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You know the cuter something is, the more likely you are to strangle it?

Overheard at graduation practice

•18+ Adults Only

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Student 1: So what do you think of Ferris Bueller?

Student 2: I hate him! He's so irresponsible and disrespectful!

Student 3: I love Ferris Bueller so much...I would suck his dick...

If Orlando Bloom wore it, it can't be that bad, right?

Overheard student

He has a pie nipple!

Overheard student

discovering orientation

Student 1: I don't know what I am...I just like buff guys and cute girls. What does that mean?

Student 2: It means you have good taste!

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Student 1: So yeah I don't like white guys even more right now...

Student 2: Does anyone like white guys?

Student 1: White guys like themselves...

Grendel...

Teacher: Can anyone summarize what we just read... euphemistically? Student: The ram is thirsty.

One [advertisement] is targeted toward people with cancer, one to people with cars...I'd rather have a car than cancer.

Econ student

it smells like a cross between strawberries and the dentist's office...

overheard

Love Week?!

Student: [Teacher's name], you had two hearts on your door!

Teacher: Yeah, I requested them. It makes up for the one I lack.

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Student: I hate berry skittles!

Teacher: You hate them? Hate's a strong word for candy.

What are you doing...are you holding hands?! Stop holding hands! It's flu season. I don't care if you hold hands in the summer, 'cause it's not flu season! Don't hold hands!

Teacher

My dad promised me when I was 7 that he'd get me a golden retriever puppy if I got into Stanford. He has not...

Student who got into Stanford

#Stanford

Student 1: I should name my sabre Mikasa.

Student 2: Why?

Student 1: Brutal, but beautiful...

#colorguard #snk

It's like, a hotel for my dick

Overheard

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There should be a big D right there.

Teacher

#dear person who originally submitted this: names will not be tolerated

Look at me! J'ai compris stuff!

Student

#french #frap

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