The Color Spectrum

If you are asked beforehand before an event whether there are things that you can't or won't eat, you should tell the truth. Do not lie and say you've got no food limitations if you know that you do. Knowing the truth and choosing to say something false instead is lying.

If you were not asked, but you know that you have food limitations that people should bear in mind, you should let them know nonetheless. If they simply forgot to ask you, they'll appreciate you telling them nonetheless. If they didn't ask because they don't care, they don't give a shit about you. Don't go to events or eat food offered by people who don't give a shit about you.

If you were asked what you can't and won't eat and you lied, and you are offered something you know they didn't know you don't like, you are the one who owes them an apology, not the other way around.

If you lied about what you can't or won't eat and know there won't be anything available that you can eat, then at least bring your own food.

If you lied about what you can't or won't eat and you know that there won't be anything there for you, and you also did not bring your own food, at least try not to be rancid to be around because you're hungry.

If you know there won't be food for you because you lied, and you didn't bring your own food despite of knowing that you're insufferable to deal with when you're hungry, then you'd better be fast enough to outrun me.

If you can't outrun me, then you'd better be able to outsmart me.

Friends will want to go get food and I feel sick imagining anything in my mouth. I'm invited to an event and day of I've barely managed to have a few bites of anything in my house that day, let alone food I'm unfamiliar with in a setting requiring more energy/masking.

Often if I am asked what I can/can't eat I cannot give an accurate answer because it is highly dependent on the day/time/location/mental state of when the meal takes place.

All do that makes food hard for me to navigate, and frustrating to explain in anyway that's helpful for anyone. And on top of it all, hypo-glycimia means that I will feel like shit and not be able to think straight if I go too long without food. That being said,

MY EATING DISORDER IS MY ISSUE TO DEAL WITH

Same with any other chronic issue of mine. I can expect grace from people who care for me, and sometimes I need help on bad days, but even that is MY RESPONSIBILITY to accurately communicate.

I can't expect anyone to understand my needs if I cannot accurately voice them. I cannot expect someone else to do research into how to accommodate me. If I do not EXPLICITLY ask for accommodations I have no right to be upset if I do not get them.

If I go to an event I know will have food, I know I might not be in the headspace to eat what is offered, I know I can't just suck it up and eat it anyways (I wish it was that easy). I go knowing my blood sugar might crash. I know that's my responsibility. I will have something sugary and quick on my person in case I need it. I will never draw attention to the fact that I'm not eating (why would I unless I want someone to feel bad for me and do something to accommodate a need I never voiced?).

I'm so tired of people around me with the same chronic issues not being responsible for the accommodations they are fully capable of taking care of. If you will not explicitly ask for what you need, or if you answer questions of people trying to help you with an eye roll like they should already know, HOW CAN YOU THEN BE UPSET WHEN NO ONE ACCOMMODATES YOU

Day Nineteen: Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.

After that phase of our life we've met two other systems irl. One of which didn't discover their system until we had talked about it in depth and an alter in their system felt safe enough to come out. It led to a lot of stress in their life unfortunately and they really struggled to process it for the entirety of the time we knew them.

The second one was more positive. We met someone at work that we became friends with. He was older and had gone through a lot of shit in his life and recognized that we have our own share of trauma we carry. We had a pretty intense flashback resulting in an anxiety attack on one of the shifts he was working and even though we are good at hiding it he knew what to look for and knew we weren't okay. He went out of his way to check in on us and we shared some vague details of our life and why we were more fragile lately.

After that we started hanging out more, and his apartment became the first safe space we'd ever actually had, to the point where our brain allowed us to feel things we usually kept locked down. One night we had a very hard switch that always comes with heavy dissociation, the kind of switch that only happens when we're very comfortable, and usually only around a few people who know about the system; This person did not.

We knew we had to tell him, and knew it would probably go fairly well, but it's never an easy conversation. We were ready to have a long talk and explain all the terms most people have never heard, and ready to answer a lot of questions that stem from misinformation, as well as ready for the possibility that he wouldn't take it well and we might need to make some distance.

We started it off the way we always do, with a question to help us gauge where to start. "Do you know anything about D.I.D?"

And he goes, "Oh yeah, I was diagnosed with that when I was in foster care,"

So that conversation went really well, and was way faster than I expected.

PROPAGANDA PROPAGANDA

"I have Elhers Danloe Hypermobility. My connective tissue is very weak and changes in air pressure causes me chronic pain. That's why I have three different braces in my bag at work at all times, I actually need them"

Companies are not required by federal law to put expectation dates on anything other than infant formula.

(source: https://www.fsis.usda.gov/food-safety/safe-food-handling-and-preparation/food-safety-basics/food-product-dating https://www.fsis.usda.gov/food-safety/safe-food-handling-and-preparation/food-safety-basics/food-product-dating)

Pay attention to the fact that the food you buy doesn't have 'expiration' dates, it has 'best by' or 'sell by' dates. Sell by dates are for the distributors, if something doesn't sell by the date printed it gets tossed. Best by dates are made up by the manufacturers, often based on little more than a vague 'it's stale now'.

The stuff you buy doesn't become unsafe after either of those dates, not by a long shot. Everything you buy in a store is processed to hell and back, dairy is pasteurized, wheat is bleached, anything that isn't an ingredient or raw meat is likely safe to eat for a very long time after the date printed on it.

If you can't tell by look, smell, or taste, that something in your pantry is bad, it's probably not. Those dates aren't to keep you safe, they are to make you throw out perfectly good food and go buy more.

That being said, always take precautions with raw meat and dairy, don't leave something sitting at room temperature if it's supposed to be temperature controlled. If you are at higher risk for illness take whatever steps you need to feel comfortable with your health.

Badly.

Draw badly. Put pencil to paper and make incomprehensible scribbles. Draw like shit. Fill an entire page with wobbly circles. Then do it again. And again.

I'm only recently getting to a point in my art where I can actually be outwardly proud of my abilities even when just sketching, but I started over 7 years ago in high school and OH MY GOSH.

The only reason Instill have those first sketch books is to prove that doing something badly is a crucial part of learning anything.