The Droll Skeptic

Perrine Laffont - Women’s moguls - MIC’D UP

The first ever Major League Baseball game played in Iowa occurred last week on the site where the movie Field of Dreams was filmed in the late 1980s. The event was aired on primetime network television which is rare for MLB games these days. The nostalgia infused event received good reviews and served as very positive publicity for a league that has had to deal with many controversies as of late, including the recent widespread use of foreign substances by pitchers which resulted in unpopular umpire inspections.

Due to the success of this special game, MLB officials have already announced a special "Sandlot" game slated for next season in the San Fernando valley of Los Angeles. Fan excitement is already at a high level for this game which will pay tribute to the beloved movie about neighborhood kids whose experience playing baseball in a poor-quality “sandlot” had a great influence during a formative summer of 1962.

The game will feature an authentic rugged field, complete with infield rocks and a rickety old wooden outfield fence that borders homes in the neighborhood. Just as Kevin Costner promoted last week’s game, James Earl Jones will be brought in to promote the game who was featured in both the Sandlot and Field of Dreams.

Unlike the recent game, the sandlot game will have bonus features including a few rule changes. To start, the game will include a giant dog chained behind the rickety outfield fence, female lifeguards in place of traditional ball girls, and the whole game will be sponsored by Baby Ruth candy bars. There will only be a very limited supply of baseballs, which may force players to retrieve homerun balls from the dog. Finally, in an attempt to broaden female interest of MLB, at the end of the game, one player with be honored with the “playing like a girl” award for outstanding performance. Finally, in keeping with the spirit of the rugged sandlot theme and experience, fans will only be allowed to sit on small aluminum bleachers or lawn chairs they bring with them, and concession food sizes will be limited to “smalls” only.

Still unsatisfied with excitement in recent years for a new symbol to fly atop local flag poles, yet another design has been put forth for a new flag to represent the city of Springfield, MO. While very similar to the redesign posted proudly by local area residents and businesses (although still not officially adopted by the city), supporters of the new flag design believe that the slight change will finally latch on to more citizens, spread uncontrollably, and overwhelm city officials until they have no choice but to officially adopt the new design.

The former compass symbol has been replaced by what appears to be a ball with little trees attached. Some people think that it is meant to represent the large and abundant trees in the city which is a favorite feature to many.

Dyson inventor creates new design that will be the end all vacuum. In his press conference he also promised that it would be the most expensive yet. The Dyson brand creator broke into the market in 2000 when he recognized that there was a problem with the standard model vacuums on the market.

Purple NURPLEs (Non-Urban/Rural Political Leverage Enclaves) may really hurt Republicans this election cycle as these suburban and traditionally red-centered zones get politically pinched by the current events of 2020.  Democrats have really focused on messaging to these people and have been able to make contact through extremely aggressive campaign attacks which even bypass traditional "no touch" zones.  However, some analysts believe this strategy is better described as a twisting of the NIPs (Non-registered and Independent Persons).  

“Republicans may be feeling the pain for several hours or even a day after the election and accompanied by severe bruising of egos...depending on how much skin they have in the game,” said political theory professor, T.T. Surding.

The professor further explained that the intensity of pain experienced will be directly related to the size, sensitivity, and gender of the NIPs.  In addition, some NIPs contain highly partisan corridors which pierce through the very center of these zones.  In these cases, the post-election pain can be even more severe.  Although, some people actually find this pain to be pleasurable and usually tend to be more liberal.