King of NYC

I have still yet to meet this Burger King, and don’t understand how he became king? Is there such a thing as Burger Land? I think he might be a big phony. I don’t know how it keeps happening, and I don’t trust find my iPhone because it’s probably a way for the aliens to track our every move. Lord Tubbington is allergic to electronics, at least to eating them, one time he ate a hit clips when I was a kid and it did not go over well. Thank you Jakey, you’re the best.

Me, too. But I think we’re both out of luck since he’s been discontinued since the late 2000s. If there was a place called Burger Land and their food didn’t totally suck, I think Burger King would go out of business pretty fast. If anything’s tracking our phones, it’d be the government. And the GG, but I haven’t heard from them in a while so maybe they gave up. As for the aliens...your iPhone should be safe. I hear they only probe crappy phones like Androids. Brit, I think all cats are allergic to eating anything that’s not meant for their digestive system. Speaking of LT, he’s not sick or anything like that right? Anything for you, Brittany.

Ryder: No I know for a fact I would not have gone to an Ivy if we hadn't moved out here. I mean who knows if I would have even found out about the dyslexia if we hadn't moved out here. You can be humble without having to switch lives with me. You just gotta stay grounded.

Ryder: /If/ we leave the state I'm torn between Vegas and Miami. But we gotta figure this out soon, Sam and I are going to Comic Con in San Diego this weekend and then the next I'm going back home.

Jake: I'm calling BS. You would've found your way somehow. Even if you had to do some weird, sketchy stuff on the side. Your dyslexia would've been discovered no matter what life you had. But depending on how you look at things, you could've found out sooner than later. You know me better than anyone out here. Staying grounded isn't my thing. Even if I wanted it to be.

Jake: Dude, you are a genius. I love you.

I was trying to figure out why they were named Brookstone with no stones, it’s false advertising, I need them to help me not get lost when I go to the city since my cell phone keeps disappearing. I think he needs to go to his therapist, but he is refusing help and said it was just a phase.

Makes sense. Kind of like how I spent thirty minutes at a Burger King trying to find out why they don’t actually have a king made out of burgers. I was seven, but the memory still stings. I am sorry to hear you keep losing your phone, but I think I read somewhere that it happens to a lot of people this time of year. Did you check to see if your cat ate it yet? I’d keep  a close eye on this ‘phase’ of his. If you need to give him an intervention, you know I’m there.

Kind of embarrassed that I didn’t know what to do when two kids ran up to hug me and ask for autographs. I signed their notebooks and all and made sure they got to their mom safely, but that was a little weird.

Ryder: Still no. I loved the way I grew up. Being normal like that is great, you don't have so many responsibilities and people aren't always watching you. But honestly, I don't know where I would be right now if we hadn't gotten rich. I mean I know who I am but it's just given me opportunities I wouldn't have gotten if we stayed middle class.

Ryder: Shut up.

Ryder: Duke is probably capable of killing me. I think it's a fair trade. You don't even have to talk to them, just pretend they're not there.

Ryder: Not Jersey.

Jake: You'd probably the exactly where you are now without having to wait so long. Dude, that's why I'm so jealous. You're so humble all the time.

Jake: Not that you're dumb or anything it's just I usually have to explain all my jokes.

Jake: Fine. Whatever you want, Lynn.

schveet man, when did you get a tattoo?

A couple of weeks ago and before you ask, yes, it hurt. A lot. Does it look okay? Totally lied when I said no regrets.

Ryder: I just wouldn't wanna give up my family and friends. Why would you want to switch lives?

Ryder: LOL, it actually took me a moment to get that.

Ryder: Alright well Dukes coming so if I have to deal with a guy who more than likely has it out for me, you can play nice with Seb and Hunter for a night.

Ryder: Hunter won't even step foot in Brooklyn, you think he's going to want to go all the way out to Jersey?

Jake: What if you were able to keep your family but not friends? I don't mean to sound like a cliche, but I always wondered what it would be like to have a normal life. And yours sucks the least.

Jake: It took me like a minute to come up with it. Thank God I didn't have to explain myself.

Jake: That's not even fair. Two against one verses one against one.

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Ryder: Honestly, no I wouldn't trade lives.

Ryder: I'm not freaked, I'm just thinking logically. Just don't give him enough to kill him.

Ryder: Well I want him to come. Why don't you like him?

Ryder: No cameras is a plus but on the downside...Jersey..

Jake: And why not? I'd trade lives with you in a second.

Jake: Your sister's honor, I will not kill Mason McCarthy.

Jake: I have a thing against uppity douchebags. Smythe and his not boyfriend are in the sane boat for me.

Ryder: Like complete lives, just childhoods, or like just now?

Ryder: You don't think she'd kill for her brother? Cause I'd kill for Scout and she's just my little sister, it might be even more intense of a bond with twins.

Ryder: Really? Cause when we texted he was down. What did you say to him?

Ryder: Atlantic City. You wanna go to the armpit of America for guy's night?

Jake: Obviously not now. But from start to up until the GG started up. All pros and cons.

Jake: With how freaked you are, I wouldn't be surprised. But we're just giving him alcohol. He won't die. I'll take full responsibility if he does.

[Typing and retyping]

Jake: I told him the plan. He said he felt unwanted and I never corrected him.

Ryder: C'mon he's your dad, he loves you no matter what. He's just got a different way of showing it.

Ryder: Honestly I don't know how some of you guys grew up like this. All the money around and stuff and just rumors and lies all the time.

Ryder: You're delusional if you think Madison McCarthy is harmless.

Ryder: If she wasn't the one plunging a knife into you, I'm sure she'd get Hunter to do it now that they're a thing.

Jake: Maybe you're right. But I'll believe it when I see it.

Jake: Can't say it wasn't nice to be rich by default. The rumors and lies I could've done without but it's just how life had to be. If you had to pick, would you switch lives with me?

Jake: She might be a little...intense but she can't be that bad.

Jake: I don't know who I feel worse for.

Yes, it’s good to stay in numbers. I am pretty sane, despite what you might hear. I get it - I’m the same way. You don’t think so? I’m sure there are worse labels than that. I wouldn’t consider it such a bad thing. It just means you’re… persuasive. Well, thank you. That’s very kind of you to say. It’s hard to tell when someone is being genuine or not. But I appreciate that. I definitely know that feeling… not recently, of course, but still. You’re happy though, right? Well, it’s okay. At least it’s not a mood toward you. That can be scary. Hmm, I think I’ll keep it my secret for now, and things have come to a boil. Thank you for even offering though. I will remember that.

Lucky for you, I believe what I see over what I hear. My dad always said the eyes never lie. I won’t say it’s not a good thing to have, but the way people use the word when they talk about it is...not so good. I do appreciate you making me feel better, though. I’m not saying I’m the only guy in the UES who will tell it to you straight, but I’m probably in the top five. So you can expect nothing but the truth from me when asked. Usually. We’re good. And as far as I know happy so yes. See now part of me wants to get you in a mood just to see how scary. But I’m smart and a little scared to see that side of you so I’ll just hope I never have to. If you say so. Just know that if you ever get bored of having secrets, I’m here for you.