Summer Blues Cure

Keeping it short for the end of summer: I think I've grown a lot on the inside this summer. I learned to stave off boredom on my own, to create projects and opportunities for myself. I didn't accomplish all of my goals (no license), but I am still reasonably proud of what I've done this summer. I think my relationship with my mom grew as well. I've enjoyed this summer but I am ready to head back. I GET TO SEE MY GIRLFRIEND TOMORROW. I GET TO SEE MY FRIENDS TOMORROW. I GET TO GO TO CLASS SO SOON. Ready to be back.

The Joy of Packing I used to hate packing. As an unorganized and messy person, it was the antithesis of everything I enjoyed doing. But lately, I have realized that there is so much fun to be found in packing. You get to rediscover your old clothes, model them on yourself, figure out what to wear. You find other curios and knick-knacks you've completely forgotten about. And even the organization is kind of fun. It's like a real-life Tetris game: jamming and packing things in so that you can figure out how to get everything you need to fit. It's a simple, easy, mental task. And as someone actively trying to make a change in organization level, it is good to create the clothes-folding muscle memory. Pulled a practice 4K and did much better than I expected. I paced it pretty much the opposite of how our coach prefers it, starting fast and getting slow. I maintain this makes more sense for the structure of this piece. TBD on if it works or if I get chewed out.

As the day of my return to school approaches, I think about how different I feel this year than last year. Last year O had a lot of apprehension. Could I improve my grades? Would things be different with my girlfriend? Would so still enjoy school? This year, I am less panicked. I know this year will have its up and downs, but I am also sure I am headed to the place I really want to be. I know my relationship will evolve and grown, but that, too, is a part of my life I am certain of. Now that I'm in the second half of my college years, it feels more reasonable to be comfortable and certain of somethings. Obviously, I will have to work hard to make my expectations a reality. But I am prepared to do this. I will grow and improve this year, just I did last year from the year before. I am ready to go back.

I ended up with you.

I hope someday we find ourselves in a political place where being on the right does not necessitate being bigoted. I miss reasonable debate and discussion. But it is not possible now. 

Some of my enthusiasm for creating moments with my mom was inspired by my girlfriend. She has made it a personal goal to have some kind of shared time and experience with each member of her family before she leaves. I have never really put much thought into creating these with my mom. She is not much for sentimentality, and prefers to just work hard. But then I think of all the wonderful moments I had with my dad, and how much I wish I could have had so many more of those. I am determined not to regret or worry that those around me don’t know how important they are to me.  

It would be a lie to say that the desire for workout buddies is even close to the top of my list for reasons for wanting to return though. There are all of my friends, the classes I am looking forward to, the freedom that being in a college atmosphere brings. But most of all, there is her. My girlfriend. I cannot wait to hold her, to give her a delicate kiss on the forehead, to watch her expression light up in person. Texts, snapchats, and phonecalls are all wonderful fascimiles of real interaction and I appreciate them, but at this point I am just craving the real thing. 

Charlottesville was an act of radical white right-wing extremism. These people are Nazis. They gathered to defend a monument to racists and traitors, with violent intentions,and carried them out. I have been, and still for the most part am, a “classic ACLU liberal”. I support defending speech even when I find it abhorrent. But advocating ridding our country of a race, calling them subhuman, or calling for their extermination? These are just as dangerous as yelling “fire” in a crowded theater. Yes the danger is not as pressing...yet. But by allowing this hate, we only let it grow to the point where it becomes legitimately problematic. After the events last night, it is time to stop saying that people whose lives are threatened have no recourse. If there is not legal change, someday that recourse will come through violence. To everyone who compares the events of Chalottesville to BLM protests: you are a moron. If you cannot see the distinction between a historically oppressed group fighting a struggle to be recognized and for equality, and a group of human embodiments of privilege fighting to maintain that superior position, then ay G-D help you, because you really are n ot prepared to handle the modern world. Finally, confederate symbols are traitor’s symbols. If that is the heritage or history you take pride in, you are not an American. Put it in a museum. Do not glorify it in publicly-funded parks, state capitols, or state flags. Keep it as a reminder of our shared shameful histpry. But no one should take pride in it.

Today I made my first visit to the gym at my new house. I must say, I am impressed. First of all, they have a rowing machine that works perfectly which is a big bonus. It doesn’t seem particularly used, which frankly I prefer, as it means people haven’t fucked it up with their awful technique. In addition, the gym has a pool AND a sauna. I am very excited to have a sauna at my disposal to recover from long workouts. In addition, during people-watching, I enjoyed the company in the new house. Frankly, the main difference is fewer personal trainers. I enjoy the company of fellow self-motivated people over lunatic screaming nutjob yelling at people just trying to improve. I know I am late to the party, but I cannot recommend American Crime Story: The People vs. OJ Simpson highly enough. The acting is superb, even John Travolta’s incredibly weird performance. Although the acting of the character of OJ himself seems a bit “off”, the key players, such as Johnny Cochrane and Marcia Clark are incredible. In addition, the show delves into the story of Chris Darden, a black member of the prosecution who was the subject of much undeserved derision as an “Uncle Tom”. I must admit that I personally support the verdict of the OJ trial, despite the fact that it seems far more likely than not that OJ did commit murder. Ultimately, Fuhrman taking the 5th when asked if he tampered with evidence in the case, rather than the glove not fitting, seems to have been the turning point in the case. No matter how you feel about the case itself, the show is masterfully presented in its visual effects and acting.

This does NOT extend to the so-called hot-taker, journalists only interested in stirring up controversy. Your Skip Baylesses, your Breitbarts, etc. These add nothing to the journalistic process and instead waste type with inane garbage. These are the hot takers, out only to garner reaction and page views. They, not reaction pieces, are what threaten quality journalism.

Girlfriend had a late dinner to celebrate the end of her work. It sounds like it was the perfect way to end what has been a long, difficult, but rewarding experience. Hearing about it really makes me impressed with how she has stayed incredible throughout some difficult experiences and ended more sure of her pah in life. It also left me wishing I had had a little bit more out of my own internship experience. The lack of feeling like I really made connections with people after the end of is not a good one, especially after years of attending and counseling camp with my friends. Not every summer will be full of excitement nd un, but I am hoping I can improve on this one. 

Girlfriend has had a long long night to prepare for her final day of her work. Writing kind things about all of her coworkers and emotionally preparing to say goodbye. It seems like she is ending on a high note and that is really all I could ask for from this summer. She is meant to teach. There was never any doubt about this but I am even more sure. And I think she is too.

It is okay to ask people for help. I often have an aversion to this; it feels week and I always want to solve problems myself. But sometimes people know things you don't. After class scheduling fiascos last year, I was worried I had repeated this year and would have to drop a class I was particularly excited for. But I emailed my advisor for help, as well as General academic advice. She was incredibly helpful, and let me know about a new class that fit perfectly with my schedule and was exactly what I needed. Had I not sent an email admitting that I needed her help, I would have been screwed. I got a morning call from my girlfriend today. I had already resigned myself to not being able to talk until Wednesday so seeing the phone run with her name on it made me grin from ear to ear. It was a short conversation, more check-in than anything else. But she sounded so happy after a fun weekend that it made me smile, in addition to an already-good day. It means a lot to me to date someone who also cares about the little things in a relationship and that, sometimes, tiny gestures can have the biggest effect on a person. She truly is the one person that can always make me smile.

My girlfriend’s fun weekend romp continued with another gorgeous hike in a mountain path full of wildflowers. Really looking forward to hiking. As much as I love the suburbs and the city of DC, I have recently been pining for the call of the wild (not the book which I felt was overrated). She and her friend have made all sorts of long-term friendship plans. Inspiration to do more of that kind of thin with my friends.

I have noticed a trend in social media where I find a blog or twitter account or user I agree with and support wholeheartedly, only to discover they are a raging BernieBro or Never Hillary leftist. This frustrates me to no end. Equating Trump and Hillary is much worse than calling one the "lesser of two evils", as HILLARY CLINTON IS NOT EVIL. Is she perfect? No. She is a successful career politician, and part of that bargain means cutting deals with unsavory people. Unfortunately, there is a significant part of America with significantly inhumane interests, and working around those people is often necessary to make some sort of positive change. It is easy to be a spouting ideologue standing on a soapbox like Bernie Sanders, constantly standing up for what you believe in in every facet of life at the expense of getting things done. But I would prefer to vote for someone with at least some track record for accomplishing anything on a political stage. This does not even begin to touch on the awfulness of much of the far left fan base, who decry "identity politics" as the downfall of the Democratic Party because it does not cater to straight white men exclusively anymore. There are so many instances of racism, sexism, and anti-semitism from his supporter base. In addition, they further propose gate insane right-wing conspiracy theories in attempts to defame Hillary. I support efforts to move the party further left, but I do not think Bernie supporters, particularly the most radical fringe, should be those the left wishes to emulate.

I am into the true doldrums of summer, at the point where I really wish I was back at school. That is not to say I am unhappy here. More that I am growing restless. As the summer wears on, it is easier to become worried. Do the people I care about most even like me at all? What am I gonna do this school year? Am I working hard enough? What am I going to do with my life? All of these thoughts have run through my head in the last 24 hours. Ultimately, it is the problem of an idle mind. Although I am working hard to keep myself busy, there is still a lot of time to let my anxious mind wander. I have gotten better at controlling it but am far from perfect still. Tonight was my girlfriend's last day with students at her work. Her friend is also visiting from out of town! I'm glad she will get the chance to cap off the summer on a high note after a long and stressful work. Had our last real conversation for the next five days due to friends and work and it certainly wasn't our best; we were both not in our best moods and it was quite hurried. Although I don't enjoy these silent by happenstance periods, at least we will both have a chance to have many new things to talk about next time. Just can't wait to see her again.

This book is not the one you should choose if you are interested in, well, reading a book. But if you are most excited to be thinking, laughing, and a bit confused, I would highly recommend it. I look forward to revisiting this book in different frames of consciousness and times in my life and seeing how the answers have changed. This book is not closed within itself but opens up a bright world of possibilities.