Sometimes in the middle of their sleepless nights when the world is silent, especially lately as they’ve been trying to get better at reaching out again, instead of retreating into themself, Lex thinks about just how lucky they are that things worked out the way they did. They don’t actually know how much their father had known about Camden when he sent them in search of him for safety, but they’re certain the most he had been expecting was for him to pass them off to the proper channel. There’s no way he could have known he was giving them a family in his absence, that they’d gain two more parents, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin who’s more like a sister. There was a long time where they wished things had been different, that their dad might’ve made it that far with them, but they’ve stopped wishing for that; they were always going to find them, no one can run forever, and it feels a little like the universe caught up to them when it did exactly so they could have this instead, at the perfect time for all of them.
It’s not lost on them how badly things might have gone if it had been even a year sooner. But instead, they have this. They have Liv fondly waving off their worry, and they have the horrifying mental image of what Liv handling Camden means. “Please don’t say anymore,” they grimace jokingly. It would probably be disgusting just how deeply in love they still are if it wasn’t also a sort of blueprint in Lex’s mind, albeit an unconventionally immortal one, of the sort of thing they should aspire towards. The sort of thing they had found, and lost.Â
They nod seriously when they tell them to be careful, and to look out for their friends in the office, too. “You know I will. Got too many other things to worry about to let that become a problem,” they insist. It’s a change they can feel, the seriousness beneath the lightness, and it’s just another reminder of the mess that all of them had been forced into when they were aurors, and how fucked it is that it’s still a problem, that all the work they did against it had barely made a dent. And that, on top of the quiet, much more personal wars they know Liv, Camden, Becker, and Baron had been facing. It almost makes it possible to believe Liv when he says that things will settle if they can make it through, because Liv did, they all did. So it has to be possible. “Only way out is through,” Lex repeats, as they finally come to their spot, make their way in.Â
Taking the menu, they barely give it a glance having been to this place regularly. “I’ve been working out with Jal again, thanks for noticing, but I’ll never miss a chance to spend your money…” Halfway a joke. “Really, Liv I’m fine,” they insist more seriously. Comparatively, they are fine, although they’re aware they’re a long way from being able to convince most people of that. They have to keep working hard for that sense of normalcy, just as important to feel it themself, as to convince everyone else of it. “I’m seeing Becca’s place tomorrow, getting drinks with Jal tonight. Even have a park playdate lined up this weekend with Keira. I’m damn near thriving.”
Liv feels an uncertainty in their chest, this feeling they get sometimes like they want to protect Lex from every hard thing in the world. They know better than most people how unfair things can be, and it hurts to think of how long they lived believing that they deserved to be miserable, that they deserved every unfair thing that the world threw at them. They hope thet Lex never has to feel that hopeless, not to the same extent that Deliverance did. But they know, at the same time, that they might as well. They’ve been through the unthinkable already, but if this NBO thing keeps going the way it has been, their life is only going to get harder at the same pace that their job does.Â
But they’re not here to fret endlessly at the worn edges of Lex’s life. They’re here to offer the comfort and the familiarity that they think Lex needs right now, a return to old behaviour that will get them ready for living the rest of their life. Liv hopes that they know they can always come to him, that they know he’ll always be there –– literally always, which is still a strange thought all these years later. And there’s a part of Liv that’s learned to be optomistic, conditioned now to believe that Lex will find their way to real happiness again. Happiness is a boundless thing, after all. It waits for you around every corner. It’s a lot like love –– eternal, wide reaching, without limitations. There’s no quota to how much you can feel, how much you’re allowed to recieve. It took Liv a hell of a long time to learn that, but its a truth that they’re comfortable with now.Â
They smile, slightly, a fond thing when Lex lists out ever plan they’ve made for the coming days. They’re glad that Lex is busier, seeing the people that they love, the people that can help them out of the dark places they might fall in to. And the smile widens even more at the mention of Becca, their darling Becca. They know that thriving isn’t exactly what Lex is doing –– but they’re existing, they’re carrying on. Liv will give them a few weeks, and then check in with the big talk about feeling your feelings, if things don’t start looking cleaner around the edges. They smile instead, for the moment, and arch an eyebrow at them. “Well, now i’m counting myself lucky that you found time to squeeze me in to your busy schedule.” They say, a little wry around the edges. They put on a playfully thoughtful expression. “And offended that Becca hasn’t invited me over yet. Hope shes not too cool for me now that she’s a big fancy squad auror.”Â