The DID in Me

Always getting different answers for personality tests

Never being able to settle on a certain style or aesthetic

Always dealing with “fleeting” skills to the point where you could write a complicated and beautifully written paragraph and then a couple hours later not being able to write a cohesive sentence

Strange relationships with people where one moment you could barely be with them for more than a second and then an hour or two later you’re absolutely head over heels

Memory. “What even happened yesterday? What did I even do this morning?”

I’m pretty sure I forgot some so please add more!!

Do not:

Treat them differently. They’re the same person they were yesterday.

Judge them. No one asks to be abused or traumatized.

Hold it against them. If they trusted you enough to tell you, honor it or get out.

Turn it into your problem by saying it hurts you. Throwing yourself a pity party and acting personally attacked that they’re only just now bringing it up is manipulative and generally a shitty thing to do. At the end of the day no one owes you any information on their past abuse or trauma so don’t act like it.

Assume right off the bat they’re lying just because it’s only now coming to light.

Make it about you and try to relate it to things you’ve personally experienced.

Do:

Offer support as best you can.

Keep in mind that with they’re recollection, there may be new triggers that weren’t applicable before. Respect those possible new triggers.

Listen without interrupting.

Remind them that this new recollection doesn’t change your view of them, if that’s something they worry about.

Remember this person is the same as they were yesterday, the only difference is now you have new information on things that happened to them.

- Don’t make a big deal out of it

- say hello to whoever’s out

- check if they’re okay. Sometimes switches can be caused by trauma triggers

- Ask if they know where they are, what they’re doing, etc. If they don’t, tell them

Last year, I was officially diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, and let me tell you that I was shocked.

After getting misdiagnosed with almost everything out there, I was diagnosed with something that I never thought I could have, ever.

A couple of months later, I started going into the self doubt spiral.

This is my advice for systems doubting themselves:

Doubting yourself is completely normal. DID is meant to be covert and hidden, it’s a defense mechanism after all, almost every system out there doubted their experience at some point, it’s okay.

NOT EVERY SYSTEM IS LIKE SYSTEMS ON TUMBLR. Oh my god, I WISH someone would have told me this last year. You don’t have to have a bed in your room for each alter. You don’t have to have perfect communication with your alters. You don’t have to talk with them on a daily basis and switch 1000 times a day, just no. My communication with my alters is terrible. I sometimes go months without fully switching, days and even weeks without alters talking in my head. My alters mostly work through passive influence and that’s okay. You really don’t have to have a system like the ones you see on here to be valid, please remember that.

Not everything’s “you’re valid uwu”, no. Sometimes you make mistakes, sometimes doctors make mistakes and it’s okay. There are a lot of disorders that might have a similar presentation to DID like BPD, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. You need to be completely honest with yourself about your experiences. You really don’t want to get misdiagnosed and get treated for something that you don’t have “terrible idea, believe me”. If you’re honest with yourself about your experience, then there’s nothing to worry about.

Please don’t obsess over labels. There was this time when I was almost always co conscious with my protector and I kept wondering if I actually have OSDD, and it made me really depressed. It does not matter whether you have DID or OSDD, they’re almost the same thing and the point is, you have gone through trauma that fractured your identity so it really doesn’t matter what you have. Doctors treat symptoms, not labels. It’s okay to be confused for a while ❤️.

Yes, alters can go dormant for a lot of time and that’s completely normal. No, that doesn’t mean that you’re faking.

Sometimes you can switch without knowing or noticing the switch, so don’t obsess over why you aren’t switching too often.

It takes A LOT of time to have a good communication with your alters. It really isn’t as easy as tumblr makes it seems to be.

You don’t have to have obvious and overt symptoms of DID to be valid. I haven’t had so many proofs of my amnesia, only 4 times or something. I have also never experienced dissociative fugue, and that’s okay.

Amnesia for your own amnesia. Sometimes you don’t even notice that you lost time or that you said something that you have no memory of until someone points it out. So again don’t obsess over not switching too often.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT focus too much on your alters or your disorder. Do not go googling symptoms of DID and reading tons of articles for hours. This is just gonna make your self doubt much worse. It’s okay to learn about your disorder, just don’t do it too much because everyone experiences DID differently and that might increase your doubt.

Always keep in mind that DID is different for everyone. My best friend has DID and our systems are completely different. He switches much more often and he has no idea how many alters does he have, doesn’t know their names or anything about them, however my amnesia is much worse than his. Seeing systems acting differently doesn’t mean that you’re fake.

Since I brought this up, it’s okay not to know anything about your alters. I have around 16 alters and maybe more, I only know and have communicated with 6 of them. Again, it’s not as easy as tumblr makes it seems.

It’s okay not to feel like you’re a multiple. It’s okay not to refer to yourself as “we”. I personally never refer to myself as we unless I’m talking specifically about me and my alters.

It’s okay to have more overt symptoms after getting your diagnosis, and it’s also okay for your symptoms to be less after diagnosis. It’s really common that alters start being much more visible after diagnosis, that doesn’t mean you’re faking. Despite being less common but it’s okay to have less symptoms after getting diagnosed. Your alters might be just scared, I have experienced this and it made me feel like I was faking it all, but it doesn’t. Sometimes, your alters are as scared as you, maybe even more.

I wish someone would have told me this last year, so here I am, telling you why you shouldn’t worry, this too shall pass, trust me.

Also, feel free to add your own advice.

If you need anything, don’t hesitate to message us, we’d be more than glad to help!

I’ve seen a lot of posts saying what triggers do and do not do, and many times, I’ve seen it written that triggers do not make you angry, that they’re more likely to cause strong anxiety, panic, numbness, etc.

But coming from someone whose triggers invoke a gut-wrenching fury: Triggers CAN make you angry. They can remind you of the unfairness, trauma, and hurt of the past, and a normal human reaction to things like that is anger.

It’s not wrong for triggers to make you angry, and you’re not in the wrong for feeling it. Anger is an emotion that rarely gets addressed in relation to trauma, and I think that needs to change.

Your anger in response to triggers is valid.

Dissociation is a defense mechanism used by the mind to protect oneself from a perceived threat. Witnessing or experiencing a traumatic incident or enduring chronic abuse may result in the development of this mental process. Dissociation is most often developed during one’s childhood, as children are more susceptible to imaginative thinking and escapism during times of stress. Once this method of detachment has been learned it can be difficult to rid oneself of it, thus leading to interference in one’s daily life even after they have escaped the abuse. 

Dissociation can be difficult to handle when you’re in a public setting such as work or school, or when you’re around friends and family who are unable to recognize the signs. It’s common to be stuck in an uncomfortable situation dissociating and not knowing what to do. It’s common to dissociate without knowing you’re dissociating. It’s common to feel overwhelmed or controlled by your dissociation.

This post is going to focus on the impact of dissociation in each area of one’s life and how to deal with it. Recognizing when you are dissociating and how you dissociate is a great first step to becoming more self-aware and gaining more control over your trauma.

Signs at school:

Repetitive memory lapses, including forgetting assignments or forgetting taught material. Based on the severity, you may only remember the basics of a subject, or you may have forgotten the basics (such as simple division or multiplication in math)

Feeling like other students are robots, or are not real, or are duplicates. This feeling may be more intense when walking in hallways between classes, or during recess or lunch

Feeling as though your desk or reading materials are twenty feet away despite them being inches from you

Staring at the clock yet being unable to read it

Poor grades caused by memory lapses, or poor grades caused by apathy resulting from a sense of derealization

Static in your vision when reading or feeling like your peripheral vision is closing in on you or darkening 

Teachers or classmates repeating questions to you multiple times because you did not hear them, not being receptive to interaction

Writing letters backwards without knowing, presenting disarrayed and odd essays

Staring at your assignment unblinkingly for minutes, acting as if you are frozen or in a catatonic haze

What can you do?

Use your five senses to connect with reality. Without being distracting to other students, fiddle with your eraser or pencil, or flip repetitively through the pages in your book. Do anything you can to feel physically present. If your teacher would allow you to, using a stress ball to squeeze may help tremendously 

Keep your eyes moving. By remaining active, you’ll reduce the amount of “spacing out” you experience. Repetitively blink your eyes and look around the room. Avoid staring at one spot for a prolonged period of time.

Use humor. Look at your teacher and imagine them wearing something funny or saying something ridiculous. Think of a joke you know that always makes you smile

Look for opportunities to become more engaged with your surroundings. If you’re having trouble reading, volunteer to read out loud if possible, as this may help you process the information better. If the teacher asks if anyone has a question, ask one to engage in conversation and distract yourself. This is a good way of interacting with someone without getting in trouble 

If you have to, dismiss yourself to the bathroom and splash some cold water in your face. This may help you come to your senses

If you know of any specific triggers at school, whether it be a person or a certain room, try to avoid being around them, or in that room. If there is no way of avoiding your triggers, mentally prepare yourself before facing the triggers and have a plan set up ahead of time for if you do begin dissociating

Signs at work:

A sudden decrease in performance for seemingly no reason

Repetitively messing up orders or misconstruing information given to you by a customer or client

Feeling as though you are staring right through a customer or client

Severe memory lapses, such as forgetting tasks you’ve practiced for months, forgetting the name of the business you work for, or forgetting your name when introducing yourself to a customer or client

Coworkers commenting on your behavior, possibly saying you’re acting cold, quiet, rude, or distant

Reacting intensely to any mistakes you make; alternatively, acting completely indifferent towards any mistakes you make

Getting lost in thought when coworkers are talking to you

Feeling compelled to act in a certain way, monitoring your every action, feeling as though you are pretending to be you

What can you do?

If possible, walk as much as you can to remain active. This will be much easier to achieve for people who do not have desk jobs. If you have a desk job, interact with items on your desk. If you’re allowed to, bring an item to work that’s interactive that you can adorn your desk with

If you have a desk job, tape a piece of paper to your desk or cabinets to remind you of what to do when you feel this way, or tape a joke or something lighthearted such as a kitten image

If you’re given breaks, take advantage of them. Eat something, splash cold water on your face, listen to music, or if you’re allowed to, drive to a nearby gas station or store to get out of the building and become more attuned to your surroundings. Being in an open area with fresh air may help

Create games to keep yourself focused on something other than your dissociation or trauma. Examples would be seeing how many customers you can make smile, or seeing how many customers you can get to order a specific item, or seeing if you can convince a coworker to buy you a coffee

Talk to your boss if needed. The way you approach the conversation should be based on their personality and level of knowledge regarding trauma or mental disorders. You may need to compile resources for them to read or retrieve some type of note from your therapist for them to read. Effective communication is a vital key to maintaining any relationship, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or purely business. 

Signs at home:

Identity confusion, such as acting in a fashion you or your family and friends would consider offensive

Out of body experiences, feeling as though you are watching yourself from above

Feeling as though you are in a movie

Friends or family members saying you have a “glazed” look, or that your eyes appear empty

Experiencing an inability to feel pain, developing a numbness to it

Objects around you appearing diminished in size or looking artificial

 Severe memory lapses, such as forgetting the name of your street, forgetting who your close friends are, or forgetting specific periods of your life

Not recognizing yourself in the mirror

Tunnel vision or blurry vision

A lack of belonging when out with family or friends

Being unable to account for things you’ve done, such as not remembering completing a purchase, not remembering writing a letter you’ve found, or finding unexplained clothes in your closet

Time loss, or feeling as though you’ve forgotten everything during a period of time, or feeling like you’ve blacked out

What can you do?

Count different colored things in the room. Three red things, five greens things, and so forth. Doing this is a good way to distract yourself and stay aware of your surroundings

Take a cool bath or shower

Hold ice cubes in your hand or put your hand in a bowl of ice cubes. This will wake you up and is a good way to avoid self-harming if you want to feel something

Engage in a productive hobby you enjoy, such as drawing, writing, or reading

Start cleaning

Instead of texting, try calling a friend. Hearing someone’s voice may help ground you

If you have a pet, interact with them. Let them crawl on you or sit on you. Play with them. Talk to them