Phoebe

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

age 111: Bilbo Baggins themed birthday party

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

For my fellow Europeans south of us who are currently suffering from extreme heat. Stay safe!

The fact this isn't a painting is a testament to one of the greatest feats of set design and production I've ever seen.

I think this is the first time I've ever been wowed by "this ISN'T a painting"!

women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

Women are like diamonds since they are composed primarily of carbon.