All My Favorite People Are Dead or Fictional

Like, you go to your juries and the panel of professors just sits there and watches you, and when you’re finished they go down the line like, “I’m sorry Laura, it was a little pitchy, it is going to have to be a C minus from me,” and your primary professor just goes full Simon Cowell like, “What do you actually want to do in the performing arts? Because right now, you’re just showing me you don’t care” and your whole studio is in the audience and if you do well, they start chanting “A plus” or if you suck they just start booing. And then you can go back stage with your accompanist and just get all upset like, “They don’t realize what talent is” and your accompanist is just like “Yea, wow, I know, please pay me...” and the hall manager just stands there looking distressed. 

Now, I’m definitely not the nicest person. Actually, I’m often times a downright asshole. I’ve worked in food service, I’ve been cut off on the highway, and I’ve lost things that were never returned. But we should try to be nice to people, because karma is a real damn thing.

Like, a little while back some guy dropped his ID on his way to class and I saw it and grabbed it and chased him down, because I know those things are important. He kinda looked at me like I was bothering him and was like, “Uh, thanks I guess,” and I was kind of pissed, like why bother trying to do the right thing if nobody gives a shit. 

But like two days later I had to go to the library and embarrassingly try to turn in books that I’d had for so long that at this point they were considered lost and I was facing like a $40 lost fee when I’m already broke. But the librarian was literally the nicest person in the world and forgave most of my fees. Like, she doesn’t know me. We’re strangers. But man, was I thankful.

"Wow, been a really long, crappy day. Can't wait to go home and relax."

*Automatic faucet next to me suddenly turns on*

*Trump tries to say something about China*