Gob

To set the context, my tita from the US also came home. After the usual chikkahan, they asked me the dreaded question: “Oh ikaw, kailan ka mag-aasawa? Kailan mo bibigyan ng apo yung mommy mo?”

Before I could even answer, my mom quickly said, “Nagpakilala na sakin ng jowa. Walang matres, paano ako mabibigyan ng apo?”

My tita replied with a frown, “Naku, sayang naman ang lahi. Pilitin mo. Pagpalitin mo ng jowa. Ako nga si bunso…” She then proudly shared that she was the reason my pinsan turned down her boyfriend’s proposal. My tita and tito had refused to give their approval.

But without hesitation, my mom answered back, “Ay nako, kung saan siya masaya, doon siya.”

At that very moment, I felt that my mom truly accepted me.. wholeheartedly.

To be completely honest, when I first came out, I didn’t really feel that genuineness from them. There were times when my mom would ask if my mind might still change someday. Sometimes, I felt like she was irritated by my femininity. In short, she was still in denial back then. But now it’s different. She showed her acceptance and support - even in front of our old-traditional-homophobic relatives.

Had a really tough week. I got sick, felt anxious and worried, had a small fight with my partner, and got harassed at the gym. I had to deal with all of these and still go to work. I needed to put on my best smile when talking to ppl coz i dont what them to know i wasnt okay.

I felt physically and mentally drained.

Now, as i lie in bed waiting for the super typhoon to pass, i came across this cat filter and it actually made me laugh at myself. So silly but for a moment, i felt happy.

Now, if you said, “Sunflowers sana yung bibilhin ko kaso ang laki ng variant na meron sila, so I bought roses instead” that’s different. You did something. You made a choice, an effort. That’s what matters.

I always experience this in the past. Grabe, sirang sira ang mental health ko kakaisip kung san ako nagkamali. If I wasnt enough, or if I became too much.

Proud pa ako minsan when i say “i dont blame them, i blame myself”. Everything happens for a reason.. and both of us had our own mistakes and shortcomings. Bullshit.

Cheaters will cheat, whether you like it or not. It’s not for you to decide, and most of the time, you’re not even the reason why they cheat. So, dedma na.

Once nagcheat na sa’yo yan, run. Ang daming reason para iwan yan kesa mag stay pa dyan. Pero kung tanga ka, go lang. Sayo na yan. Wag mo na pakawalan baka mapunta pa samin yan.

Okay?