greet you. "Welcome," he says, his voice distant yet commanding.
You take a deep breath, offering a nod of acknowledgment. In an act of rebellion against your father's controlling nature, you speak up. "I'm Y/N, I've heard much about your endeavors," you say, even though you don't know a damn thing about them. You hope to convey both respect and confidence, and maybe needle your father just a little.
The Frontman gives you a slight nod in return, his gaze shifting almost immediately to your father. "I hope the journey will be smooth," he remarks.
Your father quickly steps in front of you, brushing you aside as though you are nothing more than an inconvenience. “Y/N tends to act on her own,” he says, almost dismissively. “She needs to understand the importance of staying in line.”
You clench your jaw but don’t respond. After years of dealing with your father's demeaning attitude, you have learned to pick your battles. Instead, you turn and walk away, seeking refuge in another part of the boat.
Away from the main deck and the discussions you find stifling, you lean against the railing and close your eyes, letting the sound of the waves soothe your fraying nerves. Absent-mindedly, you play with the locket around your neck, the delicate piece of jewelry, the only thing you have left from your mom who passed away.
You eventually find solace in your headphones, the music providing a refuge from your dad’s overbearing presence. The gentle rhythm calms your nerves as you look out at the expanse of the sea.
Finally, you felt a moment of peace—until chaos erupted.
You notice the birds first. They’re flying erratically, their usual graceful patterns disrupted. The odd behavior catches your attention, and you pull an earbud out, curious.
A sudden chill in the air prickles your skin, and you glance at the sky. What was once a serene blue has shifted to an ominous gray, swirling with dark clouds that seem to gather with unnatural haste. The wind picks up, whipping your hair around your face as the temperature drops even further.
Suddenly, the sky darkens further, and a violent storm emerges out of nowhere. The wind howls, and thunder rumbles ominously. The boat begins to lurch and tilt as waves crash against its sides, each hit sending shudders through the vessel. Panic breaks out among the passengers and crew alike, their fear palpable.
Your father grabs your arm forcefully. "We need to go! Now!" he shouts, his voice panicked and urgent.
The Frontman, maintaining a semblance of calm, is coordinating the evacuation. He directs some workers towards the emergency boats, his authoritative presence a stark contrast to the chaos around him. His eyes then fall on you and your father, and with a swift motion, he gestures for you both to follow him.
"We must get to the lifeboats," he commands, his voice steady despite the tumultuous surroundings.
Gripping tightly onto your father's arm, you are led towards the lifeboats stationed at the side of the rocking vessel. The wind howls fiercely, and rain lashes against your face, stinging your eyes. The air is thick with tension and fear, every passenger scrambling to secure a spot on the lifeboats.
The Frontman reaches one of the lifeboats and urgently ushers both you and your father to climb in. "Get in, quickly!" he orders.
Your father steps into the lifeboat first, turns, and reaches out for you, his hand outstretched. "Come on, grab my hand!" he yells over the cacophony of the storm.
But the storm has other plans. A massive wave crashes against the boat, sending you and the Frontman stumbling. The deck tilts dangerously, and in the chaos, you both lose your footing. The Frontman falls beside you, and in that terrifying moment, both of you are teetering on the edge. You reach out, but there's nothing to grasp.
"Y/N!" your father screams, his eyes wide with terror as his hand misses yours by mere inches.
The turbulent ocean rises up to meet you, and with a scream, you and the Frontman are swallowed by the cold, unforgiving water. The last thing you see is the shadow of the boat above, the lifeboat with your father struggling to stay upright and the Frontman falling alongside you, before the waves close over your heads.
The water engulfs you completely, the overwhelming cold shocking every nerve in your body. Disoriented and fighting for breath, you try desperately to swim upwards, but the relentless current pulls you deeper into the dark abyss, with the Frontman beside you struggling against the same powerful force.
As you begin to lose consciousness, you catch a glimpse of the Frontman. His mask has been torn away by the violent waves, and for the first time, you see his face. Despite the terror and chaos, you can't help but think how beautiful he is. His features are strong yet gentle, his eyes filled with an intense determination.
A fleeting thought crosses your mind — you're probably going to die. But in a strange way, you're okay with it. The thought of being reunited with your mother brings a sense of peace. As your vision slowly fades to black, you hold onto that comforting notion, a small smile forming on your lips despite the cold embrace of the water.
Unknown to you, the now maskless men who faced the same tragic end were also battling against the ocean's force.
He saw you being pulled underwater and acted quickly, swimming towards you with determination. A huge wave crashed into him, dragging him back. Regaining his control, he surfaced and frantically looked around, but you were nowhere in sight.
Through the howling wind and the roar of the waves, he could barely see more than a few feet ahead. His eyes strained against the darkness, scanning urgently through each crest and trough. Then, he saw you. Your silhouette, barely discernible, was being tossed around like a ragdoll by the unforgiving sea.
With a burst of adrenaline, he surged forward. Each stroke was a battle against the icy cold and the relentless pull of the undertow. As he drew near, he saw that you were barely conscious, your movements weak and uncoordinated. He called out to you, his voice hoarse and barely audible over the storm.
“Hold on, I’m here!”
Using every bit of strength he had left, he reached out, his fingers grazing your arm before he managed to grasp you firmly by the wrist. At that moment, a towering wave crashed over both of you, threatening to tear you apart. He tightened his grip, refusing to let go. His other arm encircled your waist, pulling you close to him. You were cold, your breath shallow, and your eyes fluttering weakly.
The weight of your limp body added to the challenge, but his determination was unyielding. He positioned himself behind you, one arm around your chest, and began to swim using powerful, measured strokes. The waves continued their assault, but he fought back with a primal tenacity, kicking hard against the current.
As you both struggled through the darkness, the world around you was a chaotic blur of frothing water and screaming wind. Every muscle in his body burned with effort, but he pressed on, driven by a singular focus: to keep you safe.
After what felt like an eternity, he spotted the faint outline of a lifeboat, its small frame being tossed by the waves but miraculously still afloat. His heart pounded with renewed hope. Fueled by desperation, he pushed forward with everything he had left.
Finally, you reached the side of the lifeboat. With painstaking effort, he used one arm to hoist you over the edge and into the relative safety of the vessel. His muscles screamed in agony, but he couldn’t pause. He clambered up after you, collapsing onto the floor of the boat beside you.
Gasping for breath, he turned to you, who remained unconscious. Your face was pale, and your lips were tinged with a worrying shade of blue. Fear gripped his heart, but there was no time to dwell on it. He needed to act, and act fast.
Positioning himself carefully, he began CPR, applying firm, rhythmic compressions to your chest. “One, two, three...” he counted aloud, each push a desperate plea for you to come back.
Minutes felt like hours as he continued the compressions, his arms growing weary but his resolve never diminishing. His urgent counting continued, voice hoarse but determined. “Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty...”
Then, suddenly, you gasped. Your eyes fluttered open and you coughed, expelling water from your lungs. Relief flooded through him. He let out a deep breath he didn't realize he had been holding, words of reassurance spilling from his lips.
-
A few hours later, you stir, your fingers curling instinctively into the warm, grainy sand beneath you. The tiny particles slip between your fingers, a comforting and familiar texture amidst the disorientation. You blink against the bright sunlight filtering through the canopy of palm leaves overhead, the dappled light creating a mesmerizing pattern on the ground. The radiance is overwhelming, and you shield your eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden brilliance.
Disoriented, you struggle to piece together what happened. Fragments of memories flash through your mind—violent waves, a desperate struggle to stay afloat, the feeling of being pulled under, and finally, the sensation of being washed ashore. Slowly, you sit up, every muscle in your body protesting the movement. Sand clings to your damp skin, sticking to your clothes and hair, a reminder of your recent ordeal.
As your vision clears, the first thing you notice is the Frontman. His mask, always an imposing and enigmatic symbol, is now absent, revealing a chiseled jawline and sharp, handsome features that draw you in. His intense and observant eyes hint at an underlying turmoil, a complexity that is both intriguing and unsettling. He is sitting nearby, his posture tense yet composed, his eyes focused intently on you with a mixture of concern and relief. The dichotomy of his expressions is striking; it’s rare to see his face, let alone read such raw emotion on it.
“You made it," he says softly, his voice hoarse and raspy, as if he has not spoken for hours. "We’re on an island. We’re safe… for now."
His words hang in the air, a fragile reassurance that offers a moment of respite. You take a deep breath and look around, allowing yourself to fully absorb your surroundings. The expansive beach stretches out before you, the golden sands glistening in the sunlight. The sound of waves crashing softly on the shore is calming, a rhythmic lullaby that contrasts with the chaos you endured. Just beyond, the thick jungle looms, a verdant wall of foliage teeming with the promise of both wonder and danger.
Despite the uncertainty, a glimmer of hope flickers within you. The realization that you had survived—against the odds—brings a surge of strength to your exhausted body.
Exhausted but alive, you understand that you now faced whatever came next together. His presence, once a source of intimidation, now provides an unexpected comfort.
You search his eyes, desperate for clarity. "What are we going to do now?" you ask, your voice barely more than a whisper. The uncertainty in the air settles like a heavy fog around you, amplifying the urgency of your question.
He averts his gaze, staring out across the endless expanse of the ocean as if the answer might be hidden in the distant waves. After what feels like an eternity, he finally speaks. "We survive," he says simply, the words offering little comfort and even less detail.
Frustration erupts within you, bubbling up from a place of deep fear and helplessness. "Survive? No shit! That's your grand plan? Unbelievable!" you retort, your voice rising with every word. "Wow, what a fantastic strategy!"
He absorbs your outburst in silence, his face a mask of calm that only serves to infuriate you further. Slowly, methodically, he gets to his feet, the weight of his experience evident in his measured movements. He turns to face you, a flicker of resolve in his eyes. "Come on," he says, his voice steady, "we need to find some food and shelter before we lose daylight."
You cross your arms defiantly and shake your head. "I'm not going anywhere with a stranger! For heaven's sake, I don't even know your name!"
His posture stiffens, and his gaze snaps back to you, now intense and unyielding. "Names won't change our situation," he replies, his voice edged with a steely resolve that makes it clear he won't entertain any further arguments.
He takes a step closer, his presence commanding and authoritative. "Now let's go," he says more sternly, his eyes narrowing as they bore into yours. The finality in his tone leaves no room for negotiation.
The desperation of the situation begins to sink in. The sun is already dipping lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the sand. The prospect of being stranded here, alone and vulnerable, without food or shelter, overshadows your fears of trusting a stranger. With a heavy sigh of resignation, you nod reluctantly and begin to follow him, the path ahead uncertain but the necessity of survival driving you forward.
summary. negan’s been trying to worm his way into your heart. but ever since the line-up, your hatred towards him and everything he stands for will prove tricky.
There was a burning ache in your muscles despite the coolness of the night’s chill, but the desperate sense of urgency to safely get Maggie to the Hilltop prevented you from stopping anytime soon. Your head was gradually spiraling, the panic clouding your thoughts, but you forced yourself to sharpen your senses and remain calm. You couldn't afford to fail them.
With every opportunity that had come your way, you had proven yourself trustworthy to take charge of directions — scouting abandoned pharmacies, grocery stores, water tanks. You always found something useful. You weren’t even asking for much this time.
Just this once, just this once, you prayed you’d lose the Saviors and Maggie would be granted safe passage to the Hilltop. You glanced at the map in your hands, but the night refused to aid you in your vision.
“C’mon!” You urged the rest of them following behind. “If we continue north we should—”
You froze in your tracks, suddenly hearing the sounds of eerie whistling coming from all directions. A cold sweat trickled down your forehead, and the small hairs on the back of your neck stood. They were onto us.
“Go. Go!” Rick shouted, picking up the pace and taking the front lead.
Just this once, and you had failed. In less than a minute, you were all like deers caught in the headlights. You were surrounded. There were way too many men for any of you to take on. It would be foolish to do so. The whistling only intensified, and your stomach lurched at the thought of what end awaited you and your friends.
The Saviors stripped everybody of their weapons and had them drop to their knees. The harsh gravel and dirt painfully grazed through the material of your jeans, but you knew you still had to endure what was coming next. Something far worse.
“Alright! We got a full boat. Let’s meet the man.”
From the very moment he stepped out of the trailer, that night proved to be the worst day of your life.
Everyone fell silent. Negan held an air of arrogance as he confronted Rick, before introducing his “new world order”. Bullshit. This was all bullshit.
“I’m gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you.”
Your eyes locked onto his figure as he swaggered across the group. The way he spoke so casually of such a savage idea cemented your hatred for the man. As Negan eyed who would be on the receiving end of his bat, he caught your piercing gaze. The next thing you knew, he was sauntering over towards you.
Negan crouched down to your level. “Well, aren’t you the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” You weren’t obliged to talk, and you certainly wouldn’t start if a gun was pointed at your head to do so. All you knew was that you wanted to end this man right here in front of you.
He took in your appearance, his expression evidently amazed to see someone so well-kept even in the apocalypse. Your eyes remained cold, staring back at the man before you. Your teeth clenched and your fists tightened, as if to prevent yourself from doing anything that would only get you in deeper trouble.
From the corner of his eye, Negan noticed a piece of paper sticking out awkwardly in your pocket. “What’s this?”
He reached for the paper, unfolding its squares to reveal a map. It was crammed with notes and markings, practically making it such that no one could understand what was written except you. However, it was obvious that the red triangles marked on certain points were where the Saviors had previously blocked the routes. Green circles showed the routes you had instructed Eugene to drive through in an attempt to fool them.
“You’re the scout,” Negan chuckled, “and a smart one, I see. Gotta hand it to ya, I’m impressed you managed to outrun my people this long. This must be a disappointing end for you. Appreciate the effort, though!”
He stood up, carelessly dropping the map to the ground. “I think Lucille here would agree with me that a pretty head like yours is far too valuable.”
Negan sighed as he ran a hand down his face, seemingly tormented by the decision of whose head he should bash. Unbelievable.
His twisted game of “Eeny Meeny Miny Moe” didn’t last long enough as you had desperately hoped. You would never forget the look on his face. He bore no trace of remorse, only a wide grin to show how much he was enjoying himself as he repeatedly bashed your friends’ brains out.
The sight was sickening. Abraham and Glenn lay motionless, no longer recognisable under the pool of blood and brains. All you saw was red. This world had already taken away a lot from you. Yet, it was not until now that you felt such anger at the injustice before you, only to be so helpless and unable to do anything about it. For the first time, there was a bloodlust bubbling inside you. You swore on that day — that when the time was right — you’d kill Negan.
“Open up, Ricky!” Negan banged his bat on the gates of Alexandria. “Don’t have all day.”
If he stood any longer, the scorching sun threatened to soil his favourite leather jacket with sweat. He glanced around his surroundings; nothing but the mindless chirp of birds and insects, and cars modified with pikes parked around the entrance to keep the walkers at bay.
Then, Negan looked up, and a teasing smile played at the corners of his lips. He found you standing on the makeshift watchtower, your arms crossed and resting on top of the wall. He noticed the scowl you wore on your face, the same one you’ve been giving him ever since his first visit. C’mon, has nothing changed? While it had always bugged him, he chose to ignore it again.
His grin widened as he motioned to the gates. “Wanna get that for me, darlin’?”
For a moment, you made no response. The men around him wore blank stares, fully equipped with guns and almost ready to kill anything or anyone that went out of line. The heavy vehicles were practically blocking the other side of the road, and it seemed as if there was nowhere left to run or escape. Nothing ever changes. You inhaled the humid air once more, before forcing yourself to comply as you climbed down and swung open the gates.
Negan automatically stepped in. He resumed his cheery attitude, showing off his pearly whites. “Did you miss me? ‘Cause I sure missed you. I’ll be honest, I was gettin’ a little tired of seeing that ass-kisser— uh, what’s his name? Oh, right! Spencer. Yeah. I’m just surprised to see you answering the door this time, but I sure love the development!”
You remained silent, folding your arms as you looked at him blankly. His overbearing smugness and knack of talking your ear off had you internally seething.
“What? No ‘hello’, ‘how ya doing’, ‘you look smokin’ hot in that jacket’?” Negan laughed at his own joke, but was becoming displeased by your stone-cold attitude. God, you were a piece of work. He reflexively swung his bat across his shoulder, trying again, “I don’t need to instill some manners in you, now do I?”
His behaviour irked you immensely, but you managed to utter back a syllable. “Hi.”
“Hello to you too, sweetheart,” he chuckled in response.
“Leave her alone.”
Negan turned towards the direction of where the voice had come from, and saw Rick making his way towards him. His bloodshot eyes indicated a lack of sleep, and his solemn expression only showed how tormented he was by the situation Alexandria was in. If Negan, being the person that he was, even noticed how worn out Rick looked, he chose to ignore it.
“Ah, Rick! Glad you made it to the party. Just the man I wanted to see.”
”You’re a day early.”
“I know, I know. But listen…” Negan patted his shoulder, a gesture of pretentious goodwill. “With good people like yours, I ought to raise the standards a lot more, don’t you think? Hey— don’t give me that look. It’s a compliment. So take it.”
He then turned towards his men, signalling for them to move out. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Finders keepers!”
Rick’s posture visibly stiffened as the Saviors started making their way around the houses. Negan rubbed his hands eagerly, almost like a child excited to unwrap his Christmas present.
“Now, let’s see what you’ve got for me!” he said, referring to the pantry.
“But we—”
“Lead the way!”
You and Rick exchanged worried glances.
“Aw, no… This just won’t do,” he sighed, looking disappointedly at a lone box filled with a couple of cans.
“Negan, please—”
“We said half of your supplies to make it simple, but I still decide how much we take. But shit—” he huffed out a laugh, “I get nothing, you get nothing. The math doesn’t work out. This is just pathetic.”
The journal dropped onto the floor, landing with a thud loud enough to keep you, Rick and Olivia on edge. The box was all there was. Ever since the arrival of the Saviors, it was as if your luck had run out. For weeks, everybody had been scrambling to search the vicinity for more supplies, but the rations only depleted each time you returned home with nothing.
Just this morning, it had seemed you hit the jackpot finding that truck out in the open. That was, until a herd was approaching, and you didn’t manage to unload in time. What was worse, the Saviors had decided to show up banging on the gates not even a day later.
Negan pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a sigh as he approached Rick, far too close for comfort. “I do not like this underperformance of yours. Hell, I praised you in front of all my men, high standards and all!”
“If you would just listen—”
“Do I need to teach you another lesson, Rick? Are you gonna let yourself— your people, go through all of that shit again?”
Tired of Negan running his mouth, you intervened. “That box was from a truck we found today. There were more, but a herd was coming. We left it behind.”
Negan paused for a moment, turning towards you. His expression instantly changed, and now it seemed everything was all sunshine and rainbows again.
“Huh, why didn’t you just say so?” He smiled.
You didn’t let him talk, asshole.
“You all thank your lucky stars. Lucille here— she’s not workin’ up an appetite today,” he said, leaning on his bat. “So you’re short on those boxes, fine. But I still want my offerings today. Herd should’ve passed by now. Shouldn’t take you too long if you send one of your people out there now, right?”
There was a silence that followed. Negan knitted his eyebrows as he watched the three of you share uncomfortable looks.
“What? Don’t look at me like that.”
You frowned, starting to move out of the pantry. “I’ll do it.”
Rick was quick to slow you down. “It’s only been an hour, that herd could still be nearby.”
“I made the mistake of attracting them. It was my fault to begin with.”
“No, it’s too dangerous—”
“I’ll come with you,” Negan suddenly said. His dark brown eyes crinkled in delight, and he smirked at the thought of his own suggestion. “See to it that you come back in one piece, if it makes your leader here feel better.”
If he had been attempting to get on your nerves all along, it was working wonderfully. The visits from the Saviors were only for a short, albeit painful period of time, but it was one that you could still tolerate. But being so close to their leader for that long and out in the open? There was no way you’d be able to keep your sanity.
“Let’s call it a date while we’re at it,” Negan added teasingly.
It was taking everything in you to stop yourself from giving him a tight slap in the face. You exhaled sharply, only glaring at him. Too bothered to say your goodbyes, you turned on your heel, making your way towards the gates as fast as you could. Unfortunately, Negan caught up with you from behind.
“Woah— slow down there, missy!” He grabbed your arm, but you jerked away from his hold. You stopped in your tracks as Negan continued, “Not taking the car?”
“It’s just two miles east. I’m walking,” you seethed. “If you can’t handle that distance, that’s not my problem. I’m not wasting gas for you.”
“Ouch! Now that’s just cruel.” He placed a hand on his heart, feigning his hurt. “We can take mine, then.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere near your property. It’s walk, or leave me alone.”
That didn’t seem to dissuade Negan. He proceeded to follow your lead, making an effort to catch up with your unusually fast pace. He would be caught lying if he said he wasn’t feeling all giddy inside to finally be spending time alone with you.
For the first mile there was silence. Only the sound of your boots crushing the leaves that had fallen to the ground, and the occasional growl of walkers stumbling your way. The latter was always brought to a swift end.
To your left, between the thick trunks of the trees, you noticed a swarm of floating heads. You squinted to realise that it was a formation of a herd. Fortunately, you were separated from those walkers by a far distance, and their heads seemed to be facing in the opposite direction. It wasn’t much to be worried about. You just had to tread cautiously and stay low. Negan, however, wasn’t as bothered.
“You tryin’ to kill me or something?” He suddenly spoke. “Out here, in the woods, where no one can see us? That’s kinda romantic, actually. Honestly, I dig it.”
You gritted your teeth, suddenly aware of the weight of the gun tucked under your shirt, and the dagger attached to your belt. You weighed the options in your head:
Shoot Negan with the gun, attract the herd to your direction and get yourself killed. Shoot Negan with the gun, return home to a massacre of your people and get yourself killed by the Saviors. Use your dagger to inflict a silent death, return home to a massacre of your people and get yourself killed by the Saviors. That was all assuming taking him down wouldn’t be much of a struggle. Fantastic options.
There was a spring in his step as Negan trailed behind, and his bat rested against his shoulder. “Darlin’, I did not say yes to this little date of ours just to hear nothing from you. Let’s get to know each other.”
You only forced a reply back to shut his idea down. “I don’t want to know anything about you.”
“You’re extra prickly today,” Negan dramatically sighed, but was quick to replace his dissatisfaction with his signature grin. “Not many get to know me personally. Not even my right-hand man. Some say I talk like a vulgar schoolboy that their mother didn’t spank the shit out of for that. But I’m a man of nuance, and quite the charmer, so I’ve been told. You are in for something special.”
Your eyes narrowed, and your irritation stopped you in your tracks. You circled around to face Negan, and hissed, “You waltz in. You kill my friends. You take our weapons and you take our food. What else is left to know?”
Negan raised a finger. “Uh, what you just described are the consequences of your own actions.” He huffed out a laugh, before his expression turned a little more serious. “You got arrogant. I had to step in and shut that shit down. I mean— did you think you were just gonna get away, especially after what you did to my outpost?”
“Because you’re terrorising other communities!”
“You gunned down a shit-ton of my men!”
“So ask yourself— why did we?” You snapped, your frustration boiling over. “Whose consequences of their own actions was that? Oh right, yours!”
There was a pause. Negan scoffed as he ran a hand down his face. He wasn’t used to someone so audacious, talking back to him like that. Normally, that would carry some form of punishment. Back home, it would’ve been the iron. But for you? No, you were different.
It had been clear since the line-up; he couldn’t bring himself to lay a finger on you. Even those threats meant nothing. He wouldn’t ever lift his bat. But why? Well, you were resourceful, and he played at the possibility of having you on his side. But that wasn’t quite all. No, there was another underlying reason that he just couldn’t articulate yet.
Negan shooed away those thoughts to prevent himself from becoming distracted. He tried again, but his habit of being unsparing quickly drowned out any sense of trying empathy.
“Listen, I get why you’re still takin’ this a little too hard. Those two friends of yours? That was personal. I get it. But I did what I did because I had to. And I don’t see any other group of ours but you bunch whining. My advice? It’s about time you move on, and get shit done.”
You shook your head profusely. “No— no. You did what you did, because you chose to. Not because you had to. And for that, you’re a fucking asshole.”
You turned away, deliberately walking faster to keep a distance between you and Negan. Just by the mention of that night, you were hit with a frustrating combination of anger and sadness as you replayed the events in your head. Refusing to look behind, you continued walking for a while, until you reached the open road.
“Truck’s out there,” you called out. “We’ll circle around back to Alexandria.”
“Great! Plenty more time for us to chat,” Negan sarcastically replied.
If there was at least one thing that prevented this day from becoming worse, it was that the contents of the truck were still perfectly intact, just as you had left it.
The sight of those boxes filled with canned foods seemed to have boosted Negan’s mood. As you were hot-wiring the truck, like Rosita had taught you to, he was talking your damn ear off. Something about making spaghetti with those famed brands of canned tomato sauce.
Despite how aggravating he was, and how much you wanted to sew his mouth shut, you finished the job and settled into the driver’s seat. Negan took his place beside you, and you drove off immediately. Finally.
By then, the tension from that moment in the woods had dissipated, and the somewhat peaceful drive back home allowed you to numb your thoughts. But ‘peaceful’ carried a different meaning for Negan. He was all toothy smiles, persisting in his efforts to make a conversation with you.
Negan leaned forward from his seat, eagerly trying to catch your eyes that refused to depart from the road ahead. He tried sincerely, “You know, I was serious when I said I wanted to get to know you. You’re smart, hot—”
“Enough,” you scowled. “I don’t want to hear another word from you.”
Negan audibly sighed. “Look, if you’re still upset about what I said or what I did—”
“I don’t care about what you have to say.”
He thought for a moment, leaving you with just a few seconds of precious silence. Then, his eyes crinkled in excitement as he continued, “I’m gonna make it up to you. How ‘bout that? Next visit, I’ll bring you flowers. The most gorgeous ones you can find growing in this fucked-up world. Hell, it’s gonna become a new aphrodisiac.”
You grimaced at the thought. “I don’t want your flowers. I’m allergic.”
It was obvious that you were lying. Negan chuckled in response. “Geez, you really hate me that much?”
“Yes.”
“How can I possibly change your mind?”
“You can’t.” You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. “You won’t.”
“I beg to disagree. I’m a hit with the ladies.”
“Shut up.”
“Really? Not even if I bring you flowers every week?”
“No.”
“Not even if I bring you a box of chocolates?”
“No.”
“Not even if I do this?”
He hooked his fingers under your chin, forcing you to turn away from the road and look at him. You didn’t understand what he was trying to achieve. But for a split second, you saw it. Fuck, why did he have to have such a strikingly good pair of puppy eyes? You wanted to look away, but you almost couldn’t. That was, until you saw his eyes flickering to your lips, and he dared to lean in closer.
Your eyes darted to the side. The road had cut to a turn, sharp enough to create a blind spot — and the same herd of walkers from the woods awaited your path.
“NEGAN!” You shouted, desperately swerving the truck in the opposite direction. You shut your eyes, bracing for impact as the vehicle smashed into the thick trunk of a tree.
A thick grey smoke now emitted from the engine, clouding your view of the outside world. There was a ringing in your ears, but it was gradually replaced by the familiar growl of walkers, and it only grew louder. Fuck.
The airbag had deployed in time, and it was deflating shortly after its use. Shaken from the collision, you felt your heart pounding furiously, and you fought to regain control of your breathing rate. Now was not the time to be paralysed with fear.
You turned to the man that had caused all this.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” You cursed.
Negan ignored your question, answering with his own. “You alright?”
His eyes roamed all over you, and for a moment you felt the concern and worry etched on his face, ensuring that you weren’t injured. It was a miracle neither of you were. You weren’t used to that look, and neither did you like it, but strangely something inside you started to soften.
A hand suddenly slammed against the side window, making you jump. To your horror, more hands started to claw against the window in the thick veil of smoke.
“Fuck, we’re trapped.”
Blood pounded in your ears. You frantically searched around every nook and cranny of the truck, desperate to find some way to escape. But with every second, you were losing hope. Your mind raced wildly to come up with something. Anything.
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon.
Just then, an idea flickered in your head. Without a second thought, you acted and drew your gun, ceaselessly shooting at the front glass until it fell into shards.
You tore away from your seat, climbing over the dashboard and out of the now broken window. Behind you, you saw Negan following suit. You helped yourself to stand on the hood of the truck, but your situation was still dire as walkers swarmed around the vehicle, clawing at your feet. Great, now what?
“You hid that gun from me?” You heard Negan ask. He was swinging his bat at a couple of walkers below. “I made it clear we’re takin’ all of ‘em.”
You gave him an exasperated look. “Really? You want to do this now?”
This fucking guy. Why does he have to be so—? No, you refused to pay any more attention to him. You turned your focus away as you evaluated your situation again. You could climb further back to the top of the truck? No, you’d still wound up trapped, and no amount of bullets you had left could take on an army of walkers.
By then, most of the smoke had dissipated or risen higher in the air. Your surroundings had become much clearer, although it was an even uglier sight. You glanced at the tree that the truck had collided into, when you noticed a thick, sturdy branch extending from its trunk. A second idea suddenly planted in your head. You chewed on your lower lip. It’s worth a shot.
You nudged Negan by his shoulder, pointing towards the tree branch. You shot at a few walkers obstructing the front, before you made a dash towards the tree. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you leaped forward, and you grasped tightly onto the branch. Pain seared through your muscles as you pulled at your strength, but you managed to haul yourself up the tree. You breathed heavily as sweat trickled down your forehead.
Negan followed behind, but just as he gripped onto the branch, the walkers swarmed around him, tugging at his ankles. Almost reflexively, you latched onto his arms. Wait. You gathered your remaining strength to help him up, but to no avail. Wait. With Lucille clutched in his hand, and the walkers forcing his weight down, his grip was loosening, and your muscles strained achingly.
WAIT! What the fuck were you doing?
This was it. This was his fate. The Saviors would no longer have their formidable leader. You could put an end to living in misery. You could get justice for Abraham and Glenn. This was what you wanted all along, right? So let go. Let go!
…Why couldn’t you let go?
It was always supposed to be the living versus the dead. Not the living versus the living. In all the times you stumbled across someone who needed help, you jumped in to save them. Even if it meant risking your own life. Who they were or where they had come from didn’t matter. It was all the same; they were just people wanting to survive in a world that had risen against them. But Negan? No, he was different. He doesn’t deserve to—
“Y/N.”
He called your name, tearing you away from your thoughts. For the second time, you locked into his eyes. There was a silent, but almost desperate plea for you to do something. Conflict stirred within you. But he… he’s killed— Fuck it!
With the gun in your hand, you strained your arm to aim below him. The bullets pierced the heads of several walkers, instantly freeing their hold of Negan. In one swift motion, he was able to pull himself up the tree.
You both paused, catching your breath. What did you just do? You saved him. Negan. He caught your gaze. This time, he was looking at you almost differently. Almost out of… admiration?
The sound of walkers brought you back to your situation. You darted your eyes below, and you spotted an opening, just inches away from the ravenous herd of walkers.
“C’mon!”
You both leaped down. The fallen leaves may have softened the blow, but you still felt the impact as you hit the ground. You might’ve inflicted a few bruises or scratches here and there, but you’d survive. Besides, adrenaline dampened the pain, and you quickly got up to your feet.
Your mind urged you to run, but you suddenly remembered what you had come for. Fuck, the cans! There was nothing left back home. You were going to starve if the Saviors took that lone box, and who knew when you’d find proper food again. You had to try, or die trying.
“What the fuck are you doing?!”
You heard Negan shouting behind you. Ignoring him, you fired the last of your bullets at the walkers staggering closer to you. You drew out your dagger, bringing it down onto the next batch. Negan’s eyes widened at the realization.
“Forget ‘em, let’s go!”
There was an audible squelch as you raised the dagger.
“NO! I have to go back—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck about those damn boxes!” Negan latched onto your arm, forcing you to turn and look at him. “We get out of here, NOW!”
His grip remained on your arm as you both sprinted through the trees, not once looking back.
When you finally pulled up at the gates of Alexandria, both of your clothes were soaked with sweat and soiled with dirt. Negan walked over to Simon, calling him to round up his people. You saw your friends gathered at the front, relief replacing their worried looks as they ran over to hug you.
Rick subsequently approached you. “What happened? What took so long? Are you hurt?” He frantically asked. Then, his expression turned grim. “Did he— Did he do anything—”
“No. No. We just— got ambushed by a herd, so we had to take a detour,” you explained, disappointment written on your face. “I didn’t get the boxes.”
“Doesn’t matter, ‘s long as you’re safe.” Rick pulled you into a hug.
Behind him, someone cleared his throat. Rick pulled away, and for a second, his stare challenged the man’s own. A smirk, however, had no trouble returning to Negan. He brought a hand down Rick’s shoulder.
“Guess what, Ricky? I’m feeling extra generous today. I’m lettin’ you off the hook this time. You get to keep your shit. I mean, how else are you gonna work for me if you’re all dead?” He joked.
Negan practically shoved Rick aside, and as the latter walked away, he turned to you. His passive-aggressiveness was suddenly replaced with a tone of sincerity.
“Just wanna thank you. You know, for what you did.”
You frowned. “I didn’t do it for you.” Did you? You had yet to figure that out. “If I came back without you, your people would have killed us.”
“They would,” Negan managed a chuckle. “Still, I’m grateful you did that.”
A beat.
Suddenly, he reached forward to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Boldly, he leaned in, his breath warm against your ear as he whispered, “So, same place, same time again?”
Instead of moving away, you drew closer. “Fuck off, Negan.”
notes. so, this was actually gonna be a one-shot, but the moments i wanted to write kinda exceeded so i’m planning on a part two! dw there’ll be more romance, but also r/s struggles and angst with negan, bc this gorgeous man can’t just get away like that after doing so much damage 😭 but who knows, my commitment level towards multi-chapter fics deteriorates easily, so we’ll see! thank you for stopping by :’)
State Akin To Sleep (SATS) is a phenomenon that originated with the teachings of Neville Goddard, a spiritual philosopher and spiritual teacher of the 20th Century. His teachings suggested that we can use our imagination and mental contemplation to access a ‘state akin to sleep’ or SATS, in which we can gain deeper insight into the universal laws and principles of life. By free-associating with ourselves and our environment, we can tap into a powerful source of wisdom and understanding to manifest our dream life.
SATS can be accessed voluntarily and at will, enabling us to explore deep levels of consciousness, gain clarity and peace of mind and truly understand and manifest our desires. It is said that this practice enables us to access wisdom that lies beyond the physical plane, and to gain deeper understanding of our deepest hopes, dreams, and desires.
The benefits of SATS are numerous. It has been said that this type of inner contemplation can help us find peace and harmony in our lives, as well as providing clarity and focus on our purpose. It can also help us manifest our dream lives and desires.
Neville and Sats
Neville Goddard was a spiritual philosopher who encouraged unlocking our full potential via creative visualization and believing in a higher power, claiming that “imagination creates reality”. He believed that when we are able to access this inner state, known as a state akin to sleep, then we are able to manifest our true desires.
So what exactly is this state akin to sleep? Neville Goddard explains it as a state of “focused concentration” where we become so focused on a particular thought or concept that time no longer exists. He states that “suspension of intellect loosens the conscious mind from the physical seat of the conscious ego and allows one to enter an inner creative state where time stands still.”
This state is often referred to as a deep meditation but there are other ways to access it. Neville Goddard suggests that when you go to sleep, you should begin by visualizing and describing a certain outcome, or an idea which you would like to bring into being. He states that “if you haven’t already succeeded in bringing your desire into existence, practice regularly by concentrating on the desired result and life will take on a magical quality.”
This practice can be done during any part of the day, although Neville Goddard suggests that it be done during sleep to experience a more trance-like state. He advises that “by returning to this creative state often, you will become more aware of your own power and ability to direct your destiny.”
Other methods
Neville Goddard's teachings highlight the importance of entering a state akin to sleep in order to manifest your desires through the Law of Assumption. Here are some methods to enter the state akin to sleep and a tutorial on how to use them effectively.
Methods to relax
1. The Pseudo-Sleep Method: This involves closing your eyes and imagining a scene that implies you already have your desire. Repeat the scene until it feels real, and persist in the feeling of its reality until you drift off.
2. The Relaxation Method: Lay down in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Take deep breaths and focus on relaxing your muscles one by one, beginning from your toes to your head.
3. The Counting Method: Count backward from 100 while focusing your attention solely on the numbers. Allow yourself to become fully absorbed in counting and let go of any other thoughts or distractions.
4. The Affirmation Method: Choose a positive affirmation that resonates with you and repeat it silently or out loud until you feel calm and peaceful. This can help you to clear your mind and focus on your manifestation.
5. The Visualization Method: Visualize yourself in a peaceful and calm place, such as a beach or forest. Surround yourself with all the things you desire and embrace the feeling of gratitude for their manifestation.
6. Using subliminals, or waves of your preference
Tutorial on how to enter the state akin to sleep in 5 steps:
1. Find a quiet and comfortable place where you won't be disturbed.
2. Choose whichever method resonates with you and practice it consistently.
3. Take deep breaths and focus on relaxing your body and mind.
4. Introduce your desired scene, affirmation, or visualization and imagine it as if it is happening now.
5. Persist in this state until you drift off to sleep, allowing your subconscious to absorb the manifestation of your desire.
Remember, the key to entering the state akin to sleep is to focus on the feeling of already having your desire, and to persist in this feeling until it becomes your reality. Use whichever method works best for you, and repeat it daily until you achieve your manifestations
FAQ
1. What is a state akin to sleep? A state akin to sleep is a state of relaxation where the conscious mind is quiet, and the subconscious mind is open to suggestion. It's an important part of Neville Goddard's teachings and the manifestation process.
2. How does Neville Goddard's teachings relate to manifesting and reality shifting?Neville Goddard's teachings focus on the power of imagination and assumption to create your reality. This is the foundation of both manifesting and reality shifting.
3. What is manifesting?Manifesting is the process of creating/achieving something you desire into your life using the Law of assumptions. This is accomplished by focusing on the feeling of already having your desire and assuming that it's already yours.
5. How do I enter a state akin to sleep?You can enter a state akin to sleep by using methods such as visualization, relaxation, counting, affirmations, or imagining a scene that implies that you already have your desire.
7. What is reality shifting?Reality shifting is the process of intentionally shifting your consciousness to a different reality. It’s really just another word for manifesting in my opinion.
9. Can I use a state akin to sleep for reality shifting?Yes, a state akin to sleep can be used as a tool to shift your consciousness to a different reality. This is done by assuming the feeling of already being in the desired reality.
11. How often should I enter a state akin to sleep?It's recommended to enter a state akin to sleep daily until your manifestation comes to fruition or your desired reality is achieved. But use it however you desire
14. Can I fall asleep while in a state akin to sleep?Yes, it's possible to fall asleep while in a state akin to sleep. Just assume that you’ll wake up with your dream life/ desires.
15.How long does it take to manifest my desires using a state akin to sleep?The time it takes to manifest your desires varies depending on the your level of belief, and assumption. Persisting in the feeling of already having your desires is key to the manifestation process.
16. Can I use state of akin to sleep to enter the void state? Yes, you can use it eveything
17. What’s the void state? A state of pure consciousness
18. Is the void state and Sats the same thing? No. The Void state simpily put is a pure state of consciousness. SATS, is a state of deep relaxation and rest. Both are used to manifest or achieve your desires “quickly.”
19. Can I move and scratch and still achieve sats. Sure. It depends on your assumption but it never hindered me.
My recommended subliminals, waves, and other helpful videos to achieve SATS
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A few days ago, I learned that in English, you distinguish between "awareness" and "consciousness" :
When I refer to consciousness, I mean awareness; I’ve never referenced the English meaning. I won’t rewrite everything, but in my blog, "consciousness" means "awareness."
🔹 In this reality, you often like to name things, whether tangible or not, and have as many words as possible. Here, my native language isn’t English, and in that language, those concepts are the same—there is no nuance.
🔹 In my original reality, I simply didn't have words for it; the language was primitive and limited, serving only to maintain communal life.
🔹 Before coming to this reality, I had never spoken to anyone else about shifting; I was doing it alone and reflecting on my own.
📩 So, if you find some things I've written come across poorly, it doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about. Everything I’ve written on this blog is true and based on my experiences; no one can say otherwise. However, it may simply mean that I failed to describe my knowledge accurately, to put the right words to my experiences, and to translate them into English.
So please be kind, knowing that I won't be here to respond to people anymore.
This is more of a manifestation themed post (it's a draft from March when I spontaneously felt like writing it but didn't post it) because I felt like it but I'd appreciate if I didn't get any asks about manifestation* (unless I change my mind later) cos I'll share what I can and there's a lot of material available already! You can see my past post on this topic here. For more posts on it, see @4dbarbie-archive and realisophie's posts here and here and there's also some over at @ndjournal in the experience sharing tag.
*Also because I don't want to send mixed messages to the readers of this blog. I see conscious manifestation as a way to challenge & break limitations and concepts from the mind, not to get things in the world (kinda like Neo learning to bend the spoon in the Matrix if you get me lol). The latter will only pull you deeper into ego and the world, which isn't conducive to self-realization (if that's your goal) if you're focused on satisfying ego and the worldly life. If that makes sense and you resonate and agree with that, then we are on the same page but not everyone is and that's okay too, just do what feels right to you. Just sharing my reasoning :)
I've been reading this book called Parallel Universes of Self because I read the author Frederick Dodson had an interesting reality shifting experience. I didn't expect to read info on manifestation but they are pretty much the same. I have a few books of his that I'm skimming through out of curiosity and there's some interesting stuff (I might share some other things later, he doesn't just talk about manifestation, but also consciousness, reality and even non-duality).
I thought I'd share the below excerpt because it's explained really well and might help some others. It's also a nice succinct summary of what Ada and Soph talked about for materialization/manifestation as well. I can remember pretty much 95% of the things I've ever "manifested" were from when I acted the way he described after I had decided "it is done". It's easier to do this for things you don't care about because you just end up forgetting about it entirely and then it shows up and you're like 'oh yeah!! nice'.
In the hours, days and weeks after simply rest in the new viewpoint, rest in the fulfilled reality. This means that you don’t try to “make it happen” because you have already claimed it as real. You don’t affirm, visualize, repeat or wait for it. You don’t hope for it to come in some future. Because you have claimed it as already real you don’t even think about it much either. You don’t ask when, how, where it will show up. Instead you simply do what offers itself to you throughout the day, and this will involve commonplace activities. Daily life continues in a natural manner without neediness or lack. Once in awhile you may want to re-feel the body sense of the chosen reality, and enjoy what you have claimed as true, but often not even that is necessary. Furthermore you needn’t be “acting as if” the desired reality is manifest, for that still implies separation. Simply cease to behave in a way that presupposes that it is not already so. You may refuse to ascribe relevance or importance to any events that seem to contradict your newly chosen reality. From the new viewpoint such events may still exist and come up but they are no longer relevant enough to be reacted to and interacted with. They may be the way things are at the moment, but they are no longer the way you are. The corresponding physical manifestation will appear when you stop needing it, chasing after it, looking for it but are instead willingly and lovingly identified with it…not for the sake of “making it manifest” *, but for the sake of experiencing its joy in the here, now and today.
*Because trying to make it happen/manifest reinforces the idea/belief that it isn't
This is the same as what 4dbarbie said about getting ego out of the way or as Lester Levenson said, let go and let God. Just let it happen and stop trying to control the process because the more you try, the more you reinforce the fact that it isn't already so. Basically stop putting in effort once you know it is true, just continue knowing with calm and ease that it is the way you want it. Ada also said here:
If you have thoughts like "I need to say my affirmations", "I need to check my state", you're not living in the end but still desiring. When you're able to look at the thing you desire as being something that was once a dream, but now only a memory - you've entered the state of the wish fulfilled. When desire turns into identity, you know you've succeeded in fulfilling yourself.
Yes we're conditioned to think we need to work hard and put effort to earn things in the world but when it comes to manifesting, this sort of mentality will only sabotage and hinder your success. You can literally just decide you have it and then never look back. This sort of mindset can take a bit of time and practice to get used to because it is not something we're used to but the more you practice, the easier it gets.
Here is an excerpt from an astral projection book (I think it's from The Illusion of Method?) I thought was really apt at describing this too. He's talking about AP but you can apply it to manifesting or pretty much anything as well.
Unless you are masochistic, I ask you to reconsider the painful idea of obsessing about time. Bear in mind that results will come whenever they have to, and counting the minutes won't make the outcome arrive faster. It's best if you just forget about it, and accept that it is something that you can't control. You must be patient—most of the time the desired results arrive immediately after giving up control of time.
If you are frustrated and/or are afraid of failure, then it means you believe you are in control—and this translates into the feeling that you are responsible for both positive and negative results. Well then, stop thinking that way! Exempting yourself from responsibility is the best course of action there is. As seen in the previous chapter, those who project on command are the ones who couldn’t care less about AP. But the more you obfuscate yourself, the lesser your chances of success —and trust me, you won’t want to get trapped in that vicious cycle. Astral projection works when you stop worrying about failure because you trust that it will happen, whether you “do” something or not.
It’s the same thing: just in the same way that being hasty for sleep to occur keeps us wakeful and alert, being expectant over the OBE will keep us caged in the physical body. If the mind is constantly thinking about the goal, it can easily enter a state of expectancy* and impatience. In such state, the mind is no longer relaxed because expectancy is a state of unrest. This form of tension is what hinders the outcome—thus, the key to being relaxed (i.e., essentially lacking mental tension) is to forget about the goal entirely. If you don’t have the goal in mind you don’t enter a state of expectancy, and therefore you are free from mental tension.
*expectancy is the same energy as trying to make something happen.. reinforcing the idea/belief that it isn't so
So, exempt yourself from responsibility means there's nothing more to do because ego is not in control and can do nothing.
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OMG THOUGHTS: being hasan's partner and another host on fear&? recently started watching the podcast and there's so much chaos going on lol
𝗛𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗻 + 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿& 𝗖𝗼-𝗵𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿
🔞 One slightly NSFW point
So much to say, so little time…
I’m gonna break this down into scenarios and actual episodes!
QT absolutely lets you come to see Taylor, no questions asked. She loves you.
Will gets you a onesie based on your FAVORITE thing in this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmFb4kgGJ7c&t=2307s
Helping Hasan with his ear and being there to see this and having basically the same reaction as Hasan (41:06): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urq6k1eL3xw&t=2989s
Your guys’ reactions go viral on twitter and some couples make them into matching pfps.
(Maybe, possibly, trying it out with him?)
Sitting in between him and Will (you would definitely be best friends with Austin and QT but you are by far closest with Will)
On the days that you guys have had an argument, you sit next to QT and Austin sits between Will and Hasan instead, but later in the pod you guys make up:
“Welcome back to the Fear& podcast, today I am joined with my co-hosts: Will, Austin, QT and Y/N.”
“Oh, so I’m Y/N now?”
“Okay- can we just- establish for the podcast. Austin, QT and I got here and found Hasan and Y/N giving each other the silent treatment and I’d just love for you guys to tell the viewers why.” Will points out, sounding very amused.
“He called me Kaya.”
“It was an accident!”
“You think I’m a dog!”
“No I don’t!”
“Yeah, you do! You think I’m a big, slobbering dog!”
“Y/N.”
But then, Austin and Will get up to help the postmates guy get to the house (because you’re in a gated community) and QT has to take a call, leaving you and Hasan alone (minus Marche.)
“I didn’t mean to call you Kaya.”
“Mhm?”
“I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!”
“Sure you are.”
“I love Kaya.”
"Okay?"
“I love you.”
“Okay?”
“In a way it’s a compliment.”
“To be equated to a big, slobbering dog?”
“No. To be equated to another thing I love very much, regardless of what it is! I mean, at least I didn’t objectify you like Steven Crowder did with his wife recently!”
“You have such a way with words, Hasan.”
“I’m very sorry, though, darling.”
“I forgive you. I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment instead of talking about it.”
The chaos is INSANE!
Getting to have a gossip section with QT every episode <3
Being SUPER hungover (whether you drank or not) on an episode after going to the Abbey with Austin.
If you crochet or knit (like I do) you definitely make a blanket big enough for all of you to share, you make coasters for everyone (including for guests to take home) and even make everyone their own sweater with the “Fear&” logo on it for every holiday <3
Sitting on Hasan’s lap during this episode because there aren’t enough seats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIB-ArzKvAk&t=144s
Schlatt teaching you chopsticks on this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBUQE-LnoaE&t=3922s
Then you teach Hasan how to play and you guys get really competitive over it that you have a whole segment on why Schlatt loves playing it so much and why he would burden such a healthy relationship with such a major competitive sport
Telling relationship stories <3
Either QT taking your food requests over anyone else, or, helping her make requests!
Being BY FAR the funniest host on the podcast, people ask you if your back hurts having to carry it on twitter
Having Kaya in your lap all the time (when she starts getting bigger, she’s able to lay over all three of your laps at the same time)
You and Hasan often spend hours brainstorming episode ideas, discussing potential guests, and planning the overall direction of the podcast
While Hasan is known for his passionate and outspoken approach, your hosting style balances the dynamic. You provide a more measured and analytical perspective, creating a harmonious on-air chemistry that the audience appreciates
When you and Hasan disagree on a topic, it often leads to passionate debates on the podcast. These debates are respectful and engaging, showcasing your ability to “argue” and uphold a healthy, loving relationship
He will ALWAYS respect and ultimately agree with your opinion on who to bring onto the podcast
You both have your own rituals during podcasts to calm everyone down.
People have made compilations of you telling everyone to “breathe” like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVO9f04c2R0
Decorating the room with trinkets you find!
Decorating everyone’s mic with stickers that pertain to them <3
Giving the table a theme every now and again like making it look like a dinner table during the Mormon episode, making it look like a little laboratory, etc.
Doing activities! With the laboratory table in mind, I’m thinking doing those kid’s science kits where you can grow your own crystals, make a robot, and make an erupting volcano!
Making gingerbread houses with everyone (including Marche) even if it’s not the holidays
Painting pottery <3
Drawing
Writing all your worries and frustrations on a plate, only to smash them behind the paywall <3
I genuinely love the idea of having a complimentary but opposite way of hosting.
Also decorating the table, love love love. Like going full out with lights, Snow globes, nutcrackers, ect with Christmas. Those plastic Halloween buckets, fake cobwebs on the microwave wires, plastic skulls and bones on the table during October.
Also birthday's episodes, with sashes, tiaras, balloons, cupcakes with candles, and gift bags. Interactive table decor is such a cool idea. Making the paper-mache volcano and setting it off over the course of a few episodes. Making pots or cups out of clay in one episode, only for you to put them in a kiln over the week, and painting them in the next episode. I don't know why but I keep thinking of a chia pet on the table and just tracking it's growth over different episodes.
Dressing up in Halloween costumes, too! QT is obviously Cinderella, Austin dresses up as Prince Charming, Will dresses up as Gomez Adams (under the pretense that he was expecting Hasan to dress up as Morticia), Hasan (actually) dresses up as a werewolf, and you are a ghost cowboy! (Just a cowboy costume with a white sheet with eyes cut out over top.)
hii could i request some just dating headcanons for hasan? like how did you meet, what is it like, fun moving in escapades lol
love your writing lots!!
𝗛𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀
You and Hasan met at a mutual friend's party. It was an immediate connection when you guys started actually talking about your interests and not how you both knew the host of the party.
For your first date, Hasan took you to a cozy, independent bookstore that he frequented. You both explored the aisles, recommending books to each other.
Beyond literature, you discovered other shared interests. Hasan is a foodie, and you both enjoy exploring new cuisines and cooking together. He also introduced you to his passion for astronomy, and you've spent countless nights stargazing with a telescope in your backyard.
When you decided to move in together, Hasan made it an adventure. He surprised you by renting a vintage VW camper van to transport your belongings to the new place. You took a road trip to your new home, stopping at picturesque spots along the way, enjoying picnics, and making memories.
On lazy Sunday mornings, you and Hasan often stay in bed, surrounded by a cozy pile of throws, blankets and pillows.
Hasan loves to travel, and you've gone on exciting adventures together. Whether it's exploring ancient ruins in Greece, hiking through the rain forests of Costa Rica, or simply wandering the streets of a charming European city, you both cherish these experiences and the bond they've created.
Hasan is not only your partner but also your biggest supporter. He encourages your passions and pursuits, just as you do for him. Whether it's attending each other's book launches or cheering each other on during tough times, you make a fantastic team.
Hasan surprises you with book-themed dates. He'll set up a small outdoor picnic, complete with fairy lights, blankets, and a stack of books he thinks you'll love. These surprise book dates are a testament to his thoughtfulness and your shared love for reading.
Hasan is a surprisingly good cook, and you enjoy trying out new recipes together. There have been a few mishaps in the kitchen, but you both laugh them off and order takeout when needed.
You both love spending weekends in nearby nature reserves. Hasan, with his extensive knowledge, acts as your unofficial tour guide, sharing interesting facts about the flora and fauna you encounter along the way.
Movie nights are a must in your relationship. You take turns picking films, but it's always a challenge for Hasan to find a movie that meets his high standards. He'll spend hours researching and curating the perfect list before finally settling on one.
Hasan is a thoughtful and considerate partner. He listens intently to your thoughts and feelings and is always there to offer support and encouragement. You both share a passion for social justice, and you often engage in meaningful conversations about current events, activism, and how you can make a positive impact on the world together.
When you decided to move in together, you embarked on a quest to find the perfect furniture. Hasan's taste leans towards minimalism, while you enjoy a cozy and eclectic style. The compromise led to some hilarious furniture-shopping escapades.
You both enjoy DIY projects. From painting rooms in bold colors to building your own bookshelves, you've had your fair share of DIY successes and hilarious mishaps.
Cooking together in your new home became a fun challenge. You've had cook-offs where each of you chooses a cuisine, and you compete to see whose dish turns out the best (or most edible).
Setting up a home theater system was an adventure in itself. Hasan's tech-savvy nature and your love for movie marathons made this a fun, yet sometimes frustrating, experience.
Dating Hasan is an adventure in creativity and intellectual stimulation. You find yourselves going on art-inspired dates to museums, galleries, and even collaborating on your own art projects. Hasan introduces you to his world of social commentary and activism, and you both engage in meaningful conversations about important issues. You also discover a shared love for cooking, experimenting with new recipes together, and hosting dinner parties for friends.
Hasan's sense of humor keeps the relationship lighthearted, and you both enjoy playfully debating various topics. Your shared interests in current events, politics, and culture make for engaging discussions and late-night talks.
I became a master shifter in less than a year. I DID THAT!
I wrote an in-depth guide about how I did that here.
I truly believe it will help a lot of you.
I discovered shifting on the 11th of August 2023. The first 5 months of my journey I was only consuming shifttok “information”. This held me back so much. It wasn’t until I discovered the Law of Assumption that everything changed for me. I spent a few months learning and a couple of months trying to wrap my head around it all. One day, it clicked. I applied. I shifted very fast after that. I’m telling y’all, it’s the KEY.
Everything is an illusion. As simple as that. Nothing is real. Everything is just what you say it is and everyone is who you say they are. We all have our own realities which we are in control of and everyone has a different reality. I am who i say i am in my reality and you are whoever you say you are in yours. Through the power of a persisted in belief or assumption or maybe just a thought, i can manifest and make anything i want a reality and so can you.
Everything is just thought transmission. You simply pick something you want to make a reality, say and think as if it is your reality until your 3D (Your reality/life) pushes it out. And it does not matter who needs to move, speak, create an other action in order for this desire to become reality because nobody in your reality but you has free will so everything is controlled by you and your thoughts.
No one in your reality has free will because everything is you. Everything is your creation and nothing exists outside of you. Everyone in your reality is your assumptions, and the version of them you created. As in my reality everyone is who i've allowed them to be through my own beliefs and thoughts. No one can act upon free will in your reality, they can only think, speak, act through you, through your thoughts and the state your embodying.
And there's no escaping this, even if you are saying you are allowing the people around you to act with free will it's actually impossible to do so because at the end of the day your thoughts and beliefs are still creating the versions of everyone around you.
Hoodwink the law with this information, tell yourself everything you desire has become true because it will if you decide it to be. everything can switch with the snap of your fingers because the world is quite literally your oyster. Nothing can stop you, whatever you decide and constantly repeat to yourself in assumption will have your whole world shift to reflect what you have decided. So rig the game. Get what you deserve. Your desires are for the taking.
a guaranteed “method”, where all that you desire is owed to you
IM BACK BITCHES!!!
DID YALL MISS MEEEE?? BC I MISSED YOU
anyway, i know i talk alot about not needing methods, and its true, you don’t need anything but yourself to tap in to the void/“I AM” state. However i dont really see SATS as a method and i think it’s great to consider when looking at loa and shifting
“what is SATS?”
you may ask, well, that is the abbreviation for the “state akin to sleep”
as you can see, the word “akin” means something of a similar nature to, so the state akin to sleep is basically the name to describe the lightheaded, woozy state before you go to bed bed
You can visualise what you want in this state, or you can affirm, you don’t need ten thousand affirmations, one can get the point across you’re a god and the operant power so even with one vague affirmation, your subconscious mind knows exactly what your talking about.
“when will i be able to see my results?”
you may also ask, and let me tell you it is guaranteed that you why what you want as soon as you wake up. This is why this “method” is popular in the loa community because it one of those where your subconscious mind is in full control.
An example of this could be Neville Goddard’s manifesting class. He asked that his students affirm/visualise climbing a ladder during SATS. He then told them to affirm against it during the day, telling themselves that they will NOT climb a ladder. He told his students not to come back if they didn’t climb a ladder and everyone returned.
This example just shows how powerful we can be when we let our subconscious mind take the wheel. All our doubts and fears cancel out and whatever we desire becomes real and no longer remains a desire. You can use this to enter the void, visualise your void and affirm for it and you will wake up there. You can do this for absolutely anything you desire. you can use SATS on its own, a lot of people just love the void so they use SATS to get there, but affirming for your dream life or visualising you waking up in the bed of your dream reality is another method other than the void.
A lot of you may struggle with this because you either, “can’t fall asleep” or you “fall asleep too quickly” while your mind was wondering and to that i say STAY DISCIPLINED!! The same way you would stay disciplined while studying for a test or while working a shift at your job is the same way you must stay disciplined while doing this method. It’s okay to “fail” the first time, and you’re more than allowed to feel upset waking back up in your shitty “reality”. But don’t beat yourself up about it and know that you can always do it again. You can simply decide that SATS is easy for you and it will reflect. always.
And as i always say, you don’t have to wait for the night to do this, ofcourse if you have things to do you don’t need to put them on hold but you don’t need to wait for the night to come, you. an fall into this state at ANY TIME OF DAY, so there goes another excuse for you to procrastinate. Now get to it love, because i KNOW that you can do this.
WAKING UP WITH YOUR DESIRES GUARANTEED SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, BUT DONT LET THAT SCARE YOU. 🔮💋
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The Storm Within (Part Two)
Tyler Owens x fem!reader
Part 1
Summary: Following the events of the first part, a severely injured Y/N lies in a coma while a heartbroken Tyler waits by her side, wondering if she will ever wake up.
Warnings: Hospital, Reader is in a coma, Fluff, Sad Tyler, Slightly angsty.
Notes: I didn't expect so many people to read the first part, let alone want a second, so thank you—it means a lot. I rushed to write this to avoid making you wait any longer, lol. I'm currently accepting writing prompts for Jake Seresin, Tyler Owens, and Glen Powell.
Enjoy byeeee!
Two weeks have slipped by in a blur of sterile hospital corridors and the endless hum of medical machines. Each passing day is a battle against time, unrelenting in its indifference, and Tyler's world has shrunk to the confines of your hospital room.
Tyler sits by your side, his eyes heavy with exhaustion but refusing to close. He's lost count of the hours he's spent watching the rise and fall of your chest, willing you to wake up. The constant beeping of the heart monitor and the rhythmic hiss of the ventilator are his only companions.
The rest of the storm-chasing team visits regularly, each holding onto hope in their own way. Boone leaves a fresh bouquet of wildflowers on the bedside table every other day, their vibrant colors a stark contrast to the clinical white of the room. Dani brings her laptop, working quietly in the corner, refusing to leave until Tyler is forced to rest. Dexter makes sure Tyler eats, even if it means feeding him himself. And Lilly, with her unwavering optimism, often slips into the chair opposite Tyler, regaling him with stories and laughs to keep the darkness at bay.
One evening, as the crimson hues of the setting sun penetrate the blinds, Tyler is gently persuaded by Lilly to step outside the room, if only for a few minutes. The fresh air at the hospital's small garden is a reprieve he didn’t know he needed. He takes deep breaths, trying to shake off the weight that's settled on his shoulders.
As he walks back towards your room, he overhears a hushed conversation between two nurses. "It's been two weeks, and she's still fighting. It's remarkable," he hears one of them say. A glimmer of hope ignites in his chest. You're a fighter; you always have been.
Pushing open the door to your room, Tyler's heart skips a beat. One of the doctors, Dr. Emerson, is standing by your bed, reviewing the latest results. Tyler rushes in, anxiety and hope warring on his face.
"Any changes, Doc?" Tyler asks, his voice barely a whisper.
Dr. Emerson turns to him, a small, comforting smile on her face. "Her vitals are steadily improving. The brain activity shows promising signs. She's still in a coma, but these are good indicators. It’s just a matter of time."
With those reassuring words, Dr. Emerson gives Tyler a gentle nod before turning to leave the room, the other doctor following closely behind. The soft click of the closing door lingers in the air, marking the transition from clinical observation to personal vigil.
Tyler takes his seat beside you, gently holding your hand. "Hey, beautiful," he begins, his voice soft but steady. "I know you can hear me. I thought I'd share some stories, like old times."
He pauses for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "Remember the first storm we chased together? God, we were terrified but so exhilarated," he chuckles. "The sky was this angry shade of gray, and the wind was howling like it was possessed. We had no idea what we were doing, but we felt invincible."
Tyler's eyes glisten with unshed tears as he continues. "You kept yelling at me to keep the camera steady while you took notes. I think I was too busy being amazed by how fearless you were. The tornado touched down so close, and we got caught in the downdraft. But you... you never lost your cool. You guided us out of there like it was just another day at the office."
He squeezes your hand gently, hoping for any sign of acknowledgment. "Then there was that time in Kansas. Do you remember? We were staying at that run-down motel, and the power went out during the middle of the night. We ended up sitting in the car, wrapped in blankets, watching the lightning storm. You said it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off you."
The corners of Tyler's lips lift into a sad smile as he recounts more memories. "You were always the brave one, Y/N. Like that time we drove into the eye of the storm. Literally. Everyone told us it was too dangerous, but you convinced us, and we did it. And I'll never forget the look on your face when we made it out in one piece."
A silence hangs in the air for a moment, the only sounds coming from the steady beeps and hums of the medical equipment.
"I'm not gonna lie, Y/N. These past two weeks have been the hardest of my life. Seeing you like this... it's killing me. But I know you're fighting. You always do," Tyler says, voice cracking with emotion.
Tyler leans closer, his head resting on the side of your bed. He speaks softly, almost to himself. "You know, Dani was telling me about how you kept her sane during her first storm chase. She said she wouldn't have made it if it weren't for you. And Boone, he's a mess without you bossing him around. Dexter too. None of us are the same without you."
He looks at your serene face, a fresh wave of determination washing over him. "But we all believe in you. We know you're coming back to us. And when you do, we'll be ready with stories and laughs and everything that's been missing."
As the sun sets outside, casting a warm glow over the room, Tyler continues to talk. He recounts every little detail of your adventures together, from the funniest moments to the most heart-stopping ones, painting a vivid picture with his words.
The world is a foggy blur as consciousness slowly begins to seep back into your mind. The silence in the room is broken only by the rhythmic beeping of the medical machines. Your eyelids feel heavy as you struggle to open them, a sense of disorientation clouding your thoughts.
As your eyes finally flutter open, the dim light of the room gradually sharpens into focus. The first thing you see is Tyler, slumped in the chair beside your hospital bed. His hand grips yours tightly, as if even in sleep, he cannot let go. His face is etched with lines of stress and fatigue, evidence of the nights he has spent by your side.
For a few moments, you simply watch him. Even in his exhausted state, there’s an undeniable tenderness in the way he holds your hand. You notice the dark circles under his eyes, the stubble that has grown from days of neglecting himself. Deep down, an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love wells up within you. You realize now more than ever just how much he means to you.
Gradually, you muster the strength to give his hand a weak squeeze, something to pull him from the depths of his weariness. His eyes flutter open slowly, confusion briefly crossing his features before they lock onto yours. Instantly, his face transforms—a mix of shock, awe, and profound relief.
"Y/N..." he breathes, his voice shaky and filled with emotion. Tears pool in his eyes, and you can see him fighting to hold them back, but it’s a losing battle. As the realization washes over him, that you’re finally awake, his tears begin to fall freely. "You’re... you’re awake. Thank God, you’re awake."
A lump forms in your throat, making it hard to speak, but you manage a small smile. "Tyler," you rasp, the single word carrying all the emotions you can't yet express.
He lifts your hand to his lips, pressing fervent kisses to your knuckles. "I love you, Y/N. I love you so much," he chokes out, his voice breaking with raw emotion. "I thought... I thought I’d lost you. I’m so sorry, Y/N. For everything. For the things I said. I was scared and I handled it all wrong."
You can feel the wetness of his tears on your hand, and it breaks your heart to see him in such pain. Gathering what strength you can, you shake your head slightly. "No, Tyler. We both did things we regret. I pushed you away when I should have let you in. But we can’t change the past. We can only move forward."
He nods, his teary eyes never leaving yours. "We’ll fix this. Together," he vows, his voice filled with a newfound determination.
Your smile grows a bit stronger, as you grip his hand with a bit more strength. "Together," you echo, the word binding the two of you in a promise of unity and hope.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," Tyler repeats fervently, his tears now mingling with a relieved laugh.
You can't help but let out a light giggle, the sound so sweet to Tyler’s ears. "I love you, I love you, I love you," you reply, your heart feeling lighter for the first time in a long while.
Tyler chuckles softly, his expression softening as he looks at you. "I think the doctors are going to start charging me rent for how long I've been here."
You laugh weakly, the sound like music to his ears. "Well, as long as you don't start claiming squatter's rights. We might have to evict you."
His laughter mingles with yours, the room now filled with a warmth and happiness that seemed impossible just moments ago. "Deal. I'll leave when you do," he declares, his voice brimming with love and commitment.
The path to recovery will undoubtedly be long and arduous, but for now, the hardest part is over. The heavy cloud of uncertainty has lifted, replaced by a glimmering beacon of hope. The room, once cold and sterile, now feels warm, filled with the palpable power of your mutual love and commitment.
As the rhythmic beeping of the machines continues to fill the background, you and Tyler share a moment of silent understanding, knowing that whatever challenges lie ahead, you’ll face them hand in hand. "I love you," he whispers once more, the promise of these words a soothing balm to your soul.
"I love you," you whisper back, sealing the bond that will carry you through the days to come.
warnings: mentions of abusive relationship, depression, self harm & ed.
long post ahead. i decided to share a long rant about how my life was before i found out about the law & after i did. how i managed to cope with traumatic events & recurring suicidal thoughts. if any of these topics trigger you, then please skip the first part of this post! my success story will be on the third fragment of the post.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈: before the law of assumption
when i was fourteen years old i had my first ever boyfriend. he was, initially, what people would call “prince charming”. the first few months of dating him were perfect: he always made sure to look after me, bring me flowers, cuddle me when i asked him to and much more. he was also very cordial and well mannered; almost every person who knew him spoke highly of him. but little did i know, that i was actually living in a farce.
three months into our relationship and his demeanour started to switch gradually. at first, it was the smallest of things that made me question if he was still the same guy as before. he would no longer give me any of his attention, call me, comfort me or even buy me gifts (something that he often did). then, he started to mock me in front of his peers, get mad at any given time and verbally harass me. but nonetheless, i kept staying with him.
not long after, verbal abuse turned into physical abuse. he would lure me into his house after calling me, crying like a baby to convince me to come over. he would purposefully get angry at me for not tying my shoes “the way he told me to” or for not drinking water from the tap. after screaming at me and verbally abuse me for god knows how long, he would pick me up and slam me against the door and start chocking me. or he would slap me and beat me repeatedly on my stomach, arms and legs. he would do this for a good whole hour every time.
tw: sexual abuse after that, he would gaslight me and blame me for his behaviour. he would start crying and tell me “sorry” as i was lying on the floor with bruises all over my body. it wouldn’t take long before he would take me to his room to sexually assault me. i won’t go into detail about what he did, but you get the idea.
before taking the bus to get to my home, i would cover myself up as well as i could to hide my bruises and welts, not before trying my best to mask them with the makeup i had brought in my purse. this is why no one ever suspected anything bad going on. my parents are NOT to blame for this. i was the one hiding this from them, partially because i was ashamed of myself for being weak and frail and mostly because my boyfriend would threaten to kill me if i ever said a word to anyone.
this went on for months. after being abused, i would go home and lock myself in my room; i could do nothing if not cry and tear my hair apart from my scalp. unfortunately, this was the time i started self harming. i would do it in places where no one could see my scars and target my inner thighs. i was so ashamed of myself, but i just couldn’t stop hurting. all i wanted to do was die. what abuse did to me was: cause severe anxiety attacks to occur often, insomnia, fatigue, faint and so on. i even reached a point in life where i would stop eating completely or vomit the little food i ate during the day. in simple words, i became depressed.
at some point, i couldn’t hide this anymore: i was forcing myself to go to school because i wanted to make everyone believe i was fine, but my teachers & classmates started to worry about how i looked. at home, i could easily snuck into my room, stuff myself with clothes and lie to my parents about eating, but even they started to get suspicious. long story short, after passing out one day in school, i was taken to the hospital where i was diagnosed with and ed and depression. not being able to hide my body from anyone, the doctors saw all the leftover scars and fresh bruises from my abuse. this is when my parents’ worst fears came all up to surface. they immediately contacted the police to tell them about my boyfriend (he was eighteen at the time) and when he realized that he was in deep shit, he confessed to what he did, but blamed it on his “mental health”.
he was diagnosed with bpd and was left on probation, which wasn’t enough of a punishment for him. but thankfully, i found out that he was jailed not too long ago.
—————————
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈: when my identity got exposed on tumblr (after finding out about the law)
after two years, i had managed to recover. not mentally, but physically. this was around the time i had opened my law of assumption blog. when i found the law (a year before opening my blog), i did a lot of research on it and wanted to test if it was actually real. that’s when i found out about neville goddard and started reading pdfs of his books online. while reading them, i found out about the “I AM” state, now commonly known as the “VOID” state.
i think some of you guys remember my void success story (the one i shared on tumblr a year ago), where i had manifested things such as my appearance, moving out of my country etc. when i posted it, it was actually a year old, meaning that i had went into the void * almost a year before opening my tumblr.
when i opened my tumblr blog (halokisses) in february of 2022, i started sharing my success stories and advice on the loass and i gained quite the platform rather quickly. in less than three months i had amassed over three thousand followers, which is a lot. but this was also the time when a lot of negative and deranged people interacted (in anon mode) with my account. I would receive asks of people blaming me because they “couldn’t” manifest or enter the void. or people threatening me in general. it was becoming super frustrating.
i have to admit, as much as i was manifesting great things in my life, i didn’t have the time to cherish them and actually live them out. although, that was nothing anywhere near what i experienced a few months later.
when i was on a break from posting in july (2022) and was only active on my Instagram, my identity was stolen and violated. someone had decided to pretend to have both of my real names (that i had privately shared with a few of you guys on ig) and plagiarize my content. when i rightfully confronted this person, they backfired and made me look like the crazy, bad person harassing them. this got a lot of people to start attacking me, harassing me, send me death and rape threats and much more.
after that, i chose to leave tumblr (not deactivate my account yet). those months were very hard for me. i kept having nightmares of my identity being completely exposed by the hands of this person, because in my mind, i thought they could find more information about me that i never put out on the internet. grief was all i could feel. i once again started blaming myself for simply deciding to say my name online and beating myself up because of this. this lead me to gather all of my trauma and link it all together.
this may sound insane to many of you, but when someone suffers from ptsd, it’s not impossible for them to let such things affect them deeply, even if, in my case, i was dealing with this online and not in real life. to clarify, i don’t compare this specific event to my abuse. but it is important to recognise that it damaged me nonetheless. i was suffering with steady negative thoughts, nightmares and even suicidal thoughts at times.
thankfully tho, i was able to expose this person a few months later and detach from the situation for a little bit. i still had a lot of work to do to fully reach internal peace. but i felt like i could finally breathe after months of impending frustration and anxiety.
𝐈. 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 with everything that happened to me was honestly a difficult task and it took me months to finally reach internal peace. i want to specify that this post was made with the intention to get my past off my chest and bury it away forever. i don’t want to discourage people or make them think that it takes “this much” time to manifest your dream life. this is MY personal experience and how i personally dealt with it. i couldn’t be more proud of myself for it. i’m such a strong woman and i’m still so young. i couldn’t thank myself enough for being so tough and for standing firm.
what i learned from all this is that it’s essential to fight for yourself and inner peace. that’s what matters the most for me. finding the loass and being able to combine it all together definitely played a big role and it proves to me, once again, that as of right now (and forever), i won’t have to worry about anything. my past is dead and so are the people who hurt me. they better try and come back, but this time i won’t be so forgiving. i won’t let anyone ruin me like this anymore.
𝐈𝐈. 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 has got to be my favourite success story ever. from the start, i had the feeling that i would succeed and justice would be made n that’s exactly how it went. but the real success happened within me. i am now free from the shackles of my trauma. i don’t worry about anything anymore. i don’t blame myself for what happened to me. i moved on and let go. i have all the means to get back at the people who hurt me and will use them with no hesitation if needed. i don’t ruminate on negative thoughts and live my life peacefully. everything works out for me & nothing gets in my way.
౨ৎ⋆｡˚ ⋆ i’m once again honouring myself and admitting how happy i am to be me. to think that i was just a little girl when i dealt with my abuse and succeeded… it makes me infinitely proud of me. words can’t express how much i appreciate my mind and soul. i worship every inch of my body and i’m not ashamed to say so. and everyone should think about themselves this way. if you went through the things i did, i hug you dearly. you are so strong and you will succeed. i love you and if you need a helping hand, i’ll always be here. there are people out there who care about you and i’m the very first one. you’re an angel, you’re a pure soul and you deserve only good things in life.
i hope that everything wasn’t too harsh to read, i tried to be as less detailed as possible, but wait! the post is not concluded yet.
here to read about my success story ˚◞♡
𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘
〔 as briefly mentioned at the very end on this post of mine, i changed many many things about my life and therefore what i might’ve manifested in the past has changed. note: this is everything i manifested in the last month or two. i worked on myself and on my mental health first of course. some of the things listed down here are very recent and date back to a few weeks, if not days ago.〕
༄ ‧₊˚ WHAT I MANIFESTED
a new appearance from head to toe. believe it or not, this is actually the third time i change my appearance lmfao i knowww, but i always feel the constant need to change. this time tho, i’m pretty sure i’ll keep my appearance the way it currently is !!
moving out of where i used to live before. i won’t say where i went, but i LOVE it here! everyone is so nice & caring and i’ve been welcomed with open arms. all i can say is that i’ve moved continents and it was the best decision i could ever make. it took me a short amount of time to move out.
my best friend to come live with me. to clarify, she doesn’t live in my house, but she moved out with her parents so we could stay close. i also manifested that the both of us could speak the local language fluently and perfectly!
school to start later than most schools here. i just want to enjoy summer a little bit more before the mind-breaking routine restarts (i’m obviously joking lmao, i love school. no i don’t). ++ i manifested to go to a prestige school! i also might’ve manifested it to look similar to harry potter’s castle and i love it! i genuinely can’t wait to start just for this.
travelling a lot more than i used to. my goal is to visit as many places around the world as possible and it’s something that i’ve been doing in the course of the past month. i’m taking so many pictures too with my new digital camera that *drum rolls* i manifested in literally a day! it was insane how fast it happened, but honestly i’m not surprised anymore because everything i desire manifests instantly.
to stay safe and protected at all times. over two years ago, when i went into the void, i had manifested my fighting skills and they’ve only gotten better overtime! imagine mikasa ackerman type of fighter, yeah that’s how i am so y’all better watch out.
healing & helping people deal with their trauma. this is so important to me and it’s honestly the favourite thing i manifested. it’s pretty self explanatory, but if you guys want to know more about this (and need help), please don’t be afraid to text me.
to pass all my tests, finals, etc. and i also manifested to shift into my “school dr” five minutes before each test (whether it’s oral or written) to get all the correct answers. i can’t wait to try this out, tho i still will be studying regardless, because i love doing so! (except for maths & chem lol)
for my parents & loved ones to forget what i went through as a young girl. basically, i revised them ever having trauma after me. it was the right decision to make and i’ll forever be thankful for it.
to revise and go to the weeknd’s concert!! i had a blast y’all this was one the best things i could ever think of. last year i couldn’t go to abel’s concert because i was on vacation, but i manifested going there anyways and now i have such a vivid memory of it + all the videos i took are in my camera roll.
to never spiral or dwell on my negative thoughts. letting go of traumatic events + always reminding myself of how strong and powerful i am and that nothing can get in my way. (aka always manifest instantly and successfully)
for all of my scars to be fully healed and for internal wounds to riparate + to never get ill or get terminal diseases (this works for my loved ones as well).
plus many more things that i can’t think of right now! ♡
༄ ‧₊˚ HOW I DID IT
before anyone asks, no i did not use the void or any other method. i don’t go into the void anymore, because there’s no need for it. it’s an instant state just like ANY OTHER.
you’re always in a state (your I AM=awareness). the void is just your awareness shifting into your I AM where you’re simply assuming that there’s emptiness around you, hence you’re not in your physical world.
here’s how i manifested my dream life:
𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟏.
i decided what I wanted. i had a deep self-to-self talk and understood EXACTLY my desires and wants. i asked my heart what it truly longed for. then i made my decision
i scripted a few things out, such as my full detailed appearance, where i would move out and how my school looked like. the rest of the stuff was not scripted. ♡ TIP: i find it easier to use pictures and put them all together in a collage to have a clear image of everything i’m changing.
𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟐.
i used my all-time favourite affirmation to seal the deal and ACCEPTED MY DESIRES AS REAL. the umbrella affirmation i used is: “it is done”. here’s some affirmations you can use:
it is done
i have everything i desire/want
i got it all
i am
*any word that you choose implies that you have what you want* ie: “pink”
ACCEPTANCE of myself and HAVING FAITH were the key steps of my journey. it was somewhat easy for me to tap into the STATE OF THE WISH FULFILLED since i had manifested many things before, however this does not imply that it should be hard for others to tap into it quickly and easily. you are always in a STATE, you just have to decide which one.
i sticked with MY STATE as much as i could: if i would get discouraged or suddenly get negative thoughts, i would let those thoughts hit and dip. i wouldn’t acknowledge them whatsoever.
NOTE: i would still interact with the 3d regularly. ie: if i had to write down where i lived, i put my old city as such and so on. but i kept on EXCLUSIVELY acknowledge my imagination (=4d) and dismiss the 3d. i KNEW i lived in x city in x country in x continent and moved on.
𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏 𝟑
the 3d conformed. faster than the speed of light i might add. it might’ve felt odd, because i had never manifested such important things without the void (see, everything is possible and instant without the void), but everything worked out perfectly and went accordingly to plan ˘͈ᵕ˘͈
𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒
i would like to end this post by saying that it was 100% my choice to share about my past with you guys and in no way, shape or form i made this for others to feel pity or compassion for me. i don’t need it and don’t want it. i just felt ready and serene to share something really delicate about me to encourage people to always fight for themselves.
and this is also a rant to explain to people that if a blogger wants to share more about themselves and share sensitive topics like these, it’s because they want to. you shouldn’t be the one deciding for them or, worse, expose their personal life to the claws of the internet. this was a throughly made decision by ME ONLY.
i hope you guys found this post helpful and liked everything that i manifested! thank you for being here & for being patient and attentive.
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