“Rents due,” Joel gave your cheek a pat and you looked up at him, silently pleading that this wouldn’t happen. Every month he would come into your room, extract his “rent”, and leave you reeling, feeling broken and burdened. It was all bullshit. It wasn’t like he paid for this fucking apartment, that wasn’t how it worked in the QZ and yet, letting you live here meant he could do what he wanted. 

“No…no, no, no,” Your voice was groggy and your eyes were still crusted with sleep but Joel reached down, to the hair on top of your head, curling his fingers around it and tightening his grip. 

“You ain’t got a choice, kid,” he growled. Pain woke you up even more as he pulled on your hair, dragging you off of the bed, your knees hit the cold ground and he adjusted you so you were right in front of him. Joel had been a scary figure in your life for a few months now, barely around but foreboding when he was but you couldn’t find it in yourself to leave the relative safety of this worn down apartment, you couldn’t find it in yourself to leave him either. No matter what the “rent” was and how much you hated it. Joel tilted your head back to look up at him as he methodically began to undo his belt. You let out a little frustrated whine, 

“I don’t…I don’t want-” “We goin’ to have this argument every fuckin’ month?” he asked as his belt came undone and then the button of his jeans and the now familiar sound of his zipper sliding down. You shut your mouth and tears started to burn at the corners of your eyes. You knew he’d just plug your nose if he really had to but you felt like you needed to put up a fight, you just had to. Despite how you felt after it was all over, despite the sticky mess in your underwear when he was through with you, you needed him to know you were disgusted by it. Joel watched as you obstinately shut your mouth so he reached out with his other hand and held your face in his hand, pitching your cheeks together. Joel leaned down, his face getting close to you, you could smell him. Sweat. Burning. Tang from alcohol maybe. It wasn’t as unpleasant as it should have been. 

“You open up for me, I’ll go easy on ya,” He said. Maybe that was a promise that was worth it. It was always the same with Joel, on your knees in front of him, mouth open and taking his come either in your mouth or on your face. Nothing more. Nothing less. The promise of it going easily was enticing so you parted your lips, he let go of your cheeks, his other hand still locked in your hair. He was still directly in front of you looking at your willingly open lips. You could see him smirking. Joel leaned in close and for a second you thought he was going to try and kiss you, which was completely unheard of, instead he spit directly into your mouth. 

You were so shocked, the spit nearly dripped out of your open mouth, 

“I had to reward ya for bein’ a good girl, didn’t i?” he asked and before you could answer he had pulled his cock out and forced the blunt head into your mouth. You let him slide it along your tongue, into the back of your throat, using your hair as a anchor he rocked his hips forward. You gagged, your own saliva mixing with what he had spit into your mouth and dripping down his cock. 

Joel was your first experience with a cock, you had absolutely zero to compare it to but you knew it was large. Your lips felt tight around it and you gagged easily on it. Joel groaned as you tried to swirl your tongue around the tip. You wanted to make this fast, you wanted to get it done with. Looking up at him from your knees, he looked all dark, blue in the fuzzy predawn light. Maybe your eyesight was just still bleary from sleeping. He seemed unreal, even as his cock tickled the back of your throat, making you gag again but he held you down, forcing you to keep it in your mouth. Joel pulled your head back off of him excruciatingly slowly, 

“Lick it like ya love it, darlin’” He instructed. You licked around the fat head of his cock, paying attention to the underside of it, feeling the foreskin move under your tongue. “Atta girl,” Joel said. “You do love it, don’t ya?” He laughed. “You love my cock,” His hand held himself at the base while he forced you to lick and suckle at the tip. You whined and didn’t reply, his hand tightened in your hair and he pulled you off of his cock completely,

“Say you love it an’ I’ll keep bein’ nice,” he growled. Nice? He had practically choked you with his cock not five seconds ago! 

“I love it,” You sounded defeated. Joel snorted,

“yeah right.” he said. “get on the bed,” You stared at him, confused. This was new, he had never changed positions, never wanted something other than you on your knees sucking his cock and now…

“What?” you asked dumbly. Joel’s free hand came out and gave you a sharp smack on the cheek, not so hard that it left a mark, but hard enough to wake you up to the situation,

“You fuckin’ deaf? Get on the bed.” he let go of your hair and you hesitantly got up and sat down on your bed. Joel stood up and shoved you back so you were laying down before reaching down and grabbing your pajama pants, yanking them down along with your undies. You squirmed away from him, crossing your legs, 

“What are you-”

“I’m playin’ yahtzee, what the fuck do you think i’m doin? I’m goin’ to fuck you. I said I’d be nice,” He grabbed your legs to try and pry them apart but you struggled. 

“N-no! I’m…no! I’ve never…I haven’t done-” There was a brief moment where Joel stared at you and you thought maybe he wouldn’t do what he had always done which was take what he wanted. But then he smiled this sick, sinister sort of smile, 

“Nobodies ever buttered this pretty lil’ biscuit?” he asked as he tried to ease your legs open. His stupid, country saying just pissed you off and you pressed your knees together tight. 

“Please don’t,” you whined. 

“Aw honey, you ain’t gettin’ away that easy. Spread ‘em,” He started to force your knees apart now and you tried to struggle back. He finally got your knees open and he pressed his elbow hard into your thigh to keep your legs open. “Oh she’s real pretty, can’t wait to get to know her better,” He said. you let out a choked whine. The thought of the cock that usually choked you being shoved inside of you made your stomach clench up with fear and maybe a little of something else but you didn’t want to admit that. Joel moved up so he was kneeling between your legs, one hand still holding your leg open. He grabbed his cock, palming it up and down as he looked down at you, spread out for him on your bed. 

“Now, he’s kind of a big guy,” Joel said, replacing his hand with his knee, pinning it against the bed to keep your legs open. You stared down between your bodies at the languid way he rubbed himself. He was just looking at you, no one had ever looked at that part of your body and his eyes were just drinking you up. It disgusted you. It infuriated you and it made your tummy boil with need. He settled down between your legs, notching the head of his cock at your entrance. “So we can do this one of two ways,” he continued. “We can go easy does it and take our time letting him open her up. Or we can get the worst part out of the way and do it all at once,” You struggled a little as you felt the head of his cock start slowly burying itself inside of you. You let out a cry and shook your head. 

“Ohh you don’t wanna decide?” he asked, his breath caught in his chest as he pressed himself into you, just barely starting to stretch you open. You shook your head, ‘No! I don’t…I don’t…” You whined, clenching up. 

“Yes you do want him, that’s why she’s gettin’ all leaky all over me,” Joel laughed. “But fine, you don’t wanna decide-Jesus, girl, you’re tight- I can decide,” Without warning he plunged himself into you, filling you up, stretching you open. You screamed. He was so big it felt like you had ripped open for him, pried apart to accept him inside of you. Tears filled your eyes and with each blink they dripped out of your eyes, sliding down your temples. 

“Shh,” Joel whispered, “Probably better to do it all at once, you’re a tight lil thing,” he said, “i’ll let you get used to him a second,” He was still and actually reached out and stroked your hair back. It was strange to feel his hands be gentle. He slowly started to rock back and forth, making a little room for himself inside of you. There was a spark in your belly, the pain had burned through you and left a tingle. The tingle was pain and pleasure meshing together. You breath caught in your chest as he started to draw himself out of you. Involuntarily, you lifted your hips towards him, wanting him back inside of you.

“Aw, you missin’ him?” Joel asked with a strained laugh. You felt yourself nod but it felt almost out of body. Joel pushed himself back into you and that pain, pleasure was inescapable. You wanted more, more of his cock, or…just more of somethign you didn’t know what. Joel was chasing his own pleasure more than anything, practically ignoring your need but loving that you were needy. 

“Shoulda done this sooner, kid.” He groaned, as his hips pumped back and forth, repeatedly opening you up to him. Your pussy felt like it was on fire in all the best ways and you just needed a little more but Joel was edging closer and closer to his finish and his thrusts became erratic. You tried to grind yourself down on him, wishing you could make yourself beg but you couldn’t force the words out of your mouth. 

“J-Joel,” you moaned. 

“You want my come?” Joel asked, “That what you about to ask?” He knew it wasn’t but it was too fun to mock you a little. You whined in frustration,

“Joeeel,” You whined again, still not able to say anything else, unable to come up with the words. 

“Go ahead, darlin’, beg for my come and I promise I’ll be nice.” He growled, his voice rough, right on the edge of his orgasm. You were silent. Joel grabbed your jaw again, giving you a rough shake, “Beg.” He instructed.

“Please! Please, I want your come!” you cried, brow furrowing. 

“You shoulda just said so,” Joel mocked, he pumped himself in and out of you as deep as he could go a few times, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix before he ripped it out of you. Ropes of his spend landed against your lower tummy, dripping down onto your pubic hair. “Did ya think ya were gettin’ it in your cunt?” Joel asked as you stared down at the mess. 

“I-” 

“Gotta be a real good girl for that,” he said. “Maybe next time.” He added before leaving a quick kiss on your forehead and getting up off the bed.

What was the phrase again? To eat your young? In extreme cases, devouring your own flesh and blood offspring because of some danger, something wrong with them. Was there something dangerous about your situation, besides societal collapse, that he was reacting to? Was there something wrong with you? This was something Joel had toyed with since you were young. It was a glint in your cherubic eyes, a sly curve to your beautiful smile that sent a shock of…what was that? Fear? Through him. He loved you, deeply and as you had gotten older, that something wrong presented itself time and time again. Climbing on daddy’s lap, kissing daddy’s neck, shoving wanting fingers down daddy’s pants. So maybe now, this reaction to the bits of rage he had seen in you, was him…figuratively eating his young. 

You had gone one argument too far with him, said no, one too many times, snarled the word “Dad” a little too fiercely so Joel had ripped his belt off and started at you. This caused a chain reaction of course. Like a nasty little lion cub you had tried to dart away from him, heading towards the door of his bedroom. If you were his cub, behaving poorly and refusing to take responsibility, Joel was a fully grown lion. Pride getting in the way of backing down or de-escalating. He snatched your upper arm into his grip and ripped you back towards him, away from the door again. At that moment, he felt like he could easily eat his young. His fingers sunk into the flesh of your arm as he tugged you towards the bed. 

“Let go!” You snarled, turning what should have been something simple like punishing a bratty daughter into a fight. 

“Aint no way, baby.” Joel said. “You need to learn some respect for once,” He sank down on the edge of the bed, his knees creaking in protest, his other hand curling around his belt. You growled slightly as he wrangled you down over his knee. 

“No!” You whined, your voice dangerously close to a fearful whine. Your hackles were up, your reaction a mixture of fear, anger and a tinge of that daring desire you struggled with so  often. Your feet kicked and you tried to buck yourself off of his lap, “You can’t do this!” You cried. 

“Fuckin’ watch me, lil girl,” He growled. “Now, enough’a this shit.” You tried to push yourself up off of him and Joel reached up, belt in hand, grabbing the back of your neck in a vice grip. His thumb pinching on one side, fingers on the other. Mimicking the way a father lion would grab his cub with his mouth. Eat your young. 

Joel got your pants tugged down off of your ass with a bit of a struggle from you but as soon as the leather of his belt kissed your skin you were shocked into submission. The second sizzling smack of the belt against your ass, made you squeal in pain. Joel moved his other forearm to rest down your back, putting weight on it to hold you down. He could feel your breathing getting harder underneath him as he let the worn leather bite into your flesh again. The burn must have been intense, you were reeling away from him and sobbing by the time he brought it down for the fourth time. There was a power in getting to hold you down, force you to submit to him in such a primal way. There had always been something just a little wrong with you and this felt like nature correcting itself. Joel eating his young. Joel’s fingers tightened on the belt as he let it smack into the skin on your bottom over and over again and he heard you cry plaintively,

There was a huge thunderstorm rolling through Jackson. Joel knew just exactly how anxious storms like this made you feel so the second the wind really started to howl he brought you over to the couch and sat you down. 

You had met Joel when you were 26, you had been the quiet girl that made the good bacon at the mess hall. You talked every day but it wasn’t until you were 27 that Joel had even kissed you. Even after that nothing really happened. You were 29 before he admitted that he wanted to spend all his time he had left with you. You had been living together since then. 

Now, he knew all the quirks, how exactly you made the bacon exactly the way he liked it, the way you could say filthy things into his ear one second and give you big innocent doe eyes the next. He knew your fears and the things that eased your omni-present anxiety. 

Like fingers drumming on your knuckles, or hands tickling over the skin of your back. So now, as he felt the tension mount inside of you he wanted to make sure you could stay calm. 

“C’mere, darlin,” his voice was rough and warm and it immediately burned something in you. You sank down on the couch and he sat next to you. You thought briefly he just was going to put his arm around you, hug you into him. You would have been happy with just the simple cuddles on the couch but he patted his lap as he leaned back into the couch. Your brow furrowed, unsure of what he was looking for. 

“Put your head here, darlin,” he said. You let him guide you down so you were snuggled up with your head in his lap, your face pressed into his soft belly. The light in the house was low, and the rumble from the thunder made you tense up even under his gentle touch. Joel ran his hand down the middle of your back, 

“I got ya, sweet thing,” he whispered as his fingers tucked up underneath the hem of your shirt and he started to drag it up. Immediately you felt some of the muscles you were holding so taut, relax. He reached down and easily unhooked your bra, brushing it to the sides so the plane of your back was exposed to his eyes and fingers. 

The pads of his thick fingers started to trace over your skin, it felt indescribably good. You shut your eyes and nuzzled into his belly, breathing in the smell of leather from his belt and the soap he used to wash his body. The windows lit up with lightening and the trees groaned outside but Joel’s fingers were steady as they traced freckles, a scar, a scratch, a mole and the lines where your bra had dug in. 

His fingers were coarse but so gentle as they tripped over the small roll of fat over your hip. Joel chuckled as his fingers lovingly pinched it,

“What?” You murmured into his shirt, dazed from how nice this felt. 

“This is my favorite part of ya,” He answered. Your brow furrowed. 

“That fat roll?” You asked. 

“Yeah, s’cute. Peeks out over your panties, nice to grab when you ride me,” you could hear the smile in his voice. Your cheeks heated up at the way he said that so bluntly. His fingers danced over your back more, tickling up to your neck and back down to the dip in your low back. When they came back up to your neck, he tried to tuck under the gathered shirt there.

“Easy there, peanut.” Dad whispered as he slowly inched himself deeper and deeper into your mouth. Joel hadn’t been sure about doing this with you, it felt particularly violating and he liked being gentle with you. You gagged around his thick cock and Joel watched with a mix of satisfaction and pity as spit dripped out of your mouth and onto your chin. You were on your knees beneath him, your head tilted up, eyes meeting his as he fed his cock into your throat.

You had insisted on trying to let him fuck your throat, you had practically begged and who was he to tell you no? He had never told you no before. Not when you asked for candy in the grocery store, not when you cried and begged to cum around his fingers. Now you were teary eyed, and spit was sliding in strings from your mouth to your chin to drip onto your perfect tits. You let out a garbled moan as the head of his cock nudged the back of your throat and Joel weaved his fingers into his sweet girl’s hair.

“You can take it, pretty girl.” He said softly, “i believe in you.” He spoke the words, softly and gently as if he was cheering you on for something more savory than deep -throating dad’s cock. You had never done more than give messy, fluttering kisses to the blunt head of his cock, occasionally licking and popping the head into your mouth and now Joel was tempted to start pumping his hips forward and really show you what oral could be. “Look atcha,” he cooed, reaching down to cup your face in one hand, still holding your hair in the other. “You’re learnin’ so well for your dad, arent ya?” He ran the side of his finger along your nose as you gagged hard around the intrusion in your throat. Intimacy didnt even begin to cover what this feeling was. You let out a little whine as you stared up at him. Joel started to rock his hips then, your lips dragging along the thick shaft of his cock. Maybe this would be too much for you, feeling him move, forcing himself repeatedly into your throat, eventually sucking down his cum. Maybe he should have said no to this, for your own good. But your eyes were blissed out as you stared up at him, lost in the hazy warmth of taking him, hearing his praise.

“Good girl,” he said. “I know how bad ya wanted this,” Joel’s voice tightened as his hips moved and your tongue lapped at the underside of his cock. He wouldnt make you wait for his cum, he’d give it to you, all over your tongue, down your throat just as soon as he could. The heat of your mouth was overwhelming, only second to the heat between your thighs. You whined again, the sound humming against him. It was a plaintive, needy whine, if you could talk you’d be begging for his cum. Your eyes practically said, daddy cum on my face, dad please.

“Atta girl, you look so pretty like that-jesus-look at me while you take my cum. There’s my girl,” words failed him after that, he came into your throat, you gagged harder around him, practically tryint to tug away but he held you there and forced you to take his cum like he knew you wanted.

Joel hadn’t wanted to have you bent over his desk. Joel had told himself over and over again that it was wrong. You were Ellie’s roommate. You were young enough to be his daughter. You were taking his fuckin’ class for God’s sake. You were supposed to just be any other student but here you were, folded over the desk in his office, offering yourself to him. 

You had come to office hours and asked for help on an assignment that you were already well prepared for. You had leaned towards him, showing off your cleavage, you had asked easy questions and Joel had gotten irritated. 

“You’re smarter than this, Darlin’ you better not be dumbin’ yourself down to get my attention,”  You had been taken aback, you had pulled away from him and mumbled something about how you didn’t mean to, how you had just been crushing so bad. Joel had been shocked that you had admitted it. Tearfully admitted it, but admitted it nonetheless. Then of course, he had comforted you, told you it was okay, it was normal. You had snuggled up close to him and looked up at him with those sweet, sad eyes and one thing had led to another and now his hands were running up and down your hips and your underwear looked so good on you. They had slipped up into the crack of your ass and Joel could see them tight against the lips of your pussy.  His hand was running over the curve of your ass and you were looking back at him. 

“Professor Miller,” you whined and Joel knew in your feigned innocence that this had been your goal all along, to be over his desk, to be showing off the lacy undies you had on and to be calling him Professor Miller in that sultry voice. If he had been thinking clearly and not in an absolute haze of lust he would have brushed your skirt back down and tugged you up and told you to be on your way; but no. No, he wasn’t thinking clearly, and he also wasn’t a good man. If he was a good man, you would have never felt like you could do this. 

He wouldn’t have smiled at you a little too long in class, he wouldn’t have hovered near your desk during discussions and leaned down to talk to you when you had a question. If he was a good man, he wouldn’t have imagined this exact position over and over again. He wouldn’t have made the excuse to visit Ellie in her dorm just to hear you say, 

“Hey Professor Miller!” and he certainly wouldn’t have corrected you, 

“We ain’t in class, kiddo, you can call me Joel here,” No. He wouldn’t have done any of that. But he was sick and twisted and he had indulged you. He had wanted to get to this point, the point of you throwing yourself at him. Now, he indulged his own needs, his hand squeezing your hip. Because he wasn’t a good man, he knew he was going to blame you for this, blame you for thrusting your hips back at him, and because he blamed you, he’d punish you for doing this to him  for making him indulge all his perverted fantasies. 

“You wanted my attention, Sugar, now you’re gettin’ it,” he said quietly. “You’ve been actin’ like a slut, so I can treat ya like a slut, how’s that sound?” Joel’s voice sounded like the voice of a bad man. It was  a growl and he knew you liked it because you pressed your hips back and whined again,

“Yes, Professor,” You said, playing right into his sick fantasy. His hand came down on your ass cheek with a  snap. You let out a whine and he wondered how far your lust went. How far could he take this punishment? Joel smacked his hand down on your other cheek, letting out a little gasp as he felt your ass jiggle under his hand. You seemed to love it, you looked back over your shoulder at him and pressed your hips back so Joel took it farther, spanking each ass cheek repeatedly. Your ass felt fiery and hot under his hand as he spanked you, and you whined. He could see a patch of wetness growing on your undies that were flush against your steadily swelling vulva. 

“You like this, dont ya?” he asked. You nodded shamefully. 

“Y-Yes, Professor,” You said, your voice hitching a little. Joel’s fantasies spread out in front of him, the idea of ripping your underwear down, spanking you until you cried, his fingers prying the lips of your cunt open so he could see just how turned on spanking got you. Joel shivered with need. If you really needed a punishment he’d force his fingers into your tightest hole, leaving your pussy empty and needy. He could fuck your ass with his fingers until you were ready to take his cock, but he was getting ahead of himself. He didn’t know if your lust went that far. 

Joel reached up and grabbed the waistband of your undies, he tugged them down, letting them drop from around your legs, 

“You ain’t goin’ to like it so much when i’m through with ya,” he breathed as his hand rubbed over your asscheek. You let out a needy whine and he smiled at how horny this was making you. “Look at you, stickin’ your ass out, practically begging for my fingers in your pussy, aint ya?” he asked. 

“yes sir,” You said breathlessly and Joel tisked, shaking his head as you turned to look at him. 

“Nah,” he said, he smacked your bare ass again, and then on the other side again and then back. You squirmed away from the last one and kicked your feet back up towards him. “Aww poor girl, gettin’ sensitive?” he asked. 

“Y-Yes, sir.” You choked out and Joel pressed his hand into your lower back, forcing you to arch your back further, 

“Too bad,” He growled. He spanked you over and over as you whined and twitched. Half the time you were pressing yourself back into his hand and the other half of the time you were struggling away from him. When he finally had enough he smirked, 

“Reach back here, spread yourself out, I wanna see how wet that got ya,” he said. 

“Professor!” You said, sounding shocked. 

“Oh as if you don’t wanna show me that tight pussy,” He mocked. It seemed like you struggled internally for a moment but then you reached your hands back, taking each cheek in your hands, spreading yourself open for his gaze. Joel watched as you revealed the most intimates parts of yourself to him. “Open your legs,” he instructed. You tentatively stepped your feet apart and Joel got a glimpse of your glistening folds opening for him. He smiled, reaching out and stroking along your lips, you twitched and moaned, 

“Oh!” your voice was desperate and he loved it. 

“That’s right, good girl, keep it open.” He instructed as his fingers trailed up from your soaked cunt, leaving a wet trail from your pussy to your puckered ass. He was testing, teasing, wanting to see if you would let him. His pointer finger circled around your tightest hole. You gasped and jerked forward but your hands didn’t drop from holding yourself open for him. “Oh good girl,” Joel praised, gently pressing in, not inserting his finger but teasing that he might. 

“Maybe that’s the kind of punishment you need,” Joel teased, still stroking around and around your asshole. Your mouth had fallen open at the feeling of it and your pussy had started to leak down your legs. 

“Mhm,” You whined. Joel was about to press his pointer finger in past the ring of muscles but then he removed his hand, gave you pussy a sharp slap and stepped back. 

“I mean…I think they’d need to be like cumulonimbus clouds if it was goin’ to storm and these look too uhhh sparse to be um, storm clouds.” he said, sounding completely clueless. You looked up at the piles of dark clouds in the sky and raised your eyebrow. “Shit, I ain’t an expert.” he snapped, kicking his horse to get her moving again. Twenty minutes later it was pouring rain, you were soaked and already shivering. 

“Not cumulonimbus, eh?” You called over to Joel, he glared at you. 

Now he was letting out a stream of swears as he worked on getting the tent set up and you came back from the canopy of trees where you had tied the horses to give them a little cover. 

“Grab that end of the tarp there, help me get it over the top,” He said to you over the steady sound of the rain. You picked up the end he indicated and you both shook some droplets off of it before covering the top of the tent which was small, barely big enough to stand in but at least it would provide some respite from the rain. Joel went to the horses and came back with his pack that had been tucked in the saddle back, huddled over it to try and protect it from the rain. He unzipped the tent and chucked it in there. 

“Come on, let’s try and get dry,” he said. You watched as he ducked underneath the tarp that jutted out a bit from the actual tent, providing some shelter and untied his boots, toeing them off before stepping all the way into the tent. You followed suit. Joel had to duck his head slightly inside the tent but you could stand up straight. It was a small space inside. Once you both were in there, there was barely a foot of space between the two of you at any given time. 

You shivered, your teeth chattering as you stood by the entrance, dripping wet. Joel was already stripping off his jacket and then his flannel, laying them both in the corner of the tent, taking up more room and making things feel even smaller. Your eyes caught on him and you couldn’t force them away as he started to pull the black t-shirt he had on under the flannel up and off of his body. 

You had been attracted to Joel for a while, ever since you had first come to Jackson and met the gruff, older man but now you were alone on patrol with him, in a too small tent and he was stripping out of his clothes. 

You were frozen in place, unsure if you could stop staring at him, or move your arms away from being crossed over your body, keeping any body heat that was left as close as he could. Joel glanced over his shoulder, sitting your chattering teeth and the way your lips may have been starting to go blue. 

“Take that wet stuff off,” He instructed, maybe he sensed your hesitation because he turned away from you. “Nothin’ I aint seen before,” He said as he undid he belt buckle. You swallowed and then stripped yourself of your jacket and shirt, making sure to lay them out so they were in a pile that would never dry at all. You heard the shift of denim and knew Joel was taking his jeans off, you followed suit so you were finally just in your underwear and old tank top that was thankfully not soaked all the way through. You were still shivering but at least there weren’t cold, soaked clothes rubbing against your skin anymore. 

When you turned back around, Joel was knelt over his pack, pulling stuff out. First two compression sleeping bags and with a jolt you realized he packed one for you and you hadn’t even considered packing something like that just in case. 

Then a water bottle, his gun, a knife, and a bag that had beef jerky and crackers in it. You were shivering so badly you could barely think of anything else. Joel rolled out the two sleeping bags, with your piles of wet clothes, both of you standing there and the two sleeping bags, there was no room in the tent anymore. Joel looked back at you and he almost dropped the water bottle that was still in his hand. 

You watched his eyes flick down your body, and despite how frigid you were, a spark of heat ignited in your belly. “You can get in your sleepin’ bag, kiddo,” he said. The sound of the rain on the plastic of the tent was loud and you felt overwhelmed with cold, tiredness and something more so the words spilled out of you before you could stop them,

“Can we put our sleeping bags together and sleep close? I’m going to freeze to death otherwise,” You said. You watched Joel’s Adam’s apple bob at your suggestion and you caught his eyes glancing to your chest. A weird mix of arousal and shame stoked the tiny spark in your navel when you realized your nipples were hard, poking out of the thin tank top you were wearing. 

Joel cleared his throat, blinking and quickly looking away from you, “Oh…uhh yeah might be a good idea,” He went about opening up one of the sleeping bags, laying it out on the ground and then opening the other one to go on top as a blanket. You were still for a moment and he looked at you again, “Go on,” He nodded to the blankets and you scrambled over, sank down on one of the sleeping bags and pulling the other up and over. 

Joel went about laying out his gun, his knife, the food and water within arms reach of the sleeping bags. It looked to you like he was avoiding joining you even though it was so cold out there and there was no way he was comfortable. 

“Joel,” You breathed, looking over at him. He glanced around towards you and again you were struck with how good he looked in just his boxers. He was broad through his chest and shoulders, he had muscular arms and a soft belly. You were shocked by how attracted you were to an older guy. Your eyes swept lower, taking in the dark, course hairs peppered with grey and white that led from his belly button and disappeared into his boxers. “Come get warm,” You finished and you watched him swallow. Joel edged closer to the sleeping bags and finally knelt down peeling down the top layer of sleeping bag. Chill crept in, causing your skin to erupt in goosebumps, your nipples tightened even more. Joel crawled in and you immediately felt his body heat sweep over to you under the blanket. 

He settled down as far as he could from you while still being entirely under the blanket. You could still feel his heat and his presence so close. Your heart rate ticked up and you found yourself longing to reach out to him. 

Joel was so aware of your body so close to his it almost hurt. It had been so long since he had touched anyone and now you were both under one blanket, attempting to keep warm and he could smell your skin so close. You scooted closer and looked up at him, there was something in your eyes burning, and it was mirrored back in his. He knew that he shouldn’t do what he wanted to do, he knew that you were too young for him and that he was just a sad, touch starved old man who would do anything just to feel you. But you were moving closer to him, you were looking up at him with eyes that seemed to say, ‘please, touch me, Joel.’ but maybe that was just his hopes. 

Your breath hitched as Joel moved his hand up, towards the side of your face. He paused his movements as he heard your breath. Joel’s hand hovered just above your cheek, not touching you, the heat from his skin radiating from his fingers down onto your cheek. You were longing for it, the slightest touch but he seemed so hesitant. You wanted to reassure him, to tell him that he could touch you however he wanted but the words were lost in your throat. 

The heat under the blanket was so comforting, the sound of the rain outside was lulling you both into a feeling of security, Joel’s fingers finally made contact with your cheek, skin against skin. Course fingertips caressing soft cheek. Joel sucked in a breath at the feeling. He had forgotten how warm and soft women were, so different from him, so inviting. And you. You were particularly warm, particularly soft, particularly sweet, like a cinnamon roll. Or what Joel remembered of cinnamon rolls. He wanted to taste you. His hand against your cheek wasn’t enough. His thumb grazing along the skin of your cheekbone wasn’t fulfilling enough. 

He wanted both hands on you, lips on you, he wanted his taste to mingle with your taste. He wanted to be drunk on skin to skin. Joel let out the breath he had been holding, the scent of him washing over you. He cupped your face and then reached up with his other hand and cradled your face, unable to keep his hands off of you now that he’s touched you. You leaned in towards him, looking up into his eyes and then you heard him whisper,

“Fuck,” Under his breath, he said it like it was an admission of guilt, like it was release of pressure. Like a sudden wave across still water he swept over you and his lips attached to yours. Your heart rocketed into your throat, your hands flew to his sides and you tugged him into you. Joel kissed you deeper, his mouth opening, addicted to your taste, addicted to the feel of you already. 

“I’m sorry,” he said between kisses, “I’m so sorry,” his lips brushing yours as he spoke. You shook your head, trying to make sure he knew there was nothing to apologize for. He let out a moan, as if he hated himself but couldn’t contain it anymore. You ran your hands up his sides, feeling his skin under yours. 

Joel broke away from your lips, pressing his forehead into yours, “I…I shouldn’t do this,” He spoke so softly, you could barely hear him, but his kiss had ignited something in you, something that wasn’t going to be extinguished by his stupid guilt. 

“Why not?” you asked, grabbing his hand and pulling it up your body towards your chest. His muscles flexed, trying to stop his hand. Joel looked pained, he shook his head, 

“Because you’re…” he couldn’t finish, you had dragged his hand over your breast and he let out a shaky breath. “You’re just a baby, you don’t know-“ he tried to finish but your lips crashed into his and you kissed again. Joel’s hand flexed over your breast and you pressed your chest up towards him. 

“Shut up, Joel.” you said. He ignored that, still pressing his forehead against yours as his hand touched your breast. You craned your neck and pressed your lips into his, trying to convince him by kissing him. He kissed you back and you felt his thumb start to stroke over your nipple. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, “I need it, darlin’ He mumbled and grabbed the hem of your tank top. It was like he was giving in, his body was forcing him to give in. You were so beautiful, so soft and you were practically begging for it. You helped him pulled your tank top off up over your head, throwing it out of the sleeping bag and Joel’s eyes fell to your breasts.

“God, Darlin’, you’re so fuckin’-“ He cut himself off by cupping your tits in both hands, thumbs still stroking over your hardened nipples, “i’m sorry,” He said again. Joel shook his head, and you reached up and stroked his hair back, looking up at him while he gazed down at your bare breasts. “Beautiful,” He breathed out, his thumb and forefinger pinching. That spark in your belly that had been ignited by him stripping burned brighter and lower, heating your sex. Your brow furrowed in pleasure and you sighed and nodded. 

“Don’t stop, Joel.” You whispered and he groaned. 

“Not goin’ to, baby,” he breathed, kissing your cheek and then your chin, jaw and neck, spreading warmth all throughout your skin. You rolled on top of him and Joel let out a groan, “Oh god, alrigh’ baby, you want it?” He asked as you pressed your hips into his, feeling his crotch pressed into yours. 

“Yes,” You breathed. It was happening so suddenly but you desperately wanted him and it was clear how badly he needed it. You could feel his cock hardening in his boxers, pressing into you. You rocked your hips forward again and he groaned. You reached down towards the waistband of his boxers and pulled on it, your fingers were trembling so it snapped back down against his tummy. Joel groaned again, his brows pinching together, you giggled at his reaction but then tucked your hand into his boxers and finally got your hand around his cock. 

It was stiff and big, your fingers wrapped around the base and you stroked it, following its length down  towards his tip. 

“Oh god,” he moaned. “Baby, you do that so good,” he breathed into your cheek, placing a kiss there. You started to stroke him more earnestly, squeezing around the head, your finger stroking over the slit, his precum sticking to the pad of your finger. “Jesus Christ, darlin’, you’re too fuckin’ young to know how to do that this well,” He moaned. You giggled again and tugged his boxers down, releasing his cock from the restraints of the fabric. You stroked his cock up and down, relishing the feeling of his thick manhood in your hands. Joel moaned, you watched his eyes roll back and you couldn’t help but giggle more, your fingers tightened more, stroking faster. Joel quickly put his hand over yours,

“St-stop,” he laughed, “I need to feel more of ya and if ya keep touchin’ like that i’m goin’ to come,” He said. Your grin was devilish as it took over your face, part of you wanted to watch him come all over himself but at the same time your pussy was begging for it. 

“Joel, I want your cock,” You said, your voice dripping with fake innocence, you watched a smile spread over his face. 

“Gotta warm ya up first, darlin’” he said his hands reaching to your undies now and tracing along the waistband of your undies this time. You didn’t want to wait, you were already wet, needy and wanting his big cock inside of you. “Can’t jump right in, you’ve probably never-“

“Don’t be dumb, Joel.” You said to him, smirking, his fingers found their way into your undies and stroked once up your slit, feeling how wet you were. His face flashed slight confusion and then he raised his eyebrows at you. 

“You’ve done this before, kiddo?” he asked. You rolled your eyes and he reached up and grabbed the hair on the back of your head, dragging you down to be level with him, his lips hovering near yours. “Be honest,” He breathed. 

“Yes, Joel, I’ve done this before and I need your cock, now.” You whined and rubbed your hips forward, feeling his cock pressed into your underwear clad pussy. Joel reached up and tugged your undies to the side, and you moved up higher on your knees and he lined his cock up against your entrance, the head barely starting to penetrate you. You gasped. He was big. Bigger than you had, had and suddenly you were slightly worried about taking it. You looked down at his face, his brow furrowed, his lip was sucked into his mouth. You let your hips drop some, pushing his cock inside of you, the head seeming to split your lips open and then opening your cunt. 

“Good God,” Joel moaned, feeling your tight heat enveloping him. You let out a whine as you took more and more of him inside of you. He was much bigger than anything you had tried before and you suddenly felt  in over your head but the stretch was so good. You stuttered to  a stop with him halfway inside you, his hand wrapped around the base of his cock, guiding himself into you. Your breathing was hard and you rocked your hips forward, trying to grind yourself against him and open yourself up for him. 

“Joel!” You moaned, the stretch, the burn, the fullness was so good. It heated you through and through, you took him deeper and Joel grabbed at your hips. 

“Good girl, that feel good?” he asked. You whined and babbled nonsense, unsure if it felt good or hurt too much. You weren’t used to being on top and being in charge of how much you were taking was overwhelming. “You’re so fuckin’ tight, ’s’been so long since I…fuck! I’m sorry, baby, I need this.” Joel wrapped his arm around your waist and flipped you over so you were on your back, your legs around his waist and his cock plunged farther into you. You gasped in pain and pleasure. 

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.” Joel moaned, pumping his hips forward, watching the place where your bodies connected as he fucked into you. You could have screamed but you knew that you were out in the woods and you needed to be semi quiet. Joel leaned down over you, stroking your hair back, finally looking into your eyes, “Wishin’ you let me warm you up?” he asked teasingly. You gritted your teeth and shook your head, 

“No,” you gasped, “No, I love it,” You whined and it was true. He pumped his hips faster and nodded as he cupped your cheeks, 

“I know babygirl, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry to need this so fuckin’ bad,” he breathed into you. You tried to shake your head, you tried to do anything to tell him how much you wanted it but you were stupid from how good his cock felt filling you, stretching you and pounding into you. So you let him apologize while he fucked you. You wanted more, more, more but his thrusts were becoming faster, less steady, more needy. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m going to fuckin’ come, I know…I know it’s wrong,” he whispered to you. “I’m so sorry, just…a little…god, please.” Joel pushed your knee up and back, opening you further for him. You were whining, 

“Oh god! God! Please! More!” You said. Joel’s body pressed into you, his cock slamming into  you once more,

“I’m so sorry, darlin’, I need to come in ya,” He said, “I’m sorry! Take Daddy’s come like a good girl,” he breathed and you felt his cock spasm as he came deep inside of you. Joel kept himself inside of you all through his orgasm and then he collapsed against you, pressing as much of his body into you as he could. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, peppering your face with apologetic kisses.

“Joel, stop…stop apologizing,” You mumbled. “I wanted it,” You whispered. Joel pulled his cock out of you and pushed your legs back again to watch his own spend slip out of you. 

“Fuck,” He breathed. “I know you wanted it, but-“ He reached down and stroked his fingers up and down your abused pussy. “I-it’s so wrong how badly I needed it, darlin’,” he whispered. You wriggled and moaned as his fingers stroked over your clit. 

“N-No…I need it too, Daddy.” You said, using the name he had called himself before. Joel smiled almost sadly as his fingers gathered his come on his fingers and brought it to your mouth. You obediently opened your mouth, accepting his fingers. His eyes lit up as you sucked it down. 

“Well hello there, sweetheart,” He said, a touch of amusement in his voice. You reached up and rubbed at your eyes, trying to push sleep away from them, trying to decipher whether or not this was reality. 

“Hi Daddy,” You mumbled, walking down the last few steps, half stumbling over your clumsy feet as you reached the ground. 

“Whoopsy-daisy, don’t fall, darlin’” Joel chided, sitting up as you stumbled as if he would be able to catch you if you fell even though you were still out of arms reach from him. Joel studied your face, you noticed him searching for something in your eyes, just like you tried to search reality for answers about whether or not this was really happening. “You sleepin’ still, babygirl?” he asked as you walked over to stand in front of his knees. You slow blinked at him, one of your eyes closing before the other following. Joel chuckled and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees to look at you. 

“I don’t know, Daddy,” You mumbled truthfully. Joel reached up and cupped the side of your face, his big thumb running across your cheekbone. Dream or not, his calloused, big fingers always felt good on your skin and now you felt such a powerful affection for your old man that you wanted nothing more than to nuzzle into the hand that held your cheek. You turned your face into his hand and breathed in the smell than lingered on his hand, smoke and wood from the fire. Lavender from the soap in the kitchen. Leather from the reins on his horse and his belt and boots. Sweat. If this was a dream, it was certainly vivid and you didn’t want to rise from it anytime soon. 

Joel reached out with his other hand out and took your hip, trying to guide you into his lap but you had your own ideas of what you wanted. Joel humored you and watched you start to sink down onto the ground. He opened his knees to accommodate your body as you settled yourself on your knees in front of him. He was used to seeing you there but he was surprised by your willfulness, resisting his tug to drop to your knees instead. It sent a spark of excitement through him, gently beckoning his cock out of hibernation and into a state of almost reluctant arousal. 

You settled down with your feet splayed behind you and your bottom pressed into the ground, your legs almost making a W. You tilted your head to the side as you looked up at him, your eyes only half lidded. 

There was a shimmer around Joel as you looked up at him, like he was glowing from the inside. You wouldn’t put it past him in both reality and in your dreams. Joel shone, god-like, in your eyes; a beacon of warmth that was the author of both comfort and pleasure in your body. The first person to write about either in the book of your life. Your fingers crawled up his strong, jean clad thighs almost absentmindedly and he reached down and stroked your hair back. 

“I think you’re mostly asleep, my girl,” He whispered to you and you nodded, in no place to argue with him. You turned your head and placed a kiss and then a bite against the meat of his thigh, the feeling barely making it through the denim. Joel’s thumb drifted to your lips, rubbing the bottom one. 

“What do you need?” He asked. You didn’t have words for it, it was different than usual. Typically, the lust drove it home, making it easy to ask for it. But tonight, in the haze of stars and a dreamlight that rested over the whole scene, the lust was there but didn’t drive. It simply lived in the passenger seat, giving vague directions. You nuzzled your face into the denim of his pants again before glancing up into his face, blinking again, unable to answer but hoping the primal need in your eyes was answer enough. 

Joel petted your hair back, his dark brown eyes were scoping you out, trying to find a sense of your need and what was going to be appropriate in this dreamland. 

“Oh, I think I know, dreamy girl.” Joel gentle peeled your head off of his thigh just so he could stand up. You sat back enough to tilt your head up and watch him as he took his pants and boxers off with as much grace as an old man could muster without disturbing you too much. He sat back down on the edge of the couch and your cheek rested against his bare thigh, looking up into his eyes. Joel wrapped his hand around his hardening manhood. Your eyes stayed on his face, waiting for more. 

In all truth, you were afraid that if you looked at his cock, the dream would melt away, unable to conjure up the image with enough clarity to be reality so instead waking you up. If this was a dreamland and all of this wasn’t real, you didn’t want to wake up. You wanted Joel. Distantly, there was a rumble of thunder and you scooted closer into the space between his legs. Joel wrapped them around you, cradling you in that crook of his body. 

Joel stroked your hair softly with one hand while the other held his own cock, stroking it up and down. The sound of his skin on skin made you unable to resist looking so your eyes dropped to his cock in his hand and you smiled as the whole image of him didn’t disappear. Instead the glow intensified around him, his hand around his half hard cock burned into your brain and you opened your mouth, willing him to understand what it was you wanted. 

Joel knew how much you enjoyed something in your mouth and it was so easy to indulge you right now. He guided his cock into your waiting mouth and watched as your lips wrapped around the tip, starting to suckle on it. Your tongue lazily lapped around the head, feeling it harden even more in the wet heat of your mouth. You scooted your head forward, taking a little more of the length of him into your mouth. The weight of him against your tongue soothed an ache in you that you hadn’t even been away of before this moment. 

Joel looked down at you, you looked so content with your cheek pressed into the skin of his thigh, your mouth snuggled tight around his cock head. Your tongue drove his pleasure, lavishing the tip of his rapidly hardening cock with little licks, tasting his precum as it dribbled out. One of his hands softly stroked your head, running his fingers through your hair. The other held the base of his cock, languidly stroking to make sure he stayed hard in your mouth. Not that he thought you would really mind. Your eyes were shut and you seemed to melt into him. 

“That’s my good, sleepy girl.” Joel cooed as he stroked your hair. “Daddy’s got ya,” he said as your lips tightened around his tip, suckling so sweetly, your mouth making quiet, wet noises that blended with the sound of rain and thunder. 

Your eyes slid open to look up at your Daddy above you, his hand guiding his cock into your mouth, letting you use him like your own personal pacifier, easing you further and further into that dream-like state. Being enveloped in dreamland. Joel’s legs tightened around you, seeming to gather you up against him as he watched you. Your eyes were glazed, your tongue moving in an hypnotic motion around and around the very tip of him. Joel let his head fall back against his shoulders, enjoying the slow pleasure of it. 

The pleasure of knowing his cock was your comfort. The pleasure of your tongue tracing up the slit, spit mixing with precum. The pleasure of watching you, glassy eyed, fall deeper and deeper away from the world, your head heavy on his thigh. 

Neither of you were sure how long you stayed like that, sucking on him but it was enough for him to soften in your mouth, and then slowly but surely harden again while Joel stroked himself up and down. You felt him swell to the point where all you could do was lick and suckle at the very tip while he rubbed himself up and down, working himself up. 

“Daddy,” You said very softly into his erection as you looked up at him, you could feel the tenseness in his body and it was disturbing your languid peace that came from being allowed to suck on him for so long. 

“I know, darlin’,” he said, smoothing your hair back. “Daddy’s jus’ goin’ to feed you his come and then he’ll relax again,” You felt a glow of pleasure, like the embers from the fire, stoked at his words. Your lips opened a little and Joel sighed, 

“Babygirl, keep suckin’ on Daddy’s tip,” He said, keeping his voice soft and gentle, not wanting to scare you or wake you up more. You did as you were told, your lips wrapping around the heat of his cock head. It was the thickest you had felt it be that night . Daddy’s muscular hand was  pumping himself up and down and you stayed lazily against his leg, still and accepting. Joel moaned and guided his cock head directly into your mouth, stilling his movements as he came. You stayed sucking him, your eyes barely even opening as his hot come filled your mouth. You swallowed each gush of his spend as if it was nectar and Joel watched as he milked himself into your mouth. 

Joel’s breathing was shaky for a moment but you were undisturbed, keeping his softening cock in your mouth, nuzzling your nose into his thigh. After a while, Joel reached down and stroked your hair, leaning down to speak into your ear, 

You were lying on your tummy in front of the fireplace in Joel’s living room, your economics book was open in front of you and you were trying your hardest to study for the test you had on Monday. In retrospect maybe spending the weekend at Joel’s place when you should be studying wasn’t the best idea but you didn’t want to be away from him. The backdoor opened and Joel came in tracking mud from the rain and bringing in more firewood. 

You watched as he walked in front of you, bent down and  put another log on the fire. 

“Daddy,” you whined, letting your head drop onto your book. Joel looked around at you and sighed, 

“Babygirl, you gotta finish that chapter,” He instructed. “I ain’t goin’ to be able to forgive myself if ya fail your exam ‘cause you spent all weekend at your daddy’s place.” He reached over and stroked your hair back, your forehead still resting against your book. You whined and wiggled your bottom hoping to entice him to distract you further. 

“I hate econ,” You whined, all you wanted was for him to tell you that you could close the book but you knew that he would be strict with you and make sure you did your studying. 

“I know, little girl, you’re bein’ so brave and good, workin’ your little tushy off,” Joel ran his hand from the back of your head down your back and onto your bottom. He gave it a squeeze and you pressed your hips back towards his hand. “Uh-uh-uh,” he tsked. “Do your work,” he said. 

You looked back at your econ  text book and pouted, trying to highlight important passages and answer the prep questions correctly. You were quiet, working and listening to the rain while Joel walked around the house doing little things, changing the batteries in the fire alarm, changing a lightbulb in the kitchen and turning the oven on to make a pizza for dinner. Ever since Joel had grabbed your bottom you had felt a little warm, you didn’t want to finish the chapter even though you were getting closer. You still had all your prep questions to answer. 

“Daddy!!!” You called from the living room. Joel appeared behind the couch a moment later. 

“What is it, babygirl?” He asked, looking down at you while you kicked your feet back, looking up at him from where you were lounging while you attempted to finish studying. 

“Can you help me with my prep questions?” You asked. Joel sighed and walked around the couch, he leaned down to look over your shoulder at the questions. He blew a breath as he thought, most of the time when you were working on schoolwork, or telling him about classes, the things you were learning made him feel stupid but you seemed desperate for some help. 

“Okay, babygirl, why don’t I quiz ya?” He said, and then he had an idea and smiled to  himself, looking at you. Joel sat down by your legs and then  reached over to your hips and tugged you down, turning you over so you were on your back. 

“Oof,” You said as he did it and you giggled. 

“Hand me your book, babygirl.” He said. You reached behind you and picked up your book, handing it off to him. He laid it next to him, open to the page with the questions and then wrapped his arms under your knees and tugged you down so your body was closer to his. “Daddy’s got an idea to make studyin’ a bit more fun.” He said. You giggled and looked up at him from where you were lying, 

“Yeah, daddy?” You asked. He nodded and reached up under your skirt, he tucked his fingers into your undies and started to tug them down, 

“Lift you hips up for me, little girl,” he instructed. You lifted your hips up and he slipped your undies down off of you. “Good girl, open your legs up for daddy and I’ll explain the rules for my studyin’ game,” He waited patiently for you. You tentatively pulled your legs open, exposing your pussy to him. Joel reached down and stroked over your pubic mound, watching as you started to squirm. 

“I’ll ask you one of your questions, if you get it right…I work ya up, strokin’ you and gettin’ you all excited.” He said. You nodded excitedly. 

“Okay!” You said

“But,” He tapped his finger against the very apex of your slit. You wiggled again. “If you get somethin’ wrong, Daddy gives you a spank…” he tapped your cunt again, ‘Right here,” he added. You shuddered but nodded. 

“Okay, Daddy,” you agreed. 

“Once you get five questions right, Daddy will make you come,” Joel smiled and you could see a mischievous glint in his eye.  You nodded and felt warmth pool in your belly at the thought. “Keep your pretty legs spread for Daddy,” He warned you and you tugged your knees even further apart.  Joel watched your slit open slightly, starting to expose the pretty folds of your pussy. 

“First question,” He said, glancing at the book next to him. “What do you give up to get a specific item?” He asked. You knew this one right away, you remembered reading it. You grinned,

“Opportunity cost!” You said excitedly. It took Joel a second to find where the answer key was and he nodded.

“Good girl,” He praised, he moved his thick fingers to your slit and watched as he gently began to spread your lips open, showing off your soft, folds and your pretty clit. “aw, look at that,” Joel cooed and started to stroke your clit in wide circles, being careful not to brush over your clit. Joel watched you clench and press your hips up towards him. 

“Oooh Daddy!” You moaned, “Thats…oh thats good,” You whined. Your wetness started to spread from your leaking hole all round your slit, glistening over your clit. Your eyes connected with Joel and you smiled, “Daddy, please just…keep going,” You begged. Joel chuckled and stroked his pointer finger across your clit, watching it twitch as you let out a moan. 

“Sorry, darlin’, gotta keep asking’ you questions,” He laughed and you wiggled your hips closer to him as he tugged his hand back away from you.

“But what if you didn’t and we just played instead?” you tried and Joel shook his head seriously,

“Be a good girl,” He warned, “next question:” He cleared his throat, “What is physical capital?” He asked. Your grinned, again, you knew the answer and you were suddenly feeling better about getting to give right answers. That would be easy, 

“Labor!” You said. Joel checked your answer and immediately started to praise you,

“You’re such a smart girl,” He cooed as Joel began to stroke you again, first circling your clit in a slow and easy, dizzying pattern. You wanted to beg for more but you knew he was going to stick to his word. Then he traced his thick finger down to your hole, leaking all over your pussy, dripping down onto the floor. Joel stroked over your entrance, watching your pussy, his eyes examining you as you tugged your legs open more. 

“Please put it in, Daddy.” You said, your voice sweet and needy. 

“I know ya want that babygirl,” He said, nodding. “But you’re going to have to wait.” he tugged his hand away from you just before the tip of his finger would have sunk into you. You whined. and pulled your legs back more, trying to expose more of yourself to him to get him to touch you more. “Next question:” He continued and you humped up into the air. 

“When the entire demand curve shifts due to change in factors effect supply other than price?” He asked and your heart immediately sank because it could easily be two answers but you were horny and confused. You couldn’t think straight. You just wanted to say the right thing so that you could get him to touch you more. You tried to remember the section you were reading about this. The thought of getting spanked instead of more touches scared you, your brain wasn’t working and so you blurted out,

“Shift in demand,” 

Joel looked down at the book and you knew instantly you were wrong. “Sorry, babygirl, keep those legs open.” He told you. You whined,

“No! No! it’s the other one! Shift in…sh-shift in su-supply!” You whined. 

“I’m sorry, babygirl, ya got it wrong.” He explained. You wiggled and whined and he took your thigh and forced it open. Smack, smack, smack. Three sharp, fast smacks landed against your pussy lips and you let out a gasping cry. “Shh, shh,” Joel said, “Reach down and spread your lips open for me, babygirl. Lemme see that lil’ clit and then we’ll be done.” You tentatively reached down and took your lips in your fingers, gently spreading yourself open to him. It felt so vulgar and wrong and you knew he was about to slap your clit but you didn’t really have a choice. Smack. Smack. Two more stinging smacks directly over your clit made you squirm in pain and need. Joel’s big hand sweetly cupped your vulva, thumb stroking over your lips as he soothed the pain, “Good girl, remember that sting when you’re takin’ your exam.” he said. You nodded and let go of your lips, moving your hand up to cover your face and take a deep breath, trying to clear your head some. 

“Next question,” Joel said, he looked down at the book, “What is the law of supply?” He asked. You whined, you weren’t sure if you knew it and everything felt on fire, your brain, your pussy. Your breath hitched in your chest and you pressed your hips up, 

“I don’t know, daddy.” You whined. 

“Try to think, sweet girl,” Joels hand rubbed your hip softly, soothingly. “You can do this,” He said. You kept thinking, you weren’t sure if you knew it but you could see the section in the book that talked about it. 

“I can’t…I don’t…please…” You begged and watched as Joel shook his head. 

“Come up with the answer in five seconds, babygirl or Daddy’s goin’ to have to spank ya again,” he said. You whined even louder, getting frustrated. “Five…four…” Your brow furrowed and you remembered you highlighted it, knowing it would be on the test. “Three…two…”

“As price of good increases, quantity of supply decreases!” You spewed the answer as the imagine of the highlighted words entered your minds eye. 

“Good girl!” Joel said as he looked at the book, a grin breaking out of over his lips. He immediately began the gentle stroking over your clitoris once again. He softly reached down with his other hand and spread your lips, tugging the hood of your clit back so he could very precisely stroke directly over your clit over and over again. Burning pleasure seared through you, you felt like it was too much but you knew better than to try and close your legs. You let out a loud moan, wanting more. This time Joel didn’t stop stroking you as he read the next question,

“What is the tool that measures cost of living and inflation rate? It was created by bureau of labor statistics.” He asked as his thumb stayed on your clit, stroking up and around it, watching it swell up. You needed to get this right, you wouldn’t be able to take it if he had to slap your pussy again.

“Con-con….consumer price…in-index!” you whined out and Joel nodded, continuing to stroke you. He gave your clit a break by starting to stroke your hole with his middle finger, creamy wetness made soft noises while he teased your entrance, just barely pushing the tip of his finger into you. “Daddy’s got you, good girl, let’s keep going. Almost there.” He said. You nodded desperately. 

“What is the amount of a good sellers are able & willing to sell at a particular price?” He asked and your brain was complete mush so you spoke before you thought, 

“Quantity of  demand,” You immediately knew you misspoke, “No!” You cried. “No! Thats wrong,” You moaned and Joel nodded, 

“I know it’s wrong,” he cooed stopping his gentle ministrations at your hole. “Aw sweetie,” he said, pulling  his hand back, “You were so close.” He said. You whined and shook your head, 

“No! Daddy! Please! Please! Do another question! No! Please!” You cried out and he sighed. 

“I’m sorry babygirl, you know Daddy doesn’t like to hurt you,” He lied. You could see the glint in his eyes and you squirmed. He lifted his hand and you watched, nervous as his hand came down hard on your  cunt. Smack, smack, smack, smack. Repeatedly, over and over he smacked the lips of your pulsing pussy. It burned. Your cunt lips were turning red and your clit was aching with need. Three more slow smacks were administered to your pussy, each harder than the last. You whimpered and whined, squirmed while Joel held your thighs apart with one hand. 

“Good girl,” he said. “Daddy knows it hurts, I know.” He teased. “But you gotta get another answer right.” Joel soothingly stroked the mound of your pussy. Joel looked down at the book and smirked, 

“What is economics?” He asked and relief flooded through you. 

“The study of how a society manages it’s scarce resourses,” You answered right away and you watched Joel’s eyes soften and he grinned. 

“There’s my smart lil’ lady,” he said. He dragged his hand from your low tummy and down onto your pubic mound and finally to your lips. “Do you want to come?” He asked. You nodded vigorously. “That’s my cute girl,” He said, Joel eyes seemed to drink you up as you pulled your legs open wider, showing off your glistening cunt to him. Joel’s fingers teased around your clit, “Ohh my sweet honey, girl.” He said, “Your lil clits peekin’ out at me, she’s gettin’ pretty swollen for me, aint she?” He asked as he used the wetness from your pussy to wet your clit and circled it. You whined, your voice needy, your pussy aching. You were twitching as Joel watched himself tease you towards a frenzy. 

“How’s your cunt, babygirl? She needy too?” He asked. You nodded. “Use your words for me, darlin’” He laughed. 

“Yes Daddy, she’s so needy.” You whined. Joel traced his finger down your folds to your entrance and slowly eased the thick finger into you, feeling you stretch open. You let out a moan. He dragged his finger back out only to add a second one and shove them back in, plugging you up. 

“Good girl, take daddy’s fingers.” He said. “You earned this, didn’t ya?” he said, “Bein’ so smart,” He rocked his fingers in and out of you now, his thumb pressing into your clit with each thrust. You squealed as the feeling mounted in your pussy. Your orgasm had been teased out of you for so long while you answered your questions that you were desperate for it. Joel could feel that your orgasm was close, “Ask for what you need, babygirl.” He said. 

“Daddy! Please make me come! Please! PLEASE!” You begged, your voice raising to practically a cry. Joel nodded, 

“You’re such a good girl, take my fingers,” he said as his finger pushed in and out of you, pressing against your g-spot while his thumb swirled against your clit. 

“I’m coming, daddy! I’m coming!” You cried as the feeling burst over you and something inside you snapped. You bucked your hips against his fingers and you let out a needy sob. Joel stroked you through your orgasm, pumping his fingers into you and only slowing down as you collapsed back. Joel leaned over you and pressed his lips to yours, 

“Don’t you like the way I rub your leg, Joel?” You asked, tilting your head to the side, the little blue bow in your hair bobbing. Joel let out a huff, 

“I do, babygirl. I just-you know i’m an old man,” He admitted, feeling a little bad that he had to admit that. You bit your lip, looking up at him, 

“I like that about you,” You giggled and he smiled,

“I know, but I aint…I ain’t able to give ya all ya need sometimes,” He said regretfully. You pursed your lips and sighed, 

“I am a little needy,” You mumbled, looking down in your lap, feeling a little guilty that you had been begging for his cock so often. Joel hated that he had to reject you but he wasn’t sure he was able to give you the hard fucking you deserved. That was when he remembered a specific pill bottle in his medicine cabinet. He had never felt like he needed them but then his doctor found out he had started dating again so he let him write a prescription for him. Now the pills were sitting in his medicine cabinet just waiting for a moment like this. 

“it’s okay, babe, if you clear the table I’ll do the dishes in a second,” He said. You nodded, leaned over, kissed him and then got up. Joel went into the bathroom, you had a blue bra hanging on the back of the door. He absentmindedly ran his fingers over it while he shut the door.  He went to the cabinet, opening it and wondering if he was really about to do this. He felt a little humiliated but then he remembered the way your fingers had felt on his thigh, and how you always looked up at him when you were on your knees in front of him. That was enough to spur him on to take out the medicine bottle, tap out a little blue pill and throw it back. 

Joel went back into the kitchen then and worked on the dishes, taking his time and listening to you in the living room, you had the TV on  and he imagined the way you looked lying on the couch. By the time he was done it had been almost a half hour and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the bra on the back the door of the bathroom your hand on his thigh and how much you had needed him recently. He went into the living room and saw you, lying on your stomach on the couch, facing away from him, looking at a magazine and only half paying attention to the television that was on. 

The little blue bow in your hair shifted as he you shook our your hair, and Joel noticed with a jolt  just below where his belt buckle dug into his belly, that you had matched the bow in your hair to your little undies. They were peaking out from underneath your short skirt. Fuck. You were naughty. It was like everything you did was designed to try and turn him on. You needed it so much that you matched your hair accessories to your undies and left bras out in the bathroom to constantly remind him that you were wet, horny, needy. 

Joel walked over to the couch and reached down and rubbed your lower back, his hand traveling down to your ass and squeezing. 

“Oh hi,” You said innocently, glancing back. Joel swept his hand up over your ass, brushing your skirt up.  You giggled and wiggled your ass. 

Joel grabbed the waistband of your undies and tugged up, causing the little blue undies to slip between your ass cheeks. You lifted your hips up, pressing your knees into the couch. “atta girl, show off your sweet ass,” Joel said as he moved behind you more, looking down at your undies tightening over your already slightly swollen pussy lips. You glanced over your shoulder at him and he smiled a devilish smile, his finger trailing down from the curve of your ass to your clothed sex. “Ya been so needy recently, haven’t ya, darlin?” He asked as he stroked your lips up and down, his other hand tightening on the underwear he was holding in a tight wedgie. You let out a little moan,

“Oh!  Yes…yes. I just want your cock.” You sighed, pressing your hips back towards his fingers. 

“Mhm, you’re a filthy girl, aint ya?” He asked with a laugh. He could feel his cock hardening in his pants, he made a point to thank the little blue pill gods for the help. You nodded. “Say it back to me,” Joel commanded. 

“I’m a filthy girl, Joel,” you moaned. Joel released your undies to smack your asscheek, hard. 

“That’s right,” he growled. “Always tryin’ to get my cock. Always suckin’ me dry and still needing more.” Joel put his knee down on the couch behind you. His fingers rubbed over your underwear, feeling them getting wetter, the more he rubbed. You nodded. “Use your words, babygirl, ya need this cock to make ya feel good, don’t ya?” He asked. 

“Yes! Joel! I need your cock,” You whined. Joel unbuckled his belt and started to pull his pants down, needing to release his already throbbing cock. When he managed to get his pants and underwear down, you were shoving yourself back into him, practically begging for it to be fucked into you. Joel’s big hand came down hard against your ass again, making you yelp. 

“I’ll give ya whatcha need, darlin’. Pull your underwear down.” He reached down and started to stroke his cock in his hand, up and down. You reached back and tucked your thumbs into your undies and started to pull them down, Joel watched as your little blue undies slipped out of your ass and then down,  showing off your puffy, excited, wet pussy lips. Joel let out a little moan, his hand still rubbing over his impossibly hard dick. 

“That’s righ’, little girl, show her off to me. I wanna watch myself fuck into her,” He groaned and then you got your undies all the way down, they fell to your knees. “Spread yourself out for me, I wanna see her open up.” The filthy words that were spilling out of Joel’s mouth made your cunt clench on nothing. You couldn’t believe he was up for another round after that morning when he spilled his load all over your face. You reached back farther, your face pressing into the cushion of the couch as you pulled your asscheeks apart, making your pussy open for his prying eyes. 

Joel couldn’t wait any longer, her cunt was glistening with wetness and opening in such a pretty way. He notched himself against your hole, “You keep her open for me, naughty girl, you’re going to take all of him in that pretty cunt.” He said. 

“Yes! Please!” You moaned and then you felt his cock plunge into you all the way. It felt like you were being split in two in the best possible way. “Oh fuck,” You moaned, still holding yourself open while Joel fucked his stiff manhood into you. Joel marveled at the way you accepted him into your hole. He could see your cunt gripping him as he pushed himself deep inside of you and then pulled back. Every time he tugged back, you babbled about needing him more and more. 

Joel leaned over your back, his front pressed into you and he grabbed the hair on the back of your head, right below the little blue bow tied into your hair. He pulled you up, so you were sitting up on your knees, pressed back into him. He worked his hips up into you, feeling you tighten around him. One of Joel’s hands stayed in your hair, the other wrapped around your front and his fingers found your clit, tracing his finger over it. You moaned,

“Joel! I’m going to come if you-“ 

“Good,” He growled. “You’re so filthy and horny, you’re going to come over and over for me.” He growled into your ear. You whimpered and you could feel your orgasm take over you suddenly, it was like the second he had added his finger swirling around your clit you had been plunged into such intense pleasure that you couldn’t hold off. You shook against him moaning and rutting yourself back into him. As you came down, Joel didn’t stop. His finger kept swirling around your swollen clitoris as he pumped his hips into you, his big cock slamming against your cervix over and over. 

Your cunt contracted as he forced himself inside of you. Your body was shaking with the pleasure and you squirmed, trying to get away from the intensity of it. 

“I-I can’t…! Joel! I- Oh god!” You sobbed out as he pinched your clit, massaging you through the overstimulation. 

“You’re goin’ to take it, darlin’, you’ve been needin’ it so bad and your old man is goin’ to give it to ya until ya can’t take it anymore,” He growled into your cheek. Joel could feel the soft silk of your little blue hair bow against his fingers as he held your hair. Your clit was so swollen and over used that he could easily pinch it and stroke it while he fucked his hips up into you. His own orgasm was close but thanks to his own little blue something, he was still rock hard inside of you. Your legs were shaking and the next orgasm was going to be one that burned through you, it felt like it would destroy you. You weren’t sure you would be able to handle it, 

“I can’t, I can’t! I can’t! Joel! I’m…it’s hurting! Oh please! Please!” It was burning and aching and the orgasm was being ripped form you and despite the hurt form overstimulation, you needed the orgasm to overtake you. 

“That’s right, lil girl, you fuckin’ come again.” He growled into your air, he bit down on your neck and you cried out while your orgasm seemed to rip through you. 

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” you were struggling to breathe as Joel stroked your clit through your next orgasm but he still didn’t stop, stroking you over and over while his hips beat their unforgiving pattern against you. He wanted to stroke your overstimulated clit through his own orgasm. You were fucked dumb and moaning weakly as he pumped himself deeper and deeper into you. 

“That’s my girl, that’s my filthy girl, fuck! I’m goin’ to come all over your insides,” Joel released your hair and his fingers on your clit as his own orgasm burst over him. You collapsed forward onto the couch, shaking, shuddering and sobbing while he fucked himself into you through his own orgasm. When he pulled out, he watched his own creamy spend start to leak out of your abused hole. His finger stroked down against your hole, pushing his come back  inside of you. You moaned weakly as he replaced your little blue undies over your pulsing cunt. 

“Say it,” Joel was holding your jaw in his hand and his voice was gentle but uncompromising. You looked up at him, your heart was racing. You desperately wanted to say it, there was a flood in your panties at the mere suggestion of it that proved that you wanted to. You were nervous though. Nervous to let go of control in such an intimate way.

  Joel’s thick fingers dug into your cheeks, “C’mon, sweet girl, I know you wanna say it…I can see that you’re drippin’ onto my floor.” Joels eyes darted down to between your legs. You were kneeling on the ground in front of him, completely naked, knees splayed out. Joel had guided you through removing every piece of clothing in front of him. 

Take your shirt off, babygirl, lemme see those tits. Now your pants, go on, don’t be shy, darlin’. Panties too. You’re makin’ a mess of ‘em anyway. 

You had shakily done as you were told and knelt in front of him while he stood before you, clothed, towering over you, imposing. That was when he suggested it and it knocked your breath out, not because it was really shocking but because you wanted it so bad. Joel had consistently told you what to do, called you ‘babygirl’, read you stories to fall asleep to, instructed you on how to pleasure him. The word seemed obvious but the subject had never been broached until now. You craved it. Joel had given a simple instruction but the word at the end had been something you had daydreamed about and he knew it. As you had sat, waiting for more instruction from him, naked and trying not to be ashamed of yourself Joel had smiled knowingly, his eyes roaming over you.

I want you to beg for it tonight, beg your Daddy. Your eyes had gone wide and all voice had gone out of you. You just stared up at him, leaking with need onto the floor. That was when he had grabbed your jaw and forced you to look up at him. Now he was looking down between your legs, bending slightly. 

“If you’re goin’ to drip like that, you’re goin’ to start doin’ what you’re told. Now say it.” He gave your jaw a little shake. 

“P-please, Daddy” You managed to squeak out. Joel crouched down in front of you so he was more level with you, his hand still holding your jaw. 

“Now, see here, Princess,” He started, studying your face. “I know you can beg better than that.” he said, his breath whispering across your skin, giving you shivers. “An’ I aint goin’ to tell you again.” He added. Joel’s free hand wandered up to your breast, his pointer finger traced around your nipple in a slow, lazy circle. Your whole body ticked upward, reaching towards the feeling of his touch. 

“Daddy, please, I need it. I need you to touch me, please, please I’ll do anything.” You let the words spill out of your mouth, trying not to think about how slutty you sounded or him. There was something so vulgar about being completely nude, on your knees, on display for him while he stood in front of you, flannel sleeves rolled up, belt buckle still closed, even his hunting knife was still tucked into a loop on his belt. 

Joel pursed his lips in mock sympathy, “Awww, babygirl…” he said, “Is she achin’ for her Daddy’s touch?” He asked. Your eyes fell down in shame as you nodded. Joel’s thick fingers tightened again, “Look at me,” he growled. You couldn’t force your eyes up to meet his stern, brown ones. His hand loosened on your jaw only to give your cheek a quick slap, “Babygirl, focus here, focus on your Daddy and do what you’re told.” He grabbed your jaw again, thumb pressing into one cheek and his fingers into the other. 

You forced your eyes up to meet his, Joel’s face softened slightly. “That’s my good girl,” He purred. His other hand reached down, “Alrigh’ I’m gunna touch that leaky pussy just to see how wet you are.” He informed you. You nodded and his hand went down between your spread knees and up to the lips of your pussy. 

“Holy hell, girl!” He laughed, “You’re soakin’,” You shuddered as Joel’s fingers stroked along your pussy lips. “Like I said, drippin’ all over my floor.” he cooed as his fingers languidly teased along your slit. 

“Daddy!” You whined, pressing your hips down. He pulled his hand away bringing it up in front of his face, looking at the mess all over his hand. 

“Uh-uh,” He shook his head. “You stay still, keep your eyes on Daddy, and get beggin’,” he instructed. Joel kept your jaw in his hand, holding you to make you  keep looking at him while he sucked your slick off of his fingers, relishing the taste, relishing that you were desperate for more. 

“Please, Daddy! I need your fingers in my pussy-”

“In your leaky, needy pussy, babygirl.” He corrected. You whined at the vulgarity but you knew you had to say it. 

“In my leaky, needy pussy! Daddy! Please! Daddy I want it!” You cried. Joel nodded,

“I hear ya, babygirl. I know.” he said, his finger traced one of your nipples again and then trailed down your tummy towards your pussy. Your stomach twitched, your pussy clenched. 

“Please! I just… need it so bad, Daddy! She’s aching, Daddy!” You felt a sob forming in your throat. Joel let out a throaty chuckle, his finger tickled over your pubic bone. 

“You love callin’ me Daddy, dont ya?” he asked. You nodded vigorously. “Words. And eyes on me, babygirl.” he said. 

“Yes! Yes Daddy! I love calling you Daddy!” Your eyes met his and he nodded slowly as his finger dibbed into your slit. He started to circle your clit and you knew you would be a goner soon. 

“You like giving up all your control to your Daddy?” he asked, leaning in towards you and pressing his forehead against yours, still crouched down, fingers circling your clit in a dizzying way. 

“Yes,” you whined, you felt your orgasm mounting inside you and you wanted to make sure you did everything right so he wouldn’t ruin your orgasm. The circles around your clit tightened, you clenched, longing for more but unable to ask for it with how focused you were on chasing your orgasm. Your breath burned through you, your cunt was twitching and you could feel your clit twitching under his finger. You needed to come, you could feel tears in your eyes as his finger stroked your closer and closer. Your knees shook under you and you let out a long whine of need,

“I can feel that pretty pussy is close, aint it?” Joel asked. You nodded. “Ask Daddy if you can come.” he instructed. 

“Please, Daddy, can I come? Please! I’m so close…it’s…please!” You tried to hold off, you tried to wait until he told you you could but his thick fingers stroking around and around your clit, swiping over it occasionally were relentless and you couldn’t hold off any longer. Your orgasm shook through you and it was clear he felt you coming as you clenched on nothing. You bit your lip to keep from crying out as the orgasm washed over you and you rolled your hips against his fingers. Joel rubbed your clit through it until you were shaking,

“Fuck,” He groaned, “You are…in a lot of trouble, little miss.” He chastised. Before you came down completely from your high, his thick fingers smacked your overly sensitive clit and you squealed, nearly collapsing. You pressed your knees together and sat back on your feet.

“Uh-uh, you’re aint gettin’ away that easy. Lie back, spread your legs for Daddy. I gotta punish you.” Joel’s voice was gruff and strained and your heart sped, 

“No, Daddy! I’ll be good! I’m sorry!” You whined. 

Joel’s nights hadn’t been disturbed this much by you since you were a very little girl, but recently it had seemed like at least once a week it was a new moonlit issue. Of course nothing had ever gone this far, this was a new one as far as nocturnal adventures went. His phone had buzzed next to his bed, loud, angry and constant. When he hadn’t recognized the number he assumed Tommy was in trouble so his groggy,

“Yeah?” came out even more irritated than he had intended it to. 

“Mr. Miller?” The voice on the other line was sure of itself but not unkind. Nothing like a police officer or warden of a jail and definitely not Tommy. 

“Speaking,” He said as he tried to rouse himself, rubbing at his eyes, he fumbled for  his watch on his bedside table, checking it. It was 3:42 AM. 

“Mr. Miller, this is Father Reyes from Holy Trinity Catholic Church?” He posed it like a question, as if Joel should be aware why his pastor was calling him at 3 AM. 

“F-father Reyes?” Joel asked,  he had sat up in bed and was rubbing his forehead, trying to get his brain working. Immediately his mind went to when the last time he had been to confession, or even mass had been…god damn that Catholic guilt. 

“Yes, I’m calling because your daughter is here…and I’m assuming this is as much news to you as it was to me,” As soon as Father Gabriel Reyes spoke those words, Joel was standing up to go check in your room. His first thought was that Father Reyes had the wrong girl, the wrong family but he needed to check anyway.

“What?” He asked. 

“Yes, I refrained from calling the police because I know her and you and thought I should contact you first.”  Joel hurried across the hall, but he already knew from the sight of your door standing ajar that you would not be in your bed. Fear rushed through him, like tidal wave after confusing tidal wave. 

“I’m coming now,” Joel spoke into the phone as he stood in your doorway, staring at your bed. It looked…staged. As if you had purposely folded your blanket back just so and slid from the bed, leaving it looking like a gaping maw. Empty of his child who he had so obliviously assumed was sleeping soundly nearby. 

Joel didn’t remember much about getting dressed and finding his keys. He remembered nothing of  the short drive from the house to Holy Trinity. It was a drive he had done so many times before, with you that he could have done it in his sleep-apparently you could walk it in your sleep because that was the only explanation. Your sleep walking had started again. Only now it had graduated from jaunts into kitchen when you were six years old to jaunts down the middle of the night suburban streets to your old church. 

When he reached the nearly empty parking lot, he parked haphazardly. The night time disturbances of the last few weeks felt like they were getting odder and odder and this was one that he could not abide. It was one thing to have a nightmare and shriek in the night. It was one thing to beg to sleep in his bed…even if that had it’s own set of problems. But this…this was a different level. Leaving your home. Leaving him to wonder how the fuck you managed to get somewhere this far away. 

When Joel walked to the doors of the church he caught sight of the cleaners leaving, they gave him a look that might have been judgement. Joel hurried past them and into the narthex where he saw Father Reyes waiting for him, looking flustered. 

“Father Reyes,” Joel said, “I’m so sorry about this-I’m guessin’ she’s sleepwalkin’” Joel said. 

“Yes, I believe she is. I came in when the cleaners called me and said there was someone in the nave. I sat with her but I didn’t think it would be a good idea for someone other than family to wake her.” He explained. Joel was barely listening, he was looking around, trying to see if he could catch sight of you. 

“Yea, probably a good idea, shit-“ he broke off, “I mean…yeah, I don’t know what’s goin’ on with her.” There was a moment when he looked back at Father Reyes that he could see that judgement he had seen on the cleaner’s faces appearing on his face, but then it was gone and he was back to his holy self. After the moment passed he felt himself wanting to ask the pastor something but he wrote it off as a ludicrous question and turned to go get you. 

When he walked into the Nave, he saw you immediately, you were sitting three pews back from the front. You were seemingly staring up at the cross. Joel could shake the eeriness of it. Something about the shadows, the stained glass, the statues and looming cross made the hairs on his arms stand up. This was one of the most holy places you could be in and yet, Joel felt wrong as he walked down the aisle towards where you were sitting. Maybe he had just seen The Exorcist too many times. 

There was barely any light in the nave, some filtering in from the Narthex and whatever moonlight gleamed in through the tall stained glass. Joel reached your pew and sank down in the space next to you. You were still, looking forward, your hair in front of your face covering your eyes. Your body was leaned forward slightly, your hands twisted together in your lap. You were in just your nightgown.

The thought of you out walking down the backroads all alone in nothing but your pajamas made Joel feel sick to his stomach. He reached out and gently brushed your hair back away from your face. Your eyes were open but they stared blankly upwards at the cross. 

“Babygirl,” Joel whispered to you, trying to ease you back to reality. When you were little and would sleepwalk into the kitchen, or into his room, he would softly and gently coax you back to bed. You would never remember it in the morning, you would giggle, your nose scrunching when he would relay it all to you. He longed for that giggle again, the nose scrunch on your beautiful face. Even now, addled, sleep stuck in your eyes, he couldn’t help but notice how genuinely pretty you were. The curve of your lips as they pouted even now, the way your deep breathing pressed your breasts-

Your head rolled around, uncanny in its swiftness, to lock half lidded eyes on him. Your eyes saw him, but there was no sparkle of recognition, or acknowledgment, or any of your typical life. Your eyes were nothing like his daughters, except there you sat, looking like you, smelling like you, breathing like you, but the creep in the back of Joel’s neck contradicted his senses.

“Do you think He will forgive you, Daddy?” It was your voice, your sweet voice that usually was too loud or too boisterous. The voice he had known since your first cry almost 19 year ago but something told Joel to move away form you, but he didn’t, he wouldn’t. 

Your eyes inched up his body, dragging a crawling feeling inside of Joel with it. When you locked eyes with him, your voice changed from a flat monotone to something with more life, even if that life was mocking him. 

“Do you think He should forgive us?” Your hand found his thigh, high up on his jeans, so close, so nearly touching something you shouldn’t have even thought of. There was something sick inside Joel that didn’t immediately push you away. Later, he would tell himself it was because he hadn’t wanted to upset you while you were still obviously…asleep. 

Joel watched your hand, it worked closer and closer, you were ready to grab him through his jeans, he could feel it so close and he knew there was a part of him that wanted to let it happen. It was a part he had buried for so long that he cold barely access it now but it was there and it was making him harden now. Your fingers brushed against the denim clad bulge,  your head was still lolling on your shoulder, eyes staring up at Joel. For a moment the spark of pleasure that spasmed through him threatened to take over his whole brain but in your face Joel saw a flash of a similar Judgement. Maybe it was really there, maybe it wasn’t but it snapped him away from his insane needs andhe shoved your hand back off of him, coming back to himself.

“Babygirl, shhh, you’re sleepin’ lets get ya home,” He said, he breath coming in half shuddering. 

“I know all the secrets you hide.” Your voice lilted into a exaggerated southern drawl, deep and commanding, almost like his own but still too high, you, his daughter, mimicking him. Joel had about enough of this now, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and stood you up, you stood without hesitation and he took your into the aisle. Joel shrugged his coat off as he walked you out of the nave, putting it around your shoulders. 

“Thanks for callin’, Father.” Joel said as he passed Father Reyes who nodded and Joel felt him watch him as he took you out of the Narthex and to your car. 

Joel got you situated laying across the backseat, going to the front seat. He was trying his hardest not to linger on the words you had spoken while sitting in the pew. What secrets could you have possibly been talking about? Clearly you were dreaming and speaking nonsense, there was no other explanation for it. You slept in the backseat for the entire short drive back to the house. Joel parked in the driveway and stared out the windshield for a moment, there was no reason to be unsettled by you, you were his daughter for Christ’s sake. 

You had been challenging and a little different your whole life and Joel had always appreciated that about you. You follow the beat of your own drummer, peanut! He had always told you. You had also always had issues with sleep, dating back to when you were a baby,  colic-y, clingy, restless. But there was something about now that felt  so different to Joel. Maybe it was just because you were grown now and reverting to childhood problems seemed…off. The way you had looked, sitting in that church pew, staring forward, unseeing, it gave him the heebie jeebies. Then again, when you had slept walked as a little girl, you had often scared the shit outta him. Suddenly appearing at the foot of his bed, or worse, leaning directly over him. 

Joel tried to push aside the worry and got out of the car, glancing towards the front of the house as he walked around to the backseat. When he finally turned his gaze to the backseat you were sitting straight up, looking through the window at him. 

“Jesus,” he jumped, not expecting you to be right there. When he opened the back door, you blinked a few times,

“Dad?” You asked and Joel was relieved to hear your sweet voice, normal, emotional and confused. 

“Yea, peanut, you were sleep walkin’,” he said, reaching out to help you out of the car. “Almost all the way to fuckin’ Timbuktu,” He said, half under his breath. You reached out to him and he took your hands, wrapping his arm around you as he lead you into the house. 

Joel took you right up to your room, you were still pretty out of it but you were wondering where you had gone, Joel reluctantly told you and you stared at him like he had three fuckin’ heads, as if he would lie to you about where he had picked you up from. 

“I don’t…understand, I don’t remember-“ You were mumbling as Joel pulled the blankets in your bed back so you could get in. 

“Well you were sleepwalkin’ I don’t think you typically remember that-“

“Yeah but…I was at church?” You confirmed again. Joel nodded. 

“Don’t worry too much about it now, peanut. Get in bed,” He instructed, he watched you sink down onto the edge of the bed, laying back against the pillows and staring, still clearly upset, at the ceiling. 

“Did I say anything?” You asked. The words spoken to him in a flat monotone came back to Joel, sending a shiver up and down his spine even now as he tucked you safely into bed. Do you think He will forgive you, Daddy? Do you think He should forgive us? I know all the secrets you hide. Joel shook his head, 

“Nothin’ that made much sense,” he said. You were quiet, laying under the covers, your eyes distant. Joel watched your body give an intense shudder, your teeth started to chatter and your brow knit.

“I’m…I’m freezing,” You said. 

“Well doesn’t surprise me, walkin’ all the way to church in nothin’ but your nightgown and no fuckin’ shoes.” Joel half laughed and turned to leave you, “You’ll warm up quick-“

“No! Dad!” Your voice tilted towards desperate as you reached out for him. “I’m…I’m so cold…” Your teeth were chattering so hard it was making it almost impossible for you to get the words out. The shivering had seemed to come out of nowhere. Joel turned back, 

“Babygirl, you’re safe.” He said, wondering if maybe the shivering was more from being unsettled. “Just relax-“

“NO!” you practically shouted, you sat up in bed and reached out to clutch his arm, “Daddy!” You wailed, and it crushed something inside of Joel. It wasn’t the same way you had said ‘daddy’ earlier, taunting, cruel. It was like you were his baby again, crying for him. “Please come warm me up,” Your voice tortured him in so many ways, he couldn’t focus on which one this was. “Please!” You pleaded. Joel couldn’t say no. Not when you were shaking, not when you seemed to need him so badly. 

“Okay, darlin,” he pulled the blankets back again and crawled into your small bed next to you, body pressing into yours. “Christ, girl,” He said as his hand touched your bare upper arm, you were freezing. So freezing you didn’t feel real. He started to rub your arm, trying to bring life back into your skin. 

“I told you I was freezing,” You whined. Joel curled around you, wrapping his arms around you and pulled you back into him. Your back to his front. Those secrets your sleep-stolen mind had mentioned earlier started to pulse under his skin. No. You didn’t know those secrets. You had been talking nonsense in that church. He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, willing away any feelings that had started to erupt inside of him. But then you wiggled your hips back and it certainly didn’t feel accidental. 

“Daddy,” You breathed and the word felt so completely wrong in this little bed, with his arms locked around you, and your hips wiggling. 

“Shh, go to sleep again, babygirl.” He breathed. He rubbed at your back, your sides, your arms wanting to rub warmth, heat into you but it seemed like he was only stoking the heat inside of himself. 

You were quiet for a moment and he hoped you were starting to drift off but then you suddenly pushed yourself up and flipped around so you were facing him. You tucked yourself into his chest, curling up there, Joel’s arms resting on your waist. He could feel your breathing, feel every tiny motion of your body. So when you opened your legs, flinging one over top of his he almost pushed you off of him. But what kind of father rejects cuddles from his daughter like that? Even though now he could feel your crotch pressing into his thigh which was now resting between your two legs, he couldn’t shove you off of him. Not when you needed him so badly and your arms were still so cold. 

Joel resigned himself to lay still and allow you to try and get comfortable in whatever way you needed. He listened to your sweet breaths, trying to calm down it seemed. It had been an eventful night and now you were just looking for comfort. Joel leaned over and buried a kiss in your hair. You sighed contentedly and your weight shifted slightly. Adjustment, to get comfortable. 

You pressed your hips forward, feeling your dad’s jean clad thigh between your legs. His arms were holding you so tightly, protectively and you felt very out of body, like you couldn’t quite control the motion of your hips. You were caged in his arms, something gripped you and kept you there, rocking your body forward. Your short nightgown was riding up, practically around your waist. Joel pretended he didn’t notice. Your underwear was the only protection between your most intimate part and the denim of his pants and it felt rough and delicious. 

Your movements were steady now, not adjustments, not something Joel should ignore…but he was. You were grinding your pussy against his leg, that was obvious. Secrets. You also had secrets apparently and yet while you were sleeping you had the fuckin’ audacity to mock him about secrets? You pressed yourself against his thigh, and Joel didn’t move, or…he did a little, he adjusted his leg, propping it up some, providing a more stable spot for you to grind against. 

The silence between you was thick, you were trying to regulate your breathing, if he caught on that you were breathing too hard it would break the spell, the agreement to say nothing and he would stop you. You couldn’t stop now. Something deep inside of you was compelling you forward, it was fucking humiliating how badly you needed this. You needed to get off on Daddy’s leg and you hated yourself for it. If you could have stopped, you would have, you would have forced your body away from his and run away, never to look at him again. But no. It was like you were a puppet, being held up by taut strings, rocking your hips forward over and over, grinding yourself against him. But there was no marionette that could control the throbbing in your clit and the need for release. 

Disgusting girl. The voice crept in unbidden. It was familiar now. A rumble from underneath and it sent chills through you. All your secrets laid out right here. Dad’s watching them play out. Your humping of his thigh was becoming more frantic and you needed something to hold on to. So afraid of the trance being broken but unable to stop yourself your arms reached up and locked around Joel’s neck. 

Joel was screaming at himself to stop it, to hold your hips back but his cock was throbbing in the jeans and he needed to see this play out and he couldn’t take away the comfort from you. He wouldn’t. You buried your face in his shoulder, he could feel the hum of whines, muffled by his shirt as you worked your body towards climax. Joel reached around and put his hand on your lower back, helping you rock back and forth, seeking that need. The movement of his hand made you even more aware of who this was, Daddy…Dad, trying to take care of you. Disgusting girl. Always needing Dad to help. The voice burrowed itself inside of you. You were losing yourself now, pleasure was taking over your body but something else was as well, relishing in the incestuous lust. The vile debasement of a loving father and daughter. The moan escaped your mouth, sounding like a gasp and a growl at the same time.

Joel could feel you shuddering against him, his jeans felt damp from how wet you were and as you moaned he just knew you had just come. He couldn’t speak. How could that growl that had just escaped your mouth be his sweet little girl? Coming against his thigh. He was proud of you for taking what you needed but his cock was rock hard with need, he resigned himself to the fact that there was nothing to be done about it now. Especially as your body went limp in his arms and you buried your face in his chest. 

Silence stretched on and you refused to look up from his chest. Joel half wanted to whisper that it was okay, that he loved you but you clearly couldn’t look at him, or even move away from your hiding spot in his chest so he let it remain silent. After a while, he just hoped you were sleeping. He hoped it was peaceful.

Tess had been a necessary distraction for Joel. He needed someone  to take his mind off his problem. This problem wasn’t a typical one. It wasn’t the mortgage needing to be paid, it wasn’t his brother needing to be bailed out of jail, it wasn’t the roofing guys not answering his numerous texts. Those were issues he needed to work out but they weren’t Joel Miller’s biggest  Problem. They weren’t what he needed Tess for. Joel’s biggest problem was also the love of his fucking life. Joel’s problem was a little demon child who lived in his house, occasionally still slept in his bed, and drained his bank account. Joel’s problem was created by him, raised by him. You. 

You were the problem that had plagued him for so long, had buried yourself into his loins and heart and refused to let go. You had always hated when he went on dates when you were younger. You threw fits until he came home. You would hate Tess and yet, you were the reason he needed to keep seeing Tess. To stave off his disgusting problem. The problem that Joel knew snooped through his bedroom when he wasn’t home, that washed his t-shirts for him. You were a Problem with light shining in your eyes and lips that teased him when you ran your tongue along them. 

So really, you were the reason Joel invited Tess over that night when you headed off to a sleepover at your friends house. Unfortunately, you were also the body he envisioned underneath him as he fucked Tess. He was a sick man. He had a beautiful women in his bed and yet his mind always wandered to his pretty little daughter. So when you walked into the room, throwing the door open, he half wondered if it was some kind of debauched fantasy he was having. But then you were shouting and running like the bratty little girl you had always been. 

Tess had made a remark about you knocking and it pissed Joel off, but at the same time, she had a point,  and he felt bad that this would be the first interaction Tess ever had with you.

You flung insults and anger when he followed you down the stairs and that didn’t surprise Joel at all. When Tess made it out the door, you tried your best to hurt him but you had never been tough enough to learn how to throw a punch. 

Joel knew he had to have the awkward conversation with you now, apologizing, mentioning his own needs, and you would stand there looking so…good. Being the subject of all his needs, his desires. You would continue to burn in his guts and the words he spoke would make you uncomfortable because obviously talking about your dad’s sex life was not something you would find appealing. 

Then he caught something, the way your eyes lingered on his undone pants, seemingly taking in the hair he was trying to cover by doing up his jeans. Your little tongue poked out and touched your bottom  lip, your eyes fixated for a moment. Then the things you said, 

“No, Daddy. I’ll never want that from boys in college.” 

“I hate that you were doin’ that with Tess.” 

If Joel didn’t know any better, he’d think- no. That was his imagination—wait, did you say, Tess? When Joel posed the question to you, the words hung in the air for a long time. You went still and your eyes darted from his face to his hands to the floor and back. You were trying to come up with a lie, Joel could see that.  You had lied to him enough times for him to know that. 

*

“I-“ You started, you were searching for a way out of this. A way to explain how you knew or a way to derail your father from his questioning but the only idea that came to mind was crazy. “What?” You asked him, to buy time. 

“How did you know her name is Tess?” he asked again, putting his hands on his hips, stepping back from you. You answered quickly, trying to brush past his question with your own question,

“I don’t know! But…but daddy, I don’t understand what you were doing…” You said, feigning innocence. 

“Oh you don’t know how you knew-wait..what?” Joel asked, confused, “You don’t know what it was we were-honey, c’mon now.” He said, looking down at you. The lines on his forehead creased further as his confusion took over. You stared back with wide eyes, praying he forgot about the Tess question. You were making rash decisions now, but hey, the only way forward was through so you pushed on,

“I-I mean…I do, I think.” You started, taking a step forward towards him. Joel was looking down at you in utter confusion, you sucked on your lower lip and then reached out and took his hand. “That’s…that’s sex, right, Daddy?” You asked and Joel let out a nervous laugh at that. Underneath the fake innocence you tried to smother the intense gleam of mischief, of manipulation. 

“Ye-yeah, honey…I don’t understand. You should know this, kid.” He said, “I mean, I could have been better about havin’ that conversation with you but I kinda thought school took care of that.” You were pulling his hand towards you and it wasn’t like he was resisting but you could feel his trepidation. 

“I just always thought…” You cut yourself off, stealing yourself to finally say it to come face to face with what you wanted and what you were sure would send your father spiraling. “I always thought that was somethin’ we were goin’ to do someday.” You tugged his hand up to your waist like you were going trying to make him hug you. Joel tugged his hand away instinctively,

“What!?” He asked. “No, babygirl…are you…you’re jokin’” He started to laugh and you furrowed your brow in anger. 

“No!” You said, “I’m not joking!” You snapped. “I thought that was something daddy’s did with their daughters! You always said I was your special girl!” You accused, glaring at the man in front of you. You watched something flicker across Joel’s face. Pain and desire. It was there, clear as day now. You and your dad shared a problem. 

“No. Baby, No. Where did you get this idea that…that…” He shook his head. 

“Aren’t I your special girl?” You asked. 

“Yes but…this…” he gestured between the two of you. “This wouldn’t be right. It’s not-“ You  interrupted him by standing up on your tip toes and pressing your lips into his. Joel’s whole body stiffened and he grabbed your shoulders, trying to push you away from him but you reached up, wrapping your arms around your dad’s neck and pulled yourself into him, pressing your body into his. 

You silently prayed this wouldn’t backfire. You hoped to God he wouldn’t shove you away and have you committed for trying to fuck your own father.  He didn’t. He melted. At first the kiss could have almost been something a father and daughter shared when the daughter was a lot younger but it quickly devolved into something so inappropriate it gave you butterflies. Thoughts of Tess vanished and Joel’s hands found your waist. His lips were rough and warm and you cherished your first kiss like it was made of gold and in your mind, it was. 

It was Joel who ripped away first. 

“No. Babygirl, No. This isn’t supposed to happen,” but even has he said it, he was caressing your cheek, stroking your hair back away from your face. 

“Yes it is.” You said before pressing your lips to his again, he kissed you back but then was pulling back once again. 

“This is wrong.” He said but it was his lips that engulfed yours this time. His arm tightened around your waist and he lifted you up so your feet dangled off the floor and he took a few steps into the living room, in front of the couch and let you down again. 

“But I like wrong, Daddy.” You said, staring up at him. “I’ve always  liked wrong.” You explained to him. It was quiet for a moment as he stared down at you, your eyes glinting in the dim light in the living room. Joel knew you were a sneaky little shit. You always had been but it had never occurred to him that it would manifest like this but if you were going to say you liked “wrong” he could give you “wrongness” in spades. 

“I think I like wrong too, babygirl.” He said and then you took his arms and pushed him back onto the couch so he was sitting down. He looked up at you and reached out to take your hands, to pull you close to him but you had other plans. You dropped down onto your knees in front of him, settling yourself between his knees. Before he could say anything you reached up and started to undo the pants he had so recently done back up. 

“Jesus Christ,” Joel said, looking down at you on your knees in front of him. You got his pants undone  and your fingers ran through the wirey, course pubic hair there and your eyes traveled up his body to look into his eyes as you smiled. Joel let you tug his jeans down just enough for his cock to spring free, “This…this is so wrong.” Joel said but it didn’t stop him from reaching out and running his fingers through your hair. You giggled, reaching out towards his cock, you had been wanting this for so long you could barely believe it was right there in front of you. As you wrapped your fingers around the base Joel shifted, his brow furrowed, 

“Where the fuck did you learn this darlin’?” He asked, sounding nervous for the answer. You just shrugged and you stuck your tongue out and very slowly and deliberately licked the tip of his cock. 

*

Watching his daughter get on her knees in front of him, and start licking his hard cock made Joel’s brain go haywire. How the fuck did you know just how to do that? You were supposed to be his good little girl who didn’t like boys, didn’t fuck around. Your mouth slid over his cock, little lips enveloping his cock-head and worry filled him. Had you been doing this with boys behind his back? Nights where you claimed to be at a friends house, had those been lies? Joel sat up and very suddenly grabbed your chin, tugging you off his cock with a quiet, wet, pop. He forced you to look up at him and you still looked like the picture of sweet innocence, even with your face flushed, your mouth wet, eyes wide. 

“Where did you learn it? You been with a bunch of boys I don’t know about?”he asked. He felt protective and jealous. You had been playing innocent, saying you thought that it was something the two of you would do together. Joel practically scoffed at the thought now.  “You tell the truth now,” he said, giving you a little shake. You didn’t falter though.  

“Well I watch porn sometimes, daddy. I’m sorry.” You said, your lip trembled slightly. “I’ve never been with a boy…I’ve…” your cheeks reddened, “I’ve just wanted you. Always. Only you.” Joel softened at your words. You weren’t lying. He could tell but God, it had made him nervous. This sickness inside him was making him paranoid…jealous. Something he had never been before. “And…well I wanted to make you like me better than Tess.” You continued and Joel’s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked down at you, still kneeling between his knees. Tess. Her name again. 

Joel looked down at you and without speaking, you both remembered the question from earlier. How do you know her name is Tess? Joel stared at you, his brow furrowing as he held your chin.  He watched as a smirk slid over your face, mischievous, sly and excited. Of course, you had known that Tess was coming over from the second you had left for your friends house for a fake sleepover. Joel nodded  slowly as the realization dawned on you. 

“You’re a brat, babygirl.” He said. Joel let go of your chin and grabbed your hair, pushing you down towards his cock. “You hated the idea of your daddy fucking someone else that bad, huh?” he asked. Your mouth wrapped back around the head of his cock but this time it was Joel’s hand guiding you down, pressing his cock into your mouth. 

*

You gagged as his cock plunged deeper into your mouth, he had seen porn but that didn’t prepare you for a cock being shoved into your throat. You struggled back but Joel held your head, not letting you off entirely. 

“Answer me, babygirl. You hated it so bad you had to ruin it, right?”he asked. You couldn’t speak with his cock in your mouth so you whimpered and nodded. “What was that, darlin? I can’t hear ya,” He mocked and you whined, managing a garbled, 

“Yeeeea,” around his cock. Joel chuckled and his fingers caressed in your hair as you caught your breath, your tongue working over the tip of his cock. You had never imagined you would ever actually get to be here, you had wanted it so bad you hadn’t ever stopped to think it would actually be possible. He pulled his cock out of your mouth and looked down into your eyes, 

“My sweet, destructive little girl.” Joel said softly, he leaned forward, bending to plant a kiss on the top of your head. You glowed with pride and warmth. This felt like everything you had ever wanted from him, this was supposed  to happen, it was meant to be, you and him. You were from him and now he got to take you properly as his own. “You need your good ole’ dad, don’t ya?” he asked into your ear, his fingers still in your hair. You nodded and he pulled back, “Get up here then,” he breathed and patted his knee. You stood up, looking down at him for a second, your heart pounding a million beats per second it felt like. You took in how he looked there, everything you had ever wanted. The man who had not only made you, raised you, taught you everything but had etched what it meant to need into every vein, crevice, line, pore in your body. His stubble was greying around his chin, flecks of gray in his mustache. His shirt was pulled up slightly, showing off his belly and his pants were still undone, cock resting against the soft part of his stomach. His arms were held out, ready to accept you into them, they’d feel just like they always had, holding you but it would be different, better, right now. So right for everything you needed and so, so wrong. 

You put your knee on the couch just outside his knee and then swung your other leg around to the other side, straddling him. The dress you were wearing pulled up and Joel helped it along, gathering it up around your waist before wrapping his arms around you. 

“You’re my good little girl, right?” he asked as you pressed your forehead into his. 

“Mhm,” you answered. 

“So Daddy gets to take your virginity, right?” he asked, confirming what he thought he already knew. 

“Yes, Daddy.” You breathed, his lips were so close to yours and you were tempted to subdue your nerves just by kissing him  but you let the space between you two linger for another moment, savoring the build up. 

“Good,” he said. “I want you to promise me that if I’m goin’ to have you, I’m goin’ to be the only one.” Joel’s hands were under your skirt now, working on tugging your undies down, “Lift your leg up for me baby,” he added, tapping the side of your thigh indicating which leg he was tugging your undies off of. You did what he said as you thought of his other words. He wanted to be your one and only and you would gladly agree but you knew what you had to ask for. Once you undies were dangling off of one leg, Joel’s fingers inched up the inside of your thigh, so close to feeling you for the first time. Heat was radiating off of your pussy and he was so close. Your breath hitched in your chest as he grazed his pointer finger along your lips. 

“Yes, daddy. I wont have anyone else…but you need to promise the same thing. Just me.” You said. Joel’s eyes opened, looking into yours, your foreheads pressed together, your breath mingling. His fingers stroking down your slit, towards your entrance, needing to feel just how tight you were. 

As his finger sunk into you, his eyebrows raised, your mouth fell open in a gasp and he nodded, “Yes, babygirl. I promise. Just you.” He said. Your dad’s finger curled inside of you, stroking a spot you had never been able to reach on your own. You melted into him, your mouth hanging open as he pumped his finger into you. There was nothing like this in the world. Nothing that could possibly compare to the one person you had loved your whole life pumping his finger in and out of you. 

“You like that, dont you?” he cooed to you as you pressed yourself down onto his finger. “Daddy hasn’t even touched your clit yet and you’re soaking my hand.” You could hear the smile in his voice even though your eyes had fluttered shut. 

“I want that, Dad.” You gasped, your clit was already aching with need, with neglect. You felt him maneuver his thumb  up to your clit, finding a rhythm to stroke it in tight circles while his middle finger pressed up into you. You were sure it could possibly get better but you knew his cock would be so much more. “Daddy, daddy…please will you put your cock in me?” You asked. 

“I don’t know if you’re ready for that, peanut.” He said. 

“I don’t care…I want you to take me.” You whined. “I want it Daddy’s cock to stretch me,” You moaned, barely cognizant of what you were saying. 

“It could hurt-“

“I want you to hurt me, daddy! Please.” You practically begged and Joel had never been able to resist that sound. The plaintive pleading of his daughter. How could he? How could he resist sinking his cock into your pussy when it was this tight and you were begging for it. Begging for the pain, the stretch and the relief of finally connecting the way you needed. Joel reached down to his cock, stroking it a few times. He watched as you looked between your bodies, your mouth hanging open as you watched him touch himself. You groaned and lifted your hips, trying to get him to get going.

“I know she needs it, “He breathed as he lined himself up with your cunt, notching the tip right at your entrance. “Take a breath for me, baby, daddy’s going to put him in and it’s goin’ to hurt.” He explained. 

“Yes, Dad! Please.” You whined and accepted his cock inside of you, the stretch of your cunt opening for him was an all encompassing feeling but that was exactly what you wanted. You wanted to feel it in your pussy, in your breasts, stomach, toes. Everything tightened up as he pushed himself deeper. “Oh god!” you moaned. 

“Look at me, babygirl. Keep your eyes on your dad, I got you.” He said as you felt every part of you open up for his cock. You opened your eyes, pressing your forehead into his, taking slow gulps of air. His eyes comforted you and sent sparks of excitement through you, making it tingle, making the pain feel so fucking good. 

“More,” you moaned as his hips started to rock up into you, pumping his cock into you. 

“Good girl,” he said, “You take Daddy’s cock, that’s right.” Joel said. He reached down between your bodies and started that same rhythm of tight circles around your clit. It made your head swim with pleasure. “That’s right,” Joel said, “Dad will take care of you.” He said. 

You felt like it would be impossible to cum from your first time, but you had underestimated the power of your dad’s ministrations to your clit. His attention was so good, your eyes on his was so wrong, and so right, exactly what you had always wanted that you felt yourself building up to an orgasm unlike any other you had ever had. Your heart lept into your throat as you realized how close you were, you cunt tightened around his cock. 

“Oh hold on, pretty girl, you wait for Daddy to cum,” Joel growled, you let out a whine, shaking your head. 

“I can’t, dad! I can’t! I’m so close-“ You moaned, grinding your hips down. His movements around your clit slowed and you felt your clit pulse with need. “Daddy! Please!” Joel’s hips moved faster, sloppier. 

“You can wait, Dad’s goin’ to cum too. I wanna fill you up while you cum, honey.” Joel’s voice was ragged and needy. You whined louder as he pounded into you, bruising your cervix with every thrust while his fingers teased around and around your clitoris, closing you in on your release. 

“Daddy, please! I can’t hold it, I need it,” you whined. With a final thrust of his hips, Joel was coming and his fingers continued to stroke across your clit, pushing you over the edge. You felt the spasms of his cock inside you, filling you with the same seed you came from and your own orgasm split through you, making you shake and moan until you finally collapsed into his chest. “Daddy,” you sobbed. “Daddy, I’m all yours.” You said. 

You had a problem. It was a deep seated problem that wormed around in your subconscious, buried so far below the surface that half the time you couldn’t tell if it was real. It festered and burrowed in the back of your mind, wriggling in all those tight, uncomfortable places. It was your Dad. Joel Miller to the government. Mr. Miller to the kids on your street. Joel to Uncle Tommy. Daddy to you. You had never stopped calling him Daddy as you grew up and there was a part of you that began to wonder about that when you curiously started to google ‘daddy/daughter kissing’, watching your first clips of fake father and daughters…usually mitigated with the word ‘step’ in front of the words. 

Sometimes you wondered if Joel knew because you had never had a boyfriend, never talked about crushes like your friends did. But he was happy that you weren’t interested in boys, it made things easier for him. You never accused him of sexism because he had to scare away boys with threats of violence, because boys simply never happened. You barely spent time with girlfriends, squashing Joel’s considerations that maybe you were a lesbian. You wanted to spend most of your time with him. So you spent your teenage years close with your father. But your problem was growing all the time, gnawing on something inside of you, as if eating away at the wall you had put up to protect yourself from your problem. 

You had never even really been attracted to boys at school, or movie stars, or boy bands. No. The only person who had done anything to make your heart skip or your legs to quake was your dad. Ever since you were young. Back when he went on dates you would throw tantrums and be such a terror for the babysitter that he’d have to come home early. But you knew he had found ways around you to satiate his needs. You had seen the condoms in his bedside table drawers when you snooped in his room.  You had smelled lingering perfume on his pillow when you would lie down next to him in bed and request he read a chapter of your book to you. It infuriated you but you could never explain why, at least not to him and not really to yourself. 

You had thought for a while that he had stopped sleeping around, while you were in high school you never found condoms when you snooped, you never caught him with lipstick on his t-shirt but then only a week after your graduation party, curiosity had gotten the best of you so you stole his phone and read through his texts and got a rude wake up call. Messages to and from a woman named Tess. All similar and straight to the point:

 When can you come over?

Pick up condoms on your way.

My kids at a friends tonight, I’m off work now. 

I’m horny. Need you. 

Can’t tonight, watchin’ movies with my little girl. Tomorrow though, been thinking of that pussy. 

 Any normal girl would be gagging at the thought of her father in a sexual relationship. Not you. No. You were furious. How dare this woman feel entitled to any part of your daddy! You hated every time your name came up in the texts. Whether it was as a reason why  he couldn’t go fuck this Tess person or saying that you were gone so he could have her over. Jealousy burned through you. He wasn’t supposed to do this. You thought he was past that and you wouldn’t have to worry about someone getting him in the way you wanted. The thought slipped out in your anger. You had never let yourself really think about that but that was exactly what it was. You hated Tess for getting Joel in a way that you weren’t. 

You decided you would ruin their fun. Just like you ruined all those dates when you were younger. You were not going to allow this. That was how you ended up coming home “early” from a friends house the next night.  That’s how you ended up sneaking upstairs, not wanting to ruin their fun right away. You stood outside his bedroom door, listening for a moment. Voices. The slap of skin on skin. A high pitched, excited gasps. Then a deep rumble of a moan from your father.   You could practically imagine it. You had been unconsciously imagining your dad in those situations for as long as you had understood what that was. You knew that now and you were finally starting to admit it to yourself. Maybe he had his hands on her hips and was taking her from behind, maybe she was on top of him and his chest was slick with sweat. Maybe the hair on his tummy was wet with it. You let your imagination work out the scenario, but the faceless woman he fucked in your mind always turned into you. You swallowed, this was the first time you let these images swim to the forefront of your mind. That wall you had put up between you and the wrongness of your desire had been torn to shreds now. 

You knew you needed to make your entrance soon otherwise the plan would be ruined so you gave yourself a moment to collect yourself and then you shoved the door open as if you were just coming into the house and looking for your dad to announce your presence. 

“Dad, I decided to come-“ You cut yourself off from your fake entrance speech as you stared at the scene in front of you. Everything must have only lasted a couple seconds but it felt like everything hung in that moment for so long. Joel was on top of this woman, both completely naked, the blankets you wrapped yourself in most nights were shoved down around the base of the bed. He was between her legs, pumping himself in and out of her, her legs were wrapped around him, her head thrown back in ecstasy. You could see sheen of sweat over his back, the tightness of his thighs and ass as he pressed himself into her. You barely had a chance to register your father’s cock, buried to the hilt in this other woman when he jumped so bad and yanked the blankets back up around them. 

“What the FUCK!?” You shouted, it sounded completely believable because it was still how you felt, regardless of whether or not you knew what you were walking into. You hated this woman for what she was doing to your daddy. You were furious at your daddy for doing this in the bed you cuddled him in. 

“Jesus Christ, pumpkin, I thought-“ He started to talk as he wrapped the blankets around his waist. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD!” You screeched, turning away from the bed. “How could you DO this!?” You shouted as you rushed out the door of the bedroom. 

“Wait-honey! Wait a second!” Joel let out an exasperated sigh and you heard Tess groan in frustration. You had to bite back a smile as you went to the stairs to run away. 

“Doesn’t she knock?”You heard Tess say and it infuriated you enough to wipe the smirk off your face. There was movement from upstairs and you started to put your shoes on, giving them time to get downstairs before you actually ran out the door. You feigned franticness as you heard steps on the stairs and Dad rushed down, followed by a very sheepish looking Tess who was working on putting her purse over her shoulder. 

You got your shoes shoved on and you started towards the front door, “No, please dont let me interrupt you!” You shouted sarcastically. 

“Honey, calm down!” Joel said, he reached out and grabbed your arm, stopping you from marching out the front door. Tess fumbled down the hallway, 

“I’m just going to go, see you, Joel.” She said to him, lifting her hand to him. The insinuation that she would be back and the way she knew her way around the house so easily sent you into another flurry of rage, 

“No you WON’T see him! Get out, fucking whore!” You shouted, sounding more and more like a child by the second. Joel’s hand tightened on your upper arm and he pulled you around to face him but you struggled, trying to rip out of his grip. When you couldn’t get out of his grip you started trying to hit him, around his shoulders, around his chest. 

“Hey! Quit it, kid!” You didn’t listen, you continued to try to pummel your father with your fists, even though one of your arms was trapped in his grip. You felt a sob rising in your chest. You had planned this whole thing but you hadn’t planned for how upset seeing it would make you. You wanted him more than anything else and seeing him give it to someone else made you sick. The sob escaped before you could hold it back, you feebly smacked at him again and he grabbed your other upper arm in his grip, now holding you by bother your arms and gave you a little shake, “What has gotten into you, honey?” he asked, sounding more worried than angry now. 

Your watery eyes met his brown ones, you didn’t know what to tell him. You were scared it was all going to tumble out of you without your permission if you opened your mouth without a plan. 

“You…why…” Your jaw jutted out. “You aren’t supposed to do that!” You said. Joel snorted, 

“How the fuck do you think you got here?” He asked and it made you even angrier.  You glowered at him,

“You aren’t supposed to do it anymore.” You clarified. It was Joel’s turn to look  little angry, he let go of you and took a  few awkward steps back. He had managed to get his jeans and a white t-shirt obut in the frenzy of getting dressed, his pants were still undone and it was obvious he wasn’t wearing any boxers.

 “I know it probably grosses you out to think of your old man…doing that…” He sounded uncomfortable, and God, if only he knew how little it grossed you out.  “Let alone…seein’ it the way you did, I’m sorry about that.” He avoided eye contact with you. 

Your cheeks heated up, your heart hammered in your chest and you found yourself longing to touch him. You watched as he uneasily reached down to do up his pants and your eyes lingered on the bit of pubic hair you could see until it was covered by his jeans. Your eyes flicked up to his and you watched something cross over his face. Had he noticed you look? Joel shifted where he stood. “But even I got needs, kiddo and…I know you don’t want to have this conversation-“ It was funny because you had orchestrated this very conversation. Forced it into being and here he was, thinking you were uncomfortable with it. You stared at him, your eyes on his, your tongue poked out and ran along your bottom lip as you watched him. “But what you saw was perfectly normal and uhh…I mean someday you’re goin to want to…with boys…like-“ he cleared his throat, “When you go to college.” You could tell how much he hated the idea of you having those feelings and you wished so badly that he understood that the only person you had ever wanted, ever needed like that was him. 

“No.” You said quietly, taking a step towards him, “No, Daddy. I’ll never want that from boys in college.” You were very clear about your wording.  

“Honey, we don’t gotta pretend you ain’t a maturing young woman-“ You watched his eyes flick down, you could have sworn they lingered momentarily on your breasts. Maybe that was just your hope. 

“Daddy,” you took another step towards him, looking up at him. “I hate that you were doin’ that with Tess.” You said, your lower lip stuck out in a pout. “I don’t want you to do that anymore,” You told him. Joel raised his eyebrows and leaned down towards you,

“Well, I’m sorry, sweetheart but you don’t get to make rules for your dad-wait, how did you know her name is Tess?” He asked. 

When Joel finally started to stir in the bed next to yours you feigned sleep, trying to make your breathing deep and even while he slowly woke up. You listened to him roll over in bed, sit up, take his phone off the nightstand and look at it for a minute. Finally you heard him stand up, bedsprings creaking, and go into the bathroom. This was the opportunity to rush out, grab your bag and just start running. Maybe you’d call the cops. You tried to remember where you had left your backpack the night before and figure how long it would take you to grab your phone and charger before running out. Fuck! Your sneakers. When you sat up, you found them discarded near the door. No time to put them on, you’d just have to grab them and put them on later. You were about to jump up when the bathroom door opened and Joel stepped out,

“Oh, mornin’,” he said, shooting you a smile. The memory of him standing in the doorway of that same bathroom, covered in blood was at the forefront of your mind as you tried to act normal. You smiled back. 

“Morning,” You replied, rubbing at your eyes, trying to pretend you had just been fast asleep. You opened your mouth to start making excuses and say you had decided you wanted to stay in Texas, 

“Hey I-”

“Look-” You both spoke at the same time and he chuckled,

“Go ahead,” He nodded to you and you immediately lost your nerve,

“No, no, you,” You said, trying to smile at him like you weren’t terrified just to be looking into his eyes. 

Joel cleared his throat, “Well, I know we were hopin’ to head out west today but I think I gotta stay jus’ one more day here in Fort Worth,” he said, “I gotta finish up this job or I aint goin’ to get paid what I’m owed.”

Was he a fucking hitman? Maybe his job wasn’t actually construction but was just…murdering people. You swallowed. Would him being a hitman be better than just a straight up cold blooded murderer? At least he wouldn’t be murdering for fun…

“Oh,” you said, but then the realization that that meant he would be leaving for the day again hit you. The perfect opportunity to get away from him and get far away from him. You could use some of your money to get a taxi or something, have it take you somewhere to meet the guy from the internet you had originally planned on finding in Dallas. At least then you’d be far away and with someone else. “That’s okay!” You said quickly, “I’m not in some huge hurry,” You shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about it. You glanced at the clock, it was 10 AM, you had thought it was much earlier than that but clearly Joel had been exhausted from everything he had done the night before.

“Okay, well…what do you say to a little breakfast across the street and then I’ll be headin’ to the work site after that,” He suggested. If you were being honest you would scream, no, no, no! Over and over again and run from the room but you knew that wasn’t exactly an option. He could catch you easily if you ran right now so you just nodded. 

“Sure, sounds good.” You said, and you wondered if your fear was evident in your voice or your face because Joel was just looking at you. The crinkles around his eyes deepened as he seemed to examine you. 

“You okay?” he asked. The image from the night before flashed in front of your eyes again and you swallowed, hitching a smile back up, reminding yourself you needed to at least try to act normal…just through breakfast. You could do that.

“Y-yeah I’m good.” You said, nodding. 

“Alright, well, get dressed so we can go get some food, I’m starvin’” he put his hand on his belly, rubbing it. You got up and grabbed your backpack, heading into the bathroom and trying your hardest not to think about what he had been washing off in this sink only hours before. 

Barely fifteen minutes later Joel was opening the door to the diner and stepping back to let you through first. It was a cheerful little place with a counter and a few tables. It felt almost identical to the diner you had eaten burgers at just yesterday. This place felt a little cleaner, a little more tourist-y, they even sold t-shirts from behind the counter. The one waitress working that morning smiled when she saw you, 

“Go ahead and sit anywhere, hon!” She said, you glanced around, there were a few old men sitting at the counter sipping coffee and eating eggs, then a young couple across the restaurant at a table. You made for a table in front of a window and sat down, Joel settling down across from you. You pulled your phone out and shot a text message to the guy you had been chatting with previously, it was simple and straightforward: 

I’m in Fort Worth, I’d love to see you.

When you looked up, Joel was just looking at you. Your cheeks flushed, as if he had caught you doing something wrong. 

“Sorry,” You said, realizing he probably thought you were rude for texting while at the table with him. He was practically geriatric, he had different ideas of manners than you. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just never understood your generation bein’ on your phone so much.” He shook his head, “It’ll rot your brain.” You snorted with laughter but before you could answer the waitress had come over with a pot of coffee and two menus. 

“Cup a’ coffee for either of ya?” She asked cheerfully. 

“Yes, Ma’am, thanks so much.” Joel said, pushing his cup towards her. She filled it and turned to you, Joel was looking at you expectantly, his eyes lingered on you as you answered her. 

“Yes, thank you.” You said, she filled your cup and said she’d be back in a couple minutes before turning to leave. You immediately reached for the bowl of little creamer packs and the jar of sugar, while Joel sipped his black coffee. 

“I don’t think a phone will rot my brain,” you said. It irritated you that this…this murderer would judge you for something as ridiculous as being on your phone too much. Joel smiled around his coffee mug and nodded as if he didn’t agree but wanted to placate you. 

“Have you ever tried just living in the real world? No phone, nothin’?” he asked as he set his mug down and looked at the menu in front of him. Your brow knit and you had to stop yourself from fully rolling your eyes. You focused on pulling open the plastic top of one of the tiny creamers and dumping it into your coffee. 

“Have you ever tried being less of an old man cliche?” You asked without even really thinking about it. Joel barked out a laugh that made you jump as you worked on opening another creamer. 

“You got me there, sweetheart. Nothin’ but an old man cliche, and proud of it.” He said.  You hated to admit how charming he was. The way he smiled so politely, called you sweetheart and you melted at it sent a chill down your spine. He shouldn’t charm you and yet here he was.  You dumped that creamer into your coffee, automatically reaching for another one. 

“Okay, Old Timer, maybe you should go sit with those guys up there.” You nodded towards the counter where the youngest man sitting there had to be pushing 78 and one of them had dripped ketchup onto his shirt. 

“Y’know, I remember when kids respected their elders.” Joel teased, he was smiling. You dumped your third creamer into your coffee and then upended the sugar shaker into your coffee and watched the sugar run out into the mug. 

“I bet you also remember the Louisiana Purchase,” You countered immediately. Joel’s lips pursed, he was trying his hardest not to start grinning, and you had to admit it was fun to banter with him. But every time you started to relax, your heart would squeeze with anxiety, the memory of the night before flooding in. This Old Man was a murderer. He had come back to the hotel room you were sharing and washed blood off of him while humming for God’s sake. 

“You want some coffee with that cream and sugar, kid?” Joel asked, eyeing the way you were still pouring sugar into your coffee. 

“Not really,” You responded, giving the sugar shaker another shake for emphasis before setting it down and picking up your spoon, stirring your light beige coffee. “Just because your elderly body can’t process sugar and dairy like it used to, doesn’t mean all of us can’t enjoy life,” You reached out and patted his hand in a silly little comforting gesture as soon as your skin touched his your throat constricted and Joel’s eyes caught yours in their stare. It had been such a casual touch but with this level of eye contact, it felt like maybe you shouldn’t have touched him. You tugged your hand back from him and shot him a nervous smile before sipping your coffee. 

The waitress came back then and asked for your orders. You hadn’t even opened the menu yet, so you hurriedly glanced down at it before ordering pancakes and bacon. Joel got something called the “Rancher’s breakfast” and said he wanted over-easy eggs,  bacon and whole wheat toast. She took your menus and left you alone again. 

“Y’know for someone so interested in cowboys and the wild west, you sure do like mockin’ the type of people who’d be able to tell you real stories of cowboyin,” Joel said. 

“You mean old people?” You asked. Joel just raised his eyebrows so you shrugged, “Nah, I just like mocking you.”The cowboy thing made you think though. All your heroes growing up had killed people. All the cowboy movies and westerns you loved had bunches of murder and you never had a problem with the idea of running off with one of them. Was this so different? Joel shook his head and laughed, 

“I think this is karma,” he said. 

“Oh?” You asked and something inside you jumped. What, getting picked on by some eighteen year old girl was karma for his murder? No. Clearly that wasn’t what he meant. 

Joel leaned forward putting his forearm on the table as he did, “I was just like you when I was your age, a little shit.” He teased. You let out a relieved laugh and shrugged, 

“Old Man, I’m a lot like you were,” You spoke the lyrics absentmindedly, not looking at him. Your fingers ran over your coffee mug as you thought. About what you were on your way to becoming, about murderers, diners, the spots on Joel’s hands, cowboys, and the promise of Jackson, Wyoming. When you looked up again, Joel was staring at you, his expression hard but indiscernible. You looked at him for as long as you could before you got uncomfortable and had to look away again, you could still feel his eyes on you. Was it completely horrible of you to half wish you could stay with Joel? Maybe deep down that was what Joel sensed in you, that made him feel like you were like him when he was young…a horribleness that could only come from a murderer and someone who…who what? Forgave murderers? Fear squeezed inside of you and you stared into your coffee, Hoping you weren’t about to start crying. Maybe you had finally found the Wild West and it wasn’t what you wanted in reality. How fucking disappointing. Your thoughts were interrupted by your food arriving. There wasn’t need for conversation anymore, just the sounds of eating and asking each other to pass the salt, pepper or napkins. 

*

Back in the hotel room, Joel was getting ready to head off to his “job site” whatever that meant to him, and you were texting that  boy from the internet you had been talking to all along, planning to meet up with in Dallas. Now it was imperative that you did meet up with him. His name was Travis, and he had asked how long you were in Fort Worth for or if you were coming to Dallas. You told him you had no way to get to Dallas so he’d have to come and get you if he wanted you. It was easy to flirt with him over texts, it was easy to work on getting what you needed from him. Male presence as protection. A place to sleep. Someone to drive you to Dallas. Plus, he seemed nice and easy going.

So do you want to meet me at Rusty’s Tavern, it’s across from the hotel I’m at now, so that’s easiest for me. 

…

Yeah, I get off work at 5, so does 6 work?

…

You looked at the time, it was 12. Joel had implied that he still had quite a bit to do and wouldn’t be back until after dinnertime so hopefully 6 wouldn’t be pushing it. 

6 works, see ya then! 

You didn’t want Joel to know you were still talking to this guy, you didn’t want him to have any idea that you were planning on leaving so when he came out of the bathroom, you quickly shoved your phone under the pillow next to you. 

“Are you done in the bathroom? Can I shower quick?” you asked, standing up and taking a few steps to the bathroom. Joel was looking at you in a strange way, you wondered if he had caught the movement of you putting your phone under the pillow in a hurry. Maybe it would have been less weird to not try and hide it. 

“Yeah, I’m about to head out anyway,” He said after a moment. 

“Okay!” you said breezily, trying to convey a sense of nonchalance, like it didn’t matter, like you weren’t planning on getting as far away from him as possible while he was gone. “I’ll see you later,” You ducked into the bathroom and locked the door. You started the shower but decided to wait until you heard the door shut before you got undressed.

You heard the door shut from the other room so you decided you could shower. You took your time in the shower, washing away some of the stress of the last couple days. You let your mind wander to your plan to get away from Joel, to Joel himself and why you felt like you had to leave. Leaving was the smart idea. Clearly, Joel was not a safe person. But when you had run off from your home, had you been looking for safe? You had decided to hitchhike to Dallas to meet up with someone from the internet you had never met before and the only thing that had stopped you was the man who picked you up from the side of the road and the promise of him taking you out west. No, none of this had been safe. Joel had had plenty of opportunities to hurt you, but  he hadn’t. But what were you supposed to do? Forget the sight of him covered in blood? The water was hot and it did a lot to ease the tension in the back of your neck but it wasn’t soothing the unease in your belly. 

You were trying to talk yourself into staying with Joel and that scared you. You shouldn’t want to stay with him at all. You should have already run screaming and yet you hadn’t. You had gone to breakfast with the man, you had laughed with him, joked with him. What did that say about you? Deep down you had always known you were trash, but okay with murder? 

I try to bring you up good but you’re bound and determined to act just like the no goods you came from. 

You had brushed off those words when your aunt had flung them at you. But now, maybe it was just true. Maybe your parents had been trash. They had died like trash, and had left a daughter who was bound and determined to end up just like them. So maybe Joel was what you deserved. You were sad to leave him and so maybe you should lean into it and just…stay. 

By the time you were getting out of the shower, the water had gone from boiling hot to tepid and your skin was raw from the heat and how you had scrubbed it. You left the bathroom in a towel, leaving your clothes from that morning on the floor for you to grab later. You went to your bed to get your backpack from where you had left it but it wasn’t there. Your brow furrowed and you looked on the opposite side of your bed, not there either. Your heart squeezed in fear. No. This was silly, you had just seen it. You turned and went into the bathroom, had you grabbed it before your shower? It wasn’t there, just your clothes, abandoned on the ground. You turned back and opened the closet door, no backpack. You looked over at Joel’s bed, nothing. Your heart hammered so hard you felt it in your throat, pounding out your fear. You hurried over to your bed again, practically tripping over your own feet in your haste.  You ripped the pillow you had shoved your phone under off of the bed. Nothing but empty white bed sheets. Panic really settled in now, you tore all the blankets, pillows and sheets off the bed. Your phone was gone. Your backpack was gone. You hadn’t left them in the car, you knew that. You had them both right before Joel left. 

That settled something inside of you. You had to get away from him. Thank God you had set up your plans with Travis before your shower. Thank God your phone was locked and Joel wouldn’t be able to look at the messages…but who knew, maybe he had some criminal way of  breaking into your phone. 

Despair washed over you. No phone. No backpack. Only the cash you had shoved into the pocket of your pants the day before and nothing else. You let yourself sink onto the floor, sitting in just your towel, you pulled your knees up to your chest and buried your face into your hands. Your breathing was ragged, your hands shook against your face. Every choice you had made since you had left your house the morning before felt like a mistake. Stupid mistake after stupid mistake. 

Fuck up. Fuck up. Fuck up. 

You looked up after a long time. You couldn’t just give in and wait for Joel to come back. What would you even say to him? No. You were going to meet Travis and you were going to beg a ride to Dallas and then…you didn’t know, but there had to be something, right? Anything was better than your home in Austin. Anything was better than staying with a murderer who stole your shit so you couldn’t leave. You finally got up and put your clothes from that morning back on, doing your hair as best you could. You had another moment of clarity and thought to check and make sure Joel’s truck wasn’t in the parking lot. It wasn’t. So maybe he wasn’t lying about everything. You tried to kill time in the hotel room, but you mostly ended up pacing, counting and recounting the money you had shoved in your pockets the day before. Five ones, two fives and a handful of coins you had grabbed from the counter as you left your house in Austin, maybe as a final ‘fuck you’ to your aunt. When the clock next to the bed finally said 5:30 you decided to take the quick walk across the street and be at Rusty’s Tavern early, in case Joel ended up getting back. 

You could feel eyes on you when you walked in. It was clearly not normal for young women from out of town to come in here on their own, but no one questioned you when you sat down at the bar and looked over the drink menu. You wondered if they’d serve you without an ID, or if it was better to just get a lemonade while you waited for Travis. You played it safe and got a lemonade while you waited. You didn’t have a phone to kill time with so you anxiously waited for this person you didn’t know at all to show up and hopefully save you from the murderer you only kind of knew. 

When he walked in you tried not to be shocked at how different he looked from what had been on his tinder profile, clearly the photo had been a few years and quite a lot of hair ago. He wore a baseball cap but you could see the receding hairline of a guy who was refusing to acknowledge it. 

“Travis!” you flagged him down, he waved and walked over to you. 

“Hey! It’s good to finally meet you.” He said, you stood up to give him an awkward hug. You had been talking for a while so he didn’t feel completely unfamiliar but it was still odd to be there with him as he settled into the barstool next to you. 

“You too,” You said, nodding. “Thanks for meeting me here, honestly, the guy who I got a lift from Austin with is giving me the creeps,” You said, laying the groundwork for needing an out. 

“Oh yea?” Travis asked as he flagged down the bartender to order a drink. You weren’t sure how much to tell him, but you knew you’d have to explain the no-phone thing at some point so you decided to just go for it. 

“Yeah I think he took off with my backpack and phone to make sure I couldn’t like…leave him, and yeah it’s weird,” You said, hoping not to sound as freaked out as you were. Travis’ eyebrows raised,

“Jesus,” he said. He ordered a Titos and Redbull when the bartender came over and then looked at you expectantly, “I got you, darlin’, just order what ya want.” He shot you a wink so you decided to try your luck. You ordered a gin and tonic because it was the first thing you thought of. The bartender looked you up and down, he didn’t believe you were of age for a second but he nodded anyway and turned to make the drinks. When he set the drinks down in front of you, it was a relief to have something that might numb you a little to how weird these last couple days had been. You sipped it. You talked a little about Joel with Travis, telling him he never made a pass at you but he just gave you the creeps and now he had stolen your shit you wanted to get away from him and fast. You moved on briefly to stuff about Travis’ job, his roommates and how they were all out tonight anyway. It felt like he was dropping hints. You worked your way through your drink and he leaned into you to talk more and more as the bar got louder with more people coming in. 

“You still lookin’ for a way to Dallas?” Travis asked as he flagged down the bartender again and indicated he wanted another round for both of you. 

“Yeah, I mean…” you trailed off, trying to think of how to play this. You didn’t want to seem desperate enough to sleep with him for a place to stay…but maybe you were. That thought sent your heart hammering in your throat again. You didn’t want that. “I don’t have any plans up in Dallas but staying with this guy seems like a bad idea,” You mumbled. “I don’t got many options though,” you added. The bartender set down your second round and you stirred it with the little black straw that was in it. 

“I mean, we could work somethin’ out for ya, I think,” he said. Your stomach dropped. No. You weren’t going to sleep with him, you didn’t want it to be like this. You couldn’t stomach that thought. You smiled, it was coy, practiced and came to you easily. 

“Well maybe we could,” you said, you tilted your head to the side, “but I’m a lady and I don’t sleep around just for a room to stay in,” you said, keeping your voice light and teasing. For the briefest moment you watched disappointment register on Travis’ face. It was clear that was what he had been expecting from tonight and now you had pulled a bait and switch on him, at least that was probably how he saw it. Then he smiled, 

“Of course, I’m a proper southern gentleman, darlin’ if you need a place to say, I’ve got an extra bed and no expectations.” He said. What a load of shit. But at least he wasn’t pushing it. Maybe he was a  nice guy, just adjusting what he thought he’d get tonight. 

“I’d appreciate it,” you said. “I’ll make sure to cook you breakfast in the morning,” You said, giggling. He smiled again, you watched him shift closer to you. So he was going to adjust his expectations, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to pull out all the stops to try and get you to change your mind. 

“Oh you better,” he teased. You sat back, feeling anxious about how close he was, how much you could smell his breath and cologne. 

“I’ll be right back, gotta run to the bathroom,” You said. You got up and went back into the small, dingy ladies room of Rusty’s Tavern. You took a second away from him to consider everything. Joel was a known evil. Travis was…well, was he unknown? You had talked for a while. You had met him now. He seemed fine. He had taken your refusal for sex pretty well even if he was still hitting on you, wasn’t that just in boys’ nature? 

You felt itchy. This was the type of “no good” shit your aunt would accuse you of. Using your charms to get what you wanted. In this case, a way out of a bad situation, a place to stay. But was forgiving and forgetting a murder worse? Yes. Of course. You splashed water on your face, washed your hands and returned to the bar. Travis had gotten you another drink while you were gone. You drank it, trying to make sure you would have the nerve to get in his car without your phone and head off to Dallas. You had gotten the nerve to leave home, to hitchhike, to accept a ride from a complete stranger. This was no different. This was just as easy, and getting easier every second. Talking to Travis was a lot easier now, you told him about leaving home, about how your Aunt had raised you. You talked about Joel again, maybe too much. He kept looking away when you brought him up. So you stopped bringing him up and let Travis guide the conversation. Favorite music. Favorite movies. If you had been on any good dates recently. How many boyfriends you’d had, what your body count was, what his was. His hand found its way to your thigh and it was easy to let him keep it there. You tried your hardest to giggle and brush off his comments and questions like they weren’t invasive, like they weren’t clearly trying to push this somewhere that you had said wasn’t going to happen. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to allow him to think there was a chance something could happen. 

You hadn’t realized how much you were drinking until the room started to tilt as you sat up on your stool, glancing around. Wait…no, you hadn’t had this much? The room shouldn’t be blackening around the edges, you shouldn’t be slipping in and out of focus just as you sat there. Not after…what…three drinks? That you hadn’t even finished? You rubbed your eyes. 

“You okay?” Travis asked, his hand had been firmly on your thigh this whole time, now it started to rub up your jeans, higher and higher on your thigh, fingers pressing in. You felt suffocated by his hand, heat rising in your cheeks, and the world tilting around your vision. 

“Y-yeah,” You heard yourself mumble and you unsteadily pushed yourself off of your stool. You stumbled and had to grab the bar to steady yourself. Your body felt heavy. You had been drunk before. You knew what drunk felt like, but this wasn’t it…or was it? Were the drinks just strong? No…you felt hot and itchy all over. Something was wrong but you couldn’t form thoughts to try and put it to words. Bathroom. You needed cold water on your face. “I…bath…gotta” You shook your head and tried to take a stumbling step forward. Travis caught your arm, 

“Whoa there, honey,” he laughed. “You’ve had a lot to drink, I guess.” He said with another chuckle that didn’t sound right, it sounded far away. 

“N-No,  I…dint…jus” You heard yourself slurring but there was nothing you could do to stop it. Travis put his arm around your waist, tugging you into his side and holding you up right. His fingers dug into your ribs, his breath was against your neck as you felt your toes drag across the floor of the bar. You could see the flickering lights in the windows as you got to the door, the cool air from outside wafted on your face, a blessing and a curse. You were going to get in his car, go all the way to Dallas, stay in his home and you couldn’t even form a sentence. Joel sprung into your mind and you half wished you had never left that hotel room. 

“Come on, let’s get ya out of here, honey,” Travis grunted, you could hear his breathing sort of begin to labor as he supported you down the steps right outside the front door. 

“Can weuh wait..minute…hol’ on,” you struggled with words and with his hot hand on your ribcage, you wanted to shove it off of you because you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think, and everything was wrong. You were supposed to have it together. You were not supposed to lose yourself like this. Travis was walking you around the side of the bar, towards the back parking lot. It was dimly lit here, illuminated by the neon signs from the front and one lone light over a side door. Between your blurred vision and the darkness, you couldn’t make out much. 

“Aw, would you quit lettin’ yourself fall all over the place?” Travis asked, it sounded like a joke but there was an edge there, irritation. He redoubled his grip on your waist and grabbed your arm. 

“Leggo,” you moaned, trying to push away, you managed to pull from his grasp but you stumbled back and hit the brick wall of the building. 

“Jesus Christ,” Travis grunted. “Makin’ this too much fuckin’ work for me,” Travis grabbed your arm again and bent as if he was about to haul you over his shoulder. You knew if he got you onto his shoulder you’d have no autonomy, No decision, and that made you feel sicker than you already were. You tried to stumble away from him. 

“No, no…” your back hit the wall, the skin of your arms and shoulders scraping along the rough brick. Travis  hands found your hips and he pushed you back against the wall, 

“Fine, you don’t wanna go easy? We can do this here,” he growled and you felt your muscles tighten as you tried to reel away from him but there was nowhere to go. Your head smacked against the wall and your vision dimmed more. You could hear movement, feel his hands on you, pulling at you, it felt like he was going to pull your skin off, tear at your guts. Hot tears added to the heat on your cheeks and you tried your best to catch your breath but you were completely addled. Nothing made sense, your hands wouldn’t move where you told them to and his hands were everywhere. 

You were about to pass out, to be gone from reality entirely and it partially felt like a death sentence, partially it felt like a blessing. No memories of it. No awareness. It was overwhelming heat in your face, in your chest, a heaviness in your body that was so consuming that the only thing that kept you tethered to reality was sudden space between you and Travis’ hot breath. The hands ripping at you were torn away and you slid down the wall. 

“What the fuck?” Travis asked of an unknown, unseen force that had made it so you didn’t succumb to an unknown burn. Maybe you heard another yell, maybe you dreamt it, maybe you heard a choked cry or the sickly thump of fist connecting with face but maybe that had just been something you made up later because after those moments. There was nothing. 

*

I've been first and last

Look at how the time goes past

The music that was streaming into your consciousness was a song you had heard thousands of times before, the lyrics familiar, the strum of the guitars stitched into you from childhood. 

Give me things that don't get lost

You still couldn’t open your eyes, everything hurt. Your head. Your shoulders. Your neck. After the music and the pain, the next thing you noticed was the movement. You were in a car, a truck, rumbling down a road, fast. Your throat was dry and you were slumped to the side in your seat, probably why your neck was hurting so much. You turned your head. 

But I'm all alone at last

Rolling home to you

You blinked, trying to open your eyes, squinting in the daylight. Joel. Joel was sitting to your left, driving his truck. For one second you were relieved. Joel. Known Evil. An old man who bought you pancakes and burgers and laughed when you called him an old man. Who hadn’t drugged you or shoved you into the wall of a dingy bar. The shining second of relief was glorious and you reveled in it  but then you tried to pull your right hand up to rub your eyes and something jangled against your wrist, catching your arm and stopping it from moving any further. 

Old man take a look at my life

I'm a lot like you

You tugged your wrist again as you looked down at it. The silvery bangle glinted in the sunlight. Your heart felt like it stopped as you realized what was going on. You were handcuffed to the door of the truck. 

I need someone to love me

The whole day through

Ah, one look in my eyes

And you can tell that's true

You tugged your arm again, as if that would detach the handcuff in some way. Nothing gave way.You turned your head slowly, taking in the man in the driver’s seat. Joel Miller caught your movement out of the corner of his eye and quirked his head towards you, 

“Hey kiddo, glad to see you’re awake,” He said as you heard blood rushing through your ears, cold sweat beading on the back of your neck. 

Old man look at my life