isaac.

just heard that BRIAN WILSON has left this timeline and dang it hits hard. there are so many thoughts trotting through my mind, but id like to take a moment to talk about my personal connection to this and what brian wilsons music meant to me, so bear with me buckaroos.

back when i married sweet barbara i was lucky enough to gain a family member who we will call TOM. tom was a spirit with a trot unlike anyone i have ever known. he was born into a body that they said would likely not live past his youth, but he kept on TROTTIN into old age.

eventually however, tom fell. he was declared to be in a vegetative state with little hope of waking. it was devastating for sweet barbara and for me. visiting him in the hospital taught me a lot of things, and it has always stuck with me that you can learn from someone AFTER they have left too 

anyway, toms favorite band was THE BEACH BOYS so what i did a few times is id go to the hospital with two pairs of headphones and put them on him and me and listen to those sweet harmonies for a while. i tried to stay away from the sad songs but theyd slip in. id cry.

i knew it didnt really matter because he was gone, this was just his body, but i did it anyway and SOMETHING about that made me feel guilty, like i was REALLY doing this for me. HOW DARE I? eventually he was taken off life support and i still think about those trips whenever i hear the beach boys

eventually i started to understand something about not just dying, but living. grief is a process and journey for someone else AND for us, and also, ITS OKAY TO JUST BE THERE. we are always trotting out rituals, and the fact they are just rituals does not take away from them.

there is a theme in BURY YOUR GAYS about art not really belonging to anyone, how it weaves through time. upcoming book FABULOUS BODIES is even MORE about the events im discussing. BOTH these books are a tether from brian wilson recording sloop john b, to tom in the hospital, to me, and then to you

so we are left with this chain of CREATION AND LOVE that we will never know. brian wilson had no idea sitting at that piano how far every note would resonate through time, BUT THEY DO RESONATE AND THEY CARRY LOVE SO SO FAR. my point in all of this is to say never forget how far YOUR notes resonate