if we could have this hour for a lifetime?

Image 1, TikTok:

[So hey! Autism actually doesn't make you "clock" narcissists or anything like that. That belief is rooted in white supremacy. People with NPD are neurodivergent just like you autistic people are. You are not superior to them because you're autistic. Hope this helps. Hand heart emoji. Red heart emoji.]

Image 2, comments:

[Comment 1: god, please take all the suffering of people with NPD and give it to these obnoxious pop psychology people who think they can just say narcissist instead of abuser]

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This really hits with personality disorders; in my experience, particularly NPD.

In my opinion, the criteria are so abjectly negative,

the odds of someone being able to self-refer for help must be lowered ... ?!

I support these patterns of behaviours & their effects being listed; addressed.

It's important for p/w NPD, as a phase of recovery.

But ... very few of these are why I, personally, was able to self-assess and start working through my outwardly-damaging habits.

I haven't met anyone who found these particularly illuminating ...

If this is the first body of text you're given to explain NPD ... in my opinion (ironic, I know):

it doesn't delve into internal experience, and tools like the DSM don't account for the informally-observed subtypes of narcissism, where affect on others presents very differently.

You realise we struggle to view things from your perspective, right? The internal parts matter. /@ the DSM

If we are so concerned about the potential damage and inconvenience to our interpersonal relationships & work life... I feel the top priority should be to describe symptoms in a way that 'people with feeble ego, who can't handle criticism' can actually handle & relate to ...

NPD behaviours can include trying to *mitigate* damage to others, as well as to please others outright.

There are subtypes observed in community / charity work (communal narcissist). This heavily focuses on being perceived as altruistic (selfless, strong moral compass, helpful).

I'd link an article here, but it'd take too long to find one that isn't focused on hypothetical abuse victims! They barely explain the point before delving into how it "will be distressing, and abusive, and cruel 🥺🥺 and-"... Okay buddy: most p/w NPD are abuse survivors too... How about you bloody explain how to be better and address p/w NPD like we're readers, too? These authors are so fatalistic, pessimistic... People deserve to get better, pal!!

I wonder how many people with NPD grew to adulthood, unawares, simply because they have always been trying to be 'good'?

Does somebody have to be at fault for the fact that the narcissist cannot motivate themselves in life the same way as you?

(research link I grabbed from a stigmatising article I found... I love how researchers remove their prejudiced voice, and just present facts!)

P/w NPD often have low self-esteem from surviving childhood trauma. We didn't have "goodness" or healthy relationships modelled to us.

We responded the 'ugly' way.

I wonder ... how many people hold it against them, that in all their efforts to "be good", they did not magically overcome an extremely stigmatised disorder? One which distorts the very fundamentals of perception, self-esteem, and motivation ...

It just wasn't enough.

Cherry-picked from various articles, just to anchor my point:

"When a person’s kindness and compassion do not seem genuine",

"want the world to believe they are the best listener, friend, mother, volunteer, etc."

"how to deal with it" ... "how to cope"

"Communal narcissists often believe they have excellent social skills and high degrees of likeability and helpfulness."

"Communalism (minus the narcissism) is probably a desirable thing (e.g., being friendly, being concerned about social problems, being trustworthy, caring for others). However, communal narcissism has that added element of really promoting oneself as being more communal than others."

The only thing they did wrong was being symptomatic, then?

We're all so affected by you~... But nobody is going to write what you can do about it. All you'll ever do is hurt others, so don't even try to be charitable, puh-LEASE! [Please!] Let's discuss all us coping...

...you're still here?...

Oh, awkward! Did you forget self-centred people - sensitive to criticism, like me - might see your article?... I'll let myself out ...

Luckily, I know some really cool creators who can address narcissistic-PD for what it is. A constellation of mental health issues.

HealthyGamerGG, YouTube - I could talk about him forever. Harvard-trained psychiatrist; trained with Buddhist monks; often focuses on personality disorders. Grew up as a "degenerate gamer". He can be 'cold', by his own admission, and is super statistics / graphs focused.

The Nameless Narcissist, YouTube, TikTok. - invaluable relatability in my earliest recovery stages (I went through Narcissistic Crash!!)

damnitdelta, TikTok - she's being re-assessed regarding NPD, she has a video explaining this, but I think she's done a fantastic job explaining NPD to her audience! A comfort creator from my early recovery. She talks about her long-term relationship and how they work through issues together. She can be brutally honest about how she messes up.

charliechalk12, TikTok - This guy does believe in narcissistic abuse, but I still found his content incredibly useful in my self-assessment phase. Proceed w/ caution, my NPD lovelies!! I commented about my NPD journey, and asked questions, and he was as receptive w/ me as anyone else. His other viewers were very friendly with me.

I don't have TikTok anymore, so, apologies if my recollection of the TikTokers ends up inaccurate. It won't let me view their videos. 🙄