survived shrapnel to the chest + open-heart surgery in a dank cave
built a literal suit of armour in said cave while still recovering from said open-heart surgery while also being tortured by the ten rings
escaped the ten rings in said suit of armour equipped with fucking flamethrowers
got knocked out of the sky by a tank missile, stood up, dusted himself off, and shot one back at it & walked off like a Boss™️ without even looking back as it explodes behind him
hacked black widow’s jet and played ‘shoot to thrill’ as his entrance theme song before thrillingly shooting loki bc he’s a queen who lives for the dramatiques
squared tf up with a literal asgardian god and sassed the fuck outta his wardrobe choices
got thrown out of a fucking window by loki from like the 100th storey floor of his tower and was just chillin in free fall, lookin completely unbothered, until his suit caught him
have u ever heard the tale of jonah?
woke up from almost dying after flying a nuke through a wormhole into space and wanted shawarma (even though he had no idea what it was)
threatened the mandarin on live tv & was like ‘come at me bro’ bc he aint no little bitch
took out an entire base of aim henchmen with some random shit he bought from like a fucking local walmart
jumped off of a structure 200 ft in the air without the guarantee one of his suits would even be there to catch him (he did this several times)
jumped off the mezzanine in avengers tower in a tailored 3-piece suit (not an iron man suit) onto an ultron bot and deactivated it mid-air with a fucking fondue stick
fought a supersoldier in a lovely tom ford three-piece two-button
blocked a bullet aimed at his face at point-blank range with his gauntlet watch
beat the crap out of two supersoldiers and only lost bc he turned his back on one of them
glued a cruise ship that was literally split in half back together in like not even 2 minutes??? #guinnessworldrecords2017
aliens roll up in nyc (again) and his response? ‘i’m sorry earth is closed today. get lost squidward’
bleeding edge suit up. need i say more?
pulled out the biggest, most menacing-looking weapon and threatened to blast drax’s face off if quill dared hurt his spider son
had a literal moon? thrown at him and it just pissed him off. ‘you throw another moon at me, and i’m gonna lose it’ B.D.E!!!
is not just the most famous in the world, but also apparently in the entire fucking galaxy
fought thanos one-on-one in an epic battle sequence
cut the purple bitch & made him bleed
got impaled by thanos with his own shiv and then just slapped some nanotech bandaids on it. there, fixed
is gonna come back with a vengeance in endgame and kill that purple son of a grape
