College Life Starters Pt. 1
“There’s no reason this college application should actually be this hard.”
“You want me to pay how much for a fucking textbook?!”
“I feel like my professor is out to get me. I’ve been popping No Doze and drinking my weight in coffee for the last three days to get this project finished.”
“Hit me with your car, pay my tuition for the next four years, relieve me of my financial stress, please.”
“You know you’re a college student when sleep has become a foreign concept.”
“Get ready to spend half your annual salary on textbooks for the next 4-6 years or however fucking long you’ll be in school for your degree.”
“College must be for rich kids only because there’s NO FUCKING WAY I can afford that.”
“No financial aid, no college. I’ll go work at McDonald’s for the rest of my life.”
“I got the scholarship! [INSERT SCHOOL NAME HERE], here I come!”
“But I don’t want to move to a whole other state to go to college.”
“I didn’t get any sleep last night. My dormmate’s boyfriend/girlfriend was over last night. They were fucking like rabbits till 5 in the morning.”
“I hope there’s a Starbucks on campus. I need a double shot expresso stat or I’m not making it through today.”
“It has been 100% confirmed today, I can’t have a social life until after I graduate.”
“Trying to have a job and going to school full time is a recipe for disaster.”
“I’m a struggling college student and I need food. Give me your sandwich.”
“If I get anything less than a B, my mom and dad are going to kill me.”
“Going home for the holidays is like saying you’ve won a lifetime supply of food to a college student. I can finally eat a real meal.”
“I survived off ramen, tap water, the free muffins in the lounge and hard candy for four years. It’s finally over.”
“Starbucks, 5 Hour Energy, Monsters, Rockstars and Red Bull are going to be my best friends tonight. I gotta get this 20 page essay done by 10 tomorrow morning.”
“Don’t talk to me, I’ll write whatever you say in my essay.”
“The library has become my new hangout spot. I can’t get anything done in my dorm because of my dorm mate and his/her girlfriend/boyfriend fucking like animals all the time.”
“The stars didn’t align and class wasn’t cancelled today. Fuck you, universe.”
“When you get an email saying class has been cancelled for today. Fuck yes, I’m going back to sleep.”
“I’m not sure how my dorm mate’s still a student here. All she/he does is fuck, eat and sleep in that order. I don’t think he/she’s ever met his/her professors.”
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