懐かしい未来

Honestly I have the biggest heart so if you’ve driven me to the point of not caring, just know you really fucked up

I don’t like to get angry. It doesn’t make me feel good. It is very human, but it’s also a loss of control, and I like to have that kind of control.

I wish I were a person who knows who she is. I have friends who are on the path of becoming the person who they are meant to be, yet I feel like time is just standing still for me as I wonder and feel like a lost soul who can’t seem to find where she wants to be. I wish I were a person who can make up her damn mind; I always become bored easily so I am constantly changing. I always seem to be swinging back and forth between emotions, thoughts and opinions. Maybe if I can make up my mind, I can find out who I want to be and finally move on and make something of myself. I wish I were someone who had ambition to live because for a long while now, I have been on the grey. I cannot say I am living, just floating from day to day. I’m not suicidal but I don’t mind if I did die. Most of the days, I feel like an old soul who is just not in the wrong place. I am just tired of the simple things like waking up, brushing my teeth, putting on my shoes, etc. I wish I weren’t who I am right now. But since I’m not a person who can make up her damn mind and am constantly changing, I wonder if I will ever like me.

You wish you could’ve learned to play piano. You wish you could’ve started drawing when you were young. You wish you could’ve figured out who you wanted to be before you graduated college. You wish you could’ve learned to love yourself sooner. Well you know what? You didn’t. And that’s just something you’re going to have to learn to deal with. But just because you didn’t do it sooner, doesn’t mean you can’t start now.