idk, ask me later

I was the person I so strongly pretend to be

And maybe that's why she couldn't help but be indifferent to religion: why would anyone desire to live on someone else's territory when you're just too fitting on your own lands? No one could be as comfortable on heaven as she was on earth, where she belonged. Where it belonged to her. 

Sunny day, but freezing cold Sky is blue, the grass is gold I’m positive it doesn’t snow down in San Francisco Is it pretty like this every day, though? I don’t mean to say the grass is greener on the other side But everything up north just seems to glow Or haven’t you seen how fresh everything looks In the hills of California? Great, vast world You didn’t expect me to settle for low Or a city that doesn’t understand That all that it can give me Is never enough Great big world You kept me alive and you don’t even know That back in those days when my mind was gray When I swug half my body outside the window and couldn’t pray When I bit down my pillow so they wouldn’t hear me scream I didn’t think about my family  I didn’t think about god I thought about the unknown About how I could not die Without seeing the Eiffel shine Without walking the streets of London Hearing the boats in Monaco Dancing with the dead in Mexico Swimming the Pacifico How I’m grateful for the unknown For all the cities I’ve never been, all the places I did not go When I seemed all ready to let it go Away The wish to discover Has kept me afloat I love the unknown I love the feeling of being in a city much bigger than myself In a world much bigger than my own I could have died for myself but I’d live for New York And that sensation of renew Of making me who I am Who I was born to be That only somewhere new can give me That makes my soul shine  That makes me whole Yes, I love the unknown I love all the places I do not yet know I love all possibilities of the world I love how that little spark When I was about to perish Became a fire so rough It burned my entire dull city down It burned all my fears out Replaced by the burning desire To live To feel alive To savor what I already love To wander this earth until it is mine Like I am hers. 

My momma doesn’t love me How could she? I don’t blame her I’m everything she warned me not to be But she can scrape the surface We can pretend For one another We are friends And everything is fine, everything is blue When I close my eyes And say the words that sound like prayer to you I’m not sure you know, I’m positive you don’t care How bad I have to fake it  How much that’s not what I am And I know you do Pray for me and want me to Get married, get kids Live the life like you planned me Mom, I wish Life must be easier when you have relief When you have something to believe Other than yourself But I’m not easy, I never was We both should have known it from birth I’m not naive, mom I’m only twenty two and know nothing of the world Yet I made this choice long ago Didn’t want to tell you, we don’t need to face the truth (now) I’m a dissapointment, I know Even before you told me so But you are no failure mom, no That’s not how it goes Kids are weird You have them and they’re a little ball Of flesh and bone and hair and nothing And eventually that little ball Turns into a slighter bigger ball Of flesh and bone and something And that something is shaped by you As much as I’m shaping this poem I know where it’s going But it has a life of its own I have a life of my own Sorry mom My own life is not as pretty as you dreamed it would be But it is mine, still What I can I will Promise you For a little longer Still pretend Still close my eyes and say the words Still lie when staying out late Not talk about the guys I date Because, still I’d rather pretend Than to live again inside the hurricane Than to know you’d fall asleep wondering Where did you get me wrong Mom, I got myself wrong I’m only twenty two and life is still new But I lift off your shoulders the weight Of the life I chose That’s on me You will love what I let you think for a little longer And then  Your little girl will grow And it will be up to you To love her as she will To love me still. 

I can’t lie but I can try I can pretend Not to feel like a little girl when you’re around Not to giggle and smile at your every sign Am I overthinking? I read between every line Never been romantic, never believed in sacrifices But I can’t help but wish All your verses were about me That you’d lay by my side and sing me to sleep That you’d want me like I want you Like I really want you Boy, I’m a language you can red I translated myself for you Put the shields down, tore down the walls You didn’t have to break them You didn’t even have to try Boy, I don’t understand Why you mess with me so bad when no one else can? They’re all players I can play I’m nothing but a doll in your hands You are far away, a different time zone But when you whisper my name and make me crave your touch I feel you close And I feel a fool Because I want you like no one else And roll hours wondering if you want me too My mind keeps playing tricks on me Showing me signs I’m not sure exist My heart keeps failing me Melting down when you speak to me I tried to stop but I don’t want it to end How could I?  Whenever I’m not thinking of you There you are again. 

I hope my soul remembers your name

Pra quem já viveu tsunami, todo o resto é caldo. A onda quebra na praia, mas a corrente não pode me levar. A âncora que me afogou, hoje me segura no lugar. Da água, do sal e das feridas eu criei o meu lar. Nenhum marinheiro jamais será bom pra me domar. Eu me curei, eu renasci. Quem é mar não precisa saber nadar. 

Figure me out

From our own homes From ourselves From those Whose power outkills the virus

Lights on, curtains out Show’s up but I won’t take a bow I don’t hope you’ll understand That I’m sorry you fell for me  I don’t even know who I am