the Crispy Demon

In reorganizing my nonhumanity and the way I present it, I've decided to reconsider my own stance on being fictionfolk. I have said for a while that I am Experiment 626, and therefore already have a foot in the fictionfolk community. But the way I understand myself as Ex 626 is not the same as other fictionfolk I see. I don't believe in past lives or reincarnation or in the multiverse. Not in the way that would allow for the common fictionfolk framework to fit onto, at least. It's been difficult for me to get into the fictional community for that reasons. I can't see myself in many of my peers, so I've just been reserved to ignoring it outside of the occasional gifset or screenshot onto my tumblr blog. See, when I look at Ex 626 I see myself, just like I would see myself in a mirror. I recognize that face and body as my own. I don't feel like Stitch, though. I don't long to be that shape or want others to see me as him. It's a one-way connection. So even in that way, I am less intense that the majority of introspective fictionfolk I see. But to say that my identity isn't rooted in fiction or that I am not fictionfolk isn't wholly accurate, even if you take Stitch (and Xenomorphs and potentially the Minotaur) out of that equation. There is a deeper layer there that I've been dusting off along side everything else I've been excavating within me. I am fictional in the sense that I believe fiction is necessary for me to understand myself and that fiction-making is the natural result of self-expression. 

Before I get into how I am fictional outside of fictional 'types, I need to explain the framework I'm working with. A lot of this is directly inspired by "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams. If you haven't already read "The Glass Menagerie", you can do that for free on the internet archive. "The Glass Menagerie" is considered a memory play, it is the home of a man as he remembers in. However there are scenes in the play that take place when he is not in the house and therefore could have never been apart of his memory. What is the point of these scenes? Why is our narrator not in them when this is specifically a play about his memory and his understanding of events? Is the audience to simply make room for this in their suspension of belief and go with it for the sake of the narrative, or do these scenes exist as non-literal fictions that the narrator makes up of his home in order to make sense of everything else? There is, of course, the possibility that another family member could have explained situations to him, but there is still the fact that this is a play about the narrators memory and understanding, not another family members. A popular reading of this play is to assume that these scenes are a fiction that the narrator makes up in order to help himself make sense of these relationships and events. In order to process what was going on in his life and articulate this experience to the audience, the narrator conjures up fictions and passes them as realities. It ultimately doesn't matter if these scenes are real or fake or given to him some other way. They illustrate what the narrators understanding of his family to the audience.

The use of fiction when attempting to portray reality is not uncommon in literature. There are textbooks on this topic, but it's not just limited to fiction or narrative writing. There is a sentiment within the humanities that many of us ("us" being generally anyone who enjoys literature, theory, philosophy, and other things in that vein) are crafting fictions more than anything else. Since philosophy can only exist in extremes (and therefore not in the real world), everything to do with philosophy and theory exists in a fictional projection of our world. Feminist theory may be derived from real world experiences, but the theory itself is a fiction crafted. The theory as it exists in its original, fictional state can not be perfectly applied to the real world. We may have bodies taking steps that actualize ideas that fall in line with the theory, but because philosophy can only exist in extremes that the world simply can't meet, then the theory in its whole entirety can never be perfectly applied. This is not to say that the theory is wrong or inaccurate or that it's not worth taking seriously. It's really important to take fiction seriously. Philosophy has always been explored through literature and fiction. What is Plato's Ideal State if not a fancy world building project? And any fan of Science Fiction can tell you just how real fiction can be. By crafting fiction, the sci-fi author is interacting with "What-If's" and/or trying to comprehend and communicate lived experiences in order to make the audience think or better understand the world around them. 

The next step is my belief that there will never be a true projection of the self. I think that every body is so deeply nuanced and complex that no matter how many labels, terms, or identities you put on to someone, none of it will ever be able to really capture the essence of someone. There will always be approximations, assumptions, and gaps to fill. That's not a bad thing, but it's just a thing that is. I say I am a lesbian, and someone knows what that means for the general population. But that term does not fully grasp what I am. We can get closer, and I'll say that I'm an aromantic lesbian. But that's still not fully accurate. Quoiromantic lesbian. Okay, but then that all intersects with gender in weird ways. Quoiromantic futch she/he lesbian. But then there are nuances with my sexuality that might be considered on the ace spectrum. And what about the origins of all of this? What about the development of it? Does this label represent how being futch isn't a fashion thing, but rather my complex relationship with butch/femme dynamics? And there is no discussion about my deep desire for a socially accepted third gender. Or my interesting desire to be altersex. But I hate all terms about being altersex and not cis but also not anything else and there are so many words but no matter how many I tack on, I will never be able to fully encapsulate my whole self or identity into a form that is digestible and understandable for anyone else. I change daily, I have no idea if the version of me that I project right now will be the same tomorrow. The odds that I publish this, look back in a week, and disagree with it are not zero. And I fully believe everyone to be like that. There isn't anything wrong with trying or wanting that, it's important to have a way to articulate about the things that are important to you. I just simply think these tools have limits and that the mind is so complex and ever-changing that there will always be a limit as to how much we can communicate about our inner worlds. 

The fiction I talk about here feels far away from the fictionfolk community, but I don't think it is. We can connect "The Glass Menagerie", fiction-crafting, and the complex innerworkings of the individual. If we can never fully or accurately communicate our sense of self and if we know the best way to explore complex ideas that will never be realized in full in shared reality is though fiction, then why shouldn't fiction be the easiest way for to explore ourselves? For a lot of us, that's exactly what we do. We latch on to stories that are dear to us, we write and talk about and emulate things in fiction that help us communicate with each other. So many of us explore concepts and ideas in the fiction we craft ourselves. These imaginary realities, these little fictions, are the best tool that I believe we have when it comes to sharing ourselves in their rawest forms. 

So much of myself was explored through a fiction that I created nine years ago. It unearthed things, it solidified my identity as nonhuman. Through it, I've explored my own emotions about death, about spirituality. My connection to evolution and my love for wetlands and... everything. I have to limit myself, here, because this fiction that I have created is the basis in which I explore every aspect of myself. Gender, sexuality, morality, my own interpersonal relationships with others. How I feel about politics, the environment, the food I eat. I've created a sieve through which I push everything through. It is a world that was made for me and let me outline my nonhumanity with chalk. I can not understate how impactful this fiction has been to my identity as a whole. It is no coincidence that those who know about this fiction understand me better that I understand myself and that I do not tell many about it. It's one of the most intimate things I can do with someone. It is not perfect, as I have said that I don't think you can ever perfectly project a full identity, but it is the most powerful tool I have. And I think that others would agree, that there is a very real intimacy that comes with sharing these fictions we've crafted. Even if they're not all connected or complex like mine are. Sometimes they're just simple stories. A lot of times I think people would call this OCkin. And I don't think that's inaccurate, but I do think it's sort of a small scope to use when talking about such a pervasive part of many of our lives. 

Almost my entire sense of self has been explored and solidified through fiction. I explore more every day. It's a thing that I do and it's how I've always worked. There were fictions before I made my current one and sometimes there are different ones on the side. In the future, I will come up with new ones. You can not separate the use of fiction from my identity and you also can't get rid of its residue on the projections of myself. The process of pushing myself through that sieve leaves a mark that will be there as long as I continue to use fiction in this way. My whole self is constantly being examined through fiction, and therefore I consider myself to be fictional. Because fiction as a tool to understand myself is so pervasive and important to me, you can't separate any part of me from it. Such a large chunk of my understanding of myself exists purely in fiction and will likely never leave that fiction. In this way, I consider myself to be fictionfolk.

Now, I don't see this same sentiment very often. Maybe this is common and I'm just missing out! It's fully possible. Maybe this is well understood within the community and I simply haven't caught on. I'm not sure. But it's one of the reasons why I've been so hesitant to interact more with the fictionfolk community. I feel like our understanding of what it means to be fictional is so different and I don't know how to bridge this gap. It's taken me a long while to figure out how to articulate the way all of this connects, and it still has a few holes in it. But I think I'm going to call myself fictionfolk more from now on, because the use of fiction in identity formation has simply been too important for me to look over. Part of me fears that this will be like a (very) watered down version of the "metaphorically/philosophically physical nonhuman" thing, but I also trust that I have mutuals and followers and peers that will direct me away from that if this is the case. 

I hope this makes sense. I hope I've gotten my point across. And I hope I will stop thinking so much about being fictional now, because it's been chewing at my brain for a while. But who knows, really. I may come back to this tomorrow and rewrite all of it. 

Thanks for reading. 

Q: First off, I just wanted to say thank you for agreeing to be part of this interview. I was over the moon when I realized Freddy Krueger himself wanted to talk to me. So, tell me - what does it mean to be Frederick Charles Krueger? Who and what are you?

A: Of course! To sum it up it just means I get to be unapologetically myself. I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. I’ve been many things throughout my lifetime. In my human life I was the Springwood Slasher, a serial child killer who terrorized Springwood, Ohio. On the surface I played the part of the all American family man with a wife and daughter. My marriage ended and my daughter was taken from me when I was caught. I was able to escape the law on some technicality. The parents formed a mob, tracked me down, and burned me to death. Through my rage and desire for revenge three demons approached me, through them I was given the power to invade dreams, thus beginning my life as a dream demon. Looking back at the time I was caught I was anxious sure, but it was the first time I could actually be who I was. Who I am made me powerful enough to survive the grave. Even though I am a mortal once again, I still see myself as a dream demon. Even if I have no desire to kill, the macabre, taboo are deeply ingrained in me. I still have a fascination with fear, so I love to express it with art. All in all passion, rage, and resilience is what makes me whole. 

Q: It’s good to hear that you’ve found a way to be yourself and express yourself through art, and I’m glad you’re choosing creation rather than destruction… as the human incarnation of a so-called evil being myself, I know how hard that can be. So, when did you realize you weren’t human? What was that process of self-discovery like?

A: My relationship with humanity is kind of complicated, often a lot of demons talk about having nonhuman instincts and drives. Because I am a human who became a demon I have very human traits, my demonic traits are more in my appearance and supernatural abilities. I think my non humanity is something I connect with my neurodivergence. Since I was a kid I’ve felt separate from people, like something emulating a human, not being neurotypical makes me less likely to adhere to social norms. I’ve always wanted to do what I wanted to do. How I feel about myself now reminds me a lot of myself in my source.

Q: I think a lot of us can relate to their neurodivergence causing a rift between us and the people around us. It's good that you seem to love and accept yourself - and I’m sure there's a lot of euphoria knowing that who you are now is who you are in your source. Do you have a lot of memories from that life?

A: I sadly don’t have a lot of memories, I wish I could have more. I tend to have ones centered around my family, and in general it’s very bittersweet, or melancholic. Besides my daughter’s birthday I saw the three of us walking to our car in front of an apartment complex, not sure why we were there, but we looked happy. I don’t know anything about cars, but the car in my dream ended up being a late 60’s model, which was kinda weird. I started doing meditation to try and “trigger” memories I haven’t really been successful, however I did have a vague one where I was sitting in the court room during my trial, I felt very on edge, and it definitely was anxiety inducing. I hope to one day see more of my life I especially want to remember how I became a dream demon and what that process was like, not to mention living in the dream world. 

Q: I know how frustrating it is to only have glimmers of your past life. It’s like… your past is a puzzle, and you don’t have all the pieces. Moving on - what was it like when you discovered the alterhuman community? Were you happy to find a community of like-minded individuals? Did you worry that you were going to be rejected?

A: When I was first introduced to fictionkin, to be honest I thought it was kind of ridiculous, but I’ve come a long way since then. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, the more I spent observing the otherkin and fictionkin community I realized that it fit how I felt internally. I had a lot of internalized shame that I needed to work through. If anything the strongest emotion I felt was relief, because I found somewhere I can be more openly myself. That means a lot especially if you’re a canonically evil character, because fandom isn’t really the place to discuss complex identities. Often society isn’t very open to identifying in a way that’s different than what you physically are, so I didn’t feel like I could talk openly about my alterfictional experiences. 

Q: I think a lot of us have those reservations at first. We may even outright reject labeling ourselves as part of the alter/nonhuman community, to “other” ourselves from them - I certainly did. I think I was afraid of becoming part of this community because that would mean admitting to myself that I was something most people will never understand. And of course society conditions us to see alterhumanity as “playing pretend,” unfortunately. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done in the soul, layers to peel off. So, how do you feel about your depiction in Nightmare on Elm Street and its sequels?

(Freddy expands upon previous question before continuing)

A: Besides my physical disabilities my autism definitely makes me feel “other”. There’s always a conflict between wanting to be yourself, but also feeling isolated because a lot of people don’t or refuse to understand. My journey into religious satanism kind of reminds me of this, it’s a choice that a lot won’t understand, but it’s given me the push to live my life for me and embrace my individuality. Being fictionkin isn’t a choice, it’s the decision of pursuing unapologetic self acceptance or repression that’s similar.

A: To finally answer your question! I feel like my experience diverges from the community at large; for the most part I’m fine with my canon. Watching the films and learning about lore from the franchise was an important part of my self discovery. Something that’s important to point out is that my awakening began before knowing any lore about myself, and the more I learned it just began to “click” . A lot of people are particular about how they’re portrayed in fan work, with me though I don’t have a lot of strong feelings about it. I kind of chalk it up to being a dream demon, demons are quite fluid in their presentation depending on the goal of the interaction. The fandom does poke fun at me for being this insecure “alpha male” type, but I do wish that my ability to play with gender and social dynamics was recognized more. I do enjoy reading fanfic or seeing fan art; I find it really entertaining. 

Q: I hear you there. Tumblr in particular enjoys pairing me and my archnemesis for funsies, but being a collector of comic books featuring the character, I can’t say the pairing is that far off from the truth. I think it’s all in good fun, and it’s good to know you do, too. So, what do people in “real life” think about you and your kintype? Does anyone offline know who you are, or do you have to exist behind closed doors?

A: Actually my family knows about my identity and they’re pretty accepting of it, which I feel incredibly privileged. It did take some conversations to help them understand that it’s nothing to be concerned about. I wrote an essay about my journey, which seemed to help them understand where I’m coming from. Although I kind of wish that there was more of an understanding that identifying as a character isn’t the same as being a fan. In my case it looks identical because I do collect merch. Merch is more of an expression of my internal identity rather than admiring something separate from myself. 

Q: Our community is difficult to understand by the people who aren’t in it. I think certain doors are closed in peoples’ minds, you know? Like, there’s this part of ourselves that’s open in childhood, a part that understands these concepts easily. And then one day most people close that door. You have no idea how relieving it is to hear that you’re loved and accepted by your family, even if they don’t exactly understand. But what about outside your family? Have you ever been bullied for being kin, either online or offline? What happened?

A: I haven’t been bullied but I have had negative comments on my posts before. Interestingly I don’t get much hate (not that I want that!). It was mostly when I first started my blog. I’m also cautious about how much I share about myself in certain spaces of the internet. I’m not open about being fictionkin in any fandom spaces outside of tumblr. I find that my relationship to a Nightmare on Elm Street feels very different than a lot of other people. A lot of fans relate to the protagonists, and the themes of the films. Freddy is very much seen as a “bad guy” , so the fans generally don’t really relate or see themselves in him. It’s hard to summarize it’s just a vibe that it’s not a community that I feel comfortable to share my identity in, because I don’t think they’ll understand. I think it will be misinterpreted as idolizing. 

Q: As a fellow villain - and a god of duality and madness! - I understand the reticence to talk about yourself or share too much about yourself. Even here on Tumblr you have to tread carefully at times. Sometimes our kintypes are problematic. Sometimes we do horrible things in our source material - things that we would never do in this life. Beings change. I certainly did. So, what advice would you give someone who’s just figuring out that they’re fictionkin?

A: The main advice I’d give is to take your time, you don’t have to figure everything out. I often see folks worry about not being able to tell if a character is a kintype or if they just really like a character, for that I’d say just try it out. It’s ok to change your mind later. 

Q: Words of wisdom - the process of self-discovery is a long one. It’s best to keep trying, and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. So, we’re nearing the end of the interview here. Before I finish up, I want to add that Nightmare on Elm Street is the first horror movie I ever watched. Thanks for scaring the living daylights out of me and for instilling in me a lifelong love of the horror genre.

So, finally, is there anything else you want to say? What do you want us to know about you?

A:  I’m flattered to hear that I got you into horror! I can’t really think of anything else right now, other than I love talking about myself, so my inbox is always open. I’m glad that I got to take part in this!