see you on a dark night

Vesper twists their own hands together for a moment, holding on to themself to stop from reaching out for Lex again. They aren’t sure why, but they feel aprehensive already. Something about the way that Lex hesitates makes them worry, makes them scared, makes them wonder what exactly is coming out of this converastion. They watch as Lex takes a sip of their tea, and wonder what they’re going to say when the words finally start slipping out. What will it be, what could have happened to make them take the leap back into…all of that. The curiosity of it lodges in their throat for a moment, and they’re worried it might kill them after all. They keep their eyes fixed on Lex when the words finally spill out, let the sound of the voice wash over them. 

Vesper’s heart drops a little bit, even as it begins. A case with Hattori –– Vesper knows that Hattori hates them, and its fostered their own level of distrust. He’s not somebody that they enjoy working with. He seemed cold, closed off. Hattori was one of those people who seemed like he looked out for himself above everything else. Their heart aches, when the story comes forward. They swallow around it. They can see it in their mind. Lex being caught in a corner and not knowing what to do, other than agree. Lex knowing that a kid was at risk and doing everything that they could to make sure they brought him home safe. It seems so strange that it would be Hattori’s idea, that it would just come up like that. And Vesper is angry, because they know that when Hattori suggests something he expects you to follow, will make it an order and do everything that he can to get you to follow it. They can’t help the slight frown of worry that spreads across their face. 

“I’m sorry, Lex. If he says anything, I’ll kill him.” They promise, and shake their head. It seems like something Hattori would like to hold over their head. Seems like something he could use as a weapon, amunition against the one person in the room he should leave the fuck alone. They swallow, and think about how wrong it had all sounded as Lex shared it. How wrong Lex had sounded. There was an amount of distress to it, but nowhere near as much as Vesper would have expected. They know that Lex has had problems with this in the past, something that they’ve worked on, something that they still have complex feelings about. To be forced in to it by Hattori must have been horrible, must have shaken them more than Vesper could have even imagined. But the distress was only slight, compared to what Vesper would have expected. 

They reach out, against their own better judgement, and lay a hand on Lex’s knee for a moment. They give it a comforting squeeze. “Are you, um. I mean, how are you doing, though? Cause… you’re…sounding awfully calm about all of it, you know? You’re allowed to be upset or ––” They stop, hesitant, considering what they would have felt themself. Vesper lets out a little sigh. “Or fucking pissed off, you know. If you want. Cause if he ordered you to do that, it’s a little bit more than fucked up on his part.” They’re angry on Lex’s behalf, even though they aren’t sure exactly what happened out there. 

.

Vesper’s insistence makes them finally look back over that them, a slight smile moving over their lips for a second at the protectiveness in their voice. “Well, hopefully it won’t come to that. Tried to put the fear of God in him when I was in that state, but think he was more amused than anything to see the feral side,” they shake their head. It feels easier to breathe now, after putting it out into the air, hearing Vesper’s reaction, knowing what they should have already, that they wouldn’t judge what they had done. And then there’s more. The hand on their knee is another jolt of something they can’t quite identify, something warm and gentle. It’s understanding, and comfort, and a dozen other things, they think, in that one gesture, just as emphatic and meaningful as their words.

And then they mention the calm, tell them that they’re allowed to be upset or pissed off, the words making it clear that that’s what’s expected in this case, which is only a fair assessment, given that if this had happened a year ago, they would’ve brought down the fucking house with anger at this whole situation that they had been put into, no matter all the good it had done in saving the little boy. But they’re not that angry, they can’t be, because if they let themself be as upset as their mind wants, their body wants, then they’ll do things they actually will regret, they might hurt someone, might lose control, might lose their job for what they’d do to Hattori for handling the situation like he had, with less tact than they even knew was possible. Without their potions and other solutions, they would’ve dealt with it all even worse than they were already handling it all, and as it is, it already feels like the thing that’s thrown them completely off balance, stacking up with all the other problems to push them over the edge into shaky territory again.

There’s the potential here in this moment to tell Vesper about the potions, another chance for that raw honesty that they haven’t really given anyone else, but they’re not sure they’re ready for that. They know how Lucky reacted, and they’ve got a strong feeling even those they’re close to might see it that way, too, might see it as making things worse, by keeping everything even, and they aren’t sure they can handle that right now, coming from someone they care about, when they already feel so unsteady. And maybe more than that right now, they don’t want to worry Vesper any more than they already are. What they want is to help, instead of cause more harm, and the only way to do that is to keep the manufactured calm they have; and to do that, they think they need to keep the specifics to themself until it feels steady, easy. 

They probably shouldn’t, but they let themself put their hand over Vesper’s on their knee, wanting them to know they’re alright. “I’m...I am upset, but I’ll be fine. Nothing to do about it now. A damn shame there was no other way to find the kid, but there was no choice in the end. Wish Hattori had handled it differently, wish it had been just about anyone else on that case with me, I think literally any other coworker of ours would’ve dealt with it better than him, but...” Lex shrugs slightly, “Can’t really afford not to be calm. That’s all I can really do. You remember before I came back to work, I told you I was figuring out how to do better, so I can be around? Well, it’s a long damn process, still going through it, and there are road bumps, some of them apparently blood-related, but I’m figuring it out. Slowly but surely. Don’t mind if you’re angry for me, though. I actually appreciate it, having someone on my side.”

She feels torn between two emotions right then, one clearly her own, and the other Lex’s. The part that’s her own wants to walk away, to put as much distance between herself and Lex, and try to wait out the heavy fog that doesn’t seem to want to let up quite yet. The part she recognizes as their own wants to shove them, make them hurt for the hurt she’s now going through. 

The moment they mention the calming draughts it starts to all make sense- she’d taken calming draughts herself, but in doses meant for a person. Whatever dose Lex was taking to make her feel this off was clearly meant for someone with a higher tolerance, and the urgent need to keep themself calm. 

She’d seen what they were like when they weren’t calm, and it was far worse than the quiet rage still boiling inside her. She’s grateful they seem to be doing something about their anger, although she wonders just how much of a remedy it really was if this was what they felt instead. 

“Have you talked to Camden?” She hears herself asking, surprised in herself that she mentions the vampire’s name. That particular side of the Savage family had been one she’d really only experienced in the form of Liv. There was some bad blood there between her father and Camden that never quite fully healed, even in the decades since the two worked together. 

“I just…” she adds before trailing off, realizing it wasn’t her place, and shoots them an apologetic look once she does. “I just couldn’t imagine how it must be living with this constantly is all.” 

She was starting to feel more and more awkward, which perhaps was a good thing, it meant she was gaining more control of her own thoughts rather than their’s. 

“Don’t um… don’t worry about this,” she speaks up, feeling the need to fill any kind of silence that may have lingered, “I need to start wearing gloves around here. I haven’t been able to look Hazard in the eye for a week, after touching something that was clearly charmed by someone he slept with.” 

.

Their eyebrows shoot up as she asks if they’ve talked to Camden, the surprise of that question coming from her stronger than any awkwardness or panic at having to explain themself for just a moment. It’s strange to even hear her say his name, the reminder that she knows their family, some parts of it well even, despite the fact that the two of them aren’t close. But they know that Camden isn’t exactly buddy buddy with anyone in April’s family, either, an expert at holding unnecessary grudges for too long, with the immortality to back it up. It makes them feel oddly exposed, the suggestion that they talk to Camden. They don’t want to think about what that conversation would be like, especially when they’re already acutely aware of both Camden and Liv’s concern for how they’re coping with it all.

At the very least, she seems to realize how the words sounded, tries to backtrack, instead going for how it must feel to deal with it constantly. And they don’t know exactly what her ability does, if what she feels is exactly what whoever charmed what she touches feels, but they can’t argue with that. It’s not a good feeling, not something they want to have to keep feeling forever, which is why it’s even more imperative to fix whatever’s off about their potions now, find something that’s less of a fog, but stronger still, with no chance for things to slip through the cracks.

Before they can formulate the right answer here, April keeps going, and they just look at her with a little frown as they shift a little, back to the awkward in an instant. “Pretty horrifying,” they hum, at the mention of being hit with that sort of thing. It seems like she’s genuinely trying to make them feel like it’s not as bad, which is a strange turn, when they’ve given her no reason to want to make them feel better.

Silent for a second, before deciding that they can’t just leave it like that, questions hanging in the air, when they want nothing more than to be able to prove they’re nothing to worry about, that they can handle themself, after what she’s seen and now felt, too.

“No reason to worry him or Liv more than they already are, when I’m taking care of it...” they shrug a little. “It’s not a great feeling, sure, but it’s damn better than the alternative. After all, you’ve seen what the alternative is like...Still sorry you had to feel that, though. Getting hit without warning, it’s never nice.”

There’s… a lot weird going on, here. Jal knows he’s not the sharpest tack in the box, was always middling at school, never cared much for, like, intellectual pursuits, but if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s understanding the sort of emotional reality of things, people’s relationships to one another, their body language, understanding how people feel, and how that effects what they do. It’s the thing he’s best at, in this job, coming into a situation, seeing how people feel and react, figuring out what might have happened based on that.

But Ella is sort of incomprehensible, here, at least when it comes to everything she’s saying about this vampire family she’s found herself imbricated with. This whole mess. Whatever weird set-up Edmund’s family has, here. None of it makes any fucking sense, not from what he knows about vampires, and not from what he knows about people either. For a half a second, he finds himself wondering if Edmund and his family really are vampires, or if they’re totally normal people making shit up, and Ella, with know way of knowing any better, has fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. 

There are probably three dozen other questions he can ask, here. They could probably spend all day here, really. But other than confusing, they aren’t getting anything the case file hadn’t already given them, and it doesn’t seem like Ella’s going to have anything more enlightening that actually answers any questions, so assured in her role here, so thoroughly seduced by what her vampire boyfriend has told her.

     “Well, Ella, this is been really helpful,” he says, even though he’s not sure it has been. “I think we’ll be able to find whoever this was, and get your boyfriend’s name cleared so he and his family are safe,” he goes on, even though he’s definitely nore sure that’s true. The promise of a quick case and a nice long hike in the mountains is starting to feel a little like a naive fantasy, now. 

     “Yeah, of course,” she says. “Thanks. I hope it goes okay, I’d hate for the wrong vampires to get blamed here. They’re really good people, you know?”

.

All in all, they’re even more confused about this case than they had been before talking to Ella, nothing particularly helpful for giving them any more clarity, only just making it all seem less and less certain. Half of them thinks it could be the truth, that there’s another vampire or creature out there causing these problems, but half of them is still fairly sure that it’s Edmund, and he’s just lying to pretty much everyone about it all. Then again, there’s still the distinct possibility they’re being fucked with, no way to know that until they talk to the vampires.

They’re glad that Jal seems to be on the same page that at the very least, they’re not going to get anything better from Ella herself for now. At some point, depending on how this all goes, they know someone will need to circle back to her, them or another department, especially considering how she’s talking about the coven, but that’s got to be put on the back burner just now.

“Right...well, we’re headed to them next, so I’m sure we’ll get it all cleared up and taken care of soon. Thanks for all your help, we’ll let you know if there’s anything else,” they offer, a little awkwardly, before turning and heading back down the walkway.

Next step seemingly clear, and the coven’s house itself not altogether that far, and even better, apparently hidden pretty deep in the woods, perfect for a mini hike mid-case, Lex starts off in that direction without bothering to debate the next stop.

“Well, all that’s pretty damn strange, and not entirely helpful,” they sigh, glancing over at Jal as soon as they’re far enough from the house, and the door is firmly closed behind Ella. “She’s clearly into something she doesn’t realize the severity of, either way. Doesn’t really help our case, though...Never heard of vampires living off of animal blood, so I’ve got a feeling they’re not going to be exactly normal, one way or another. Wouldn’t be surprised if there’s something they’re hiding, but at the very least I don’t really buy the random vampire story.”

The delicate warmth in the air is something that’s almost easy to get lost in. But it is delicate. Maybe everything will be, between them, today. After the tense moment out on the street, outside their cafe, when everything seemed to go wrong no matter what they tried  to say to set it right. They had been caught in a loop for that brief moment, both of them saying the wrong things, getting caught up in their own head and whatever they could find that told them they were bad for each other, or that they had done something wrong. Vesper really shouldn’t be surprised. They know from experience what dark turns their own mind can take them down, the damaged paths and dark corners that linger beyond every though. Even when they think they’re in perfect control of themself, they can find themself surrounded  by doubt, by the realisation that they’re nothing, that they have nothing to offer and no intrinsic value on their own. Just a pretty burden for everybody else to deal with, too deliacate to be thrown away.

It makes too much sense, that Lex would fall into the same traps. After everything that’s happened, they’re allowed to have their own doubts and their own false starts. Their mind is allowed to lead them down their its own dark paths. Vesper just wishes that they could be better, that they could have done something more to make Lex feel like they were safe and welcome in all of this, in the friendship and whatever else lies between them. The delicate and cheirshed warmth, the care and the affection.

They feel a spark when Lex reaches out, when suddenly their hands are touching. It feels like fire, that skin against their own. It feels like something that should be forbidden. But Lex offers touch so rarely now, Vesper can’t help enjoying it. They don’t move, they don’t pull away. They let themself take this because they’re not sure when the next time they’ll get it is, because they want it so badly that it makes their insides feel scraped clean with the power of their wanting. Lex squeezes their hand, as they speak. They offer a promise, and then they pull away. Vesper tries not to feel like its a loss, holds back the urge to reach out and take that hand again. They pull their own away as well, instead. Back to safe ground. “Good,” They say, instead of anything else. An acceptance of the promise given, the one they know that Lex really will do their best to keep.

Vesper watches Lex move, watches them take a bite. It doesn’t seem to sit well, and they almost feel bad for pressuring them when they know they don’t feel well. They just want Lex to be okay, to get better if they can. To shake off whatever is hurting them and let themself heal, however they can, whatever it takes. They find themself swallowing, as Lex talks, and explains. The other kind of nourishment. Blood. Human blood. Because Lex was someone who could do that, who had fangs that might come out, who could sustain themself on the thing that gave everybody else life in a different way. Vesper has worked cases with Vampires before, knows that Camden, Lex’s somehow father figure is one. They’ve heard rumors as well, about what its like. How it can feel. That’s why people can get a little weird about Vampires, because it feels good, sometimes, when they feed. Vesper arches an eyebrow, gives Lex a thinly veiled look of worry. They seem run down by it all, affected in the most negative sense. None of this rests easy on their shoulders. “You’ll get used to it again,” They promise, with a soft look toward the food. “With some time.” But they hesitate before they move in, before they give in to the other question that wants to come forward. 

“What happened?” They ask, their voice soft but curious. They want to know. They hate all of the things that they don’t know about Lex. “If you want to talk about it, I mean. I’ll listen.”  

.

The silent acceptance makes them feel solid, like maybe they can be someone who keeps promises like that, even as their body fights against them. There’s the urge to take their hand again, to hold on and keep holding on, but they swallow that down, knowing they were playing with enough fire doing it once, by even having Vesper here at all. They don’t let themself linger on that thought, any part of it, not wanting the guilt to sully this, not wanting it to dull any of the warmth that seems to be settling now between them as they both regain their footing with each other.

They hesitate. It’s not a pretty topic, and they don’t think it’s the sort of thing that’s likely to make this all feel any less fragile, like the quiet they’ve finally managed to find here might break if the wrong thing is brought up, but they know that honesty needs to be a part of this. How can they try to be something stable and strong, a solid base that Vesper could rely on on days like this, when the world is fuzzy, and things slip their mind, if they aren’t even fully honest with them? It doesn’t seem possible. Still, this isn’t something they talk about, that side of themself. They had gotten better at it with Adam, with his whole family, those differences a joyful thing to all of them, the full moon a celebration every month; it had helped them feel less like they needed to hide, but it wasn’t easy, and it was still a work in progress when all of that progress had been undone. But they want to be honest, they deserve the truth of it, as hard as it is. Lex takes a second, picks up their cup of tea, takes a sip, trying to focus on that warmth, and the other warmth, too, the warmth at their side, and then they tell them what happened.

“It, uh, was a case with Hattori. Missing kid, no sign of him, but strange sightings in the forest nearby; it looked grim. Turned out a godling took him, but we had no way to find them, couldn’t get a good enough scent to follow with so much around, and no blood spilled. So we, ah...Hattori had an idea, and I couldn’t argue he was right, no matter how much I wanted to, especially when a kid’s life was in danger. I didn’t know what else to do, and he offered his arm. So I drank,” Lex says, haltingly. And they have to pause, can’t look at Vesper, for fear of what they might find there in there eyes with that knowledge. 

They know that it was the right choice, they know that they saved the kid because of it, but that doesn’t make any of the shame from it lesser, the wish that there had been any other way to manage. It’s a conflict they hadn’t been anticipating dealing with on top of everything else, and they’re fairly certain it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, in terms of their potions not working right, the way their body reacts to feeding like that changing how everything else affects them.

“It worked, we found the kid safely, got the godling sent back to his natural habitat, but it screwed with me, doing that, when it’s been so long since I did it regularly, and the last time I did was...” they trail off with a deep frown, shaking their head. They take a second to recompose themself. Luckily, they’re steadier now than they had been earlier, easier to swallow down the shame and guilt and worry, the way this whole thing would have sent them spiraling if not for the potions. They still can’t bring themself to look over at Vesper just now, though, after admitting what they did. A shake of their head, a  shrug, even as their fingers worry over the rim of their mug. “Made him swear he’d keep it quiet, since it’s the sort of thing I could get fired for, but there’s no telling if he actually will, of course. But nothing I can do about it now.”

They gather food and head back to headquarters, and Vesper settles in to this –– the quiet lull, the middle of a case, working with Lex. It’s better than working with other people, because they get to spend the middle ground together, eat lunch in each others company. Lex and Vesper, working on the case files and the schedules and disguises that they can wear when all of this goes forward, when they have to step into the lions den and investigate a man who could possibly have been causing so much pain, who might have taken those girls and done unspeakablethings to them. They feel worried about what might happen, but safer as well, in the knowledge that Lex is going to be there with them. If anyone could protect them from the danger at hand, it would be Lex. They were so strong, so brave, and Vesper knew that they cared enough to fight if anything bad happened. 

They take their food, when Lex slides it toward them. They had been studying their own face in the mirror they grabbed, when Lex was reading the schedule. Examining it, making minor changes. All of the minor details fell away again when their attention lapsed, at the sound of Lex’s voice. The features becoming familiar again, the kind that they were used to, the blond face and the regular eyes. The face of a wife, of a friend, someone that could smile at Lex in quiet thanks. 

“Baron has good taste,” They offer, arching an eyebrow. They try to imagine for a second, Lex in a suit that Baron made them buy. Vesper imagines that they would look pretty dashing in it, that it would look good in the way that they always do. “Bet it’ll work great.” And they smile, an honest one, shifting their body so that they can turn in the direction of Lex, pointing toward them like an arrow. They let a hint of amusement enter their voice, just a gentle little hint of it. “I bet you can pull off Benny, don’t freak out about it. He had that hapless sweetheart thing going on.” A teasing smile. “Not that I think you’re hapless. Just a good enough actor. Once we sort that face of yours out.”

They take a bite of their food, watching as Lex looks at themself. “I think I can pull off Poppy, pretty okay at least. Though, I might not have the spark.” They muse, quoting Lazlo with a grim tone. “Whatever that means.” Vesper imagined that in this situation, it might be better off if they didn’t have whatever that spark was. It might be safer all around, for Poppy and for them. If Lazlo didn’t find them interesting, they might not be in any danger at all. If he was taking those girls, maybe he only took the interesting ones. 

“You really think it’s him too?” They ask, because they feel like they need to be sure. Because they know that sometimes they can get strange ideas stuck in their head, decide things and then be blinded for every other answer that presents itself. They’re going out on a limb here, taking a leap. “You can tell me if you don’t, if you think we should…explore other options, before we do something like this. You’re the boss, after all.” 

.

The first few times that Lex had seen the act of Vesper morphing had been strange. It had been hard to remind themself that whoever they were looking at was still Vesper at their core, even if their body was fundamentally changed. It felt different from concealments or polyjuice, because they knew it was coming from them, from their power. Now, though, it hardly makes them blink. They’ll always be in awe of the ability, what that would be like, to change with ease and keep it, to tweak little parts of themself to be exactly how they wanted, but they also think it can’t be easy, can’t imagine it makes holding onto a sense of self a simple task. Their features shift away from Poppy and back to this Vesper as they look back at them.

They’re not as confident as Vesper is in their own ability to pull of Benny, though, but they’re hoping that enough focus will be on Vesper as Poppy that it won’t matter so much, and they’ll be able to focus on figuring out Lazlo’s part in all of this. “A good enough actor, right,” they hum, looking at Ves, with a hint of amusement. They’ve never been very good at that part of the job, which is ironic, considering how much of what they do on a daily basis is an act to try to keep themself as close to human as possible. But they just aren’t good at being someone else, just as bad at it as they are being themself. Their body already betrays them enough as it is, and it only ever seems to do it all the worse when they’re in someone else’s body. “You haven’t seen me in concealments very often, have you? I’m notoriously awful at them. It’s like my body wants to fight against it, doesn’t like having to be hidden. Throws me off balance.”

Back to their reflection, they take a second to try out a few adjustments, muttering charms, bringing their hand up over their face. They figure it’s a good idea to try it now, get used to the feeling, make sure they can reliably hold the charms while focused on other things, to make sure they don’t actually need to get Trixie’s help. It feels strange, uncomfortable, in the same way that concealments always really feel for them, a different sort of tension clinging to their body. Strange to look in the mirror and see someone else. So they put the mirror down, look at Vesper thoughtfully as they talk about pulling off Poppy.

“No, I think you have the spark...which is part of the reason I’m worried about this plan,” they admit, despite themself. On a purely normal level, they do think that Ves could pull of model if they had the desire, their personality full of that charm, but in this case specifically, they saw how Lazlo looked at them, spoke to them, and they’re pretty damn sure he thought they had it. But they’ll be there, too, to make sure Lazlo can’t do anything, no matter what.

“Think we don’t really have any better leads right now. Everything we’ve seen points towards him; don’t think it’s worth the risk not to follow this train, especially when we have the perfect opportunity,” they reason, picking up the mirror again, making a few adjustments, their hair lighter, their eyes the same color. “And anyway, he’s a damn creep either way, so even if he’s not the one for this crime, we might be able to get him for something else in the meantime.” They put the mirror down again, and look at Vesper. “How do I look?”

He laughs at the broken jaw quip, like someone who had both a younger and older brother only could. Riling them up was probably not the best idea in the world, especially when it seemed his blood still had them a little off balance, reacting much more quickly and passionately than he can recall seeing before- outside whenever Caro pissed them off, anyway. 

He’d be lying of course too, that standing in front of them now, he didn’t feel the smallest itch on the spot of his arm where their fangs had sunken into it a week before. He was worried there’d be more of a withdrawal than he did have, that possibly he wouldn’t even be able to be in the same room with Luxford without thinking of being fed on again. The thought had popped up a couple times in the beginning, but overall, he didn’t feel that much different.

“You ever heard of the whole ‘doth protest too much thing’?” He chuckles as he squats down to pick up his water bottle from the mat, and take a drink before speaking again. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to convince yourself of that more than me.” 

“Don’t worry though,” he adds, taking one last drink before standing. “Fortunately for me, I actually learned how to fight, rather than just blindly swing at whatever I could- or whatever you want to call the schoolyard fighting style the rest of you have.” 

He wasn’t sure just what Luxford was wanting out of the conversation now, but he was starting to get bored with it. If Luxford wanted to be whiny about the whole damn thing, even though it meant a kid got saved in the end, then that was their problem. He had plenty more to worry about than upsetting Luxford’s careful balance or whatever the hell they called it. 

.

They clench their jaw, roll their eyes at his continued amusement. None of it seems very funny from where they’re standing. It’s his problem, too, after all, and they don’t like the cavalier way he’s treating it, makes them worry that he’s not as worried about keeping what they did a secret as they are. But then, his livelihood doesn’t rely on keeping the truth of how they rescued the boy quiet. They don’t dignify that with a response, because they know he’s right, they have no clue when it’ll stop, if it’ll stop at all. Before their thoughts can spiral any further, though, something else catches their attention.

“Don’t think you’ve ever actually seen me fight. You know what happens when you assume,” they hum, raising an eyebrow, the beginnings of an idea forming. They would blame it on the strange feeling they have, if asked, the feeling of having so little control over their instincts right now, something off balance in their system from the case and what they had done to solve it. But the idea of having the chance to kick Hattori in the ribs is appealing right now, to say the least, and they think that maybe it’ll help, too, getting out some of this pent up anger that’s been boiling just below the surface for a week and a half now, not entirely due to the case at all.

They don’t actually care what someone like Hattori thinks of just about anything about them, in all honesty. That was certain even before they had seen what he was like, just hearing his name had been enough, but it did help that he was an utter asshole. Whether he agrees or not, they know he’ll likely twist it in his favor in his mind, but who really cares if they can get a few swings in.

“You have more training to do?” Lex asks, uncrossing their arms, and rolling up their sleeves. Even if he says no, they don’t think a nice jab to the kidney would do him well before they leave. “I didn’t learn how to fight in a schoolyard, sadly, but I was taught in the wilderness, and by vampires. Dummies aren’t as helpful as dhampirs, I can guarantee that, at least.”

Riley isn’t one of those people that needs company to be happy. He’s always, for as long as he can remember, been the quiet one of any group. One of those people who needed a certain level of silence, of isolation. Quiet time, to collect his thoughts. It makes him seem strange sometimes, he knows. At odds with the world, out of step with everybody else around him, shittish and weird. When he gets anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, the ability to speak at all almost escapes him completely. It reduces him to something silent, makes him have to work to force a few words out, excuses or explanations. 

He hasn’t been lonely, since starting at Pacific Squad. Not necessarily. Maybe sometimes he wished that he had more friends, the bravery to create links and lay down roots. Talking to Jal felt like a heart attack, sometimes, but he wanted to do it, wanted Jal to want it as well. It was important, somehow. It meant something. It was cherished and dear, but it made his heart beat fast. Lex, in comparison, was something gently worn in over a long period of time. They had known each other long ago, when they were both, for the most part, different people. It didn’t spark any great deal of anxiety in him, the idea of going on one of their little fishing trips, the quiet peace of it. Things may have been shaken there for a while, but if anyone could understand what grief did to you, it was Riley. He knew, and he had become an isolated thing in his own life.

He’d been relieved, when they started up again. It was easy to slip back into their company without much comment. 

He wakes up early, enjoying the quiet tradition of preparing himself. Its slow, he takes his time, settling in for an easy day. Relaxing, no rush involved. He leaves the dogs –– most of them, at the very least –– with the dogsitter. Titan followed along behind him, allowed to accompany them on the trip by virtue of the fact that he wouldn’t bother Lex like the others would. He was the calmest of the lot. The hike up to their favoured spot is a nice one, and he enjoys it. Of course, he doesn’t mind the company when Lex appears, rushing to catch up with him. He smiles, instead of anything else, a soft and friendly and well worn thing. 

“Hey there,” He says, a relaxed thing. He holds a hand out, wordlessly, offering Lex the tackle box he’d been carrying with him. If Lex was going to have arms like that, the least they could do was help carry shit, that had been established early on.  Titan sniffs their hand, gives a happy wag of his tail, trots along with them. He’s always been good with the wounded types. “Thought I’d take it easy, for once.”

He shifts, as they walk. His voice is a quiet thing when he speaks, but it all comes out easier than it ever did. He knows he can lapse into quiet, into silence whenever he wants. But strangely, he’s missed this. Lex’s company. “You get off okay? Hope Keira didn’t mind me stealin’ you.” 

.

It’s probably something of a feat, all things considered, that this is still something they both want to do, that it’s something they both settled into strangely easily in the first place. Not much had been on their side, after all, when they had met, both in two very hard places in life, not quite sure how to go about being in the world. Lex had been getting a little better, by then, had managed to stay in the Tennessee division for longer, without real incident, all thanks to Adam’s letters. But they still hadn’t been good at people, they still really aren’t, not naturally. Somehow, it had just worked, though. There was understanding there, acknowledgement, no need to fill every moment with words, silence just as meaningful as talking. And it stayed like that. It’s a quiet sort of friendship, comfortable and very much theirs. They don’t actually know if anyone realizes they’re friends, but they think that’s part of the good of it, nothing about it needs to be loud, which is just what both of them need sometimes.

They take the tackle box easily, and lean down slightly, holding a hand out for Titan to sniff, then giving him a scratch behind his ears. When they had gotten their dog with Adam, he had had such grand plans of him ending up an adventurous dog, another companion to hike with them, to trek through the forest, another bit of company on full moons, but they had found out quickly Kubla Khan is more of the sleep the day away type of dog, right up until the moment he needs to be calm and quiet, then he becomes an absolute menace. Lex would love to bring him up on a fishing trip, but they know full well he would scare every single fish away in an instant, as soon as he realized what was happening. So he was passed off with Keira, which felt right anyway, the two of them absolute best friends, Keira loving nothing more than clinging onto him, riding around on his back. And they can always count on Riley to provide them with dog time, anyway, a not insignificant pack of his own.

“Good, you deserve a nice, easy time. What else is a day of fishing for?” they hum, as they start off up the trail. It’s peaceful already, easier to relax, easier to breathe with nothing around but the sound of running water nearby, the noises of the woods surrounding them, a few distant heartbeats of the wildlife around. There’s a reason they had ended up making their home away from civilization, in the middle of a forest, down a long winding dirt road no one was likely to accidentally come across; there’s a reason they don’t leave, despite how hard it is sometimes being in a house that used to be so full of so much love, and happiness, that now feels a little too empty. It’s the same reasons they love days like this, spent out in the wilderness with someone they’re close to.

They shrug slightly.“Always a bit of a mess, trying to leave on time with a nearly two year old, but we managed. She was pouty today, bit me on the back of the hand, of all places, when I was trying to get her dressed, but that’s the first bite this week, so progress,” they say with a little laugh. It’s probably more than he wants to know, but Keira is just about the one subject they’re always happy to talk about, could go on and on about all day. 

“She’ll hardly notice I’m gone, too excited to be at Baron’s to play with her and Kubla Khan. I swear, sometimes I think she likes the rest of the family more than me. What about you? All the other kids alright?” they ask, giving Titan another pat, as they do.

The moment Lex speaks from behind her, her head snaps to look back in their direction. She shoots them an accusing glare, one that can easily be translated into you… you did this to me. But then something shifts in her features, her face contorting as she tries to pull herself back into the driver seat of her own head. It’s hard though… much harder than she feels like it normally is, as along with the seething rage she’s still caught in the weird fog that’s struggling to keep both their’s and as well as her own emotions contained. 

She stretches her neck from one side to the other, a mannerism that wasn’t her own. If this were any other time and Lex had walked into the room, she’d have quietly finished what she was doing then walked out. Of all the pseudo-family members she had now thanks to her dad’s connection to his old squad, Lex should probably be the one she should be closest to. They were the same age after all, in the same year at Ilvermorny and everything. But it’s also for that very same reason she is so much more distant with them than the others. She saw a side of them, on multiple occasions when they were young, and one time more recently, that the others didn’t see. A side of them, that frankly scared her a little. 

“It’s… it’s fine,” she shakes her head, the fog still thick, as she rubs at her temples. Reaching her hand out to grab the counter, this time making sure to avoid the cabinet Lex had charmed, she pulls herself up shakily. 

“W-what is this?” She asks quietly, assuming they knew just what ‘this’ meant. Their anger is still pumping through her when she looks over to them, making her want to hit them and cry all at the same time, and maybe she would have if it wouldn’t have taken so much energy to fight through whatever in the world it was that seems to keep shoving every emotion down no matter if it was her’s or Lex’s. 

.

The look she gives them is venomous, and then suddenly it’s not, as she clearly tries to find her way back to her own emotions, although they wouldn’t fault her for being just as pissed without their emotional help. They consider leaving; they can’t do anything else to help, after all, even if she could have wanted their aid. The best they could offer was the explanation so at least she knew whose emotions she was feeling, but they can’t undo their mark, can’t take back what she felt. Something keeps them in place, though, just inside the doorway, looking at her with concern as she tries to insist it’s fine, even as she rubs her temples, clearly not fine.

They swallow the urge to apologize again, because they’re pretty sure that’ll be just as annoying for her right now, given they know exactly what she feels like, knowing the mood they were in this morning when they fixed the cabinet. They hadn’t even considered what would happen if April happened to touch something that they had cast a spell on, and now they feel guilty for that, knowing so well themself what it feels like to get hit with emotions suddenly, unexpectedly, and not be able to contain them. They’re well aware it would be bad enough getting hit with their mess of an emotional state on an average day, before their leave of absence, but now? Now they can’t really imagine how it would be, because it’s enough of a damn mess for themself, they get why April Monday is sitting on the floor, looking completely at a loss, confused and angry and a dozen other things all in one.

And she asks what it is, before they can manage to force themself to leave. It’s not something they’re hiding, per se, but it’s also not something they’ve discussed with anyone besides fucking Lucky, what they’ve been doing to keep the tenuous hold on the calm they’ve found. Knowing how well that conversation went, they don’t have any desire to tell anyone else, and get judged. But that doesn’t feel fair here, because April is feeling it, and they owe her an explanation. They owe her more than that, after what she saw of them on that case, the way she had to stop them from doing even more damage than they did. So Lex takes a deep breath, and tries to ignore the panic now trying to push through to the surface.

“It’s, uh, well,” they try to start, and fail miserably, “I’ve...I use a few calming potions, with a few no-maj remedies, to help keep myself calm. But it’s not...today isn’t normal. It usually holds better. Wouldn’t have come back to work if I didn’t think I could handle myself. Need to do some readjusting, though, seems like, get that calm to stick in place a little better again.”

There’s a long moment where Vesper can feel Lex watching them. The weight in the air taking on a familiar edge, an intimacy. They’re alone here together, and it makes something blossom, something that’s hard to ignore even though they know that they have to. Like the balcony, under the stars, startled by the book that they were touching now. It feels like a connection, something unspoken, something tying them together even when they’re apart. The idea of the two of them reading it at the same time, lingering over the same words. It makes Vesper’s chest ache, somehow. A longing, a sadness, a wonder of what life could be like if everything was different. Those are dangerous thoughts, but they’re undeniable. And life would be so much easier if they could feel connection without wondering if they were courting doom, if they were hurting themself in the long run, if Rafael was going to make them regret it –– even if it was innocent, Rafael would probably like to make them forget it. 

And that isn’t a thought they should let themself entertain, not really. They know this cycle comes and goes, their irrationality and their problems manifesting in distrust in the person who has given them everything. Born, maybe, out of the fact that he could take it all away. Not just the house or the clothes, but everything else. Vesper can’t imagine a life where they aren’t tied down to the de la Cruz family, where they aren’t part of it. It’s been made clear that they wouldn’t be very much at all if they were set free. 

Looking at Lex, feeling the weight of those eyes. It just makes them wonder. And it makes them feel desperately needy, for Lex to hear their words and to understand them, to see the truth in everything Vesper has to say, to get that Vesper needs them around. 

They sit, and they say sorry. But they shouldn’t have to. Vesper is the one who messed it all up, who let the day get away from them, who reacted badly when maybe they should have let Lex go. There was another paranoid part of their brain that wondered if Lex hadn’t been really trying to get away from them, taking the excuse for distance. But they look back up at Lex, and –– no. Lex might try for distance, but they were sure they had some selfless, strange reason for it in their own head. Vesper isn’t the only one with a mind that can turn on them, with issues that make them make strange decisions. They share this problem, always wondering if they’re being a burden, if the weight of their company is something too heavy for most people to deal with. 

“You shouldn’t be sorry,” They say, voice too soft. A reflection of how it had been, alone at the party. A little achey, beneith it all. “I just –– well. I want to be with you too. Around you. Rememebr that, okay?” Because they need Lex to know it. Their company can be an easy thing, they won’t demand much. Even sitting in silence would fulfil that desperate want to be together, to soak up the company. They nudge their foot against Lexs, make a show of relaxing their shoulders. “Whatever, we’re dumb. Eat your soup before you collapse. No offence, but you look like death warmed over.”  

.

There’s that specific fragility in the air, the same sort of quiet heaviness that came naturally out on the balcony, and it makes them wonder what would have happened if it hadn’t been shattered. It makes them wonder this would have been like if they had been allowed to linger in that moment. It twists something unfamiliar in them, something they can feel being tempered by their potion, something curious. It’s for the best that they can’t linger on it, can’t think of that, and don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted, because Lex isn’t sure that they’d have a good enough excuse to hold onto the control they do have, they’re pretty sure they would’ve made everything a whole lot worse than they had managed as it was. So they let that go for now, or try their best to.

Vesper tells them they shouldn’t have to be sorry, but they don’t think that’s true. They’ve been backsliding, progress undone so easily, and they need to do better, want to. They want to be able to be something stable, and good for Vesper, they want to be able to be around. Vesper nudges their foot with their own, visibly tries to relax, and that keeps the soft smile in place. And maybe they shouldn’t, maybe it’s not helpful to either of them, but they’re alone, no one’s going to walk in and take a moment away from them, no one’s looking, safe in their house in the middle of the woods, so they follow their instinct, the desire. They reach over, cover one of Vesper’s hands with their own just for a second. The contact sends a jolt through them, the warmth nearly something foreign, but it’s nice, and they hope it gets their point across.

“Promise I’ll remember. And I’ll remind you I want the same,” they nod, giving their hand a gentle squeeze, before pulling back again, despite the urge to linger. And then they move on. There’s the little voice in the back of their head telling them they shouldn’t have even done it at all, as small a gesture as it was, but there’s another voice, too, that wants more of that contact somehow, dampened and quieted down to a whisper with their potion, but decidedly there. They ignore that thought, though, because they don’t think that’ll help either of them move past what they had talked about outside of the cafe, won’t get either of them feeling any more normal today.

So instead, Lex pulls the soup out as instructed, opens the container. They still don’t feel hungry, appetite absolutely screwed the past week anyway, but the turn of the stomach still lingering from earlier, but they know that Vesper is right. “None taken. Kind of exactly what I feel like, too, so at least I’m consistent,” they hum, glancing over at them. Then they make a big show of taking a spoonful, swallowing it down. They can tell immediately their body is still fucked, because it taste strange, unsatisfying, but they push through that.

“I haven’t been able to stomach, well, food for the past week. My body just doesn’t want it,” they explain. Not something they’ve really mentioned to anyone except for Liv and Cam; they don’t exactly plan to go around telling many people what led to that feeling, after all. This is Vesper, though, and they think it’s a step in a way, that sort of honesty, too, when they know they haven’t given them as much of it as they deserve lately. “Something happened, and it fucked with my equilibrium. My body wants...the other kind of nourishment. But Merlin knows I’m not exactly looking to try an all liquid diet for the first time in twenty years.”

Caught in the quiet lull between cases, he finds himself in the training facility that afternoon. He didn’t realize just how much he needed the chance to hit something, until he steps into one of the padded rooms used for combat training, and charms one of the dummies to life. Victor had been a helpful distraction from the stress and constant pressure of Eris’s other “duties”, but he felt the urge for a different kind of relief then. After Langer’s admission a couple weeks ago, he’d been tasked with the job of investigating her from his higher ups. His assignment was dig into her past, see just what evidence he could find of any disloyalty on her end outside of what she’d said to him the other day. Ordinarily he would have met the challenge with the clear and calm focus he tried to devote to everything Appius related, but with the realization that there were far more enemies surrounding him than allies, he’d been struggling to do so. 

Cracking a few good hits into a training dummy does help ease some of the tension in his shoulders though. It gives him a good outlet for the frustrations and fears that were beginning to grow too close to surfacing, and cracking through the well calculated and icy demeanor he’d crafted to protect himself from situations precisely like this one. 

Even then, as he strikes at the dummy, he does so with an eerily calm control, not wanting to loose his handle on himself for even something as private a place as the one he’s in. Each time he lands a hit into the dummy’s padded chest, he shifts and moves through his stances, keeping his breathing even as he lets his arms flow through the air, pushing it around as if it were some invisible force, as he regains own before striking again. 

Maybe it’s a credit to the concentration his father always drove into him when combat training- or simply a result of his already clouded attention, when he doesn’t realize someone has stepped into the room until Luxford speaks. 

Glancing back towards them, he can only huff out a breathless laugh, realizing what was happening before Luxford even says as much. He’s almost surprised its taken this long to see some of the lingering effects of his blood in their system, but he supposes, Luxford was even more a control freak than he was. All it took was seeing how clearly frustrated they were at this scenario to see he was clearly the last person they hoped to find here. 

Waving his hand in the dummy’s direction, it falls limply to the ground, as he moves to grab a towel to dry himself off. 

“Well at least I know if I’m ever in trouble, I can count on you to sniff me out,” he chuckles again, before holding up the towel after he’s done using it to wipe the sweat off his chest. “You want it?” He asks with a smirk as he cocks his head to the side. He was definitely playing with fire, but after Luxford’s remarks about his being a blood slut, it was too hard not to wave Luxford’s own current weakness in their face. 

.

It’s not a particularly nice feeling to realize your body is doing something you have no control over, especially when you’ve been trying so desperately to keep control in the first place. It’s not a new feeling, of course, it’s something they’ve had to deal with since they made their belated entrance into civil society, and realized quickly that the things their body and mind liked to do weren’t exactly normal, in various, often times unexpected ways. They’re used to feeling like they might just burst from how intense their emotions feel sometimes, they’re used to having to fight that, finding ways around it, they’re used to it happening, even if they had gotten better at preventing it naturally before, at not letting things push them that far, that wouldn’t take away the years and years spent dealing with the consequences of those moment when their body turned against them and base instinct won out. Something that was only even more intense when they were still with their dad, although they didn’t realize it fully until later.

They’re not as used to this sort of thing, though, because this isn’t a situation that they’ve ever really been in before. In their earliest memories, when they were on the run with their father, living off of a purely liquid diet, they never backtracked, never came across those sources more than once, if those sources even made it through their encounters, that is. And then once they had made it to the Savages, Camden had given them the choice, and it had been easily, given the way feeding made them feel sick and out of control. Eventually, there was Adam, but even then, they were already acutely attuned to his scent by the time that was happening that they didn’t notice anything different, and there was too much else to focus on to worry about the effects of his blood, as long as it didn’t somehow pass his sickness to them, which it hadn’t.

This, though, is decidedly different, and it’s a little hard to focus, with that smell heavy in the air making that instinct they dislike so much push forward, the urge to drink. They clench their jaw as he fucking laughs, comments about them being able to sniff them out if they’re in trouble. And they wish their potions were doing their job just a little better as he holds out his disgusting towel, offering it to them, and they have to fight off the urge to punch him in the face.

“You want a broken jaw?” Lex asks flatly, tilting their head to the side, mimicking him, as they cross their arms over their chest. “Wouldn’t count on me being very inclined to play your knight in shining armor, if this is how you’re gonna act, princess.”

“It won’t stay like this, anyway, so better step up you’re training so you can save yourself. It’ll wear off as it clears out of my system, since Merlin fuckin’ knows I’m not doing that again.”

He glances over at Lex when she says I’ve offered, a hint of concern in his eyes—it’s great, that this Edmund guy, whether he’d attacked the other girl or not, seems to not be letting his teenager girlfriend offer him her blood, but the fact that she’s a kid and she thinks it’s a good idea to even offer is worrying. To each their own and all of that, people can do whatever they want with their own blood, but sixteen or whatever seems a little young for the whole thing, and she really doesn’t seem to have any idea what she’d actually getting herself into by offering it, seeing as she only just found out vampires exist and all of that. He’s known people to get addicted to the whole thing, to having their blood sucked and all of that.

So maybe this Edmund guy can’t possibly be that bad if he’s refusing to let her get wrapped up in that kind of thing. Jal doesn’t know much about what only hunting animals would actually do—if it would actually work, with the whole vampire physiology, he’s not an expert at all and he half wishes they’d thought to ask Maia about that before leaving. But it’s a start, at least, sounds plausible that Edmund really might not be the cause.

     “And did Edmund say anything about there being other vampire around here, before the attack?” he asks. He could probably figure it out himself, once he met Edmund and the rest of the family—identify their individual scents and see if there’s anything that stands out as different, once he had them, instead of just the general scent of vampire that hands over this whole house, and probably most of the town. But surely the vampires in the area would know if there was another one around, especially a stranger. 

     “Before the attack?” she starts, and then hesitates, like she’s trying hard to remember. “I… don’t think so. I think he said the attack was the first sign he and his family got that there was another vampire around. That whoever it was probably came into town hungry, based on what happened.”

.

They can’t help the way their eyebrows shoot up when they hear her casually slip that in, and the glance that Jal gives them tells them he’s thinking the same thing, the same concern there. There’s a whole separate issue here besides the attacks, that’s for sure, but they’re not exactly sure what they can do about it just now, when they’ve got actual physical harm that’s already happened to another no-maj to deal with first. This whole thing keeps fluctuating between absolutely ridiculous, and genuine concern from one moment to the next, it’s already starting to give them a headache, and they haven’t even spoken to any of the vampires yet.

They’ve never really heard of vampires surviving off of animal blood before, not sure if that’s something that actually happens and works. They wish that their father had heard of that when they were a kid, would’ve made everything a lot easier, would’ve maybe stopped some of the hangups they still have that they don’t really like to think about. It could be a load of bullshit that these vampires are passing around to keep themselves looking innocent and harmless, to everyone except animal rights activists at least, though. But either way, that, along with the fact that Edmund’s been refusing to drink from her, seems to be a tick in favor of someone else being the cause of these attacks. 

She seems to be genuinely trying to remember if Edmund had said anything before about another vampire being around, and the fact that she doesn’t remember him mentioning it before the attack seems a little suspect to them, along with the note that they said that other vampire must’ve come in hungry, contradicting the bite pattern, and the fact that the other girl is alive.

“Your friend who was attacked, has she mentioned anything to you about what she remembers? Does she know Edmund, or any of the others?” they ask.

“We’re not, like, best friends or anything. She’s just talked about not remembering much, but she just thinks it was a wild animal. And I mean, everyone knows them, it’s a small town. But they’re not close, they’re not friends, either. They keep their distance from other humans...” 

“Except for you,” they can’t help but fill in that blank clear in the way she trails off.

She shrugs a little, looks a little pleased with that. “Yeah, except for me. It took a lot to get to the point where they all let me come hang out at their house, though, it wasn’t, like, a simple thing, no matter how close Edmund and I are,” she explains.

They feel off-kilter, something about their equilibrium thrown off balance in a fundamental sense to the point where they’re not even sure exactly what to blame for it. Even the potions aren’t keeping them balanced, keeping their thoughts from turning to emotions they can’t quite handle, and they don’t know if it’s something mental, a new roadblock thanks to several different conversations they’ve had over the past few weeks, or if it’s something physical, their body suddenly deciding not to react in the same way anymore. The fear is that it’s a bit of both, and that a not insignificant part of it has to do with how wrong they’ve felt on top of everything else since doing what they did on the case with Hattori.

The best thing to do is to keep going, push through, and try to settle on normal as best they can. They don’t think they can handle having another misstep like the moment with Ves, the things they said outside the little cafe on the street; they felt a little crazy with it, even after they had smoothed over the strangeness. And it keeps lingering, even as they try to go through their days, nothing strong enough to keep their thoughts from straying.

At least for a while, anyway. They’re on their way back up from checking something in evidence storage that they needed to finish up some paperwork, when the elevator stops at the training quarters for someone to get on. It’s not their stop, they have no real desire to train just now, but they’re hit with a strong smell all at once when the doors open, and they don’t think before getting off on the floor. They can’t put their finger on it, and they’re even less aware of why they want to follow it, except it makes something twist in their stomach, telling them the need to keep going. It leads them to one of the training rooms, and they open the door without thinking, immediately hit with that same smell, realizing why it’s so familiar, and why their body must’ve wanted them to follow, just before their eyes land on the familiar figure, back to them, 

“Fuck. You’ve gotta be kidding me,” they sigh. It’s the last thing they want to deal with, the fact that clearly that case is part of the reason they’re feeling like shit, but Hattori looks back before they can leave again, and there’s no way around it. “Looks like you gave me glorified Hattori senses. Could smell you from the damn elevator.”

They’ve been looking forward to this, they always look forward to these days, but even more so this week, in no small part due to everything that’s been happening around them. It feels a lot like the more they cling onto the little stability they’ve found, the more they try for a sense of normalcy, the less they have it. It’s making their thoughts a mess, making the little sleep they were finding evaporate into thin air, nights instead spent restless, with too much on their mind, and no amount of remedies to silent all of those thoughts. So it feels like a godsend when Riley mentions going fishing, like they used to, spending a few hours seeing what they could find, then (hopefully) having a personal feast of their own making.

It’s a nice reminder that they can take a step back, take a breath. And they don’t feel the same pressure with him to manage the act so perfectly, not in the same way they feel with everyone who met them only once they ended up on the Pacific Squad. No, he saw them in their before, when none of it came as easily, and vice versa, the sort of thing that was strangely natural, because there was an understanding there that not everyone wanted to give, back then. And it’s stayed that way.

Except like pretty much every other part of their life, this was something that they withdrew from after Adam was gone. One of many things that just didn’t feel right, trying to do something normal, trying to be around other people who didn’t deserve to be brought down by their intense and deep grief, just another thing that they told themself they needed to be better for, before they could have it again. Except they’d made that promise silently, instead of to him, which they’re well aware of now wasn’t fair to him, when they knew better than most what it was like to naturally feel at a distance from the normal. But also unlike so many of the other people they had silently held back from during their leave of absence, he understood silence, was comfortable with it as they were, maybe even preferred it, a lot of the time, so somehow it feels simpler to slip back into old ways with Riley. 

They’re still not good at fishing, not overly patient, and more inclined to just use magic than want to wait around, but they realized fairly early on with Riley that it’s not so much about catching anything, as it is the act, the peacefulness of it. And they could use peace right about now. So they drop Keira off, and head to meet Riley in their spot, apparating a little ways away to take in part of the hike up. Before even making it to the spot, though, they can hear Riley ahead, and end up jogging the rest of the way.

“Well, hey, if I’d’ve know you weren’t setting up early, would’ve come sooner, we could’ve hiked the whole way together,” Lex greets him as they catch up.

They spend a little bit of time trying to gather themself, before they move on with their day. It involves a little bit of hard talk, when it comes to pulling themself together. They hope that they can calm the fuck down, pull it together. They wish that they didn’t feel things as strongly as they do, that Lex didn’t make everything feel more amplified than it already did. Vesper doesn’t want to go in there and make things worse than they already are, with a Lex who feels like somehow they’re ruining things. They want to be able to settle into one of their perfect golden moments, where everything feels for a little while like it’s going to be okay. 

They’re all over the place, emotion wise, so the odds of keeping it together aren’t entirely in their favour. It would just be nice to. To find the balance, to settle the war happening inside their mind and inside their chest. They take a deep breath and they pull it together, they find a place to get food and order something for Lex, something for themself. It feels tender somehow, to gather things things and bring them to Lex’s house –– a peace offering, for whatever strangeness had overcome them and made it so fraught, for what Rafael had said and the way it had affected the both of them, for the way that it had clearly made Lex feel. They still feel sick about it, but they cradle the food with gentle arms as they make the journey to Lex’s house. 

It’s familiar, achingly so, when they look up at it. It’s been a while since they’ve been here –– too long. It looks like somewhere safe, as they gaze up at it. Somewhere gentle and warm, somewhere full of Lex. They bite at the inside of their cheek, wondering if Rafael could ever live somewhere like this, if he could ever lean more towards this style and this comfort. Everything seemed so white and clean back home, in comparison. Nothing worn in, everything pristine and shining and perfectly tasteful, with gleaming edges and glittering touches that set them apart from the crowd. People always told Vesper they had a lovely home. And they did. They knew they did. But sometimes they wished they could have found some compromise in it, some softer edges here and there. Something, anything, that would have made it feel like it really belonged to them. 

Lex smiles when they open the door, and Vesper smiles back –– it’s a little shy, after everything. But still warm, still gentle, still everything it always is when they direct it at someone like Lex, who deserves all the warmth that they can muster. “Of course I cam. I’m just… glad you’re glad. Tea sounds great, right now.” They say, with a slight hint of relief in their voice. It does sound nice, like somthing soothing and calming they can hold on to. A physical manifiestation of care. They hold the bag up, hand it out to them with a playfully stern look in their eye. “Chicken noodle soup. A classic.” 

And they walk past Lex into the house, shrugging off their jacket and draping it over the arm of a chair as they move. They sit down on the couch, with their own food, glancing around, eyes landing on –– oh. Well. There’s that tender, intimate feleing again, clawing its way through every vein of their body. A Season in Hell, worn down and well read as they know their own copy will become, with how much they’ve been holding it and reading it, petting at it like a good luck charm, like a promise. They touch it, gentle, just to move it carefully out of the way, fingers running down the spine as they carefully set it to the side. They almost mention it, and stumble over what to say, even in their own mind, before settling on the much safer alternative. “I’m sorry, about earlier. We both, um. Clearly got thrown off, by everything, lately. I’m just glad we’re doing this.” A soft voice, and they laugh, just a little bit. “I think I’ve kind of missed you, buddy.” 

.

It feels a little like there’s a war going on in their mind, one that’s mercifully quieted by the sip of the potion they took before Vesper knocked, but it’s there, still just below the surface. It’s the guilt and the worry, and everything that Rafael had said to them, made them think on, warring against the selfish need to hold onto Vesper, to want to have them here, have this private moment, something that stands a chance of making both of them feel alright for a few minutes, maybe. It’s tough, because they think that when it comes down to it maybe there are parts of both sides that are right, but that’s not something they want to consider now, don’t want to linger on the way that makes them feel sick to their stomach, or think too hard about why it feels so different now, like they need to hide to have a private moment with Vesper. Because that would mean that another part of what Rafael said was right, too, and this is the second time they’ve had that thought, the first talking to Julián soon after the balcony, and they’re not sure they should do that, not sure they should admit something different was going on out there on the balcony before Rafael interrupted them.

They wish that they could start this day over, though, nonetheless, just message Vesper, keep any of their conversation from happening, this new sort of strangeness in the air that they’ve never had to worry about with them. But this is a chance to fix that, to patch over those cracks that they let appear and be something sturdy, stable, the sort of thing that can actually help Vesper, instead of doing more harm again. And Vesper gives them a little smile when they open the door, warm, but something shy to it, a silent acknowledgement of everything that had happened on the street.

“Thanks, Ves, really. A classic,” Lex repeats, with a slight smile, taking the bag. There’s something a little warm about that, about Vesper bringing them soup, that urge to care despite the tense moment they had shared. It pulls at something in their chest, a warm sort of feeling trying to push thought, one that makes them feel guilty for, again, that same war of emotions there, even under the calm. 

They close the door, follow Vesper inside, and their heart races, as they watch them sit, watch them notice.They see the moment that Vesper sees the book of poems, and there’s something that seems to linger in the air around them, as they touch it, fingers running over it as they gently move it aside. For some reason, it sends a chill through them, watching the way Vesper touches it so carefully, and there’s something there, which was maybe what they had been trying to do by leaving it out in plain sight. And it’s almost as vindicating as it is gentle, tender, to be able to feel that they can still have that moment, despite Rafael’s interruption, and now his words, lingering over them both, making this strange day even harder. They wait, practically hold their breath, waiting to see if they’ll say something about it, but they don’t, choose something safer, and they realize it’s probably for the best, if they want to forget about everything else earlier, even if it’s still disappointing, oddly.

Lex sits, finally, puts the bag with their soup down, too, lets them make that choice, not planning to bring it up themself. “No, I’m sorry, too. It’s been a rough few weeks, hard not to let it get to you,” they nod, looking over at them. A little smile crosses their lips again, at them saying they’ve missed them. And maybe it seems like a strange thing on the outside, since they see each other every day at work, and have been doing more since Lex cam back from their leave, but it’s not the same. There’s a difference between seeing someone and being with them, being allowed to have moments of honesty. “Missed you, too, Ves, missed this. I should’ve just messaged you this morning...I’m trying to do better, I am doing better, but this week’s been strange. But I want to be around. With you.”

Lex’s vague non-answer to Ella’s question seems to get the job done—at least, she seems to believe it even if she still doesn’t seem to want to go along with answering their questions. The vampire police, it takes every ounce of control he has not to bark out a laugh at the idea. Still, he’d probably be a pretty good vampire cop, if that meant a cop that finds vampires and not a cop who is a vampire. He can smell it on her, this Edmund guy’s scent, all the way from here, strong enough that he wouldn’t be surprised if Edmund had just been here,  or… or possibly was still here, somewhere around the house, inside or out. 

     “Nobody’s saying it’s your boyfriend,” he says, hands out in a reassuring gesture. “We’re just trying to get all the information we can, get to the bottom of this before anyone else gets hurt. Edmund included. It’s a dangerous world out here for vampires, you know? We’d hate for anyone to wrongly assume that it’s him and have him get hurt because of it.” 

That seems to help her lower her guard a little bit, the annoyed look on her face shifting into something a little closer to worry as she listens to him, her eyebrows raising again at the mention of the possibility that Edmund could be in danger, like she hadn’t considered that could ever be a possibility before.

     “What do you mean, he could get hurt?” she asks, voice lower now, wary. “Who would hurt him? He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

     “Unfortunately, just knowing he’s a vampire would be enough for some people,” he says—because, okay, if they can convince this child that she doesn’t want her immortal boyfriend to turn her into a vampire, this case might not be a complete waste of time. He glances at Lex, pretty sure they’ll pick up what he’s putting down here. “Right, Lex?”

.

They can practically hear Jal having to hold back a laugh at the implication that he’s a vampire, and it makes them have to keep themself from a smile, too, the ridiculousness of the whole situation setting in again. And the fact that this girl can’t tell probably says something about how much she actually knows, too, maybe not as deep in with that coven of vampires as she thinks she is, to take both of them at face value. But at least it makes things easier for them.

Jal easily helps the situation, turning it around instead of accusations, into something like concern for Edmund’s safety, and it just makes them even more glad that it’s him on the case with them, his way with people, and always striking ability to inspire trust with such ease a godsend, especially in this case. And Lex nods gravely along with his assertion that he is in danger, no matter what he did or didn’t do.

“Definitely. Seen it myself plenty of times,” they say seriously, crossing their arms over their chest. “The things some people do when they hear there are vampires around, and see a problem happening around town that might not even be related, I mean, I don’t know if you’ve heard of the  Great New England Vampire Panic, but let’s just say historically there’s a reason vampires are safer flying under the radar. Figuratively and literally.”

And it’s not wholly an exaggeration, even if it’s not really the concern on this case, but what matters is her eyes go wide, with concern, fear.

“I don’t...no one else knows. They’ve never told anyone else, before me,” she insists, looking between them.

“I hope you’re right, but unfortunately there’s no way to know that’s the case, so we have to assume the worst, for everyone’s safety, which is why it’s important for you to tell us anything you might know about these attacks. Why you think it’s another vampire, for example” they nod.