the darlings of oblivion

Was I wrong about Thor? Was I wrong about the talking dogs in Up? If my endorsement still means nothing to you, I'll explain myself.  In no particular order:

James McAvoy is Gnomeo. And is he ever.

Dolly Gnome. That's right. Dolly. Dolly Parton. As lawn gnome. As lawn gnome Dolly Parton. 

Pointy hat euphemisms.  Because the characters are LAWN GNOMES.

It's a musical, a real, musical-style musical. I'm quoting myself directly here, circa six minutes into watching:  "Oh my f***ing god, they dance." 

Soundtrack consisting almost exclusively of classic Elton John songs. I'm talking: Your Song, Saturday Night's Alright, Hello Hello. YOU:  Are you KIDDING? ME: NO I AM NOT.

Bollywood breakout dance scenes. But. With. Lawn. Gnomes. They form lines. They move through them. Their shit is tight. They referring here to lawn gnome Shakespearean characters.

Shakespeare/theatre/Shakespearean theatre jokes more than even I could follow. I kept noticing onces I missed each time and I watched it <embarrassing number of> times.  

Jason Statham as Tybalt. I would not even think of lying to you about this.

Ozzy Osbourne is a fawn lawn statue, though essentially he plays himself.

It's an adaptation and as everyone knows: adaptations > (all moves - starring Mark Wahlberg). Adaptations of Romeo and Juliet are perhaps overdone, but how many adaptations of Baz Luhrman's adaptation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet have you ever seen?  And how many of those were performed by lawn gnomes? Because that's essentially exactly what we're talking about here. Are we talking? Are we?

The characters are ceramic, so they clink when they touch each other and things. <Gnomeo and Juliet kiss> <ceramic clink>

So, so many internet/computer jokes

Hulk Hogan cameo.

"I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people."

Meet my spirit animal.

I have eaten the pizza that was in the mini-fridge and which you probably left for me I hate you it was sub-par so bland and so cold

----

so much depends upon a sinkful of dishes utterly mundane near the dropped scarf.

---

She: Ok, go.

He: Number one: we could go somewhere else and have another drink.

She: I can't do that. I've gotta work in the morning.

He: Number two: you could come over to my place and I'll make you chai. Do you like chai?

She: Yeah, I do. But what's number three?

He: Number three: we call it a night.

She: Oh.

He: What's the matter?

She: Nothing really. I was just hoping that one of the three options would include pie. 

He: Pie?

She: As in dessert, not 3.14 etc.

He: Let me think... I'm not sure if they're open but maybe we could--

- 'what are you about?' -- hotel room telephone, upon its ringing

- 'no kidding' -- phone alarm clock, upon its initial going off

- 'really? really?' -- phone, upon its alarm clock going off again

- 'great. do this. awesome.' -- phone, in response to its refusal to be found under some pillows and blankets as its alarm continued to go off

- 'liar' -- breakfast, upon its early arrival

- 'stop. please stop. please stop.' -- the television, upon its being turned on and emanating the horrible mouth sounds of hilary swank as amelia earhart