THE BEAVERTON

“Now, with his stated reverence for “Old Stock Canadians”, the re-opening of the Niqab debate, and the Zero Tolerance For Barbaric Cultural Practices Act which features an RCMP-helmed tip line, alarm bells are ringing that the public will not be able to understand the message of xenophobia and racism the party holds at its core.”

“This will definitely determine who I vote for,” said Serge Dumont, an out-of-work aerospace engineer who has been looking for work for the past 3 months. “It’s important that this issue be brought up again and again until my EI runs out.”

“Some of these shows attract literally several audience members and that incredible exposure resource is an income stream that has gone untaxed for years”, said Northridge, “there are improv comedians out there with almost $100,000 of non-monetary “exposure” in their pockets and that’s a real asset.”

Citizens of _______ were ______ and ______ to hear that something like this could happen in their community. 

MONTREAL - Leonard Cohen announced today his intention to add his name to the already impressive list of artists who have recorded their take on Leonard Cohen's seminal 1984 religious rock hymn, “Hallelujah.”

TORONTO - As the Toronto International Film Festival is set to get under way, Canadian stars are nervously awaiting their chance to finally meet real-...

“I work a tough job and when I get home, sometimes I just need to vent,” said Gehry. “Ryan’s always there for that. When I complain about my stupid co-workers Ryan will do that little laugh of his because he knows I don’t actually mean it. God, he really gets me.”

WATERLOO, ON – Responding to numerous patron complaints, the staff of the Empire Theatres Waterloo reportedly removed famed Canadian astronaut Chris H...

TTC Union and makers of Grand Theft Auto team up to create realistic video game full of delays

Earlier this week, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair confirmed that his party would run negative campaign ads against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, targeting...

“Sid has been very eager to get back on the ice and we figured he couldn’t risk another 10-month absence like in 2011,” said coach Dan Bylsma, “So rather than risk any more injuries to his vital head organs, Sid and upper management came to the conclusion that it'd be best if he had his brain and other major face parts removed.”

CALGARY - In the wake of Friday’s passing of legendary Alberta premier Ralph Klein, Canadians from across the country have come together to mourn, celebrate a life, and praise a man they are choosing to believe they did not hate.

QUEBEC CITY - With his formal duties as the mascot for Quebec’s Winter Carnaval 2013 complete, Bonhomme Carnaval (Good Man Carnival) has announced his next move will be a bid for the Bloc Québécois.

OTTAWA - Marc Garneau told reporters Monday that the reason he was not able to capture the public’s attention during his bid for Liberal leadership is because current International Space Station Commander Chris Hadfield was getting too much publicity from the media, and it diminished his former spaceman status.