The Copper Cobra

School bullies in Stephen King novels are more psychotic and murderous than the actual monster.

Yeah cause Henry Bowers was the one eating all the kids...

People get so mad when they walk through a spider web but imagine how the spider feels. You just broke his entire home.

Spiders aren't intelligent enough for thought like that.

You don’t actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep

Wrong. My hands are part of my body and since I'm the one doing the action, I'm washing my hands.

We have panels that can survive spacecraft reentry heat, but we don’t have phone screen glass that can survive the sidewalk.

That's because it's ceramics & super-thick glass versus glass that needs to be able to recognize touch...

Duels probably took place at high noon so no participant would get the unfair disavdantage of being blinded by the sun

#me shoving my head into a beehive: yall would not fuckin BELIEVE the day i’ve had

@cardozzza

I love the mental image that tag creates

In chemistry you use gloves to protect yourself from your experiment, but in microbiology you use gloves to protect your experiment from you.

You use gloves to do both. As in, no cross contamination.

Wearing a seatbelt increases your chances of getting cancer.

Correlation not causation

In less than 400 years, we have gone from not understanding why apples fall down to almost fully understanding the origin of the universe.

We've known about God since the beginning of mankind though...

If you have two choices and one is taken away, you have zero choices.

john was so proud of his son and his lovable idiot friends in this moment and no one can change my mind

No one ever sneezes in a film or tv show unless it’s relevant to the story.

The person who locked the doors in their faces is my hero.

hey guys i have taken over the official swedish twitter account @sweden for the week which means i am now legally the king and also prime minister of sweden (go there and interact with my tweets please i am begging you)

If you don’t cut the brownies when you cook them you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate one brownie.