The Dinner Dates

It’s sad but true: The Dinner Dates were officially disbanded as of April 7th. My apologies for the delayed notification of this news, but I wanted to have a clear idea in my head of what direction the channel would be headed in first before I wrote this post. As of today... I’m still not entirely sure what the direction will be, or even if videos will continue to be produced for the channel at all.

Bag shambles in once again with this not so fresh BAGZ STRATZ. This week, Bag presents us Dying Light and demonstrates a classic technic you can use yourself, or die trying!

Remember to get to the tower before dark and as always, "CHECK YOURSELF!"™

I’m glad you like that, dunno if it’s because we know playing to our personalities instead of base, “character” jokes based on where’s we’re from is better, or because we’ve just forgot we’re from different countries. But hey, it worked out, right?

As on the LP front, I’m personally not sure. I plan to free up a lot of time and try (and hopefully make more then one episode of) another LP. If there’s real interest in it, I’ll get a poll up of games I’d like the idea of. 

Lastly, yes I would love to do a full LP with dual commentary. Hell, I would bring in Tag if the chance ever came up, so I’m sure we’ll do something in the future

Is this what you meant?**

~B

Rivals turned unlikely allies Hab and Bag team up to save their town from the clutches of the villainous Slick!

River City Ransom EX is a 2004 remake of the classic Technōs Japan NES beat 'em up, as re-imagined for the Game Boy Advance by Million. An entry in the "Kunio-kun" franchise, it puts players in the shoes of delinquent student Kunio or Riki (Alex or Ryan in English territories) as they work together to save the latter's girlfriend from a villain who has assumed control of all the towns delinquent gangs.

In addition to the classic beat 'em up gameplay, the game features RPG elements including stat-building and learning new attacks over the course of the game (by buying and consuming various foods and other commodities). In further addition to this, the EX version of the game adds the ability to recruit bosses as allies, character customization options, and the ability to modify the physics and damage values of the game itself.

When players think of the Sonic the Hedgehog series, two things typically come to mind: Comprehensive quality testing, and kickin' tunes. But which tunes are the most kickingest of them all? Kick back and relax, while we count down the top five best songs to come from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise.

Commentary by Habermann.

For whatever reason, the "Port Authority" video seems to attract all sorts of different jerks looking to harass us for various different reasons! The latest was a guy who wanted to point out some "mistakes" in the video, but chose to do so in an ultra-aggressive and weirdly personal way. But as far as requests for a next episode, at least those seem to have cooled over the course of the past year or so (which'll make it all the more surprising to everyone if I post a second episode outta' nowhere or something).

"Hab, Bag, Tag" is dead for three reasons. For one, finding a time to get all three of us together to record for upwards of two hours has gotten increasingly more difficult, and so billing the show as a three-man program sort of backfired on us. Secondly, we say some pretty uninformed shit in the early episodes, as we were still in the early stages of our ever-ongoing process to be more socially conscious and respectful. I don't much like the thought of someone discovering the series now, then going back into our archives to hear us say those stupid things at the beginning.

It sometimes feels like the majority of gaming-related channels on YouTube indulge in "offensive commentary" (if not the whole Internet at large). The single most popular gaming channel on YouTube is run by a guy who built his subscriber base on top of rape and pedophilia jokes, and who justifies his comedy as "It's funny because it's offensive." You can't enter a Twitch.tv chat without surrounding yourself with shitheads acting like shitheads. The word "gamer" has come to be synonymous with jerks who dabble in sexism, racism, and *phobia.

These are all pretty good signs that the "video game videos" scene is kind of fucked up right now.

And so, that's why we take some amount of pride in being inoffensive. I wouldn't call it "walking on eggshells" so much as "not going for the laziest, easiest, least funny jokes." There are people who are appreciative of the fact that we try to avoid offending, and we appreciate them. We certainly appreciate them more than folk who feel obligated to try to convince us that we should be offensive. There are hundreds of thousands of other channels you can tune into if you need your fix for gamers alienating people who don't like being offended.

Cuteosphere wrote a very good counter-point to the argument that "avoiding being offensive leads to bland humor." I'll quote a bit of it here for folk not inclined to click on links:

Bigoted jokes and content rely purely on the audience being “in on the joke” and nothing else, they’re little better than memes in terms of originality. Resorting to tired stereotypes and “shock” values isn’t exciting or explorative, it’s boring monkey-see-monkey-do.

[...]

I guess what I’m saying is “offensiveness”, as it’s described by society, isn’t actually offensive to the audience most media is marketed to. It’s safe and familiar, and it has become so at the expense of marginalised people. And I don’t care for it.

Hab and Hbomb fight to save the country of Verdite, solve the puzzles of the Sanctuary, and keep from dying horribly in this slow-paced predecessor to the Demon's / Dark Souls franchise.

King's Field is a 1994 first-person RPG for the original PlayStation, developed and published by From Software exclusively for Japan. Not only one of the earliest games for PlayStation, it is one of the early 3D RPGs as well. But it's simple graphics and seemingly simple mechanics mask a cryptic and complex game.

Setting a precedent for future From Software releases, the game employs a variety of mean-spirited tricks and traps in order to punish careless players. Requiring near-perfect precision and timing, while simultaneously saddled with one of the slowest-moving protagonists in gaming history, you should be probably prepared to die.

Lords of the Fallen is a broken mess in the best possible way, like putting half a broken CD in your Walkman and discovering you've accidentally invented the best post-rock album of all time. Except, video games.

Lords of the Fallen is an action role-playing game developed by Deck13 Interactive and CI Games, and published by Bandai Namco Games in 2014 for PC, PS4, and Xbox One. Compared by critics to the Dark Souls franchise (some going as far as to claim it as a rip-off), it was met with mixed reviews upon release, and deemed inferior to the more popular franchise.

The game pits players in the role of Harkyn; a convicted criminal with the unfortunate fate of displaying a tattooed list of his sins across his face. He begins a quest to save the world(?) from its seemingly evil rulers, who plan to "banish all evil from humans." To this end, he must kill all of them with a variety of melee weapons, or simply by repeatedly shield bashing them thanks to a broken mechanic (as demonstrated in this very video).

Commentary by Hbomberguy.

Hab and Bag seek to destroy forever "The Curse of the Evil Count," in Castleva... Oh, wait. I guess we're just here to rescue Simon Belmont's wife? Killing Dracula seems to just be incidental.

Haunted Castle (also known as Akumajō Dracula in Japan) was developed and published by Konami for arcades in 1988. Officially an entry in the Castlevania series, and serving as something of a remake of the original game, it inexplicably ditched the franchise name when released outside of Japan. Perhaps to avoid tarnishing the reputation of the series any further after the release of Castlevania II: Simon's Quest?

Unforgivably difficult even by the standard set by the original Castlevania, Haunted Castle is an exercise in frustration and memorization. Tossing entirely unpredictable sources of damage at players at every turn, and with movement speed so slow dodging is no form of an option, the game almost guarantees that first-time players will die in short order.

However - in another completely inexplicable business move - players are only allowed three continues, regardless of how many quarters they may insert. If you are particularly foolish, you can convert unused continues into extra health, which you will instantaneously lose all of if you are unfortunate enough to fall down one of the many holes in the game. It ain't easy bein' a Belmont.

As it turns out, there's not too much to go ballistic about in this handheld first-person shooter based on a flop film.

Ecks vs. Sever is a Game Boy Advance FPS developed by Crawfish Interactive and published by Bam! Entertainment. Based on an unused script for the film Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (and released the year before the film itself), it pits you in the role of either character from the film, as you mow down waves of what appear to be law enforcement despite either character having their own ties to it.

With a 2.5D engine similar to that of Doom - lacking slopes and the ability to stack rooms on top of each other - the game plays like a modern take on classic early 90's FPS. With objective-driven gameplay and several of other modern amenities lacking in older games, the game is actually quite impressive technically. Thanks to this effort, the game has eclipsed the actual film in critical acclaim and popularity over time, which is quite a rare feat!

Habermann and Hbomberguy take a bite out of crime, while taking a look at one of the most novel lightgun games of all time!

Police 911 (also known as Police 24/7 in Europe and The Keisatsukan: Shinjuku Ni Juu Yon Toki in Japan) is an arcade light gun shooter / "police simulator," developed and published by Konami in 2000. It pits you as - you guessed it - a police officer taking on criminals in either the United States or Japan [depending on which localization of the game you're playing].

The novelty lies in the fact that in addition to aiming and shooting, players are also meant to duck and dodge out of the way of incoming attacks. In arcades [and with the "Eye Toy" peripheral on PS2], this is accomplished by motion-sensing cameras that track your real world movement, allowing you to literally duck into in-game cover. Alternatively, and much less interestingly, you can also use an analog stick on your controller to accomplish these movements.

EDITOR'S NOTE: "Bite Size" is going to be a new series of shorter, more casual video game videos. They're a lot easier to produce and put out, as well as to schedule guest commentary for. Theoretically, this means we'll be putting out more of these short-form videos between larger / longer videos, without interfering too much with the production of those.

Hbomb announces his plans for upcoming stuff and things on The Dinner Dates channel. Will it be new videos? You'd certainly hope so!

Today, we begin the hunt for America's "Most Wanted Fugitive," Osama Bin Laden. Naturally, our search begins in... Miami Florida?

Fugitive Hunter: War on Terror (also known as America's 10 Most Wanted) is a first-person shooter developed by Black Ops Entertainment, published by Encore Software in late 2003. The player assumes the role of one Jake Seaver: An agent for the government task force "CIFR" on the hunt for America's 10 most wanted fugitives.

To this end, you are sent to locations across the globe and pitted against crude stereotypes of various ethnicities, with each enemy faction being composed of the same three or four character models recycled ad nauseam. For example: Gang violence in the United States is "symbolized" by three recycled caricatures of African Americans. Gameplay takes place primarily in first-person, but shifts to an awkward one-on-one fighting minigame when facing "bosses."

The game was met with negative critical reception, as well as reportedly low sales. Clearly, the developers had hoped to exploit the fears of a post-9/11 America, offering them the opportunity to "get back at the terrorists." Luckily, they were unable to capitalize on it. With a number of other lackluster games under their belts, as well as a handful of largely despised licensed titles (including the game for Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines), Black Ops Entertainment would cease operations in 2006.

Commentary by Habermann.

And so begins another Let's Play!

WORD OF WARNING: There's the chance that this LP is gonna get "political" at some point. Which is to say, I'm not gonna be able to stand for all the stereotyping and American jingoism for too long before I start waxing critical of it.