The Writing Jem

So fresh in my mind,

So new.

/

Faded memories

Of me

And of you.

/

The pain of you is familiar and overwhelming, but not unexpected. Yet each time I am as wholly unprepared as the first time I thought smelled your cologne in a crowd.

/

I am scabbed over, not entirely healed, and my rough surface catches on every memory of your hands, your voice, your face...

/

No joy

An eternal dance;

a give and take,

a push and pull,

We speed past each other

afraid of going too far,

though our goal a glorious collision,

but never fully returning

from where we began.

Like a pendulum we swing;

you Back

and I,

I Forth.

Until we finally

finally

finally

rest. 

Disguised as encouragement

Pressed against my back

And with one defiant move

I am cut

Trying to find love

-Trying to fall in love,

In a world so brimming

With hate

A deeper, human connection;

Someone I can expose my soul to,

Someone who feels safe. Like home.

/

But being likeable at least is the goal,

So we put on our most generic facade

And pray that the glue holds,

Afraid to be vulnerable and exposed.

/

But if I remove your mask,

Keeping me warm 

In the dead of night,

/

And burning me alive 

With the flames 

Of happier times

Long dead.

~~~~~

“I remember that night,” she says to no one. She turns to the nearest plant, her eldest, whispering, “Tell me I’ll have more of them.”

Fireflies blink.

/

Impossible to follow;

Light fades 

Invisible

Then

Sparks of gold.

/

What it must be 

to live a short, sweet life,

Over 

And over

Again.

Crisp leaves on a dreamcatcher,

Her cry of pain hidden within the melody of a song.

“You paint death so prettily,” he told me.

Tree stumps adorned with gems,

A crow asleep in a bed of daisies.

“Thank you,” I smiled, “I’ve had plenty of practice.”

This trust and love so true;

/

How full my heart can be

In the company of so few.

/

To think: will I ever trust another like that again?

/

Ludicrous

As if the cosmos were holding its breath,

As if the wind held a finger to its lips,

"Huuuusssshhh,"

And the earth listened;

/

Nothing exists

But your nose next to my nose and

Your breath indistinguishable from mine and

Your lips getting closer to mine, saying,

"There you are,"

/

"Welcome home"

Has dealt me the most pain.

/

"I love you"

For the first time

In so long

/

And my heart soared

like it never knew

what it was to be

chained

at the bottom of the sea.

The way you are with her

Makes me think of

The way he should have treated me

And it makes me yearn for

The way you and I could have been

A we

What should have been

Between he and I

Hurts a thousand times more,

And yet

No where near as much,

As thinking of

what could have been

Between

Us