Back Seat Spew
When I was 13, the fam took a road trip to Disneyland. On the road I started feeling not so hot. I went from a headache, to a headache and dizzy, to a headache, dizzy, and nauseous. I was in the backseat on the passenger’s side of our SUV and my sister was sitting across from me, behind our dad, who was driving. Mom was riding shotgun.
I tell my mom I’m not feeling good and she hands me a bottle of water to drink. I try, but it makes me feel worse. I lay my head back on the headrest with my eyes closed hoping the feeling would pass. I really don’t remember having any time to ask my dad to pull over. It was like in one second I felt 10 times worse and half a second after that, I went off like a fountain in Vegas.
I go from head fully back, pointed at the ceiling, to jerking forward while projectile vomiting. It happened so fast, but the end result was me getting puke on literally everyone in the car. Some even hit the roof. It was on my sister’s leg, my dad’s right arm, and worst of all, in my mom’s hair. The rest was just pure carnage. Puke was on the back of my mom’s seat, dripping into the backseat pocket, on the floor, in the cup holder, and all over me. With my sister and mom screaming, my dad pulls over to the side of the road. But it’s really too late, the damage is done. By the time the car stops, I’ve puked a couple more times.
I lean out the car door and practically fall out because I’m so dizzy. I retch and heave on the side of the road until I’m empty. My mom tries to help everyone clean up with a pack of Wet Ones while my dad tries to carefully remove the floor mat holding most of my spew. The car was still a wreck though, and the smell was disgusting. We rode to the hotel with the windows down.
Finally checked in, dad comes to get us to go up to our room on the 11th floor. Thank god I was empty because the elevator ride made dry heave. I stripped, fell into bed and went to sleep in the fetal position. My dad took the car out to be cleaned. It cost $250. Mom got me some Dramamine.
Funnily enough, that wasn’t the only puking incident on that trip. My sister got off the Matterhorn ride, took about 10 steps, and blew chunks. We spent the better part of an hour waiting for her and my mom to come out of the restroom. Mom said every time she thought my sister was done, she wasn’t. My sister says she tried to exit the restroom stall at least three times and had to turn right back around. The first time she barely made it back into the stall in time. The Matterhorn fucked her up.
Anyway, despite all the puking, it was a pretty decent trip.













