Honeybadger don't give a shit.

You can identify a fake redneck by their passionate support of “blue lives matter.” Real rednecks have been in at least one physical fight and/or high-speed chase with police officers and would do it again

How do i articulate how fucking Premium this content is

ok but imagine a roomba that’s programmed to react positively when being scratched or petted 

#or a roomba that’s programmed to recognize their owner and drive up to them for no other reason than to be petted

I have a Neato Botvac that has an optical sensor to find its way around (Roombas just bump into things and derps off in a random direction) and yesterday it did its “dee-dummm” sad noise while under the couch, stopped what it was doing, and hummed over to me and stopped beside my chair, with its error message saying, “Please dust me off so I can see.” I wiped it off and sent it on its way, and it did its “doo doo do doooo!” of happiness and finished the living room. It’s never done that before, but I like to think that I’ve gained its trust over the past few months, and it knows it can come to me for help.

Arvtdjryfyjdhg CUUUUUTE

mike’s hard bubble tea

It’s just marbles

she’s about to risk it all

Wait no stop, this brings up a good question: HOW does Thor fit in within the christian worldview!?!?

Oh I think sister Marjorie can fit him in just fine

people on twitter will say "remember being on tumblr???" and still scour this site in the year 202X for posts to steal verbatim for the clout 😔

Why he light skinned?

Because Martin Luther was white and German.

I suspect they confused him with Martin Luther King

Oh no

I mean, I get mixing them up based on names alone, but I’m concerned about the people who think Martin Luther King Jr. routinely wrote with a quill or dressed like a Renaissance man.

At that point it’s your own damn fault for making that kind of mistake

but why is martin luther the fastest sold playmobil figurine

Protestants be shoppin

Gays not knowing strap means gun and straights not knowing strap means strap on has been the funniest miscommunication on the Internet so far

Saw someone say the USPS is the largest employer of veterans in the country and I think this is the tactic we should take for all political conversations. You want to privatize the postal service, you hate vets. You don't want universal healthcare? Why are you disrespecting cops

Oh you want strong voting restrictions and fewer polling places? You want to make it harder for AMERICANS to exercise their God-given, constitutional right to VOTE? What are you, a fucking commie?

Russian psyops have been spreading fake news about how raising the minimum wage would be bad for the economy. Do NOT listen to this propaganda, they want us Americans to be weak and exhausted so that they can invade us with greater ease,

include straight trans people in your activism and representation or i’ll take out your fucking knees with a crowbar this has been a warning

And also hetero aspec/arospec people, please?

you’re absolutely right thank you, anyone who excludes straight acespec and arospec people gets a crowbar to the knees as well

reblog this version instead pls